S13E11 Whale Whores

I'm goin' down to south
park gonna have myself a time
friendly faces everywhere
humble folks without  temptation
goin' down to south park
gonna leave my woes behind
ample parking day or night
people spouting howdy   neighbor
heading on up to south park
gonna see if I can't unwind
Come on down to south park
and meet some friends of mine
<font color=#38B0DE>south
parks13e11</font>
Alright,everyone.
Welcome to the dolphin encounter
here at the denver aquarium!
My name is chad and I'll be your guide
and trainer as you meet  these intelligent,
and t truly  magical creatures.
And here they come.This
is trigger and dolly.
And there's bubbles.
Wow,cool!
Pretty neat birthday,huh  stan?
Yeah,this is gonna be  awesome!
If they come near you,you
can touch their backs.
Just no grabbing,please.
What whimsical creatures,aren't they?
All the dolphins you will be  encountering
today are atlantic  bottlenose dolphins.
Now who'd like to get a kiss  from one?
- I would like to
- Oh,me,me,me.
I wanna kiss it!
I wanna kiss it!
Uh,alright.Let's just get
you to put your  hands,
palms down on the water.
What the hell is that?
Oh no!It's the japanese!
*****You dolphin!
*****You dolphin!
These are our favorite
animals here at the atlanta zoo.
It's dolly and seamore.
They are beluga whales.
These whales live mostly
in the  arctic region.
Alright,jessica.
Now put your arms out like this.
Great job,jessica!
****You wha-ruuuuu!
Hey pal.
Sorry your birthday got a
little ruined by the japanese.
Dad,why did they do that?
Well stan,the japanese just
don't really like dolphins very much.
Certainly not as much
as us normal people do.
But hey,at least you
still got  your t-shirt!
And you'll always have
your  neat picture!
my new friend!
Dan dierdorf here welcoming you
to this great football matchup
between the kansas city
chiefs and the miami dolphins.
We're all set for kick-off and
Uh dan,it looks like some japanese
people are now rushing  onto the field.
This is not the kind of thing you
want happening during  kickoff.
****You dolphin!
Several whales and dolphins  were again
slaughtered by the  japanese today.
This time at the six flags
discovery kingdom near san  francisco.
Aquariums had been experimenting with
methods to keep the  japanese out,
but so far nothing seems to stop them.
When asked if all of japan  supported
the slaughtering of  whales and dolphins,
the current prime minister of
japan,yukio  hatoyama had this to say.
You way-ruuuu!
And  You dolphin!
Can't read my,can't read  my
no,he can't read my poker face
she's got to love nobody
can't read my,can't ready my
no,he can't read my poker face
she's got to love nobody
p-p-p-poker
face
p-p-p-poker
face
p-p-p-poker
face
- You guys,you guys!
- p-p-p-poker face
Look,I really think it's
time for us to do something.
This is all getting way out of  hand.
What do you mean? This song is sweet.
No,not the song.I'm talking about the
japanese  killing whales and dolphins.
Dude,they've been doing
that for a long time.
So?Dude,don't you guys care?
We have to do something!
What are we going to do,stan?
It's not like we can change the
way an entire country thinks.
I don't like it,but it's
just  the way they are.
It seems like everyone
has an attitude of
'that's just the way they are'
and 'that's just the  way it is.
'Nobody likes it but everyone's
too busy to do anything about  it.
- I'm not too busy stan.
- You're not?
- No.I just don't care at all.
- Yeah,me neither.
Kenny?You don't care about whales
and  dolphins being slaughtered?!
Stan,me and kenny don't give two
shits about stupid ass  Whales.
You know,when all the whales and
dolphins in the world are  gone
people are going to wish that at some
point they had  taken the time to care
just a  little god dammit!
I wanna roll with him
a hard pair we will be
I don't give a crap bout
whales so go and hug a tree
Hey,stan!
I heard you're looking for  people who care
about the  japanese slaughtering whales!
Yeah!Butters,you wanna help?!
No,no,no,no.I got stuff to do.
But I wanted to tell
you,there's these fellers on tv.
They go out in the ocean and try to
stop the japanese wherever  they are!
Really?People who are doing something?!
I watch their show all the  time.
And they take volunteers!
Then that's where I belong.
The world is a vampire
Yeah,we are bad ass.
Any means necessary.
We're not protesters.
We're pirates.
WHALE WARS
That's definitely a japanese  boat!
Looks like they're whaling now!
****You whale!
Oh my god,they're gonna
kill those humpbacks!
We gotta do something!
Pull up next to them!
The fight is on!
Sweet!
- Are we ready to do this?
- Yeah!
Yeah!Hell yeah!Let's do it!
Are we bad asses?!
Yeah!
Are we bad asses?
Yeah!
Alright.So.
what do we do?
Wait.I know!
How about we go on their ship
and then beat ourselves up!
And then we can tell
the media  they did it!
Great idea,captain!
I'll start right now!
Oh my god.Luke's been hurt
trying to save  whales!
Wait,wait,wait!I've got a better idea!
How about I pretend to be shot!
Then we can tell the
media the  japanese shot me
and it'll start a international crisis!
Wul,wait.We don't wanna
just lie about  stuff.
Why not?
Because then we're just  douche
bags,dude.C'mon,they're right here.
Let's get hardcore!
You know what?He's right!
It's time to bring out the big  guns.
You guys ready?Ready?
And.throw the stinky butter  at them!
you stink now.
- Wait that's it?
- Yeah,we make'em stink!
Ha-ha,your boat is stinky!
Here,throw one!
Those guys always covered
in  dolphin and whale guts!
They don't care if they stink!
C'mon lets break their boat!
Wul,no,that'd be illegal.
Yeah.
I thought you guys
were  pirates in a war!
I'm a pirate in a war!
Pirates don't worry about the law.
You guys said you were bad ass!
We are!People think our
methods are  extreme,
but we'll keep making  their boat stink as
long as they are killing whales and dolphins!
The japanese are scared
of  how hardcore we are!
Paul!
- Paul?
- What do we do?
- We don't have a captain!
- Oh,my god!Oh,my god!
Maybe he's okay.
UTILITY
Oh my god!
What did you do?
What you Acted like  you were doing.
WHALE WARS GETS BETTER
Things Actually Happen Now!
I want to hold them like
they do in texas play
a little gamble and it's fun
when you're with me********
russian roulette is not
the  same without a gun
baby,when it's not love,it  isn't fun
New Captain Not a fat
liar like the old one
I'll get him hot,
show him  what I've got
WHALE WARS NEW CAST Member
I'll get him hot
show him what I got
Wait for it.
wait for it.
Now!
she get me like nobody
LITTLE BOY SINKS ANOTHER JAPANESE BOAT!
Inpo no gaijin!
Kuso 0 taberu na!
And now larry king,live!
My guest tonight is the  little boy who
took over the  whale wars reality show
and turned it into a big hit.
Please welcome,stan marsh and  his crew.
Hey jordon!I'm on larry king,mate!
So stan,what motivated you,
what inspired you to get out
there and  make a hit tv show?
No,I -I don't really
care  about the tv show.
I'm just trying to stop the  japanese
from killing dolphins  and whales.
Once you became captain
the  methods used
to stop the  japanese definitely
became more  aggressive.
Was that the key to
helping  boost your ratings?
No,I don't care about the  show.
We're pirates!
I just want people to know
that you can stop the japanese
if you have some real   Balls.
I've got balls!
Well,there are many people  who see
what you're doing as a  positive thing,
and of course  many that
see problems with it.
Joining us now is one of those  people,
and you say stan's
methods are unethical.
Larry,you can't just go out  and take
matters into your own  hands like this.
If you want a hit tv show you  have
to go through producers,directors,
people that are in  the unions.
But sid,you saw the show
before stan took it over.
You have to admit that it was  nothing
but incompetent vegan
Doing absolutely nothing
and trying to turn it into  drama.
Yes,but it doesn't justify
changing the entire show  structure that
their old captain had pitched to the network.
Could we just talk about the
actual whaling problem for a  second?
But their old captain,paul
watson,was an unorganized,
incompetent media whore who
thought lying to everyone was  okay
as long as it served his  cause.
Yes,of course everyone knows
that paul watson was a smug,
- narcololeptic liar with no  credibility but
-  Screw this.
I gotta get back to work.
On this episode of
real  actual whale wars.
captain marsh searches
for the  japanese fleet,
knowing they  could
be absolutely anywhere.
Would you mind stepping back  a little?
Captain!Captain,some new volunteers
showed up to help us in our  crusade.
No,dude,we really can't
take any more volunteers.
But they say you know them.
Alright,dude.This is pretty sweet.
- Oh,no.No,no!
- What,dude?
Oh what,so now that I have a hit tv show
you guys care about  dolphins and whales?
We always have.
Yeah,totally!
I asked you guys to
help me  and you said no.
That's not what we said.
You said 'stan,me and kenny  don't
give two -about stupid  ass whales'.
We were talking about
wales  the country.
Look,if you admit that you  are only
doing this because you  want to be on tv,
then I'll  consider it.
Admit you just want to be on  tv.
I just want to be on tv.
Kenny,
I deserve to be on tv.
Captain!
Captain the japanese have
been spotted near buoy 24!
Takes us out of port!All
hands to stations.
Alright.Let's go save
those whales,you  guys!
Captain marsh races his boat  to the last
known location of  the japanese whalers.
If he doesn't get there in time,hundreds
of dolphins or whales  could die.
As soon as we get there we  gotta be
ready to deploy the  tracking devices!
We can't let those whales get  hurt!
What the hell is that?
We just got rammed.
The japanese want to play  that way,huh?
It's not the japanese.
What?
On deck,the crew is
surprised at what they saw.
The other boat is from deadliest catch.
A crab fishing reality show.
You think you're so cool,don't you?
You think you're a big boat
reality show on the block?
Take it away men's livelihoods.
what?We're trying to save whales.
***************
You're show is gay,maN.
Your show is  Gay.
Screw this.Turn to port.
But everywhere his
reality  show boat turns,
the crab  fishing reality
show blockses  its path.
Dude,You.
You.
It's been three hours and the crab
fishing reality show isn't  budging.
Captain marsh's boat
is dead in  the water.
Can't go after the japanese,can't
help the whales or  dolphins.
Once again on whale
wars,nothing is happening.
It's pretty typical time
because we know that
every  minute we're sitting here
stopped,another whale is dying.
Really tough.It's really hard.
It's like we've dedicated all  our times
and our lives to  saving these creatures.
*******
Oh,he's taking it especially hard.
He loved dolphins so much,********
he *********** would do anything.
Anything, anything
Crab fishing reality show is doing fine.
But for the whale wars crew,it
appears the show is over.
Until a sound is heard.
What was that?
Captain,look!
The whales are taking out the
crab fishermen reality show.
It's like they know.
They do know.
They know everything I've
been  trying to do for them.
Our********* friends of
the sea have  saved the day.
Because they know that only we
can save them from the japanese.
Bonsai!
Jesus christ!
We got to get somebody
to  shoot them with.
Look out!
I I can't believe it.
Dude,you know what?
Japanese people really
do not  like whales.
Well,I'm in japanese prison  lord.
Japanese prison got me down.
Said I'm in japanese prison  lawwwd,
don't belong here.My eyes are round.
Will you stop that?
Oh,I'm sorry.Am I making things
uncomfortable for you,stan?
It's your fault me and
kenny are in the mess!
Things are bad enough
without you being a smart ass!
There's whales out there
being  slaughtered right now
and I  can't do anything
about it!So just keep quiet.
You don't have a tv
show  anymore,captain,
so you can  suck my
japanese imprisoned  balls.
I'm in a japanese prison lawd,
japanese balls got me
Kite kure!Akihito sama irashaimasu!
So you are the ones who has
been a sinking our boats!
You speak english.
You have caused us many  problems!
Set us back many months!
Sir,we actually don't give  two
-about you killing whales.Can we go?
Yeah,can we go?
Why have you done this?
Why do you insist on making
trouble for the japanese?
Why do you do what you do?
You know that 98% of the
world  is against whaling?
Why can't you just stop?
You think you have the
right  to tell us what is ok?
I have something to show you.
This is hiroshima.
Over 50 years ago,this entire
city was destroyed by nuclear  bomb.
We built this museum so that
we  never forget what happened.
What?Dude.
At 8:15 am,the people of  hiroshima
were just minding  their own business,
when out of  nowhere,a
flash devastated them all.
Women,children,who died in
the flash simply evaporated.
Those left alive,suffered
the  worst pain of all.
Burns,radiation poisoning.
For generations the radiation
affected the victims.
Japanese babies born without  limbs.
Without eyes!
Sorry.
Little gassy.'Scuse me.
140,000 japanese were kill by atom bomb.
We have never recovered
from the memory of that day.
It is impossible for a nation to
ever forgive an act so horrible.
This picture shows the
plane  that dropped the bomb.
It was called the enola gay.
And it was flown by the monsters
who dropped the bomb that day.
Dolphin!
And whale!
where did you get  that picture.
The americans were nice  enough to give
it to us the day  after the bombing.
We were so thankful for the  picture,
that the next day we
ended our war with america.
We will never forgive.
Never rest until they
are all  wiped out.
****You.
****You dolphin and whale!
So that's what this has all  been about.
Dude,it actually wasn't a  dolphin
and a whale who bombed  hiroshima,
it was the
Dude,they won't rest until  whoever is
responsible is  completely wiped out.
Right.
Look,I -I think I can
make everything ok here.
Can I just use a phone?
- Hello.
- Stan?
Dude,are you sitting at your computer?
I need you to do something for  me.
Mr.Prime minister,japanese  officials.
there's something you need to  know.
The photo you were given of
the  enola gay was doctored.
Because the real bombers feared
retaliation so badly that
they  simply pointed the
finger at  somebody else.
My government has authorized me  to
give you the original photo,unaltered,
so you can finally  know the truth.
Dolphins and whales were just
framed by the real bombers.
A chicken and a cow.
Chicken and a cow?
Chicken and a cow?
Chicken and cow used poor
dolphin and whale as scapegoat?
This is outrage!
****You,cow!
****You chicken!
****You chicken!
Great job,son.
Now the japanese are normal,like us.