South Park S10E07 Tsst

* I'M GOING DOWN
TO SOUTH PARK *
* GONNA HAVE
MYSELF A TIME *
* FRIENDLY FACES
EVERYWHERE *
* HUMBLE FOLKS
WITHOUT TEMPTATION *
* GOING DOWN
TO SOUTH PARK *
* GONNA LEAVE MY
WOE'S BEHIND *
* AMPLE PARKING
DAY OR NIGHT *
* PEOPLE SPOUTING
"HOWDY NEIGHBOR" *
* HEADED ON UP
TO SOUTH PARK *
* GONNA SEE IF
I CAN'T UNWIND *
* ( mumbling ) *
* COME ON DOWN
TO SOUTH PARK *
* AND MEET SOME
FRIENDS OF MINE *
( school bell )
MRS. CARTMAN, WE HAVE HAD IT
WITH YOUR SON'S BEHAVIOR, M'KAY.
LITTLE BILLY TURNER
IS NOW BEING TREATED
AT THE HOSPITAL.
ERIC, WHY WOULD YOU
DO SUCH A THING ?
I'M SORRY I HANDCUFFED
BILLY TURNER'S ANKLE
TO THE SCHOOL FLAGPOLE.
YOU KNOW THAT'S
NOT THE POINT !
OKAY, I'M SORRY I HANDCUFFED
BILLY TURNER'S ANKLE
TO A FLAGPOLE AND THEN
GAVE HIM A HACKSAW.
AND THEN TOLD HIM I HAD
POISONED HIS LUNCH MILK
AND THAT THE ONLY WAY
HE COULD TO THE ANTIDOTE
WAS TO SAW
THROUGH HIS LEG.
THAT'S VERY
NAUGHTY, ERIC !
WELL, HE CALLED
ME CHUBBY !
WE HAVE TRIED AT THIS SCHOOL TO
MAKE ERIC UNDERSTAND
THERE ARE
BOUNDARIES, M'KAY.
BUT FRANKLY, WE BELIEVE
HIS BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS
START AT HOME.
I KNOW...
I KNOW THAT HE'S
OUT OF CONTROL...
BUT YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT'S LIKE--
( sobbing )
I'M SORRY,
IT'S JUST THAT-
HE SEEMS TO GET
WORSE EVERY DAY...
HE JUST
NEVER LISTENS !
( sobbing hysterically )
WELL, NICE GOING
ASSHOLE,
YOU MADE
MY MOM CRY !
IT'S NOT HIM,
IT'S YOU, ERIC !
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
TO DO WITH YOU.
SURE YOU DO-
YOU'RE A GREAT MOM !
* WHO'S GOT THE GREATEST
MOM IN THE WORLD ? *
* I DO... *
* MY MOM IS NUMBER ONE
IN MY HEART *
* IT'S TRUE... *
( BOTH )
* MY MOM'S THE BEST MOM
BETTER THAN YOUR MOM *
* LET'S SING IT TOGETHER
IN HARMONEEEE... *
MRS. CARTMAN, I KNOW THIS
IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT,
BUT THERE IS HELP OUT THERE
FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF
A SHOW CALLED "NANNY 911" ?
THEY'RE EVERY PARENT'S
WORST NIGHTMARE.
SHUT UP !
I HATE YOU !
I HATE YOU !
KIDS COMPLETELY
OUT OF CONTROL.
LOOK I'M SKATING,
I'M SKATING !
IT'S TIME TO CALL
NANNY 911.
WE'VE GATHERED A TEAM
OF WORLD-CLASS NANNIES
TO HELP FAMILIES IN CRISIS.
PARENTS OF AMERICA--
HELP IS ON THE WAY !
TONIGHT--
MOM, I NEED ANOTHER
ENERGY DRINK !
THIS EIGHT-YEAR-OLD SON
OF A SINGLE PARENT
JUST WON'T BEHAVE.
( ranting in German )
AND NANNY STELLA IS SELECTED
TO SET HIM STRAIGHT !
IT'S TIME FOR NANNY STELLA
TO SHOW ERIC CARTMAN
HIS WAYS ARE NOT GOING BE
TOLERATED ANYMORE !
( knocking continues )
MOM ARE YOU DEAF ?
SOMEBODY'S
AT THE DOOR !
YES, I THINK IT'S
THE NANNY, POOPSIEKINS.
KILLER, I'M GONNA
BE ON TV NOW.
( belch )
HELLO, I'M
NANNY STELLA !
OH THANK YOU
SO MUCH FOR COMING.
PLEASE COME IN !
AND YOU MUST BE ERIC !
MOM, I WANT
A TWINKIE.
OH, ALRIGHT, DEAR.
HOLD ON, MRS. CARTMAN-
THERE ARE GOING TO BE
SOME RULE CHANGES
AROUND HERE, ERIC.
FIRST OF ALL,
NO VIDEO GAMES UNTIL
CHORES ARE DONE.
AH-HA HA HA !
I'M SERIOUS.
LET'S PUT DOWN
THE VIDEO GAME
AND GO TO THE KITCHEN.
( in British accent )
NO THANKS,
I'D RATHER NOT !
RIGHT, THEN I'M GOING
TO HAVE TO TAKE IT.
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE DOING ?
COME ON !
THIS VIDEO GAME IS GOING
RIGHT HERE ON THE COUNTER,
UNTIL WE'VE DONE
SOME CHORES.
NOW, FIRST THING WE'RE
GOING TO DO IS MAKE YOUR BED...
ERIC, NO, THIS IS
NOT ACCEPTABLE !
STOP TRYING TO BOGART
MY X-BOX, YOU FAT BITCH !
ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT
YOU'RE GOING TO TIME OUT !
TIME OUT ?
WHENEVER YOU
ARE NAUGHTY, ERIC,
YOU ARE GOING TO
SIT ON THIS STOOL
FOR FIVE MINUTES.
AND WHAT EXACTLY
KEEPS ME ON THE STOOL ?
IT'S THE
TIME OUT STOOL,
YOU CAN'T GET DOWN
UNTIL THE TIME IS UP.
WHOA...
HOW DID I DO THAT !?
ERIC YOU HAVE TO
STAY IN TIME OUT !
UM... NO ?
COME ON, YOU
DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.
ALRIGHT, SERIOUSLY,
YOU'RE STARTING
TO PISS ME OFF NOW.
ERIC, YOU NEED
TO LISTEN TO ME.
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.
I'M GETTING DOWN TO
EYE LEVEL WITH ERIC.
SO THAT I CAN
TALK TO HIM ON HIS LEVEL.
ERIC, YOU NEED
TO UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU ARE BEING
PUNISHED, ALRIGHT ?
I'M JUST GOING TO GET DOWN
AS SOON AS YOU MOVE.
WELL THEN, I'LL JUST HAVE
TO STAND RIGHT, HYAAA !
( ptoo )
AGH !
HE SPIT IN
MY MOUTH !
YEAH, IT'S BEST TO
AVOID HIS LEVEL.
ALRIGHT, I'VE DEALT
WITH THIS BEFORE.
WE JUST NEED TO USE
PSYCHOLOGY ON HIM.
* DON'T STOP BELIEVIN' *
* HOLD ON TO THAT
FEE-LA-EE-ANG... *
ERIC, CAN I JUST TALK TO YOU
FOR A QUICK SECOND ?
WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY ?
BECAUSE YOU
TOOK MY X-BOX.
IS THIS ABOUT MORE THAN
YOUR VIDEO GAME ?
ARE YOU FEELING
ANGRY AT ME
BECAUSE YOU THINK I'M HERE
TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE ?
WELL... YEAH...
AND YOU'RE FEELING
LIKE I HAVE NO RIGHT
TO COME IN AND TELL YOU
HOW TO LIVE.
YEAH, I GUESS SO...
SEE THIS ?
YOU HAVE TO
TAKE THE TIME
TO TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN
ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS.
WHAT ELSE ARE YOU
FEELING, ERIC ?
WELL, I'M FEELING
CONFUSED...
BECAUSE I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU BECAME A NANNY.
ME ?
WELL, BECAUSE
I LOVE CHILDREN.
LIKE YOU.
RIGHT, BUT...
IF YOU LOVE
CHILDREN SO MUCH,
HOW COME YOU'RE
NOT A MOMMY ?
OH, I JUST
NEVER HAD KIDS.
WHY NOT ?
IT JUST...
DIDN'T HAPPEN.
YOU'RE STERILE,
IS THAT IT ?
NO, THAT'S TOO
CONVENIENT OF AN EXCUSE.
THE TRUTH IS,
NOBODY EVER WANTED
TO HAVE BABIES WITH YOU,
ISN'T THAT IT ?
ALWAYS THE MOM'S-MAID
NEVER THE MOM.
MUST BE HARD ON YOU.
KNOWING THAT THE YEARS
ARE TICKING AWAY.
YOUR FRIENDS ALL
GETTING MARRIED.
AND ALL THE WHILE YOUR UTERUS
SLOWLY SHRIVELING AWAY...
DRYING UP...
BECOMING
TOTALLY WORTHLESS.
WHY YOU... YOU,
YOU LITTLE BASTARD !
HOW DARE YOU ?
ERIC, NAUGHTY.
WHAT KIND OF
MONSTER WOULD--
YES, LET THE
ANGER COME !
STRIKE ME DOWN
WHILE YOU CAN !
BUT IT WON'T MAKE
YOUR DRIED-UP OVARIES
ANY MORE FERTILE !
THAT'S IT,
I'M NOT DOING THIS !
OH, BUT WE REALLY
NEED SOME HELP !
FIND YOURSELF
ANOTHER NANNY-
TELEVISION SHOW !
COMING UP NEXT,
IT'S SUPER NANNY !
WHERE OTHER NANNIES FAIL,
NANNY JOE
COMES THROUGH !
THIS CHILD'S BEHAVIOR
IS TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE !
BUT THERE'S NO CHILD
TOO TOUGH FOR SUPER NANNY !
IN JUST THREE DAYS TIME
YOU'RE GOING TO SEE
A NEW ERIC CARTMAN !
I'M AFRAID SUPER NANNY
IS IN A DEEP STATE
OF MENTAL PSYCHOSIS.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?
I MEAN SHE SPENDS
MOST HER TIME
SOBBING AND EATING
HER OWN EXCREMENT.
FROM HELL...
IT'S FROM HELL....
OH DEAR...
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT ELSE TO DO
ABOUT MY SON'S
BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS.
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH
EVERY NANNY REALITY SHOW
ON TELEVISION !
THERE IS ONE MORE SHOW
YOU COULD STILL TRY...
WHEN GOOD DOGS GO BAD,
THERE'S ONE MAN
WHO'S THEIR BEST FRIEND.
CESAR MILLAN.
NO DOG IS TOO MUCH
FOR ME TO HANDLE.
I REHABILITATE DOGS,
I TRAIN PEOPLE.
I AM THE DOG WHISPERER.
( knocking )
PLEASE COME IN !
SO TELL ME
WHAT PROBLEMS
YOU'RE HAVING
WITH THE CHILD.
WELL, HE'S JUST...
OUT OF CONTROL.
I MEAN, HE NEVER
LISTENS TO ME,
AND HE PRETTY MUCH
RUNS MY LIFE.
SO THE CHILD
NEEDS TO LEARN
THAT HE'S NOT THE
MOST IMPORTANT PERSON
IN THE HOUSE.
YOU CAN STOP TALKING
BEHIND MY BACK,
I'M RIGHT HERE,
FRUITCAKE.
SEE HOW I'M NOT
LOOKING AT THE CHILD,
I'M NOT ACKNOWLEDGING
THE CHILD,
I'M JUST LETTING
THE CHILD KNOW
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN HIM.
NOT INTERESTED
IN ME ?
SEE, THE CHILD
THINKS YOUR WORLD
REVOLVES AROUND HIM.
BECAUSE IT DOES.
BECAUSE EVERYTHING HE DOES
GETS A RESPONSE FROM YOU.
YEAH, WELL,
I DON'T SEE WHY-
AY !
DON'T LOOK AT THE CHILD,
JUST KEEP LOOKING AT ME.
LET HIM KNOW WE ARE
HAVING A CONVERSATION.
MOM, THIS GUY
DOESN'T-
AGH !
QUIT IT !
WHAT IS THAT
YOU'RE DOING ?
DOGS SHOW
THEIR DOMINANCE
BY NIPPING EACH OTHER
ON THE NECK.
BUT IT WORKS EQUALLY WELL
ON THE CHILD.
I JUST USE TWO FINGERS
AND NIP AT THE CHILD'S NECK.
DOESN'T HURT THE CHILD JUST
SHOWS HIM I AM DOMINANT.
LOOK, MEXICAN,
IF YOU THINK-
KNOCK IT OFF !
SEE, I'M NOT VALIDATING
HIS BAD BEHAVIOR
WITH EITHER A NEGATIVE
OR A POSITIVE RESPONSE.
OH, THAT'S
VERY INTERESTING !
I THINK THE FIRST THING
WE NEED TO WORK ON
GETTING THE CHILD
SOME EXERCISE.
HE'S FAT AND HE HAS ALL
THIS PENT-UP ENERGY THAT--
I'M NOT FAT !
WE NEED TO
LET HIM BURN OFF.
DO YOU TAKE WALKS
WITH YOUR SON ?
WELL, NO, I DON'T.
COME ON, LET'S TAKE
YOUR SON FOR A WALK.
AY !
YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY,
YOU SON OF A BITCH ?
SEE, ONCE AGAIN I AM
THE ONE GOING FOR A WALK.
THIS IS ABOUT ME,
AND THE CHILD IS
LUCKY ENOUGH TO COME ALONG.
MOM, THIS
IS DEGRADING !
AGH, GOD DAMMIT !
( screaming )
DON'T LOOK AT HIM,
JUST LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD.
HE'LL RUN OUT
OF ENERGY SOON.
( screaming )
MOMMMMMMM....
MOOOOOOOOMMMM....
HERE, WHY DON'T
YOU TRY IT NOW.
TAKE YOUR SON.
MOM, SERIOUSLY
PEOPLE ARE SEEING ME !
GOOD, JUST KEEP
YOUR CONFIDENCE,
SHOULDERS BACK,
EYES STRAIGHT AHEAD.
THE CHILD CAN PICK UP
ON THAT CONFIDENCE
AND LEARN HE'S SUPPOSE TO
FOLLOW YOU, NOT LEAD YOU.
MOM, DON'T YOU
LOVE ME ?
CAN'T YOU SEE I'M
UNHAPPY RIGHT NOW ?
MOMMM !
GOOD MRS. CARTMAN,
VERY GOOD !
AND NOW, BACK TO
THE DOG WHISPERER.
IT IS IMPORTANT
TO UNDERSTAND
THAT DOGS RUN IN PACKS.
AND ONE DOG
IS ALWAYS DOMINANT-
THE PACK LEADER.
GOD DAMMIT,
STOP IGNORING ME !
YOU MUST ASSERT YOURSELF
AS PACK LEADER
WITH DOMINANT ENERGY.
ALRIGHT !
THIS IS ABUSE !
I'M A CHILD AND I AM
ENTITLED TO ATTENTION !
QUIT IT, MOM !
IT DOESN'T SEEM TO WORK
AS WELL WHEN I DO IT.
OKAY, LET ME
SHOW YOU HOW
TO EXPRESS
THE DOMINANT ENERGY.
WHAT I HAVE DONE IS
I HAVE BROUGHT SOME
KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN...
OOH, COLONEL ?
I AM GOING TO
EAT FIRST,
BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT
PACK LEADER DOES.
GIMME--
GIMME THE CHICKEN.
GIMME SOME CHICKEN !
UGH- WHAT ARE
YOU DOING ?
I WANT CHICKEN.
GIMME SOME
GODDAMN CHICKEN !
I AM NOT GOING
TO ACKNOWLEDGE
THE CHILD'S ATTEMPT
AT AGGRESSIVE,
DOMINANT BEHAVIOR.
NOW YOU EAT
THE CHICKEN.
MOM, GIVE ME
SOME CHICKEN.
I WANT CHICKEN MOM !
WE WON'T REWARD HIM
UNTIL HE'S IN A CALM,
SUBMISSIVE BEHAVIOR.
GOD DAMMIT
I AM NOT A DOG !
GIMME THE CHICKEN.
GIMME THE CHICKEN,
I WANT THE CHICKEN.
THE CHICKEN !
GIMME CHICKEN !
GIMME CHICKEN !
GIMME CHICKEN !
WE NEED HIM TO BECOME
RELAXED AND SUBMISSIVE.
OKAY, I'M FINE
I'M COOL NOW.
MAY I HAVE SOME
CHICKEN PLEASE ?
OH VERY GOOD, SWEETIE.
NO, NO,
NOW HE'S LYING.
YOU CAN TELL
FROM HIS STANCE
HE'S STILL
AGGRESSIVE DOMINANT.
SUCK MY ASSHOLE,
TACO BENDER !
SEE ?
GOD DAMMIT !
YOU CAN'T STAND HERE
AND EAT K-F-C
IN FRONT OF ME !
NOW HAND IT OVER--
YOU CAN'T
DO THAT TO ME !
I-
GIVE ME THE-
EH...
EHHH...
I AM NOT BEING
AGGRESSIVE,
I AM BEING DOMINANT.
WOW, I HAVE
A LOT TO LEARN.
MOM, I'M SERIOUS,
THIS HAS GONE ON
LONG ENOUGH !
GET THAT GUY OUTTA HERE
AND GIVE ME A PIECE
OF CHICKEN !
THAT'S HOW YOU
WANT IT, BITCH ?
FINE !
I HATE YOU-
I'M RUNNING AWAY !
OH DEAR...
THAT'S OKAY,
THIS IS ALL PART
OF THE DOMINANT STRUGGLE.
BUT WHAT IF HE
DOES RUN AWAY ?
LET HIM GO,
HE'LL BE BACK.
THIS IS A GOOD
OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU
TO RELAX OR ENJOY
YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY.
OH BOY,
PARK AVENUE !
I'M RICH !
HEY GUYS...
I'VE GOT SOME
PRETTY BIG NEWS.
I RAN AWAY FROM HOME.
YEAH, MY MOM JUST...
DOESN'T CARE
ABOUT ME ANYMORE,
SO I MOVED OUT.
SHE DIDN'T EVEN
TRY TO STOP ME.
IT'S GONNA BE TOUGH
LIVING ON MY OWN...
BUT I'LL GET BY SOMEHOW.
YOU CAN'T
STAY HERE.
MAYBE YOU DIDN'T
HEAR ME.
I RAN AWAY.
I DON'T HAVE
ANYWHERE TO SLEEP.
I'M OUT ON
THE STREETS.
YOU'RE NOT STAYING
AT MY HOUSE EITHER.
ALRIGHT,
THAT'S FINE.
BUTTERS, I'LL
CRASH WITH YOU.
NO, MY PARENTS
WON'T LEMME
BRING HOMELESS PEOPLE
HOME ANYMORE.
WELL WHAT DO YOU GUYS
EXPECT ME TO DO ?
STAY AT KENNY'S HOUSE ?
HIS FAMILY
IS TOTALLY POOR !
I'M NOT STAYING
WITH POOR PEOPLE !
ALRIGHT, I'LL
STAY WITH KENNY.
LET'S GO, MAN.
---- YOU.
UGH ! WELL,
I GUESS NOW WE SEE
JUST HOW SUPPORTIVE
FRIENDS CAN BE.
WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN
YOU WON'T EVEN LEND A HAND !
I'LL JUST GO SLEEP
ON THE STREET SOMEWHERE.
OUT IN THE COLD.
PROBABLY GET MUGGED
AND GANG-RAPED
BY SOME MINORITIES.
YOU GUYS WILL BE SORRY
WHEN I TURN UP DEAD !
WHOOPIE !
J&R RAILROAD !
( doorbell )
HEY JIMMY...
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
BELIEVE THIS,
BUT I RAN AWAY FROM HOME.
I JUST...
I REALLY NEED
THE SUPPORT
OF MY BEST FRIEND
RIGHT NOW.
WHO'S YOUR
BEST FRIEND ?
YOU ARE JIMMY !
WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN
BEST FRIENDS !
WE KNOW EVERYTHING
ABOUT EACH OTHER !
WHAT'S MY
LAST NAME ?
GOD DAMMIT.
CRAIG, DUDE.
I RAN AWAY FROM HOME.
YOU'RE THE FIRST
PERSON I CAME TO.
I KNEW YOU'D TAKE ME IN
OFF THE STREETS.
BUT I HATE YOU.
SHOULD THAT REALLY MATTER
AT A TIME LIKE THIS ?
THIS IS BULLCRAP !
MOM WILL BREAK SOON,
I CAN OUTLAST HER !
( door closes )
ALRIGHT, I'M BACK.
OH ERIC !
I'M SO HAPPY
YOU'RE HOME !
YES, WELL, HOPEFULLY
YOU'VE LEARNED YOUR LESSON.
I'VE COME BACK,
BUT THERE'S GOING TO BE
SOME CHANGES AROUND HERE.
LOOK WHAT
I DID, ERIC !
I LEARNED HOW TO MAKE
SUMI-E PAINTINGS !
I'D ALMOST FORGOTTEN
HOW ARTISTIC I WAS !
THAT'S SUPER-INTERESTING,
BUT I'VE BEEN OUT
LIVING ON THE STREETS
FOR ALMOST FOUR HOURS.
MAKE ME SOMETHING
TO EAT.
CESAR !
HOW'S THE
PAINTING GOING ?
OH GOD DAMMIT !
OH LOOK
IT CAME BACK !
YUP, JUST LIKE
YOU SAID HE WOULD !
WHAT IS HE
STILL DOING HERE ?
HE SAID HE'S HUNGRY,
WHAT SHOULD I DO ?
LET'S FEED IT !
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ?
SKINLESS CHICKEN,
BOILED VEGETABLES AND SALAD ?
THIS IS JUST LIKE
AUSCHWITZ !
THIS IS MORE AGGRESSIVE
DOMINANT BEHAVIOR,
DON'T NURTURE IT.
OH MY GOD-
BITE-SIZE
SNICKERS ?
THAT'S IT.
I'M CALLING
CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES !
COME ON, MRS. CARTMAN
YOU MUST BECOME PACK LEADER.
WHAT DO YOU DO ?
ERIC, IF YOU
DON'T WANT TO EAT,
THEN WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GO BRUSH YOUR TEETH
AND GO TO BED ?
NO -- YOU'RE
ASKING HIM A FAVOR.
DON'T ASK A FAVOR,
DOMINATE.
MOM, I WANT THIS GUY
OUT OF HERE, YOU GOT IT ?
IF HE'S NOT GONE
IN TWO MINUTES
I WILL CALL
SOCIAL SERVICES ON YOU !
YOU PROJECT
THE DOMINANT ENERGY,
AND HE WILL
PICK UP ON IT,
I PROMISE.
SHOULDERS BACK,
HEAD HIGH.
DON'T REASON WITH IT,
DON'T ARGUE WITH IT,
JUST DOMINATE IT.
I AM YOUR SON
AND YOU WILL
LISTEN TO ME !
YOU HAVE
NO RIGHT TO--
MOM, KNOCK IT OFF !
I AM NOT GOING
TO STAND FOR--
SERIOUSLY, MOM--
THIS IS--
WHY ARE YOU
DOING THIS ?
MOMM... MA...
I DID IT !
YOU SEE, YOU WERE CALM,
ASSERTIVE AND IN CONTROL.
OH !
OH MY GOSH !
SEE- THIS IS THE BEHAVIOR
WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.
THIS IS A RELAXED,
SUBMISSIVE STATE.
HE'S NEVER
DONE THIS BEFORE.
GOOD, NOW YOU CAN
REWARD THE BEHAVIOR
WITH PRAISE
AND ATTENTION.
I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH,
POOPSIEKINS.
YOU'RE MOMMY'S SUNSHINE.
NOW YOU CAN
GIVE HIM A SNACK.
GOOD, THIS IS
REALLY GOOD.
NOW TRY A COMMAND.
ERIC, I WANT YOU
TO GO UPSTAIRS
AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH.
THEN I'LL BE UP TO READ YOU
A STORY BEFORE BED.
OH, MY GOODNESS,
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT !
THIS IS A GREAT
FIRST STEP.
BUT YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO STAY FIRM AND CONFIDENT.
YOU ARE
THE PACK LEADER NOW.
I AM THE
PACK LEADER !
NOW BEFORE YOU GO
READ YOUR SON A STORY,
LET'S GO ENJOY A NICE,
QUIET CUP OF TEA !
SOUNDS DIVINE !
WHO DOES SHE
THINK SHE IS
TELLING ME TO
GO BRUSH MY TEETH ?
JESUS... WHAT'S
HAPPENING TO ME ?
SO HOW IS YOUR SON
DOING, MRS. CARTMAN ?
OH HE'S BEEN
AMAZING CESAR.
HE GOT AN "A" ON HIS
LAST SPELLING TEST
AND A "B+" IN HISTORY !
HE'S LOSING WEIGHT
AND HE'S DOING
WHAT I TELL HIM !
THAT'S GREAT !
THE BEST PART IS
I'M NOT LETTING HIM
BOSS ME AROUND ANYMORE.
I COULD HAVE
NEVER COME OUT
AND HAD A NICE LUNCH
ON A SATURDAY AFTERNOON
WITH A FRIEND BEFORE !
GOOD MRS. CARTMAN,
SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE TREATING
YOUR SON LIKE A SON
AND NOT LIKE A FRIEND.
THERE'S JUST
ONE PROBLEM.
HE STILL FIGHTS ME
EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
I FEEL LIKE HE'S DOING
WHAT I TELL HIM,
BUT THAT INSIDE HE'S
STILL THE SAME ANGRY,
SPOILED CHILD.
DON'T WORRY,
WHEN YOU CORRECT
THE BEHAVIOR,
EVENTUALLY YOU WILL SEE
A CHANGE IN THE PERSONALITY.
OH CESAR, I'M SO HAPPY
TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE.
GUYS... LISTEN UP.
I REALLY NEED
YOUR HELP THIS TIME.
I'VE THOUGHT
ABOUT IT A LOT,
AND I'VE DECIDED...
I HAVE TO KILL MY MOM.
KILL YOUR MOM ?
SHE DOESN'T LET ME
WEAR WHAT I WANT ANYMORE.
THINGS HAVE REALLY
GOTTEN OUT OF HAND.
MY MOM MUST DIE
SO I CAN STILL HAVE
A PLACE TO LIVE,
BUT WITHOUT HER TRYING
TO RUN MY LIFE.
SHE'S LIKE HITLER WITH ALL
THE DEMANDS SHE MAKES.
DUDE, HAVE YOU LOST
MORE WEIGHT ?
YES !
I'VE LOST ALMOST
TEN POUNDS NOW !
YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN ?
I TOTALLY KNOW HOW IT
FELT TO BE A JEW
IN THE HOLOCAUST NOW.
I HAVE TO KILL MY MOM,
IT'S MY ONLY WAY OUT.
DUDE, DON'T
KILL YOUR MOM.
THAT'S NOT COOL.
SHE'S HITLER.
WOULD YOU HAVE
KILLED HITLER
IF YOU HAD THE CHANCE ?
ALRIGHT, NOW
HERE'S THE PLAN--
AT 9:45 TONIGHT,
I WILL SNEAK OUT OF MY ROOM.
AND LEAVE THE HOUSE, LEAVING
THE BACK DOOR UNLOCKED.
YOU GUYS COME INTO THE HOUSE
AT 10:30 PM SHARP,
HAVING GIVEN ME ENOUGH TIME
TO GET DOWN TO PERKINS
AND BE SEEN BY
EVERYONE THERE,
AND THEN ALL FOUR OF YOU
GO UPSTAIRS TO KILL MY MOM.
DUDE, WE'RE NOT
KILLING YOUR MOM.
WELL, I CAN'T
KILL HER,
I'M TOO OBVIOUS
OF A SUSPECT !
NOW, WHEN YOU
REACH HER ROOM,
BUTTERS WILL
KEEP A LOOKOUT,
WHILE KENNY OPENS
THE BEDROOM DOOR,
KYLE PUTS A PILLOW
OVER MY MOM'S HEAD,
AND STAN SHOOTS HER
IN THE FACE.
WHERE AM I SUPPOSED
TO GET A GUN ?
WELL I DON'T KNOW,
THAT'S YOUR JOB, STAN !
DO I HAVE TO THINK
OF EVERYTHING HERE ?
I'M NOT SHOOTING ANYBODY.
OKAY, FINE,
BUTTERS YOU COVER
MY MOM'S HEAD WITH A PILLOW
AND KYLE CAN SHOOT HER
IN THE FACE.
NO, CARTMAN !
OH, WELL HOW ABOUT
I JUST DO EVERYTHING ?
HOW DOES THAT SOUND ?
I'LL JUST
DO EVERYTHING
WHILE YOU GUYS SIT HERE
AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES !
FINE, I'LL
DO IT BY MYSELF !
YOU FORCED ME
TO DO THIS.
YOU COULDN'T JUST
LOVE ME AS A SON.
YOU JUST HUMILIATE AND
DEGRADE ME WITH YOUR RULES.
I WON'T LET YOU DOMINATE
MY LIFE ANYMORE...
GOODBYE, MOTHER.
WAIT...
MAYBE...
MAYBE I DON'T HAVE
THE RIGHT TO KILL MY MOM...
NO, SHE'S MY MOM !
I CAN DO WHATEVER
I WANT WITH HER !
IT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAT
I LIVE THE WAY I WANT !
SHE ISN'T AN
OBJECT YOU CAN OWN,
SHE'S A HUMAN BEING.
SHE ISN'T AN OBJECT I CAN OWN,
SHE'S A HUMAN BEING.
NO, KILL HERRRR !
SHE'S MAKING
YOU SUFFER !
UGH...
BUT... MAYBE ALL THESE
CHANGES ARE GOOD FOR ME...
MAYBE...
THE WORLD DOESN'T
REVOLVE AROUND ME ?
MAYBE THE WORLD DOESN'T
REVOLVE AROUND ME ?
BURGH... UGHH...
THE WORLD DOESN'T
REVOLVE AROUND ME !
ARGHHH !
ARRRGHHHHH !
ARRRGH !
( gasp )
WHY ERIC !
YOU MADE YOUR
OWN BREAKFAST !
YEAH, MOM,
IT'S OKAY,
IT'S GRAPEFRUIT
AND LEAN HAM.
AND YOU'RE STUDYING
BEFORE SCHOOL ?
WELL... YOU TOLD ME I HAD
TO REVIEW MY HOMEWORK
BEFORE CLASS STARTED.
OH ERIC...
I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU.
TH... THANK YOU ?
I LOVE YOU,
SWEETIE.
( giggle )
OKAY, MOM YOU'RE
EMBARRASSING ME !
GEEZ !
( doorbell )
CESAR, I'M SO HAPPY
YOU'RE BACK !
HOW IS THE
CHILD DOING ?
OH HE'S AMAZING.
I THINK THE CHANGE
IN PERSONALITY HAPPENED !
HE'S DOING THINGS
FOR HIMSELF NOW,
AND HE SEEMS TO BE
ACCEPTING IT !
I'VE LOST A BEST FRIEND,
BUT I'VE GAINED A SON.
THAT'S MUCH
HEALTHIER FOR HIM.
AND WHEN HE GETS OLDER,
HE'LL BE ABLE TO BE
YOUR FRIEND TOO.
YOU'RE THE BEST, CESAR.
AND TO SHOW
MY GRATITUDE,
I'VE GOT TWO TICKETS
FOR YOU AND ME
TO SEE MADAM BUTTERFLY
THIS FRIDAY NIGHT !
WELL, NO
MY WORK IS DONE.
I'VE GOT TO GET BACK
TO LOS ANGELES.
OH... BUT I THOUGHT
WE WERE BECOMING FRIENDS.
NO, NOT REALLY,
YOU'RE JUST A CLIENT.
WELL, GOOD LUCK
TO YOU, GOTTA GO !
I CLEARED UP
THE TABLE, MOM.
I'M GONNA GO UPSTAIRS
AND MAKE MY BED NOW.
ERIC... HOW WOULD YOU
LIKE TO GO WITH ME
TO SEE MADAM BUTTERFLY
FRIDAY NIGHT ?
NO, THAT'S OKAY.
BESIDES I TOLD
STAN AND KYLE
WE COULD WORK ON
OUR SCIENCE PROJECT THEN.
WELL, WHAT IF
I TOOK YOU TO
KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN
AFTERWARD ?
AND, THEN WE'LL
GO TO TARGET
AND I'LL BUY YOU
A MEGA-RANGER.
COULD I PERHAPS HAVE...
TWO MEGA-RANGERS ?
YES, DARLING, YOU CAN
HAVE WHATEVER YOU WANT.
( ominous chant-like music )
Captioning made possible by
<font color="#ffff00"> COMEDY CENTRAL</font>
SEE.
GOD DAMMIT !
YOU CAN'T STAND HERE
AND EAT K-F-C
IN FRONT OF ME !
NOW HAND IT OVER--
YOU CAN'T
DO THAT TO ME !
GOD DAMMIT !
EH...
EHHH...
I AM NOT BEING AGGRESSIVE.
I'M BEING DOMINANT.