2 Ocak 2012 Pazartesi

S12E14 The Ungroundable


Mkay, so now the computer
will type a command bar.
Mkay, and we type in
"x" equal "y" plus one.
Mkay, and then it says
we hit command "y"
to bring up the menu screen.
Oh, man.
You've got to be kidding me.
Goddamn japs are everywhere.
Mkay, now, right click
on menu item "equate all"
and type in input "y".
- Dude. Are you on America's side?
- No, I'm on the Japanese side.
Who just shot me?
Mkay, let's see.
A right click in the upper right...
But then what the hell...
Mkay, kids. I'm gonna need to get
some clarification on this.
Just keep entering the calculations.
I'll be right back.
Oh, dude!
I wish I had a real flame-thrower.
It works awesome on japs!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Stan, we have got a big problem!
- Dude, what?
- There's vampires in the school!
- What?
- Vampires! I seen 'em!
Dude!
Who's using the flak jacket cheat?
Not a cheat if you rank up!
There's a vampire on the loose.
Then Katie Gelson was hanging out
with him. And now she's a vampire, too!
There's no such thing as vampires.
But there is!
You guys gotta believe me!
First, there was{\ just} a couple,
but now{\ it's like} they're growing.
They have fangs
and drink blood and everything!
All right. You go document
the vampires' movements
- so we know what their intentions are.
- Really? You think that's best?
- Yeah, now get outta here.
- All right!
If I don't make it back,
tell my mom what happened to me.
<i>You got powned, bébé. You jap bitch!
Isn't this cool?
This time of day nobody's in the gym.
We should make this one of our official
South Park vampire's club hangouts.
That's an awesome new coat, Mike.
Looks totally badass.
Don't call me Mike.
My name is Vampir now.
- Oh, that's cool.
- I'm gonna change my name to Vladimir.
You can't. It's too close to Vampir.
12:32 p.m.
Vampires meeting
in the school gymnasium.
Leader appears to be a fifth grader.
You know that girl Bella in "twilight"?
I think I'm like her.
I'm a psi vampire.
Do you like these sparkles I got?
Annie Bartlett is a psi vampire.
I'm more a sanguinarian vampire.
In that I rely more on the life
force energy, per se.
I'm gonna be a hybrid vampire.
Both psi and sanguinarian.
That's Ryan Ellis.
Looks like they've gotten to him, too.
Lunchtime's almost over.
Should we drink some more blood?
Cool!
In that I think it's time
for us to feed, per se.
Oh, God. I think
they're gonna drink blood now!
They've got some kind of chalice
and they're...
<i>It's the Big Texas Butters show!
<i>And now here is Big Texas Butters!
<i>Why howdy there, partners!
<i>I'm Big Texas Butters
and this here's my horse toast.
<i>Happy trails
<i>to you!
What are you doing?
Get back! You stay back!
The body of Christ compels you!
The body of Christ compels you!
That kid was really scared of us.
That's true, Bloodrayne.
People are going to be frightened of us
because they don't understand
- our ways, per se.
- Yeah, we're cool!
What the hell are those kids doing?
Why are they dressing
like that all of a sudden?
Are they trying to be goth?
They're vamp.
They wear plastic fangs
and drink freakin' clamato juice.
But they can't dress like that.
That's our style!
Tommy Petros is thinking
he might wanna be a vamp kid, too.
- Tommy Petros, is he cool?
- Yeah, he's cool enough.
All right.
So all of a sudden you
Justin and Britney wannabes think
it's cool to dress like us?
We dress the way our souls feel.
To express the darkness, per se.
Aren't you Mike Mckowski?
That's Vampir Mckowski now.
You kids need to all go put
your freaking banana republic clothes
back on right now.
We're just as dark as you guys.
Maybe darker.
Really. Do you guys even smoke?
Of course not.
Smoking's bad for you.
Yeah!
Oh, my God.
You know, you guys are really
giving off a negative human energy.
We prefer to take our darkness
somewhere else, per se.
All right, count fagula.
You go do that.
Mom! Mom, I gotta tell you something!
You're not gonna believe it!
Not now. Your father wants to have
a talk with you in the kitchen.
He is not happy.
What I'd do this time?
You just march on in there.
Oh, jeez.
You see this, Butters.
It's a glass of milk
I poured for myself.
And you see this?
It's hamburger helper.
Now, would you mind telling me
what hamburger helper is doing
in this glass of milk?
Why is hamburger helper
in a glass of milk, Butters?
I have no idea, sir.
I'll tell you why!
Our pantry is always kept
organized alphabetically.
But somebody put
the hamburger helper
where the nestle quick
is supposed to go!
I'm sorry, dad. It's just I've been
really preoccupied lately.
- See, there's these kids at school...
- What keeps a family together?
A well-organized pantry.
That's right!
If you keep putting food back
under the wrong letter,
it all goes wrong!
Now you will reorganize this entire
pantry and you will do it right.
Okay, but dad,
you gotta listen to me.
Kids at school
are starting to change.
You do it right now
or you're going to be grounded.
You got that?
Yes, sir.
Jeez.
Nobody will even listen to me.
It's like nobody even cares
there's vampires at the school.
I try to help and all I ever do
is get hollered at.
I'll bet vampires
never get hollered at.
Vampires just get to do
whatever they want.
All mortals share a soft repose.
My soul doth dreadful vigils keep,
more keen than
which hell scarcely knows.
What is that kid doing?
Oh, Jesus. Oh, God.
Butters, what are you doing?
I'm Butters.
So?
Oh, creatures of the night,
I seek audience to engage with thee
in unholy darkness and thus do,
and thus do unto your bidding.
What?
I wanna be a vampire.
You're not cool enough
to be one of us.
Yeah, I know.
But... I think I would make
a really good vampire if you just...
just give me the opportunity.
We'll think about it.
Go get us some sodas out of the
pop machine in the commons.
- Anything else?
- I want some cheetos.
Sodas and cheetos!
I'll be right back.
Where'd it go?
- You see where it went?
- It's {\right }over there by those vampire kids.
What?
We aren't vampire kids,
we're freaking goth!
Whatever, Dracula. Why don't you turn
into a bat or something?
So lame.
So... lame.
You guys, I do not want
to be grouped in
with the douchy little vampire kids.
So lame.
See? Isn't it cool back here?
It's all dark and isolated.
This would be a great place
for a vampire meeting!
Get out of our space,
you little twerps!
More preppy straight-a
students turning into vampires.
What the hell is going on?
I've done what you asked.
A case of Dr. Pepper
and cherry twizzlers.
Who are you gonna give this to?
I mean, vampires can't eat people food.
You have done well.
Are you ready to become
one of us, per se?
Yeah, I guess.
Are you sure? Because once you're
in south park vampire society,
you can't ever leave.
I'm sick of being pushed around.
By my dad, by kids at school.
Then it is time
for your transformation, per se.
Let it begin!
This way.
Prepare thyself.
And now you shall drink
vampire blood
and your transformation
will be complete, per se.
With this thy transformation
is done!
That tastes awful!
It is finished!
Welcome, Butters,
to the South Park society of vampires.
There you are!
Do you know what time it is?
Where have you been?
What have you done to your hair?
We are talking to you!
Explain yourself, mister.
I no longer need to explain
anything to you, father.
- What on earth...
- That does it!
You are grounded for two weeks,
you got that?
You can't ground me.
For I am neither living nor dead.
How can they ground
that which is ungroundable?
All right. It don't know what's gotten
into you, mister, but you're gonna...
I am going to my room now.
For I must slumber, per se.
Now kids, I understand that you are
very into this vampire thing,
but I don't want to see
it get out of hand.
You kids need to understand
that your new little fad
is scary to some.
Oh, my God.
You've got
the wrong flippin' people!
We aren't vampires.
I know that you aren't
really vampires.
And I appreciate
that you want to be cool
because vampires are
the "in" thing right now.
We aren't trying to be popular!
But just make sure
that this new little trend
doesn't become a distraction.
Here's a couple more,
principal Victoria, mkay.
Oh, no, are we in trouble?
I was just telling your friends
about what I expect...
We aren't friends.
Don't worry, ma'am.
As I was just explaining
to my new minions,
vampires are actually very spiritual
and deep beings, per se.
Allison Mertz is a vampire kid, now?
This thing isn't going to stop.
Let's just face it.
They bogarted our style.
Everyone's gonna think we're
trying to be butthole vampires.
Now we might go to the frickin' Gap
and buy normal clothes.
Well, at least nobody can
refer to us as vampire kids now.
It went this way?
Yeah, it's over there by the fat girl,
the big nose kid, the
the midget and the kid
with pock marks on his face.
So we're back to that, are we?
Let's get out
of these freakin' gap clothes.
Sorry, Eric.
But I'm a vampire now, and I can
no longer survive on human food.
And if someone must die so that
I can feed, I choose thee.
Wonder what side I'm supposed
to do it on. Probably doesn't matter.
I can't do it!
I can't do it!
Dude, gross. You got spit
all over my neck. Mom!
- Butters just gave me a hickey!
- I'm so hungry,
but just remembering
about how that blood tasted before...
Blood is all clammy and tomatoey.
It makes me want to...
- Dude!
- Are you all right, sweetie?
What's going on?
Well, Mom, apparently Butters is gay,
finds me very attractive
and confused about his sexual identity.
Puked on my floor.
Oh, dear.
I walked into the cafeteria today,
Rebeca Miller and Phillip Rust
were dressed like vampires
drinking clamato juice
with four kids
from the football team.
Jesus.
It's like there's more vampire kids
every freakin' day.
Why is this happening?
I mean, why now?
Doesn't matter why.
Pretty soon the whole school
is going to be an endless hive of
conformist {\happy-go-lucky }vampire wannabes.
It seems like that preppy
Mike McKowski kid started all this.
Maybe he's the way to stopping it.
What do you mean?
I mean,
what do you do when you want to change
vampires back to normal?
You get rid of the head vampire.
Does your mom know you took her car?
Do I care?
Okay. This is probably good enough.
Yeah, pull over here.
Please!
What do you want?
Let me go!
What should we do with him?
If he's a vampire,
I guess we should drive
a stake through his heart.
No, I'm not a vampire.
I'm not a vampire!
- What's that?
- I'm not really a vampire!
You're not really a vampire?
Really?
I'm so freaking shocked.
If we get the right packaging,
we can just fedex him
somewhere far away.
How about we send him to
transylvania?
He'd probably see it
as something to brag about some day
to his little vampire buddies.
If we're gonna send him somewhere
it should be the most horrible,
most miserable place on Earth.
Scottsdale!
We just got a call
from Mrs. Cartman!
Unbelievable!
He's locked the door!
Butters! This is your father!
Explain why you snuck into another boy's
bedroom and gave him a hickey!
Butters, you will open this door
right now!
What have I done to myself?
I should have known I wouldn't have
the stomach to be a vampire.
I'm so hungry.
Butters, you have five seconds
to unlock this door.
One.
Two.
Hey, Dad.
Butters, did you get gay
with one of your schoolmates tonight?
I have to eat.
But I can't do it.
I'm getting weak.
All right. Now you listen
and you listen good.
Until you stop behaving this way,
you are not going the leave this room!
Do you understand?
I know now what I have to do.
Steven, what has happened
to our boy?
He's become something, Linda.
Something
that we cannot ground.
I just don't get it
We sent the head vampire
to Scotsdale.
But still more and more kids
are dressing up like vampires.
It must not have been what causing it.
It must be something else.
You're gonna order any food
or just sit there
and drink coffee all night.
Leave us alone.
Bad enough if I always get stuck
with you goth kids.
Now I've goth kids
in my entire section.
They aren't goth,
they are douches little vampire kids.
Looks the same to me.
I bet they aren't even drinking
coffee.
No, they said they were
to young to drink caffeine,
so they have an orange juice.
Let's go over there
and tell them they are not taking
their legend from us too.
Forget it!
It's over, all right?
There's too many of them now.
We can't stop them.
Let's just face it.
The freakin' vampires beat us.
Maybe not.
Did you say you're trying
to get rid of the vampires?
I want to help you.
Get away, douchebag.
Some legends say that if you
destroy the vampire's lair,
the vampires will go back to being
human again.
What are you talking about?
I can take you
to the place where kids
are being transformed into vampires.
Hot Topic?
When did this open?
Two weeks ago.
It used to be a banana republic.
Of course.
Freakin' Hot Topic.
That explains everything.
How did we not figure that out?
Of course a new hot topic
must have come to town.
Well, I think we all know
what has to be done.
Let's get to it.
What the hell are you doing?
You should probably get out of here.
- What the hell are they doing?
- They're putting an end it to.
Mom!
Dad!
- I've changed back!
- What?
Goth kids burnt down the Hot Topic
and sure enough!
Soon as they did, I tried eating
a hot dog and it tasted good!
My vampire teeth even fell out
when I bit into it!
I'm human again!
We have no idea
what you're talking about,
but we're glad you're home!
That's right, son.
There's only one thing I care about.
What's that, Dad?
Would you mind telling me
why there is rice-a-roni in my coffee?
Butters, are you grounded!
Dangit!
It worked, Linda.
Our son is groundable once more.
Fellow students, over the past weeks
there's been a lot of confusion
and so we have asked
for this assembly
to clarify the difference
between goth kids and vampire kids.
Let us now, make it
abundantly clear...
If you hate life, truly hate the sun,
and need to smoke and drink coffee,
you are goth.
If, however, you like dressing
in black because it's fun,
enjoy putting sparkles on your cheeks
and following the occult
while avoiding things
that are bad for your health,
then you are most likely
a douchebag vampire-wannabe boner.
Because anybody who thinks
they are actually a vampire
is freaking retarded.
All of you.

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