3 Ocak 2012 Salı

S14E13 Coon vs. Coon and Friends


Sentem-se de volta,
justiceiros,
and listen to another edition of
America's favorite super hero!
Mintberry Crunch!
Our story begins in a remote
corner of the Gulf of Mexico!
The BP oil company drills
into the ocean floor!
But they drill too much,
and the BP oil company
accidentally unleashes Cthulhu,
an ancient evil God
from another dimension!
Halfway across the country,
a mild mannered, attractive
fourth grader, Bradley Biggle,
hears of the disaster on the
news while with his friends.
But Bradley Biggle is no
ordinary fourth grader!
Not long ago he realized he had
super powers he could call upon,
by turning in place and
saying the magic word!
Shablagoo!
And in a flash Bradley is
transformed into that
thrilling super hero,
Mint Berry Crunch!
Joined by the other coon friends,
Mintberry Crunch went to
investigate the Gulf spill crisis!
The super heroes came across a cult,
in existence for years,
that had been waiting
for Cthulhu's arrival!
They are the key to stopping
Cthulhu from taking over the world.
Sometimes, when
everything seems hopeless,
that's when you need
to bring it all.
That's when you need
to bring the Crunch.
Dude, I'm sorry,
but we still aren't getting it.
You're half man, and half berry?
Right!
But then what exactly
is your super power?
The power of mint and berries yet
with a satisfying tasty crunch!
No, see, that's the problem, dude.
That's not really a super power.
Like I have mental command
over all power tools,
human kite can fly.
And shoot lasers out of my eyes.
And shoot lasers out of his eyes,
and Mysterion can...
Wait! What's your super power,
Mysterion?
I can't die.
Ooh, yeah, good one.
Mysterion can't die and iron
maiden is indestructible...
No, Stan, I'm being serious.
I really, really can't die.
What?
Like last night in the alley!
The cult leader stabbed me and
I bled all over the place.
And you screamed, oh my God,
and you called him a bastard!
When was that?
All the time!
I die all the time!
And you assholes never remember!
I think we would
remember you dying, dude.
Well, you don't! I die over,
and over.
Only to wake up in my bed
like nothing happened.
Dude, you're freakin'
out Mintberry Crunch.
He's peed his pants.
No, no!
Mintberry Crunch doesn't
ever pee his pants!
I knew there'd be no point
in telling you guys.
Alright, dude. Let's just say
you're not crazy and it's true.
What's the big deal?
I mean, I think it'd be pretty
cool not to be able to die.
Pretty cool?
Do you know what it feels
like to be stabbed?
To be shot, decapitated,
torn apart, burned, run over...
Kenny, Kenny calm down.
It's not pretty cool, Kyle!
It fucking hurts!
And it won't go away and
nobody will believe me!
Remember this time!
Try and fucking remember!
Oh my God!
Holy shit dude!
Dude! Is he... Oh Jesus!
Kenny.
No, no!
Gather around, believers in good,
and listen to the newest
installment of the coon!
It all began when the BP oil company
drilled into the ocean floor
and ripped open a hole
to another dimension.
Seeing the disaster on coonvision,
the coon immediately called
together his trusty coon friends.
As the coon explained how
the disaster could be stopped,
something terrible happened.
Without warning,
the coon friends changed.
Their super powers
morphed somehow,
turning them into super villains.
The coon tried to
reason with them.
Tried to bring them back
to the side of good.
But it was too late.
Their black hearts had been
tainted by hate and rage.
The coon was alone.
Torn by the ultimate dilemma.
He had to put a stop
to the evil villains,
even though they had
once been his friends.
Sometimes, to fight
the ultimate evil,
you must make friends
with enemies.
The coon teamed up with Cthulhu,
because even Cthulhu knows what
evil assholes Kyle and
Stan and those guys are.
And that they are manipulative,
uncaring, vagina faces!
They are all planning
to destroy the world.
Only one thing can stop them.
The coon.
With Cthulhu's help,
I can try to banish them to a
dark oblivion for all eternity.
I will not rest
until that happens.
Eric Cartman!
Hi mom.
Where have you been young man?
Just doing stuff, mom.
Are my friends downstairs
in the secret base?
Yes they are,
but you were supposed to
be grounded in your room.
And now you are more grounded,
young man!
The coon's mother appears
to be extremely upset.
In order to get past her,
I must use the Lebron
James technique.
Eric, are you listening to me?
Mom, what should I do?
What?
What should I do?
Should I admit I made mistakes?
Should I say I've
done this before?
Should write a song about how I
should have stayed in my room?
What should I do?
What do you mean? What should...
Should I say I'm not a role model?
Should I not listen
to my conscience.
It's my conscience, mom!
What should I do?
Go back to my room and
pretend nothing happened?
Not jump out the window
and fly to New Orleans?
What should I do, mom? Tell me!
I just... I... I'm going to go
make you kids some lemonade.
Alright, coon friends!
What good deed should we do next?
Perhaps we should bake more
lemon bars to raise money
for people in need!
Okay!
You guys have no memory
of me shooting myself
in the head, do you?
What?
What we need to do is talk
to people in that cult.
I want to know where
my powers come from.
Yeah, cool, let's talk about
where our powers come from!
I was bitten by a
radioactive mosquito!
I was in a car accident
then put back together
with tupperware parts!
Ti- Timmy!
Will you guys listen to me?
I actually have a power
that I actually
want to know about!
Hey guys.
So what's goin' on?
Go away, Cartman.
We kicked you out of coon
and friends, remember?
No, I know. That's cool.
I understand.
Even though I started it and
the secret base is in my house.
Yeah, that's totally
understandable.
You just wanted to frame
and blackmail people,
then you beat up Clyde and
Bradley for no reason!
No, you're right. For no reason.
Clearly something
is wrong with me.
But you guys, what should I do?
You should fuck off.
That's what you should do.
Alright. Look, you guys
were totally right, okay?
That's all I wanted to say.
That and there's a
double rainbow outside.
A what?
Double rainbow, you guys.
Ya don't see 'em often,
but there's one outside right now.
You gotta come see!
A double rainbow!
Shablagoo!
Wait, Mintberry Crunch.
You might not wanna go...
Hey, can I see the
double rainbow fellas?
Fellas?
Isn't it beautiful, you guys?
There's no double rainbow,
fat ass.
You are correct, Human Kyte.
Not that super villains
like you guys could ever
see a double rainbow.
What are you talking about?
Your evil doing days
are over, mosquito!
All of you shall now be dealt
the swift hand of justice!
Cartman you are the
bad guy, not us.
Nu-uh, you guys are the bad guy.
What are you doing
with that thing?
He's going to help me
get rid of you guys,
so together we can make
the world a better place!
Cartman, if you team up
with the most evil thing
in all the universe
then clearly, you are the bad guy!
No, because it's for
the greater good
like when superman teamed
up with Lex Luthor.
Superman never teamed
up with Lex Luthor!
Well, that's why superman isn't
around anymore, isn't it?
Cthulhu, banish them to
a dark oblivion please.
Dude, that was awesome!!!
You were all like rrrrrrrr!
And they were all like noooooo!
Alright. Now,
we've taken out most
of the synagogues,
destroyed San Francisco,
sent my friends into
a dark oblivion,
and so our next order of
business will be burning man!
Burning man is the biggest
hippie festival in the world,
and tomorrow, we are
gonna wipe em all out!
Pretty soon the whole
world will be transformed
thanks to the coon!
Yes, yes, the coon and friend.
Now after burning man,
we will take down whole foods, alright.
The dark God is agitated.
The coon will have to use an
even more manipulative method
time to bust out cute kitty.
Dude, where the fuck are we?
I don't know but,
I feel like I've been here before.
And so the coon had returned
with the dark lord Cthulhu!
Upon seeing Cthulhu in person,
Mintberry Crunch,
heroically dashed off to...
to save the day!
With minty coolness
he hurried back home!
And heroically watched judge Judy,
knowing that his super hero
friends were probably
just fine without him!
Oh shit!
We aren't going that way!
You guys, I wanna go home!
We all wanna go home, Clyde!
I don't think we're gonna
last very long out here.
Maybe we should just find a
place to hide and wait for help.
What help, dude?
Nobody in the real world
even knows we're here!
Alright, you guys,
hide as long as you can.
I'll try and find help.
How, dude?
Kenny, where the
hell are you going?
I'm going to try to get
you all out of here.
If this works.
Or I could be wrong.
Kenny!
That fucking hurts!
Oh my God! Kenny.
You... you crazy bastard!
It's burning man!
Biggest party in the world baby!
Fucking hippies!
Fuck all you!
The dark and evil Cthulhu
is bringing his angry wrath
down upon the burning
man festival, Tom.
Cthulhu isn't behaving as most
scientists had speculated Tom,
but the dark lord is wreaking
havoc everywhere and...
No, no, excuse me!
It is not 'Cthulhu.'
it is coon and friend.
I'm a little sick of everyone
giving him all the credit
when I'm the one really making
the world a better place.
Tom, it appears that
Bruce Vilanch has arrived
on the scene wearing
a rat costume.
Oh you motherfucker.
Cthulhu this guy too!
Cool.
Oh, get that fire-twirling
hippie bitch!
This freaking sucks!
We worshiped and
prayed to Cthulhu,
went to all the cult meetings,
but life is still
totally freakin' gay.
I thought that when Cthulhu
rose from the depths
all was gonna be
darkness and pain.
I thought at least
school would be canceled.
How do I fight him?
Oh joy, it's underwear boy again.
That God you pray to just
took away all my friends.
Not our God.
He promised everything would
change if we worshiped him,
but we're just sitting here
smoking cigarettes like before.
It's like Obama all over again.
How do I fight him?
Cthulhu isn't alive or dead,
alright.
Tell me what that means.
Henrietta! Your little brother
wants to play with you.
Go away, mom! I hate you!
Just let your little brother
play with your friends, sweetie.
He's lonely.
Go on in, Bradley.
Will you guys paint with me?
Fuck off dork.
I don't want you here!
Please can I just...
M-Mysterion!
What's going... Uh,
that's okay, sis.
I'll play with you another time!
Mysterion is here!
He must have come for my help!
No time to waste.
Time for Bradley
Biggle to transform!
Shablagoo!
Alright, look,
the Necronomicon is an
account of the old ones,
their history and the
means for summoning them.
Old ones?
Dark deities that
existed before man.
It was written by a mad prince,
who knew of the nightmare
city of R'Lyeh,
which fell from the stars
and exists beneath the sea,
and in another dimension.
That's it.
That's the place I just was!
You've been to the
nightmare city of R'Lyeh?
Lucky.
Cthulhu and other beings
are from this city,
but for years cultists have tried
to bring them into our world.
And what about Cthulhu's power?
Why can't old ones die?
The only thing that can
destroy an immortal,
is another immortal.
Don't worry, Mysterion!
Mintberry Crunch is here to help
you with these black cultists!
Get out of my room, twerp!
Mintberry Crunch isn't
afraid of his fat sister!
Grab her legs Mysterion!
Mysterion?
Oh crap!
Hey Mysterion! Wait up!
Come on, wait up!
Us coon friends need to
stick together, remember?
Where're you going?
Wherever Cthulhu is.
What?
But he'll kill you!
Maybe,
but with any luck I might
find the reason for my powers.
Oh right!
Maybe I can find the
reason for my powers too!
You don't understand.
How was it that Mint
and Berry came together
delivering full flavor
and an intense crunch?
We must find out
answers Mysterion!
Mysterion, I'm going with you!
After the triumphant
victory over the evil
hippies of burning man,
coon and friends turn their
attention to the next
villainous scourge.
Bravely taking out every whole
foods left in the country.
No more organic crap for America.
Thanks to coon and friends,
the country would soon
be rid of all evil.
But first,
they would come up against
our most challenging
and most evil opponent.
Justin Bieber.
In order to save the earth,
this little butthole
had to be stopped.
Yup that's him.
So long, Justin Bieber.
You little douche bag.
The dark God Cthulhu
continues his rampage of
destruction and terror,
and there seems to
be no hope for man.
I am joined now by a supposed
team member of Cthulhu,
the coon.
It isn't just Cthulhu, Mr. Reporter.
He is merely a small piece
of coon and friends,
who will continue to fight
for good and justice.
Good and justice.
Justin Bieber and most of his
fans have just been massacred.
Yes, coon and friends
are happy to help.
We do not need
thanks for our deeds,
we do not want gifts.
All we want
is for people to buy our coon
and friends t-shirts for 14.95.
Hey fat boy!
Kenny?
What the hell I sent you...
To the sunken city of R'Lyeh
fallen from the stars!
You little fucking prick!
What is wrong with you!
What kind of sick fucking
shit does that to his friends?
It's not my fault you
guys turned evil, Kenny!
You are the bad guy, fat boy, you!
I'm going around making
the world a better place!
For you!
You're making it a
better place for you!
Right, that's what
super heroes do.
No. This is what super heroes do.
You banished me, but I'm back!
What does that make me?
Bring back my friends!
Take me!
Mysterion, no!
What are you doing?
Only an immortal can
kill another immortal!
Here's your prize!
Take this curse away from me,
you big pussy!
Don't listen to him Cthulhu!
We have more important
stuff to do.
Go on!
Kill me before I kill you!
But bring my friends back, wuss!
Cthulhu!
You are a coon friend
and I am the coon!
You will listen to me!
No!
Come back!
I have to know what I am!
Come back!
Fuck you Kenny!
Come back you fat piece of shit!
Hello, my son.
If you are seeing this message,
then it must be dark times,
and you must have many questions.
Your true name is Gokzarah.
The power given to you comes
from a planet far away.
You are from that planet,
Gokzarah.
It is for that reason you
have a power that normal
humans do not have.
I know you must sometimes see
this power as a curse,
but you were sent here to stop
evil from taking over the earth,
and now that time
has apparently come.
You must now harness and
focus your power, Gokzarah.
The power of mint & berries yet
with a tasty, satisfying crunch.
Yes! Yes, please go on!
Your home planet, Kotojn
is known throughout the
universe for its berry mines.
Berries that have the power
to fuel nearly anything.
Needless to say, when the
Mint hunters of Koganra
got word of them,
our fate was already sealed,
Gokzarah.
But our two worlds collided,
and soon Mint and Berry were one.
Your mother and I sent you
as far away as we could.
Use your powers, son.
Save earth.
Shablagoo.
I will, father!
No more running away
for Mint Berry Crunch!
Hello Cthulhu, I heard you
haven't been berry nice.
Not enough huh?
Maybe the intense flavor of
Mint will freshen things up!
I reach the Gulf of
Mexico in no time!
And with all my strength,
I drag Cthulhu back to the
depths from whence he came!
My trusty hero
companions are there!
Still alive!
I return them to their
world encased in a
protective berry bubble!
Then it's back down to seal
up the hole created
by the BP oil company!
Returning home only momentarily
to flip of my fat sister!
Dude, thanks for getting us
out of that dark oblivion,
Mintberry Crunch.
No, no! We worked as a team!
All the coon and friends stopped
the BP drilling spill crisis!
And finally the evil coon
is right where he belongs.
Come on you guys!
This is fucking bullcrap.
Let me out!
You're not going
anywhere for a long time.
This is inhumane!
There's a big bucket
with butters' poop in it
and there's nothing to eat!
You got poop don't ya?
Well, I'm off.
There are still many more
questions left unanswered.
I need to know what
happened to my parents.
Well, come back and
visit anytime, dude.
I will!
Shablagooo!
Fucking Mint Berry fucking Crunch.
Wow! Can you believe it, Kenny?
Bradley actually had super powers.
Isn't that cool?
Yeah.
I'm tired, guys.
Think I'm gonna go to bed.
Oh my God!
Holy shit, dude!
Kenny! No! No!
What, what?
It's happening again!
We shoulda never gone to
that stupid cult meeting.

Hiç yorum yok:

Yorum Gönder