All right, you guys, it's first down. I'll hike the ball on the third ""set hut!""
Kyle and Cartman, go deep post out. Kenny, run a slant down the middle.
Butters, be ready for the screen.
Right. What are we playing again?
Football.
Got it.
Okay. 23! Blue, 23! Set hut! Set hut!
Wendy breaks up.
What?
Wendy breaks up with you.
Oh whoa, wait a minute. What did I do wrong? I haven't even talked to Wendy for weeks.
She just doesn't wanna be with you anymore. She said she still wants to be friends.
What-ever, Bebe! Like Stan really cares! Just get out of our football game, you stupid skank!
Fuck you, fatass! You guys are assholes!
Oh yeah? Huwell, at least we have assholes, you dumb girl!
Yeh-heah, right!
God, you're so stupid!
What a whore!
Yeah! Like Stan gives a crap if Wendy breaks up! Stan?
Come on, Stan, it's first down still.
Kyle, will you talk to Wendy for me?
Why?
Cause I need to know why she broke up.
Aw, dude, come on. I gotta do my science homework.
Dude, please. I might still have a chance to make things work. Please, just go talk to her?
God damnit!
Look, Stan is really nice. I just don't wanna be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore.
I've been wanting to break up for a while. but it's, it's nothing against him.
OK.
She says she's been wantin' to break up for a while, and it's nothing against you.
What? That's no answer! Go tell her to be more direct with me.
No dude, I'm out. Go talk to her yourself. Be poetic.
Kyle, this is my life. Jimmy!
Hey Stan.
Jimmy, will you go talk to Wendy for me?
For- Forw- Forw-w-w what?
Just go talk to her an, and be poetic.
Tell her she's my Muse-no! Tell her, tell her...
...she's a con-tinuing source of inspiration to me.
She's what?
She's a continuing source of inspiration to me.
...Okay.
Yeah?
Stan says your a cont... you're a- cont- S-Stan says you're a cont- cont-
Well tell Stan to stop!!
-cont- You're a cont-tinuing source of inspiration to him.
Well?
She just- w-walked away, Stan. You're gonna have to face facts. It's over.
Over?
Stan! Jesus!
We came over to cheer you up, Stan!
...Go away.
Stan, you can't keep doing this to yourself. You have to go live.
Why? What's the point of living when the only girl I ever loved is gone?
God, what a fag!
Dude, not now!
You guys have no idea how this feels.
It's like, you always hear songs about a broken heart and you think it's just a figure of speech?
But it's true. My chest hurts.
I feel this like, sinking feeling where my heart is. It's broken...
Jeez, he's worse than I thought.
Well what do we do now?
Should I try telling him a fa-fantastic joke?
No. We just have to show him that there's other girls out there. I say we take him to Raisins.
What's Raisins?
Hey guys, welcome to Raisins. Six of you? Right over here.
So you guys having a good time today?
Uh huh...
How about some more fun fries, guys?
Okay...
Boy, am I glad you guys came in. Everyone here is such a loser, but you guys seem really cool.
Here you go, guys. Lexus will be right with you.
What do you think, Stan. These girls are pretty cute, huh?
Jesus Christ, I think I've died and... gone to... heaven.
This place is awesome!
How do you know? We haven't even tried the food yet.
Hey guys.
Whoa!
How are we doing this afternoon?
Good.
I'm so glad you guys came in. Everyone here is such a loser, but you guys seem really cool.
W-we are.
So what can I get you?
Okay, um, we're gonna get the zingy tangy wings, and mozzarella tasty tarts
...and uh, OH, and the bite-size pizzazzas, and a pitcher of lemonade.
Great. I'll put your order in right now.
You guys! I think our Raisins girl likes me.
She, she touched my back when she walked away. Did you see that?
Raisins, girls!
-Woohoo!
-Oh Yeah! Do it!
Hey. Hey, look over there, Stan. That Raisins girl is really cure, huh?
Why don't you say hi to her? Excuse me?
Hi guys. My name's Porsche.
Hey. Uh, this is Stan.
Oh hey cutie. How are you? I love your hat.
I used to have a hat juuust like that, except, it was black and it didn't have a puffball on it.
Oh my God, my hands are sooo cold. How come people have hands, anyway?
Did you ever wonder that?
YMCA... YMCA-A.
Omigod! You guys... this is the greatest place in the world...
Have you ever noticed how much sand there is at the beach?
I mean, haven't you ever wondered where all this sand came from?
Omigod, this one time, I saw a beetle that was thiiis big. Eeewww!
Can we go, please?
Okay. Okay, come on you guys.
Oooh my God, thank you guys sooo much for coming to Raisins!
Oooh, sweetie, are you leaving?
Well, I don't want to, Lexus, but my stupid friends wanna go.
Awww, well, when am I gonna get to see you again??
When do you wanna see me?
As soon as possible!
Oh my God! Here, we left you a tip already, but here is another five dollars.
Oooh, you are such a sweetie. Come here, youuu!
Bye, guys! Thanks for coming to Raisins!
Well, Stan. Do you feel, uhb- better now?
No, dude, I feel worse!
Look, we're just trying to show you there's other girls out there.
Dude, I don't have time to start over with other girls. I'm nine years old, dude!
If I don't work things out with Wnedy, I could be alone my whole life!
She wants to see me again! My Raisins girl said she wants to see me again!
I can't let Wendy go. This whole time I've been having my friends do all thealking for me. It's time I took control!
What are you doing?
Something I should have done a long time ago.
Bebe, you need to go talk to Wendy for me right now!
All this time I've been trying to have my friends do all the talking for me!
Now I realize I need her friends to do it! Tell her I love her!
Stan, why don't you show her you love her?
If you really want Wendy back, try doing the most romantic thing you can think of.
Okay, so what's the most romantic thing I can think of?
If you really want a shot at getting her back, stand outside her window,
...hold a boombox over your head, and play Peter Gabriel.
Okay, Porsche, see you tomorrow. Bye, Mercedes.
Lexus!
Uh oh. Uh, hi, sweetie.
I waited all night for you to get off work.
Oh, really? Huhunh, that's great. Uhm, Maury...
I I just could- I just couldn't stop thinking about you.
There a problem?
Could you uh just help walk me to my- bike?
Right.
Thanks again for the big tip. You are such a sweetie. Come back and see me real soon, okay?
Oh wait, Lexus. Jeheez, I almost forgot. Ah I got you this present.
Oh wow. Thanks, cutie.
It's a little stuffed bear dressed as a rabbit.
Gosh, that's the nicest gift I've gotten all night. Thank you.
Well I gotta go, honey. Be sure to come back to Raisins and see me again, okaaay?
Well yeah, but, but, hey, hey Lexus?
Well I was thinking, well, I was thinking that we should- go do something sometime.
Oh gee, that would be great, honey, but I'm reeeally busy this week.
Tell you what: you come back to Raisins and then we'll be able to hang out all we want, okay?
O-kay!
Bye, cutie!
Bye, bye darling!
All right, kids! Out on the gym floor for P.E. class.
Come on, Stan. We're gonna play dodgeball.
I can't believe it. She's in love with somebody else.
Dude, you need to snap out of this! So Wendy left you for Token.
What are you gonna do? Just be miserable your whole life?
There's nothing else I can do. She was my whole life.
Aw, come on, dude! All you've done for the last four days is mope around!
You might as well hang out with those Goth kids who dress in black and talk about pain all the time!
Maybe I should. At least they will understand me. Maybe I should hang with the Goth kids.
Life is pain. Life is only pain.
We're all taught to believe in happy fairytale endings.
But there's only blackness. Dark, depressing loneliness that eats at your soul.
Who needs that kind of Barbie love, anyway?
Everyone's just walking around like a bunch of conforminsts.
Go ahead and wear your business suits so you can make thirty-four thousand dollars a year to buy your condominium.
They're all zombies racing to their graves.
Love didn't work for my mom and dad. Why should it work for me?
My dad is such an asshole. Drunken bastard doesn't even know I exist.
But then he won't let me go to the Skinny Puppy concert because my heroine-addict aunt is coming over for dinner.
Dinner? That's a laugh.
Just an excuse for my mom to bitch at me for not wearing girly clothes like all the Britney Spears wannabes at this school.
They're all a bunch of Nazi conformists cheerleaders.
But if life is only pain, then... what's the point of living?
Just to make life more miserable for the conformists.
All right, so how do I join you?
If you wanna be one of the non-conformists, all you have to do is dress just like us and listen to the same music we do.
...o'K.
Okay, I know it's your first day, Ferrari, so I wanna go over the basics with you.
Okay.
First of all, there's a five foot rule.
If you come within five feet of a customer, you need to acknowledge them, even if they're not at your table.
"Hey, cudie."
When you're not serving food or talking with customers, you need to dance around and have fun.
We use things like Hula Hoops, silly strings, and water guns to play with the other girls.
Be sure to giggle a lot, and be sure to show off your raisins.
Now, when you take a customer's order, you need to sit down at the table with them and make them think you're interested.
Write your name down for them and make them feel special.
"Oh man, I am so bored. Thank God you guys came in."
If you want good tips, the most important thing is physical contact.
Just a simple hold of the arm can mean the difference between five and twenty dollars.
"I'll be right back with your order, guys."
Wow, thank you so much, Mercedes.
Okay. Well, I guess we're ready to open for business. Good luck.
Go ahead and open for business, Porsche!
Okay!
Hi, welcome to Raisins!
Hi! Is Lexus here?
Hey, cutie.
Darling!
How are we doing today?
Oh God. I missed you so much.
Shallow life.
Drowning alone, I gasp for air.
Coldness creeps over pale skin.
There is sadness so deep it pulls me down
Happiness dies in a deep, dark sea.
Yeah, happiness dies.
Yeah.
All right, your turn, Stan. Read one of your poems about pain.
There is darkness all around me
Deep, piercing black, I cannot breathe
My heart has been raped.
Whoa.
The pain is everlasting.
I miss you so much, babe.
Want to hold you in my arms again, girl.
Want to-
Whoa, whoa! Dude! Those last two lines aren't Goth!
They're not?
No, dude! You can't say "I miss you so much, babe. I want to hold you in my arms."
Make it "I miss seeing you so much I wanna slash my eyes out with razor blades."
Henrietta! Hi sweetie!
Go away Mom! Leave me alone!
Daddy and I just got your birthday present! But you can't see what it is till tomorrow!
You'd like to wait till I was dead, wouldn't you? You'd like to see maggots eat my face.
Ee-you are so creative, honey.
Conformist bitch.
Yeah.
Thanks for calling Raisins. This is Porsche. Have you tried our Double Whammy Wings?
Hi. Is Lexus there, please? This is her boyfriend.
Thanks for calling Raisins. This is Lexus.
Hey Lexus.
Hi, sweetie! Who's this?
Wuh it's me, Butters.
Oh, okay. Hi, cutie.
Hey sweetie.
So how are you, honey?
I'm fine. I miss you though.
Yeah, school was pretty tough today. We had two quizzes, and one of them was a pop quiz.
Sometimes I think our classes are too hard.
But I thought about you all day long. I promise. So how is your day going?
Good, good.
Hey, hey sweetie, I was thinking tonight you could come over and we could watch The Exorcist on DVD.
Oh, gee, I don't know, cutie. Why don't you just come down to Raisins?
Oh well, uh I kinda don't have any money left. Unh, I spent it all on Raisins the last six times.
Awww, that's too bad, cutie. I really wanna see you.
Oh, I really wanna see you too, baby. Eh don't, don't worry. I'll get more money
OK sugar. Gotta run.
Uh-okay. Uh, hey, Lexus, well, there's something I've been meaning to say.
Here it goes: Lexus, I- Oh jeeze, maybe I shouldn't say it-
...no wait, I want to say it. I love you.
Heeheee, heh, Oh my God.
Dad, I need an advance on my allowance again.
O-hoo no Butters! You got an advance two days ago.
Uh but I spent it all.
What are you spending all that money on, Butters?
On my girlfriend.
Girlfriend?
You... have a girlfriend, Butters?
Yeah.
And she's... a... girl, right?
Yup!
Well all right! Good for you, Butters!
Oh, that is so cute. When do we get to meet her?
Well, I was hopin' to go see her right now. You can come alone.
But don't embarass me or nothin'. I'm sure she'll be real nervous to impress you.
Don't worry, Butters. We just wanna say hi and then we'll leave you two alone.
Okay.
You see? I told you he wouldn't turn out gay.
All right, you win.
Hey, can we get more coffee over here?
Damnit, are you kids just gonna sit here all night again and drink six dollars' work of coffee?!
Why don't you get a life?!
Conformist. Have fun in your rat-race life, living paycheck to paycheck for corporate gains.
Yeah.
Dude, you haven't drank your coffee.
Well I don't drink coffee.
You can't be a non-conformist if you don't drink coffee.
Oh Jesus Christ, I had to see it to believe it! What the hell are you doing?!
Breathing deep in darkness that envelops my soul.
God-damnit dude, your mom and dad want you to come home!
So they can fill my head with more Disney lies about how perfect the world is? I don't think so.
Yeah. Why don't you just go back to your Justin Timberlake and your homework, you conformist asshole?
You just don't know what real pain is.
Oh, like you know what pain is! Go try living in a Third-World country, you little pussy!
I'm not gonna live in a Third-World country with all the conforminsts.
Stan, this is it. Time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and come home!
Everyone cares about you and everyone wants you back!
What about Wendy? Isn't she still with Token?
Yeah. She is.
Then people shouldn't care about me-ehhh. Because I don't care about them.
What's the point of caring if all it brings is pain?
For sure.
Fine. That's it. I give up. Have fun being miserable.
...conformist.
Yeah.
Here we are, Mom and Dad!
Hi, welcome to Raisins. Three of you?
Hi, Mercedes. It's me, Lexus's boyfriend. I brought my parents over to meet her.
Great. Be sure to try our Cheddar Poppers. Right this way.
Who else wants a signed Raisins Girls calendar for five dollars?
Woohoo, all right, yeah!
Stephen, what is this place?
I, don't know.
Here you go. Porsche will by right with you.
Go ahead and have a seat, guys. Ah I've gotta go and find Lexus!
Hey cutie, you having a good time?
Yeah.
Oh boy, I think I know what's happened.
Our son hasn't learned yet that girls will pretend to like him for money.
This place is horrible. To objectify girls like this.
Hi guys. Can I take your order?
Little girl, you shouldn't be working here.
I shouldn't? Where I supposed to be working?
No, I mean you shouldn't work somewhere where you're paid for how you look.
You should be learning a skill so you can grow up to be a businesswoman or even a doctor.
Who knows? You could cure cancer.
I could cure cancer? Omigod! That would be sooo cool!
I had a cancer sore on my lip once and it hurt sooo bad.
... Oh. Never mind, I think Raisins might be the perfect place for you.
Cool!
Mom? Dad? This is Lexus.
Hi. Welcome to Raisins.
Uh, Butters, can we have a little talk with you? Outside?
Huh? Oh anything you have to say to me you can say in front of Lexus.
Butters, these girls pretend to be interested in you because they know you'll give them tips.
Huh?
You see, Butters, women know that they can make men do anything by flirting.
And some girls, like these, turn that into a profession.
Oh, I see.
You don't approve of my girlfriend!
Well let me tell you somethin', Mom and Dad, our love is as pure as a mountain spring!
The odds may be stacked against us, but we're gonna give it our best shot!
And so, if you can't be happy for us, y-you can just go to heck, Mom and Dad!
Come on, Lexus. I'm movin' out of my parents' house and I'm movin' in with you.
Uh let's blow this joint!
What are you talking about, kid? We are NOT boyfriend and girlfriend.
... What? Lexus, what are you saying?
Are you saying...
...you don't want to be together anymore?
I'm sorry, sweetie.
So that's it? We're broken up now?
I gotta get these curly fries to Table 12.
Well go ahead and go. It's best we don't say anything more.
There's nothing left to say. It's over.
Our relationship is o-over.
Look at this. Another tortured soul.
Another life of pain.
Hey Raven, check it out.
Butters?
Oh Uh hey, hey Stan.
What's the matter with you?
Well, mu mu mu girlfriend broke up with me.
Did she step on your heart with stiletto heels?
Yeah. It sure does hurt.
That's cool. I guess you can join up with us if you want.
Yeah. We're gonna go to the graveyard and write poems about death and how pointless life is.
Uh, uhm no thanks. I I love life.
Huh? But you just got dumped
Wuh-ell yeah, and I'm sad, but at the same time I'm really happy that somethin' could make me feel that sad.
It's like, ih ih, ih it makes me feel alive, you know?
It makes me feel human.
And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt somethin' really good before.
So I have to take the bad with the good, so I guess what I'm feelin' is like a, beautiful sadness.
I guess that sounds stupid...
Yeah.
No. No, Butters, that doesn't sound stupid at all.
Well, thanks for offerin' to let me in your clique, guys, uh but, to be honest,
I'd rather be a cryin' little pussy than a faggy Goth kid.
Well see ya, Stan.
He's right. I don't even know who I am anymore.
I like liking life a whole lot more than hating it.
Screw you guys, I'm goin' home.
Go ahead and go back to your sunshine fairytale!
Okay, it's third down. And now, somebody make a play!
Hey, can I join in?
What happened? Aren't you still wallowing in pain?
Yeah, it still hurts a lot, but
...I just realized that there's gonna be a lot of painful times in life, so,
I'd better learn to deal with it the right way.
Hey Wendy!
You're a bitch.
Token? Right here, buddy.
Well. Dude, it's uh it's good to have you back.
Yeah. Let's play ball.
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