3 Ocak 2012 Salı

S14E07 Crippled Summer


This program contains
subject matter and language
that may be disturbing to some viewers.
Viewer discretion is advised.
Hey, everybody!
How's it going?
The towel
the drug addict
I just -- I just
can't seem to stop.
Towelie has agreed to be in a
documentary about addiction.
Hey, you goin' swimming?
Don't forget to bring a towel!
He does not know he is about
to face an intervention.
Get out of my face!
Get out of here!
Intervention
my name is Towelie.
T-o-w-e-l -- y-e-y.
I'm great at cleaning up spills.
And I'm 100% machine washable.
I'm just an ordinary
towel in a lot of ways.
Except for one.
I'm addicted to marijuana.
And crystal meth.
And crack.
Nine years ago towlie
started smoking marijuana.
Two years later, he started
experimenting with crystal meth.
Anybody want their sucked?
Does anybody want their
sucked by a towel?
Towelie has become a complete
nightmare in our town.
He's broken into my house
twice and stolen my allowance.
I've got almost nothing left.
If we're playing outside,
he shows up completely wasted
and screaming how the
government is following him.
I just don't want to
watch him kill himself!
I don't even know
who he is anymore!
There's is no doubt in my mind
that if we don't get Towelie help,
our entire summer is
going to be ruined.
Camp for the handicapped
oh boy, Timmy!
It's our favorite time of year!
Timmy!
We get to see all our
old friends again!
Hey, there's Francis! Hey, Francis!
Hey, Jimmy! Hey, Tim!
Timmy!
Look at Lenora, everyone! Good job!
Come on! Good job, Lenora!
Alright, good.
Let's get Lenora a towel!
C'mon, where's the towel?!
The towel isn't here.
I think it's off
getting high again.
For the past week Towelie has been
working at a summer camp
for handicapped children.
He has been given warnings for
getting high fourteen times.
Hey! Where's that towel?
Oh, yeah, just a sec!
We went out and got Towelie a job.
So he could try and pays us
back all the money he owes us.
Stupid towel.
What's going on, towel?
Oh, yeah, just had to take a piss.
Sorry.
We got wet campers down there.
Move your ass!
When Towelie is doing heroin,
he doesn't care about anything.
I don't care about anything.
Stupid... handicap... camp...
Alright, blue team.
As team Captain I need to make sure
we are ready for the
big camp competition!
Oh, we're weady awight!
We can weawy stick it
to wed team this yew!
No way red team can beat us no way.
Red team won't know what hit them.
Alright. Everyone together!
Are we gonna beat
red team this year?
Yeah!
Timmy!
Yeah!
I can't stand him, Mimsy.
That Jimmy kid makes my skin crawl.
Darrr, you've always
hated Jimmy, boss.
Ever since he whooped you
at soifin' last summer camp.
He really took it to ya good.
Shut up, Mimsy.
Oh, sorry boss.
Listen to me.
There is no way that blue team
is gonna beat red team
this year at camp.
You got that?
Blue team has beaten red
team the past three
summers at Lake Tardicaca.
The three legged race is
blue team's best event.
What we need to do Mimsy,
is use a little bwain power to
make sure blue team can't compete.
Oh boy! We're ruin
blue teams chances, huh?
We're gonna break their
legs or something, boss?
Shut up, Mimsy.
Just do what I say
and we can make sure
Jimmy Valmer gets
what's comin' to him.
There ya go, Lenora. All better now?
Yes, thanks.
That's right, when you go swimmin'
don't forget to bring a -- blalrlg!
Who hired that towel?
It can barely walk let
alone dry somebody off.
You think you're
better than me? Huh?
You think-- you think you're hot?
A lot of times when
Towelie shoots heroin,
he just gets angry at everybody.
You can all suck it!
You're all -- you're
all a bunch of towels.
That's what you are!
The thing is, Towelie was
pretty happy before.
He had a girlfriend he liked
and then she got pregnant
and had a little washcloth.
But then Towelie just kept
getting more and more high,
and he got kicked out of the house.
You!
Lemme talk to him.
Lemme talk to him, you bitch!
Towelie is attempting
to talk to his son.
His ex-wife will not let her son
talk to Towelie when he's high.
No! I'm not high!
I haven't been high
since Wednesday.
Oh, it is Wednesday?
Alright campers!
Our first event is
the big canoe race!
Oh boy, the canoe race! Heee!
We gotta be-beada-da -- beada -
we gotta beat the red team!
I've got it, Mimsy.
I got a way to win the race and
get rid of Jimmy for good.
Der oh boy!
What're we gonna do boss?
Simple, Mimsy.
We're gonna put a little
surprise in the canoe.
What kind of a surprise?
Ooh, it's a snake!
Not just any snake, Mimsy.
It's a black mamba.
The black mamba is the
deadiest snake known to man
the odds of surviving a black
manba in your canoe are 546 to 1.
Oh, gee wiz, boss.
We're gonna kill all the
blue team and Jimmy, huh?
Shhh! Shhh!
You boys excited
for the canoe race?
Yes, counselor Steve.
I like duh fun canoe.
Canoes are fun, aren't they?
Now take the black mamba, Mimsy,
and put it in the canoe.
I'm gonna go get our team ready.
Alright, campers, are we ready?
Yeah!
Good luck, Jimmy!
You too n-n-Nathan!
You're gonna need it, you asshole.
On your mark!
Get set!
Holy ! Mimsy!
What the hell did you do?
Dar you said ta put da black
mamba in the canoe, boss!
Not in our canoe, Mimsy!
Mimsy has put the black mamba
snake in the wrong canoe.
The odds of the red team winning
the canoe race are now 1 in 19.
We crossed the finish line first.
Hey, hey, we need a towel!
Oh, uh, just a sec!
Not just a sec.
We got a bunch of wet
campers down there!
What's going on?
Towelie makes extra money
for drugs by offering
oral sex to older men.
Hey you owe me money, asshole!
That's it. We're done.
You are no longer employed here.
Please, sir.
We need a nice,
clean towel here at summer camp.
We don't need a towel that shoots
heroin and has sex for money!
Some people are so picky
about their towels.
Alright campers!
Next event is the
big scavenger hunt!
Blue team is gonna go first!
I finally got it, Mimsy.
I got a way we can kill Jimmy
and beat the blue team.
Oh boy! What're we gonna do,
huh, boss?
Simple. We're going to get Jimmy
killed by native Americans.
Here take this.
It's a fake scavenger hunt map.
Darrr, this map leads
to the scavenger hunt?
No! That map leads to
the Indian reservation.
We switch this with blue
team's scavenger hunting map,
and they'll end up right on the
Tardicaca India reservation!
The Tardicaca Indians are extremely
protective of their land.
Trespassing on the
Tardicaca reservation
is considered extremely dangerous.
Dar, oh boy! We're gonna get Jimmy
killed by Indians, huh boss?
Shh! Shhhh!
Are you boys excited for
the neat scavenger hunt?
Yes, counselor Steve.
I like da scavaga -- hut.
Alright, Mimsy. Now you take this
map to the Indian reservation
and you switch it with blue teams.
You got that Mims?
You switch the map. Switch the map.
Dar I got it, boss!
Switch the map! Switch the map!
Darr, how come we're
scavenger huntin' now, boss?
Because stupid,
now that we have blue teams map
we can get their
scavenger prize, too!
Darr, oh boy!
This doesn't make sense.
Why would they make us go this far?
We're handicapped.
Turn left at the -- wait.
Wait a minute. What the -
oh!
Mim! This is the map to
the Indian reservation!
Well, sure it is, boss!
I told you to switch this
with the map for blue team!
Nah you told me switch the map.
Switch the map.
So I switched it, and I switched.
Mimsy!
Uhhh, my name is Nathan.
I'm disabled.
Intervention
hey everybody!
Let's all go to the
office supply store!
Towelie has run out of
money for had drugs.
He now inhales computer
duster to get high.
You must have one dusty computer.
You! It's not illegal, bitch.
I feel like I could
conquer the world.
Towelie now inhales up to 2,
00 cans of computer duster a day.
It's like I'm walkin' on sunshine!
I really think this intervention
is Towelie's last chance.
Towelie! Open the door!
Go away. I'm walkin' on sunshine!
Towelie, I gotta take you
somewhere really important.
Just -- let me walk on
the sunshine a little more.
Alright.
In the surfing competition, the
red team is up three points to two!
And now it's Jimmy Valmer's turn!
Timmy!
Gee, I wish our team Captain
was as awesome as Jimmy!
I finally got it, Mimsy.
I got a way we can get rid
of Jimmy once and for all.
Oh boy! Oh boy!
What're we gonna do to him, boss?
Simple. We're gonna get
Jimmy eaten by a shark.
Here, take this.
It's a shark mating whistle.
Der okay boss,
a shark mating whistle!
We gonna hit'em over the
head wid it, huh, boss?
No you, moron.
You go under the water
and blow that whistle.
You can attract sharks,
right as Jimmy starts to surf.
The Tardicaca shark is
the deadliest freshwater
shark in Colorado.
A shark mating whistle can
attract the shark from
over two miles away.
Der I got it boss!
I blow the whistle and
make the shark come and
bite Jimmy's legs off!
Then he'll bleed ta deat!
He's gonna bleed at deat!
Shhh! Shhh!
Are you boys enjoying
the fun beach?
UN Counselor Steve.
The beach is warm.
Gee, dat was a close one huh, boss?
Dye almost hoid me sayin'
we was gonna kill Jimmmy!
Shut up, Mimsy.
Just swim in the
water where Jimmy is,
then blow that whistle.
Derr, oh boy!
I dunno, Timmy.
Those waves are pretty big.
Timmy.
Don't worry,
Jimmy can handle himself!
Gonna catch a wave.
Derr, I got me a shark whistle!
Oh boy, here it comes.
Here it comes!
Oh no!
Jimmy!
Wait look!
He's doing it!
Yeah! Alright!
Ha ha, oh boy!
Mimsy?
You didn't do what I told you!
Whatdya mean, boss?
You said to swim in the water
and then blow the whistle.
I swam in the water,
so now I gatta blow the whistle.
Mimsy was supposed to blow
the shark whistle while
still under the water.
There appears to have been a
fundamental misunderstanding.
You idiot!
You don't blow a shark
mating whistle on dry land!
You were supposed to blow it -
Mimsy's error has caused a lake
shark to come onto the
beach and mate with Nathan.
The Tardicaca Lake shark's
penis is nine inches long.
Colorado department of wildlife.
Mimsy!
Get this thing offa meeee!
Today is Towelie's intervention.
We have no idea how
he's going to react.
Come on, Towelie,
it's right over here.
Towelie thinks he is on
his way to the laundromat.
What's going on?
You wanna come on over,
have a seat with your friends?
What is everybody doing here?
We've all just been talking,
Towelie and...
What I'm hearing is a
bunch of people here
who just love the heck out of ya.
And... they're gonna say
say what they wanna say,
then you can say what you wanna say,
and we're done. Okay?
Towelie, over the past couple years
I have seen drug addiction
affect you in the following ways.
Oh, Jesus, man.
Towelie, you need to let him finish.
You're not the towel
you used to be.
Where as you used to be
Fluffy and absorbent,
you now are crusty and
unable to absorb the
smallest amount of water.
Will you get help today?
I don't -- I don't get this.
Kyle?
Towelie, over the past few months
I have watched you go from
an ancillary character
with a few amusing catch phrases
to a dried-out spewge-rag
covered in the jiz of
a thousand older men.
Can we just end this, please?
You have to let him finish, Towelie.
If you do not accept treatment,
I will no longer give you money,
or be your friend.
I will not help you kill yourself.
Alright, Eric.
Do you want to go next?
Kyle, I hate you so much.
You are a liar and a swindler
who will do anything for money,
and I -- we're here
for Towelie, fat ass!
I'm supposed to be allowed to finish,
right? Is that right?
The Jews have been persecuted
across the earth for
good reason, Kyle.
You are a race of
beady-eyed thieves, who --
this is serious, you!
I'm being serious, Kyle! Hello?
Kyle, we have to let people
be allowed to finish
during interventions.
But he's just using his
time on television to
Kyle, please, it is not your turn.
You are a race of
beady-eyed thieves, Kyle,
who throughout the
millennia have squirmed
and worked your way into the
dark cubbyholes of society.
Where exactly did the
Jews first get their power
and how are they able to
manipulate our minds today?
Oh, my God.
Talent show competition!
It's a snap at Tardicaca camp
to learn to do the hula hula dance.
I fell in love with
a Tardicaca dove
while doin' that funny funny dance.
This poor little kid, why she
never did a bit of lovin' before.
Get ready, Mimsy.
Blue team is about to go boom!
Red team planted half a pound
of c4 in Jimmy's ukulele.
It is set to go off during
the ukulele solo of
'Tardicaca hula gal'
so I made up my mind that I
struck a find the
Tardicaca gal I did adore.
Wow, wow, wow, I looove....
That little Tardicaca. Hullaaaaa!
She's the candy kid
to wiggle. Hulaaaa!
She sure to make you giggle.
Hulllaaa!
With her naughty little wiggle,
some day -- I'm gonna try to
make this Tardicaca galie mine,
this galie mine.
Cause all the while I'm dreamin'
of her my Tardicaca hula gal!
Oh, sorry. That's not right.
Hang on.
Der, I don't tink he's
playin' da right note, boss.
The c4 ain't gonna go off --
shut up, Mimsy!
If in fact the Jews
truly are shapeshifters,
and I believe I have
presented enough evidence
here to prove that they are,
then we must unite as a
species to fight them,
and stop their plan
of global domination
and the control of our freedom.
Okay, Stan. You want to go next?
Towelie, if you do not go
to treatment we will
all ignore you forever.
Will you go?
What treatment?
What are you all talking about?
If you say yes, we leave here.
We pack your things, get on a plane,
go to a treatment facility
in Southern California
that's all set up.
No! No!
I'm not getting on a plane!
This is!
Don't give me ultimatums!
I thought you were my friends!
Well, Towelie,
your friends don't want to watch
you kill yourself anymore.
Then them!
You're telling me I
have to do this and
I'm not left with
any decisions here!
Towelie! We aren't the only
ones at this intervention
who've been hurt by you!
Who are you talking about?
Washcloth? You brought washcloth?
Oh that's low!
Out on the beach with
my dear little peach
as the waves blowing in so high!
Dammit!
Jimmy has skipped the ukulele solo
and moved on to the second
verse of 'Tardicaca hula gal'
this has set back
Nathan's plans immensely.
Mimsy!
Get up there and demand
the ukulele solo!
It's our only chance!
Dar, okay boss!
If you get in a pinch
go through it's a cinch!
Dar wee want the ukulele solo!
We want da ukulele solo!
Sorry, Mims,
I just can't remember it.
Well, we's wants ya to play it,
don't we? Yeah.
Alright Mimsy, maybe you
can show me how it's done.
Dar! Okay! It's real easy!
You just play like dis!
Mimsy!
You idiot! What are you doing?
Dar, I was going to show
him how ta play it, boss.
That does it!
I am sick and tired of
your stupidity, Mimsy!
You are the biggest
idiot I have ever met,
and from now on if I
want to do something,
I'm gonna do it myself!
Nathan's frustration with
Mimsy has caused a momentary
lapse in judgement.
He has played the b flat himself,
thus causing his plan to
literally backfire on him.
Oof! Ugh. Ahghg! Ahghghgh!
No, not the shark again!
Not the shark again!
Oh washcloth! I'm so sorry!
He needs you to get better,
Towelie, please!
You got so many people that just
love the heck out of ya, Towelie.
Alright! Alright. I'll go!
You will?
I don't want to hurt
washcloth anymore!
He's going everybody!
Come on! Hugs!
Poor wed team.
Their Captain weawy got waped.
I never seen a kid get
screwed by a shark before.
I hope I never see it again,
Nathan, your team put
up an amazing fight.
And even though I was crowned
king of cripple camp,
I want you to know that you
were the real ch-ch-champ!
I hate you, Jimmy.
I hate you with everything
in my entire being.
Dar, you sure got it stuck
it to ya this year, boss!
Shut up, Mimsy.
Towelie is going to ocean
view terrace treatment center
in Rancho Palos Verdes, California.
- Hi, Towelie?
- Yeah, hi.
Towelie is defintely the
most addicted towels
we've ever seen here.
He's probable the second
most psychologically
damage towel I've come across,
since treating
Christine Ali's towel,
which has seen some...
Some nasty staff.
I don't know what
tommorow's gonna bring.
But I'm learning to love what I am.
I'm a towel.
Towelie finished treatment
and is back living with
his girlfriend Rebecca.
He has been sober
since April 26th, 2010.
If you know a towel that is
suffering from addiction,

Hiç yorum yok:

Yorum Gönder