2 Ocak 2012 Pazartesi

S13E13 Dances with Smurfs


"Dances with Smurfs"
<i>Good morning,
South Park Elementary.
<i>These are the morning
announcements.
<i>Parent/teacher conferences
begin next Thursday.
<i>If you have
not yet done so,
<i>please turn in your parents'
requested time sheets
<i>by the end
of fifth period today.
<i>Lunch today will be a choice
of chicken tostadas
<i>or spaghetti with a marinara
sauce and side salad.
<i>Attention,
fourth graders.
<i>The fall registration
for glee club
<i>starts tomorrow.
<i>Any interested students
should fill out a--
<i>Whoa!
What's going on?
<i>I'll kill you!
<i>- I swear to God, I'll kill you!
- Who are you?
<i>I'm the man
who's going to
<i>put a bullet
between your eyes!
<i>Hey!
He's got a gun!
<i>You little bastard!
<i>You fucked my wife!
<i>You think
I wouldn't find out?
<i>Sir, please,
I don't know you.
<i>Yeah, right!
<i>What the hell
is going on here?
<i>You, sir, need to
leave this area--
<i>Oh God!
He shot him!
<i>You had to push me,
didn't you?
<i>- Now you!
- Ahh!
<i>Sir, I don't truly--
<i>There!
How does it feel, huh?
<i>Please,
I don't know you--
<i>You're Gordon Saltski, right?
<i>Truck driver from Chicago?
<i>No, I'm Gordon Stolski!
<i>Third grader who reads the
morning announcements!
<i>Yeah right!
We'll see if that's true!
<i>Go on, read the morning
announcements!
<i>- Somebody help me--
- I said do it!
<i>Any interested students
should
<i>fill out
an applicant survey--
<i>I knew you were lying!
<i>That was terrible!
<i>Now put your mouth over
the barrel of this gun.
<i>No, please...
I'm so scared.
<i>I'm so scared.
<i>Do it!
<i>Please,
I... I'll do whatever
<i>you say I...
Here, see?
<i>I got my mouth
on the barrel.
<i>Look at you now.
<i>We're all dead!
We will always remember
the way that
Gordon bravely read the
announcements every morning.
Lead us in the Pledge of
Allegiance, m'kay,
and touched many kids' lives
here at the school.
And even though
we now know that
the shooter had him confused
with a 40-year-old truck driver
who happened
to have a similar name,
I know this has been
pretty traumatizing, m'kay.
Now we must decide
who will pick up
where little Gordon
left off?
Who will take
his place reading
the morning announcements?
It is a big responsibility.
Because it will be your voice
the entire school listens to, m'kay.
And although Gordon Stoltski
can never be replaced,
m'kay, there must be
a student out there
who has the drive
and the passion to
have his or her voice heard
every morning.
Oh my God.
So you're, uh,
trying out to be
the morning announcements
person as well?
Yeah.
I think it would be really
f-f-f-fun and r-r-r-aise
my self es-es-es-e-steem.
Oh this is it, huh?
Okay, uh, Mike,
why don't we
have you tryout first, m'kay.
Ha ha!
He stutters
like a bitch!
I've got this job
in the bag!
Who are you?
My name is Casey Miller
and I'm in
the third grade.
Ever since I can remember,
people have told me
I should read
the morning announcements.
My friends
always said to me,
"Dear Casey, your voice is like
butter to our ears.
Could you please
find a way
to get that audible chocolate
on the airwaves?
Well, here I am.
And hopefully, I'll be the kid
with the job.
M'kay, really nice,
Mike.
Maybe next time you can
get past the first word.
Oh, Casey Miller, good.
You're trying out, too?
I'm trying out
and drying out
in the sultry summer sun,
that is my voice.
M'kay, Eric.
You wanna go next?
M'kay, Eric.
I'm just gonna have you read
this piece of paper.
Mr. Mackey,
what's a moronic
jiz rag?
What?
What on Earth
are you askin' me that for?
Well, it's just that...
That's what
that Casey kid
said about
your hair piece.
Get lost,
you little dirtball!
- Excuse me?
- I said take a hike!
I don't understand
what I did wrong.
Beat it.
You're not getting the job!
<i>Good morning,
South Park Elementary.
<i>These are
the morning announcements.
And I am Eric Cartman.
All forms for
the school book drive
must be handed in to
Mr. Davis in the library
by the end
of the school day today.
Hmm, doesn't seem
like they gave us
a lot of notice
on that, okay.
Oh, well.
For lunch today,
the cafeteria
will be serving a selection of
cold sandwiches.
Cold sandwiches.
Oh, well.
Thank you so much.
Remember when we used to be
served hot food?
I mean, what has happened
to our school?
This school
is transforming into
something very bad
and why?
Because we have leadership
that doesn't care.
I'm talking of course about
our student body president.
Wendy Testaburger.
<i>Ever since Wendy was elected
student body president,
<i>this school
has started a rapid decline
<i>towards
some socialist regime
<i>where students no longer
have a voice.
<i>The music room will be closed
off today due to painting.
<i>All students
in band or choir
<i>will meet in
the gymnasium instead.
<i>Oh so, now the school is using
money to paint the music room.
<i>How old and outdated is
our playground equipment?
What other school has a
15-year-old merry go round on it?
Our school president is turning
this whole place
into Communist Russia.
<i>It's not a coincidence,
that once Wendy took office
<i>this school started
coming apart
<i>at the seams.
<i>Your teachers
don't want to tell you,
<i>but they are scared and
they should be
<i>because the very fabric
of this elementary school
<i>is tearing from all corners.
Oh jeez!
<i>But hey,
I'm just a normal kid
<i>like you,
except that I ask questions.
<i>And because I'm brave
enough to ask questions,
<i>I come under scrutinies.
<i>Is Wendy using your lunch money
to buy heroin?
<i>Probably not.
<i>But how can we know?
<i>I don't want
my lunch money
<i>going to drugs.
<i>Who's taking these drugs?
What would be the point?
<i>I'm asking questions.
Will somebody
shut him up?
You wanted to see me,
Principal Victoria?
The job is to read what is
written on the paper, Eric,
not to embellish
the way you do.
Oh, I get it.
You're trying
to silence me!
You're scared that somebody is
standing up to this school
and its president
for once!
No, it's just that the
announcements need to be quick
so the students can
get on with their work.
Oh, really?
Then how come Gordon Stolski got
to go on for like five minutes
that one day?
Well, because he was
being murdered.
You just want somebody to
read what's in front of them
like a brain-washed zombie,
is that it, Mr. Mackey?
I am not
Gordon Stolski, okay?
I'm not some
dog on a leash
that just blindly says
what he's told,
until he's killed.
All we ask is you keep it shorter.
Oh, I will.
And maybe I'll also have
a word with the ACLU.
Tell them that
a student is being told
not to speak out
against his school.
I'm sure they'll find that
very interesting.
Well...
<i>Good morning,
South Park Elementary.
<i>These are the morning
announcements.
<i>Tryouts for the soccer team
are Friday afternoon.
<i>That is, of course,
<i>if our student body president
does something
<i>about our abysmal
soccer field.
<i>I have a question.
<i>What does Wendy Testaburger
actually do?
<i>She is supposed to be
the president, right?
What is her agenda?
She's lying to everyone!
Or is she?
Let's ask these questions!
Today I want to talk briefly about
the state of our school's economy.
The bake sale last week
was a complete failure.
And besides that, who actually
voted for Wendy Testaburger?
I know I didn't.
And everyone who did is now
scratching their heads
and going, "Oops!
"Guess I shouldn't
have done that."
I'm not in
the student council.
I'm just
a normal kid like all of you.
And like all of you,
I want to know
what has happened
to my school!
I pledge allegiance
to the flag...
Of the United States of
America.
Our United States,
not the one that
Wendy Testaburger would have--
a socialist dung hole.
A socialist dung hole...
<i>Good morning, students.
<i>These are the morning
announcements.
<i>If you will direct your attention
to the new video monitors
<i>at the head
of your class.
<i>You will see that
the announcements
are now being done
in video.
Oh God. No!
Lunch today is going
to be pizza.
Again.
Friends,
our school is dying
and you know it.
You feel it.
You're like me,
you wanna change it.
But oh no, Wendy Testaburger's
not gonna let that happen.
This is not
the school we grew up in
and... and I don't know
if we can get it back.
So let's take a look at exactly
what our school president wants.
You know, what is
she trying to achieve?
Let's just take a look
at these key words here.
Wendy has made it clear
she wants our school
to be a more integrated,
leftist, and liberal place.
<i>But you see,
when that happens,
<i>what we get is a--
Socialist, modern,
utopian,
reformed farce
of a school.
<i>So when you look closely,
it becomes very obvious
what Wendy wants.
K-I-L-L S-M-U-R-F-S.
Our school president
wants to kill Smurfs.
No!
I don't know if we're turning
into a Smurf hating school
or what
we're turning into.
But unless you ask why,
we're gonna transform
into something.
Hey Wendy!
Wendy!
Is it true?
Is what true?
That you hate Smurfs?
I don't have time
for this.
Hey now,
me and us fellers
are just asking questions!
- Yeah!
- That's right!
- We can ask!
- Try to understand this:
All I do is try
to help run student council.
I don't give a crap
about Smurfs!
Oh! It is true!
- Oh my God!
- She admitted it!
Oh my God!
Maybe you guys
should check into
what student council
actually does
before you just blindly
listen to what some idiot
with a microphone
tells you!
What did the Smurfs
ever do to you?
You bitch!
I just called
the president a bitch!
Yeah!
- That was cool!
- Awesome!
- Yeah.
- Yeah, great job.
Thank you,
and this is to...
Douglas.
To Douglas,
there you go.
Book signing today,
everyone.
Be sure to pick up
your copy.
- Hey, Eric!
- Well, hello.
Another person
who cares about
the future
of our school!
Oh, you bet!
I love all the stuff
you said about
how our school president
never does anything!
And how she's changing
everything!
Yes. Well,
now you can read about all
the things I've said, Butters.
Take this copy
of my book.
Cool, thanks!
That'll be $5.
Oh okay...
What the hell do you think
you're doing?
A book signing.
I looked through
your stupid book.
It's 540 pages
of ripping on Wendy
and calling her a slut!
I do not directly say
she's a slut.
"Wendy Testaburger has proven
time and time again
that she will do anything
to pleasure her vagina.
Whether it is the school
football team
or the janitor's
on their break,
Wendy spends her time
as President on her knees
or on her back taking the ol' in
out for hours on end."
You didn't read
the rest, dude.
- Or does she.
- Or does she?
See, that's a question.
I'm asking questions, Stan!
I've called for Wendy to come on
my show and defend herself,
but she won't do it.
Yeah, and
she hates Smurfs!
"Shouldn't we be worried if
our school president is a girl
who would rather
get her tits licked
than go to student
council meetings?"
- Whoa!
- Yeah. Geez.
Hey, hey!
Stop reading that!
What do you mean?
Listen, just because
a guy's voice is on the intercom
and his words
are in a book
doesn't mean he has any idea
what he's talking about!
Yes, it does.
Eric Cartman
is simply making it
so that all kids take
the responsibility
to question their
school leaders.
We should all ask if our
president
is a penis hungry hooker
with a huge vagina.
I'm Casey Miller.
Wendy, did you see
the stuff
Cartman is saying
about you now?
I really don't care, Stan.
Well, don't you think you
should go on his show
and defend yourself?
Everyone is starting to think
you're a crappy president.
I'm not giving Eric Fartman
one minute of my time,
you got that?
I'm not acknowledging
his stupid questions.
If you want him dealt with,
you'll have to do it
yourself.
You wanted to see me again,
Principal Victoria?
Eric, we've been informed by
a concerned student
that you are
writing naughty books
about one of the girls
here at the school.
Oh, Wendy came
and told on me?
So what,
because she's president,
she can't be written about?!
Eric, apparently you wrote
that Wendy's private parts
are big enough to fly
an airplane through, m'kay.
And what if they are?
You'll stop me from asking just
because Wendy forces you to?
Eric, the student body president
really doesn't have
the kind of power that you--
Just enough power
to force you
to stop me
from selling my book.
Face it, you're a lackey,
Mackey.
Eric, I've had enough!
<i>You cannot
and you will not
sell your books
on school grounds.
Do I make myself clear?
Clear as summer rain.
Clear as a flavorless bottle
of vitamin water!
This school has finally
transformed into
the socialist whore land
where a student isn't free.
Well, I'm not going
to be a part of it.
Do you understand?
I am leaving this hypocritical
Communist school!
I am walking out and
I am never coming back!
<i>Live from the
principal's office--
<i>These are the morning
announcements.
<i>Here is Eric Cartman.
Yesterday,
as most of you know,
I walked out on this program
and on our school.
I was so... fed up with our
President's hypocrisies,
me not being allowed
to sell my book...
I wanted to live in a place
where my values
were still upheld.
And so I decided
to leave it all behind
and instead go and live
with the Smurfs.
<i>I simply observed the gentle
Smurfs at first.
<i>I wanted to understand
how they could live
<i>such simple and
decent lives.
<i>They were wary of me
at the beginning,
<i>but slowly, I began
to earn their trust.
<i>It wasn't long before the gentle
Smurfs accepted me
as one of their own.
Whoa...
<i>The Smurfs and I grew
to understand each other.
<i>They shared with me their art of
picking Smurfberries.
<i>And I shared with them stories
of my country's forefathers.
<i>Of course,
it wasn't long before...
<i>I fell in love with Smurfette.
<i>We were from
two different worlds
<i>and yet, we spoke the
common language of passion.
These are the morning
announcements?
Shh!
<i>Papa Smurf
was displeased at first.
<i>He told Smurfette
I wasn't a real Smurf
<i>and we could
never be happy.
<i>But I eventually proved myself
to Papa Smurf
<i>by picking more Smurfberries
<i>than any Smurf had ever
smurfed before.
<i>Finally, all was right
with the world.
<i>But then... a crisis.
<i>Clumsy Smurf burst
into the Smurf ceremony
<i>to say that humans had come
to destroy all of Smurfland.
No!
No, you must leave
the noble Smurfs alone!
Who is behind all this?
I should have known!
Wendy!
Out of my way!
Wendy!
What are you doing here?
Smurfberries are worth
a lot of money.
With all those Smurfberries,
I can power the school
for the entire year!
Wendy, I know you're
President of our school.
But you can't just
dig up the Smurfs' land!
Fuck the Smurfs!
They can suck my fat tits.
How many Smurfberries
is enough, Wendy?
You can suck
my fat tits too.
Smurfette, no!
Suck my fat tits!
And so now our school
has plenty of precious,
unobtainable Smurfberries.
Yeah.
Well, big deal.
At what cost did our
school president get it?
Every Smurf is dead.
Wiped out and we will
never see them again.
Go on, look outside.
You won't see any Smurfs.
Of course,
since I'm being silenced
I'm not allowed time to
show you the entire movie.
And so please buy "Dances With Smurfs"
available now on DVD.
The question now is
what happened to morals?
What happened to dignity?
What happened to my school?
That does it!
Our student council is corrupt
and has to be dealt with!
I can no longer
stand idly by.
We need to get all the kids
together who want to fight back
and tell them
to meet after school!
We will forever
remember this day,
the day we finally stood up
to Wendy Testaburger!
It is time for that
slutty Smurf-killing bitch
to get what's
coming to her.
I don't know
about all of you,
but I have had enough!
We've been sitting back
and watching
as our school
slowly goes
into the toilet!
But today, we do
something about it!
So let's march right on over
to Wendy's house,
and do what we
know needs to be done!
Let us not forget
what happens this day!
Do it!
We are here,
Wendy Testaburger!
- Take that, School President!
- Get her good!
I am.
Hey!
What are you doing?
The students want answers!
Go on the morning announcements
if you've got nothing to hide!
- What the hell?
- Whoa!
Smurf killer!
Answer for your crimes on
the morning announcements!
Wendy, did a boy
just pee on our door
because the Smurfs were
murdered?
It's okay, Dad.
I'll take care of it.
Thank you so much for finally
coming on my show, Wendy.
Yeah. Well, Butters
peed on my house.
People are riled up.
Hopefully, we can clear the air
here this morning.
If we could just keep it to
questions about student council.
Of course.
That's why we're here.
Five seconds.
Don't worry.
I won't go
too hard on ya.
Good morning,
South Park Elementary.
These are the morning
announcements.
Rehearsals for the school play
are canceled this afternoon.
For lunch, the cafeteria will
be serving meat loaf
or veggie pasta.
My guest today is the student body
president of South Park Elementary,
Wendy Testaburger.
Wendy, thank you
for coming on the show.
Sure.
Wendy, I want
to start by asking
a pretty straight-forward
question
and I hope you don't
take offense to it.
Okay.
How many Smurfberries is
the life of each Smurf worth?
I don't... I...
I have no idea what...
You don't know
how many Smurfberries
the life of each
Smurf is worth?
Oh, he's got her now!
<i>Would you agree that the school
is in a crisis right now?
<i>I believe
there's a few things
wrong with the school, but--
If a Smurf dies and no one is
around to hear it,
does it still scream?
She's speechless!
<i>You are the president
of the school.
<i>Can you see why
many students think
<i>you're an
ineffective slut?
Are you denying that the Smurf
Holocaust ever happened?
Is that what
you are suggesting?
Look, Eric!
You have to understand,
the Smurfberries were our school
government's only option!
Yes, and that makes--
Whoa, what?
What was I suppose to do?
The school was
running out of power!
We tried relocating
the Smurfs at first,
but they wouldn't budge.
So we decided to get
somebody on the inside.
A member of the school who could
act like one of the Smurfs
and learn their secrets.
But of course, you know that,
don't you?
What--What do you mean
I know that?
I'm just asking
the question.
We all knew you were sent in
to live with the Smurfs,
but did you know
they would be wiped out?
No.
You wiped them all out!
Nobody expected you to fall
in love with Smurfette!
You went
to learn from them
but instead,
you became one of them.
Right?
Fought against
your own kind!
When you knew
we'd stop at nothing.
Do you know that
one Smurfberry
can power the school
for two months?
One Smurfberry!
Wait. Hold on.
Can we take a break?
No, it's okay.
It's all out
in the open now.
<i>I wouldn't have had
to kill the Smurfs
<i>if they would have simply
moved on,
<i>but you gave them
the will to stay.
<i>And I guess, you can't
be blamed for that.
What?
And that is why...
I am stepping down.
You were right all along,
Cartman.
And I am hereby making you
the student body president.
Alright!
Cartman's President!
We did it!
I'm confused.
Dude, you can't take my
Dances With Smurfs idea,
- and turn it into your own--
- No, you're right.
The students all deserve
to know the truth.
And so I have answered
what really happened
in my new book--
Going Rogue on the Smurfs.
No, no, dude.
You don't just take
one person's story
and then add a couple things
and call it yours!
Luckily, with the money
I made
selling the movie rights to
my book, I'll be okay.
You sold the movie rights
to who?
James Cameron.
Go look, the movie came out
already!
They--They can't do that!
I'm student body president!
Oh God dammit!
Son-of-a-bitch-idea
stealing assholes!
You sons a bitches!
Dances With Smurfs
was my idea!
My idea!
You can't just take
Dances With Smurfs
and call it
something else!
Heh.
Dude, what happened?
You're not doing the morning
announcements anymore?
No, because it turns out
that by rule,
the student body president
can't also be
the morning
announcement reader.
Oh well.
At least as President,
you can run the school
the way you want.
I can't do jack!
I went to my first student
council meeting!
All we did was talk about
what colors to make
the stupid
Sadie Hawkins dance!
Student council
is retarded!
<i>The sun is up and
the birds are chirpin'.
<i>I'm Casey Miller
and these--
<i>are the morning
announcements.
<i>I have a letter from
second-grade student Brian Felner.
<i>Brian writes,
"Dear Casey,
<i>why is our school president
such a fat stupid dickhead?
<i>My desk is broken,
and so far,
<i>Eric Cartman has done
nothing about it.
<i>Will you please let that
walking bowl of anus pus
<i>know that
we are not happy."
<i>Well, Brian,
I couldn't agree more.
<i>Our asshole president is a fat,
smelly, douchebag milkshake--
<i>I'm doing the best
I can!
Transcript: LeapinLar
[OpenSubtitles.org]
Sync and Edits: VeRdiKT
[Subscene.com / Addic7ed.com]

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