3 Ocak 2012 Salı

S14E06 201 (Part 2)


Saigon is a hell of a place.
I've seen a lot of death,
a lot of suffering.
Darkness that most people
couldn't stand to see.
I tried to sit it out
as much as I could.
What's the matter, Conner?
Don't like a little blood?
No, I don't like a little blood.
Blood ain't the stuff for
18-year-old boys from sheboygan.
Blood ain't the stuff
for Mitch Conner.
Incoming!
Conner, Mitchell.
You're discharged, son.
And that's that.
Pack your bags, you're headed home.
Hugs and kisses from Uncle Sam.
So how do I end up here?
With a 9-year-old kid,
who just wants to know who his father is.
Life is funny like that.
One day you're sifting through
the guts of some gook in Vietnam
And the next you're playing
Doctor Phil with some
kid and his teacher.
Eric, I... I'm really sorry
That you were put
through all this.
Sorry is a four letter-word
with a y on the end.
That doesn't mean
anything to this poor kid.
That's right.
Tell me the truth.
Now!
All I can tell you, Eric,
Is that we were all told
to stick to the story.
To protect someone very important.
I can't say more.
I won't.
But I'll... I'll tell
you who has the answer.
Look, gingers.
You said you wanted Muhammad.
We got him for you!
We have no way of knowing if
Muhammad is really in there!
It could be a trick!
It's no trick, dude!
My friend and I went to
The super best friends
and brought him here!
Then have him step out
of the bear costume!
You have until the count of ten.
One!
Don't do it, Randy.
If Muhammad is seen,
we could get bombed!
Two!
Idiot!
If he isn't seen we're about
to definitely get bombed!
Three!
Alright, alright.
Stop!
We'll do what you say.
I'm sorry, Muhammad, but
Will you please step out
of the bear costume?
Okay, so um.
See?
Muhammad.
That isn't Muhammad,
that's Santy Claus.
Sorry boys.
I tried.
Aw crap.
Boys, you got Santa to be Mohammed?
When?
When you all said you
Were gonna hand Mohammed
over to Tom Cruise.
We promised Jesus that Mohammed
Would stay safely in the u-haul!
I'm sorry, Kyle.
I really thought my
idea would work for you.
If we were gonna have
someone in a bear costume,
Why would we actually
have it be Muhammad,
You fucking idiot.
So where is he?
Meanwhile, at the hall of
the super best friends...
Buddha, will you lay off
that stuff already?
It's getting to be a problem.
Oh, and you're one to talk.
With all your Internet porn.
Watching porn isn't
like doing coke, fag!
Jesus Christ!
What?
We've got a distress
signal coming in!
On the super best screen!
Super best friends!
You've got to help us!
The casa bonita is under attack!
Great Scott!
It's Barbra Streisand!
I thought Barbra Streisand
Had been destroyed
by the Robert Smith!
Yeah!
Who would have
activated her again?
I don't know, semen.
It's sea man!
The casa bonita is gone!
Jesus, help us!
Jesus, that's where those
boys took Muhammad!
We have to stop her!
On the super best
friends power cycles!
There, there my
little mouse friend.
Soon you will have more asses
than you ever dreamed of.
Ahh Kevin,
you brought me my fonseca.
That's a good boy.
What's this?
Someone is at the door, Kevin.
We've tried to be
left alone, Kevin.
Who would disturb us at this hour?
We must be careful.
Why, it's an African American man, Kevin.
Yes?
What do you want?
Yo, man, sorry to bother ya,
But there's been an accident
down the street, man!
Can I use your telephone?
Oh, I'm -- I'm terribly sorry,
but I don't let strangers in.
Yo I understand, man,
but this is real bad.
My lady's legs is all busted up
She's all crawling around
On the road lookin' like
a crippled crab, man.
I just need ta call
an ambulance, dawg.
There's a gas station about
half a mile down the road.
They have a phone there.
Okay, I see.
I guess I understand.
You just don't want to let
a black man in your house.
No, please, it isn't that at all.
No, I gets it, man.
Thought thangs had
changed through.
Thought when we got a black president,
things would be different.
We gots a black president,
But whitey still don't trust me
to use his mother fucking phone.
No, wait!
I'm sorry.
You're right,
we do have a black president.
Please, come in.
Nice work, Conner.
Yeah, the all how's
anything change speech,
Works on white
people all the time.
Eric Cartman?
Suprise to see me, asshole?
Close the door. Holy crap!
Cheery ho!
My name is pip!
I would like to see
If you wouldn't mind not
smashing our little town to bits!
Ahghgghghgh!
Meanwhile, at the legion of doom,
which is Tom Cruise's house...
How do you like that?
Celebrities can get violent too!
Mr. Cruise, please call
Barbra Streisand off!
She's destroying everything!
We will call her off when
you give us Muhammad.
We don't have Muhammad.
We aren't sure where he is!
That's your problem!
Get him back or babs
will kill you all!
Oh boy!
Kenny!
Kenny, dude, what the hell?
You're supposed to
be watching Muhammad
I am!
He's right here.
Oh, thank God.
Hey, Muhammad.
Really sorry about all this, dude.
So what the heck are
we gonna do now?
Muhammad isn't safe here.
The gingers and celebrities
All want a piece of him.
I don't know where we can go!
Wait. No, wait a minute.
I've got it.
I've totally got it!
What?
Remember the time we got an
elephant to make love to a pig?
Yeah.
I totally know how we
can give the gingers
And the celebrities
what they want,
But keep Muhammad safe.
Come on!
She's going to get our
coffee store next!
Oho!
Jesus Christ!
That's enough, Barbra
Streisand!
Kwaaaaa!
Smith!
Try your ice breath!
No good!
Look out!
Barbra Streisand's using
her toxic stink ray!
Eric, your father never
wanted this to happen.
He was protecting
you as well as them.
Them who?
Eric, you have to understand,
It's all very complicated.
Then start explaining it to me.
Very well.
Come on.
The door is open.
Dr. Mephesto, we need your
Help!
Oh for crying out loud!
Now everybody's
letting themselves in!
Doctor, this is Muhammad.
We want you to clone him!
So we can give his copies to
Gingers and Barbra Streisand.
Oh, alright.
No, no, no, he's not doing
Anything except explaining
who my father is.
Dude, that doesn't matter
to people right now.
It's all that matters.
Dude, nobody gives a crap about
who your stupid father is!
Muhammad is an important issue
with actual ethical rara
I guarantee you, people care way
more about who my father is.
In the small mountain
town of South Park
The holy prophet of the
mormon religion is trying
To fly up to nose of the
deadly female singer
Wahgghgh.
Our powers no working, swallow!
We can't attack streisand's nose.
It's just too big!
We have to find another weak spot!
Moses!
What?
We need to know any weakness
Barbra Streisand might have.
Um, lemme think.
Um.
Oh, I know.
Barbra Streisand can't resist
Singing duets with Neil Diamond.
Alright, I'll build a stage.
Lao tsu, use mind control
to get a huge audience.
Buddha and Smith use
powers to find a band.
Semen, you and swallow go
get us Sushi for dinner.
It's sea man and swallow!
Okay, semen, you guys head off.
Fine!
Swallow, come!
No way he just said that!
Alright, alright.
Look, just tell Cartman who is
Dad is real quick so
we can clone Muhammad.
It's a complicated story.
I just can't tell him quickly.
Then we'll wait because we
have to clone Muhammad now.
Is Muhammad more important than
A little boy's broken heart?
Oh, you are not doing that again.
Look Mephesto, you tell this
Kid who his father
is and you do it now!
Stop talking with
your stupid hand.
Who you calling stupid, Jew?
Come on you guys,
we are running out of time!
Yes?
Hey, I'm sorry to bother you!
There's been an accident
and I need a phone!
Yeah, right.
Let me guess.
You're an African American.
Well, yes, I am, but I don't
Know what that has
to do with anything.
Beat it!
I'm not helping you!
Dude!
That's not cool!
No, no, you don't understand.
We understand you just
Sounded like a freaking racist!
We don't live in the
60s any more, you know.
We have a black president!
Alright, alright.
Jeez.
Ha-Haaa!
Oh crap.
The gingers!
Gingers?
No!
Later, at the legion of doom...
Tom, Tom!
The gingers are
claiming zey have!
What?
Impossible!
Zey are sending a message now!
On screen!
We have Muhammad!
We have Muhammad!
He's useless to you!
You can't get Muhammad's power to
Not be made fun of without the
Rob reiner goo transfer machine!
Why do you think we're calling?
Our boss is willing to share
Muhammad with you if you're
Willing to share the
goo machine with us.
Your boss?
What's going on?
You got what you wanted gingers,
So let us go!
Oh no, no!
The head ginger has plans for you.
What head ginger?
And where is Cartman?
Ha, ha.
The head ginger has something
Really special planned for him.
Hello?
What the hell is this?
Where am I?
You really got yourself
in a mess this time, kid.
Shut up, Conner.
How about I shove this
flashlight in your mouth.
Marrmgmgmmm.
Hello?
I'm here, whoever you are.
Eric Cartman, I've waited
a long time for this.
Daddy?
Guess again.
Welcome, to my chili con carnival!
Chili con carnival?
Wait a minute.
No, it can't be.
Oh, but it can!
Revenge is a dish best served.
Chili!
Scott tenorman.
Oooh.
Meanwhile, at the concert
Stage Jesus built with his power
Of super carpentry...
That's it, Jesus!
The band has been paid and the
Pa system is working!
Alright krishna,
the rest is up to you!
Form of... Neil Diamond!
If you all wouldn't mind, I'd
Like to invite a special friend
To join me on stage.
Miss Barbra Streisand!
Let's hope to Christ this works.
Hello gorgeous.
What'dya say?
Shall we sing together again
Like the ol' times?
Well, that's because I loved
You girl, and I still love you now.
What have you got to say?
That might be true,
but I still miss you at night.
When you roll over by my side,
and you kiss me goodnight --
It worked, Jesus!
Yeah.
And now to find Muhammad
and take down Tom Cruise!
Do you remember when you had
My parents killed and
fed them to me as chili?
I spent quite a while in a
mental institution, Eric.
A lot of time for me to
learn everything about you.
So that one day I
could take you down.
I even learned the
name of your father.
Oh, I know you're confused,
who wouldn't be?
You've been lied to everyone!
Even by your own mother.
What do you know?
I wanted to torment you
with your father's identity.
But what I found was more
Shocking than I could
have possibly guessed!
Meanwhile, at the gingers' lair...
Alright, Muhammad is secure!
Let's do this.
Throw the switch, Rob!
Yes!
I can feel it!
I can feel the power to not be
Ridiculed flowing
through my veins!
Omg!
It worked!
I've done it!
I've done it!
Look at me!
I'm not okay to
make fun of anymore!
Ooh, you lucky fucker.
Welcome everyone to the final
Act of my fabulous chili carnival!
Please!
Leave my boy alone!
Mom?
I got them all here for you, Eric!
To listen while you
got told the truth!
Please, don't!
We have to protect 'em!
Protect who?!
Yes, protect who.
Tell him, Mr. Jimbo!
Protect the Denver Broncos.
Meanwhile....
This is incredible.
Who wants to go next?
I want to be next!
No gingers go next!
Gingers can suck it.
I'm next.
It's my goo machine.
I'm next!
Nobody is going next!
Muhammad is our super best friend.
Let him go!
They can't stop all of us!
Get em!
The Denver Broncos.
There was a right tackle,
See, who had an illegitimate
Child with your slut of a mom!
And everyone here covered it up
To protect the Bronco name!
They were having a
really good year!
There couldn't be
any distractions!
My dad was a Denver Bronco?
Would you like to meet him?
Well you can't.
Ever.
Cuz you see, Eric,
we have something in common.
Did I ever tell you that my father
played for the Denver Broncos?
No, no.
The only Bronco who
lived in South Park.
He got a little bored one week
And had an affair with a
slut named Liane Cartman.
No, please!
Tell him!
You almost did before but you
Got shot by your brother
who was a Bronco fan!
Tell him!
It's true.
Jack Tenorman was your father.
You killed your own father
And then you fed him
to your half brother!
No.
Nooo!
Now, eat your chili!
Keyaa!
The super best friends?
Oh no!
I'll get you, Tom Cruise!
Hey, look!
Tom Cruise has sea man on his
Back.
What did you say?
Oh yeah, Tom Cruise does
have sea man on his back.
I guess maybe Tom Cruise likes sea man.
You're not supposed to be able
to make fun of me anymore!
What the hell is going on?
I'll be back, super best friends!
Who's the creepy ginger kid?
Reiner!
You said the goo machine would work,
but I got made fun of!
That's because there
is no goo, Mr. Cruise!
You see, I learned something today.
That's right.
Don't you see, gingers.
That's right.
Yeah.
Alright, people.
Let's start rebuilding our
town for the 39th time.
Oh dude, look!
Hey, Cartman.
Look, man.
We know what you learned
would pretty tough to hear.
Tough to hear?
My dad was Scott Tenorman's dad!
Don't you guys realize
what that means?
Yeah, dude, we know what it means.
My dad was a ginger!
Wait!
What?
I mean, obviously I take
After my mom, but I have the
Ginger gene inside of me!
Dude, you killed your own dad
And you're worried about that?
Hey, Eric!
Eric!
What?
Come on, cheer up.
Cheer up?
I'm half ginger!
Yeah, but you're forgetting.
You're also half Denver Bronco.
That makes you pretty cool.
Hey, you're right.
That does make me pretty cool.
You gotta be kidding me!
Shut up, Kyle.
You dumb Jew.
You've got Bronco
blood in you, kid.
That makes you awesome.
Me?
I should be moving on.
Really, Mitch, you gotta go?
There's a bounty on my head,
And I can't afford to stay in
One place to long.
So long, Denver Bronco.
Take it easy, Conner.
Look, Mr. Cruise, I'm sorry I
Said you were a Fudge packer and
That you had sea man on your back.
I just can't do it anymore.
I wanna go away.
But there's nowhere on earth
That people aren't
around to rip on me.
Hey, hey, we know a place.
We know a place where everything
Is just happiness and joy and no
Humans are there to mess it up.
We do?
Oh yeah!
We do!
You... really?
Somewhere where I can live out
My days in peace and quiet?
Oh, please, can you show me where?
We'll do better than that.
We'll help get you there.

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