2 Ocak 2012 Pazartesi

S13E04 Eat, Pray, Queef


Season 13 Episode 4
"Eat, Pray, Queef"
Oh, man, I thought
that day would never end!
Stan, you wanna maybe
study together after school?
- What? No way. Today's the day!
- What day?
<i>The day they're showing part two
of last week's Terrance & Phillip show!
They're gonna finally reveal who
Phillip farted on to get out of jail!
Oh, God, that show is so dumb.
Dumb? Phillip farted
in somebody's face super hard,
but you don't know who
until this week's episode!
This has been
the longest week of my life!
Why do boys think farts are so funny?
They're juvenile and gross!
No, no, you're right, Bebe.
Farts totally aren't funny.
- Come on. We gotta go!
- We're gonna learn the shocking truth
- of who Phillip farted on.
- Let's get to my house!
God, they're so stupid.
- Oh, boy!
- I've waited all week for this.
- That's my seat, Craig.
- Dude, I was here first.
It's my goddamn house.
Now get your bitch ass on the floor!
It's on!
<i>You are watching the Canada Channel.
The only channel in Canada.
<i>Previously on Terrance & Phillip...
<i>Terrance farted on the American
president, but Phillip took the heat.
It wasn't me!
<i>And now, the thrilling conclusion
of Terrance and Philip: Blood Rage...
<i>will not be seen tonight.
<i>So that we may bring you
this Queef Sisters special!
What?
<i>Canada Channel presents
The Queef Sisters.
<i>Katherine and Katie Queef.
<i>Two Toronto girls who love
shooting air out of their vaginas.
<i>It's a Queef Sisters special
on Channel Canada.
All right, Queef Sisters. It's time for
your yearly pap smear and vag exam.
- All right, doctor.
- I'm ready, doctor.
I'm just going to check for cysts.
What the fuck is this?
Now listen here!
If you queef in my face
then I refuse to be your gynecologist.
I'm sorry, doctor.
I had air trapped in my vagina.
Just don't let it happen again.
Now, I'm just going to check for cysts.
Now stop it.
That isn't funny.
Babies come from there!
- That's it. No pap smear for you.
- But, doctor, what if I have cancer?
You should have thought of that before
you queefed in my face three times.
<i>They aren't gonna show part two
of the Terrance & Phillip show?
Doctor, my sister
is just being difficult.
Maybe you could just
examine my cervix instead?
All right.
Let me check for cysts.
That does it, Queef Sisters.
I'm not your vaginal doctor anymore!
Katie, I do believe
we made the doctor angry.
<i>I guess so, Katherine.
Dude, what the hell
is this disgusting crap?
What the the hell
is this disgusting crap?
<i>Queef Sisters?
That's right. It's a hot new
Canadian show we're trying out.
You replaced our show with this?
But they aren't funny.
All they do is queef all the time.
That's sick!
You think farts are funny,
why not queefs?
- Because babies come from there!
- Look, guys.
Women are starting to be on the driving
force behind the television audience.
Women empowerment and the get-go,
So we want to try to appeal
to the female sensibility.
Sorry, guys, but if you ask me,
your farts have gotten stale.
As a matter of fact,
I will not hold!
I've been hold for 35 minutes!
We want some goddamn answers,
that's what we want!
<i>Why did you show that smut instead of
the Terrance & Phillip conclusion,
- you asshole!
- What's going on?
We're complaining
to the Canada network,
they put something gross on TV.
You wanna tell me what's funny
about two women shooting air
from their vagina into a man's face?
See, some of us were eating
when you showed that!
- I threw up on my way home.
- Clyde threw up on his way home!
What makes you think you can put
that kind of filth on TV?
- You tell 'em, Cartman!
- What happened?
<i>They didn't show part two
of Terrance & Phillip.
<i>They replaced it
with The Queef Sisters.
It was just 30 minutes
of two women queefing on people.
What? So farts are hysterical
but queefs are gross?
Little kids could have
been watching that!
What kind of network are you
running there in Canada?
Don't call me buddy.
I'm not your buddy!
I can't believe they're this upset.
- God, they're annoying.
- I don't even know what a queef is.
It's when a woman blows
air out her vag, Annie.
That girl Samantha Dunskin, she can
make herself queef whenever she wants.
- Really?
- Wait a minute. I've got an idea.
And to that end,
by resorting to filth and garbage,
the Canada Channel has thusly...
- Robbed us of our innocence.
- Yes, that's good.
"Robbed us of us innocence."
Hey guys.
- We have a little surprise for you.
- What?
Butters?
Oh, my God.
Well, how is he doing?
Yeah, yeah, I'm sure.
OK, thank you
for telling me, Mr. Stotch.
I'll spread the word.
Yeah, you take care. Bye.
We need to cancel our plans, Sharon.
There's gonna be an emergency
all-parent meeting at the school.
- Why? What's happened?
- A girl at school, she...
queefed on one
of Stan's friends today.
So?
Hey, pal.
I heard about
what happened at school today.
You wanna talk about it?
Butters was just sitting there, dad.
- He didn't even know it was coming.
- I know, pal.
Sometimes bad things
happen to good people.
But, you know,
Butters is still Butters.
And he needs you guys right
now more than anybody.
It was so gross, dad. What if
another girl at school tries to...
We're getting all the parents together
and we're gonna take care of this, OK?
Nothing like this
will ever happen again.
M'kay, parents,
some of you have already heard,
but most of you have not, m'kay.
We've had a terrible
incident occur at the school.
Apparently a young girl went up
to a young boy here at the school.
M'kay, and queefed in his face.
- How did this happen?
- Where were the teachers?
Wait a minute.
Are you saying we're all here just
because a girl queefed on a boy?
- Just?
- We're here to find out why!
The question is
how do we send a message
to other girls in the school
so this doesn't happen again.
Hold on a minute.
I think we're being
a little drastic here.
You know, I probably see
a boy in my office
once a week for farting on a girl.
What does that have
to do with anything?
Our next guests have
really taken America by storm.
Their new hit show is being tuned in
by women all over the world.
Please welcome the Queef Sisters.
- Hello, Regis!
- Hello, Kelly!
So, gals.
- You seem to really like queefing.
- Well, Regis, it's like this.
We think that queefing is a perfectly
normal female bodily function.
Why not have fun with it?
But I mean, really,
isn't queefing a bit juvenile?
Men enjoy farts, so why
shouldn't women enjoy their queefs?
That's right. We've written
all about it in our new feminist book
<i>Eat, Pray, Queef.
Well, I think what you gals are doing
for the feminist movement is amazing!
And that's why women all over
America stand behind you!
Terrance and Phillip, you've put on
a terrific show for many, many years.
You've made Canada Channel
what it is today.
You're fired.
Fired?
Sorry, but this queefing thing
is really catching on.
Their ratings are through the roof.
To pay them, we gotta get rid of you.
Goodbye. Here's some cookies.
Brian, don't do this!
You can't let Canada Channel
be soiled by that perverse garbage!
You know it's sick!
Yes, I know it's sick.
To be honest, I gag every time
one of them lets out a queef.
But it's money, goddammit,
and this channel needs it.
I'm sorry, Terrance and Phillip.
Your show is down.
I always love
when spring is on the way.
Such a fun and inspiring
time to decorate.
Just like most women out there,
I have really got into queefing lately.
There are a lot of fun and interesting
ways that we can decorate our queefs,
and just make them
more dynamic for the holidays.
What we're gonna do is
just cut up some paper, like this.
And cut out little stars
or little moon shapes.
And then just... jam those up.
And then I've got some simple
sparkles from the hobby store.
They come in these little tubes,
which make them very easy to just shoot
right up the ol'...
There we are.
And you can of course
feel free to add little flowers,
or maybe some festive easter grass.
But the point is that when
we're done, we can let one rip.
See how pretty that was?
It's a good thing.
What was that?
Excuse me. I...
I had a little air trapped.
Oh, my God.
Did you just...
At the table?
Pardon me.
Mom, gross!
OK, that's enough, girls, all right?
- I mean, how old are you, Sharon?
- Sorry, it's just...
It's kind of funny
how much it bothers you.
- Yeah, that's really funny.
- Stop it, mom.
Let's just try to have
a nice dinner, OK?
I'm sorry.
Sharon Marsh!
Excuse me.
Hey mom, do you like Australia?
'cause that was
a Great Barrier Queef!
- That's it. I'm leaving.
- I'm going, too.
Oh, please, Randy!
How many times have you farted in bed
and held my head under the covers?
- That's completely different!
- Yeah, it's different, mom!
All right. Tell me
exactly where the line is.
OK, how about this?
I have a friend Abbey.
She had a baby boy and it farted.
But she was actually still
pregnant with the baby boy
and it farted inside her.
And then the gas from
the baby's fart traveled down
and shot out of her vagina!
Come on, Stanley.
Let's go.
So when does that stop being funny?
It stopped being funny the second
that air came out her vagina, Sharon!
Look, Katherine.
I made queef cookies!
But those are just
ginger snaps, Katie.
Could you get that, Katie?
Oh, my God.
Look, Katherine!
It's Canadian television stars,
Terrance and Phillip!
Oh, my God.
They're famous!
Hello, sirs.
It is such an honor to meet you.
Oh, Katie, I'm getting
all goose bumpy and queefy.
May we come in, please.
Oh, certainly.
Though I fear we do look a mess.
Pretty nice place you have here.
Network must be paying you well.
Oh, yes. The show is going
about as well as it could!
All right! Enough with the queefing!
We didn't come for a social call.
That's right.
We've come to kill you.
Why kill us?
We love you!
You've reduced Canada Channel
to smut and toilet humor!
Well, I suppose if we're going to die,
we should die by the hands of our idols.
Your idols?
We grew up watching you.
You meant the world to us.
We used to fantasize about
pleasing you in all different ways.
Know that it is an honor
to die by your hand.
- I don't think I can do it.
- Why not?
Because I'm suddenly finding myself
strangely attracted to Katherine.
What? That's crazy, Terrance.
Katie is obviously the hot one.
Hey, Butters.
How you holding up?
Hey, fellas.
We got you a present.
I'll put it on your nightstand.
None of us wanna touch you
since you got queefed on.
Thanks.
Butters, I'm afraid
things have gotten worse.
All the women suddenly
think that... queefing is funny.
Calm down, Butters.
The men are taking action.
But we need to take your picture.
My picture?
You're going to be the face
of queef abuse, Butters.
So that we can make people
open their eyes.
Dammit! I'm trying
to enjoy my wine, Katie!
No, that was me, Phillip.
I farted.
Oh, this is a dream come true!
I've always wanted to meet you, Phillip!
Phillip?
I'm Terrance.
- What? I thought you were Terrance!
- No, I'm Phillip!
Oh, dear.
A disgusting and violating
trend is taking over our city,
our state, our nation.
Queefing has become
an acceptable evil.
Last week at our school, a girl
queefed right into our friend's face.
That is why we are here to tell you
it's not a joke.
On television, us children
are starting to see and hear
more and more graphic queefing.
I would like to take
this opportunity to explain
why farts are funny
and queefs are not.
Men have always joked about farts
and we, in fact, name our farts.
We have the squeaker.
And then there's the fog horn.
And the "don't be scared".
- And of course there's the...
- Excuse me!
If that really is your argument,
it isn't a very sound one.
Women name their queefs, too.
- That's right!
- Of course, we do!
For instance,
we have the sneezing unicorn.
And the resuscitator.
- Sick! Stop it, lady!
- That's not the same!
We've got the Chinese firecracker.
<i>That's all well and good,
but we can do The Road Warrior.
<i>No!
We go in!
<i>We kill!
<i>No more talk!
We kill!
<i>Soon, my dog of war!
But we have to do it my way!
<i>Losers!
Losers wait!
Jesus Christ!
You stupid bitch!
What the fuck is wrong with you?
I'm not your sex toy,
you fucking pig!
You don't queef in bed
while we're having sex!
Fuck you!
You don't fucking slap me!
Could you please keep it down.
We're trying to have sex over here.
She queefed while
we were having sex!
- Sick!
- What's the big deal?
I've been queefing
in this bed the entire time!
What? Gross!
How dare you!
Get out! Get out, both of you!
We never want to see you again!
After everything we've been through?
What the hell am I gonna do, Phillip?
She makes me so mad sometimes.
Katherine just won't stop queefing.
But I don't know
if I can live without her.
Katie, I'm sorry.
- I was wrong.
- Me too, Katherine.
I don't love your queefs.
But dammit, I love you.
- Oh, Terrance!
- Phillip!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Stan!
Stan, we did it!
Colorado Senate moves
to ban queefing!
- No way! We did it?
- All right, son!
What's going on?
Read it and weep, Sharon!
No more queefing!
Well, congratulations, guys.
Looks like you got us.
Good job.
Come on. Just 'cause
you can't queef anymore...
You really think women cared
that much about queefing?
Is that really what you think
this has all been about?
This has been about women
having a little bit of fun for once
at your expense.
For just this one time,
we could be the immature ones
to make you feel uncomfortable.
But, no. You just
couldn't let us have
that one little thing, could you?
Because even though things
are getting better for women,
you still think of us
as lesser people sometimes,
and we always have to prove
ourselves twice as hard.
Congratulations, guys,
for getting your way.
Again.
Mom, we didn't mean...
Boy, oh, boy.
I think we might have
screwed up royal, Stan.
Yeah. We all got so caught up
in how we felt that we didn't realize
women actually cared about
something a lot deeper.
Stan, let's call the guys together.
Maybe we can make this right.
<i>There's a time in our lives
<i>when we must listen
to the oppressed.
<i>And realize
<i>we've been keeping women down.
<i>They have power
and they have courage.
<i>And we must all stand by the belief
<i>that a woman is strong
<i>and she has the right to queef.
<i>Fly free.
<i>Free to queef aloud.
<i>Fly free.
<i>Let every queef show
that you're proud.
<i>You faced so many challenges
<i>to put an end to your grief.
<i>You're a woman now
<i>and you are free to queef.
<i>It's time for equality.
<i>We must give them
the respect they deserve.
<i>They're just the same as you and me.
<i>Their rights must be preserved.
<i>Queef free!
<i>Every woman has the right.
<i>Queef free.
<i>Let your queefing star shine bright.
<i>You are woman, hear you roar.
<i>Queefing too loud to ignore.
<i>Queef a little each day
<i>and let your soul take flight.
<i>Queef free!
For this reason, a man
will leave his father and mother,
and be united to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh.
Stop it, Katherine!
This is a serious moment.
Therefore what God
has joined together, let no man...
Oh, sick!
That's it!
I pronounce you farts and queefs!

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