? I'm going down
to south park?
? Gonna have
myself a time?
? Friendly faces
everywhere?
? Humble folks
without temptation?
? Going down
to south park?
? Gonna leave my
woes behind?
? Ample parking
day or night?
? People spouting
"howdy neighbor"?
? Headin' on up
to south park?
? Gonna see
if i can't unwind?
? So come on down
to south park?
? And meet some
friends of mine?
Remember when life used
to be simple and cool?
Not really.
Uh, hey, how's it
going, fellas?
Butters, what the hell
are you doing?
Well, i'm just standing
around being a kid, why?
How come you're all wearing
those oogy spacemen masks?
These are gas masks,
butters!
Yeah, if you don't
have a gas mask
You're gonna get
smallpox or anthrax.
What?
Oh jesus, i don't wanna
get the 'thrax, fellas.
What do i do?
There's nothing you can do
except stop breathing.
Stop breathing?
Yeah, you can't get it
if you don't breathe.
Oh, all right then.
Okay, next.
Next.
Let's see,hotties,
juicy, whoppers.
Okay, next.
Aha!
What the hell are you
doing with this?
Those are myhootie owl
round tip scissors.
These are a weapon!
Oh, come on, how am i gonna
kill people with those?
I'll think of a way.
Now, move along.
God damn it!
All right, next!
Okay, clear.
Oh, jesus, man,
they're gonna get me!
Oh, christ!
They're gonna get me.
All right, class, as some
of you may of heard,
The president has asked
that american children
All send one dollar to the
children of afghanistan.
So i have a list of addresses
and we're gonna all chip in.
Ha!
I'm not giving a dollar
to those towel-Heads.
Eric, the afghan people
need our help.
Oh, i'm sorry,
But i thought we were at war
with these assholes!
We're at war with
terrorists, fat-Ass,
Not with afghanistan.
And the only reason
you care
Is 'cause you don't
wanna give up a dollar.
That dollar buys me a
chocolate milk for lunch!
What, you want me to just get
a regular milk for 10 cents?
Now look, it isn't our fault
that terrorists hate us.
We're just kids.
We aren't the ones
bombing them now.
We're just kids.
There's a lot of crazy stuff
going on in the world,
But we're just
caught in the middle.
It's not our fault.
The afghan kids are caught
in the middle, too.
Yes, but they're
sand monkeys!
All right, children,
we're all sending a dollar
To the kids
in afghanistan.
That's it,
end of discussion!
God damn it, i hate
regular milk!
Eh!
Ahh!
Ahh!
Ahh!
Another high alert status for
terrorist activity this weekend.
The government said bad things
are likely to happen.
Meanwhile, the world
continues to back down
From their support
of the united states,
Saying that they were really
only kidding to begin with.
Hey, mom,
doorbell's ringing.
Hey, sharon.
Maybe you should stop watching
the news for a little bit.
Sharon, you've been
watchingcnnfor about...
Eight weeks now.
Don't you want to watch
something else?
Sh-Sharon?
Hey, look what the
postman brought me!
It's a big brown package
from afghanistan.
That's nice.
We sent the afghani
kids some dollars,
They must've sent us
something cool in return.
Do we have some scissors
to cut this open?
Stanley, your mother's a little
freaked out right now.
Why don't you
go play with
Your big brown package
from afghanistan outside.
All right.
Big brown package from
afghanistan!
Dude, what's going on?
We got a package from the
kids we sent dollars to.
They sent us
something back.
Prelim shows
negative, sir.
Then we're gonna
have to blow it.
Yes, sir!
Ah, this is it, man,
it's over!
Tweak, calm down,
have some coffee.
Open!
Ah, it's just a goat.
Precious goat.
Hey there,
little guy.
Stay away from it!
Terrorists could've given that
goat anthrax or smallpox
Before sending it over.
Johnson!
Check the goat
for diseases.
Yes, sir!
The goat seems
to be clean, sir.
I told you.
Those afghan kids just wanted
to give us something back
For giving them $4.
Four dollars for a goat,
we got ripped off.
All right, men,
this area is secure.
Let's head out.
What are we supposed
to do with it?
You're gonna have to take it
home with you, kyle.
Dude, my mom won't even
let me have a hamster.
Kenny?
No freakin' way,
dude.
My parents will never
let me keep a goat.
Well, i guess we're gonna
have to kill it.
No, we're not going to
kill it, cartman.
We'll just have to take
the return address
And mail it back to the
kids in afghanistan.
Come on, goat.
Uh-Oh,
they're closing.
Excuse me,
We wanna overnight this goat
to afghanistan, please.
Excuse me?
It's an afghanistan goat,
it can't stay here
Or else it will choke on
the sweet air of freedom.
Yeah.
Afghanistan?
I'm sorry, boys, but our
planes aren't flying there.
They're not?
The only planes going
to afghanistan
Are the military planes
over at the base.
I'm sorry.
Oh yeah,
the military planes.
Come on, goat, we'll
put you on one of them.
Stan, i don't think
we're supposed to be
In the military base.
They might
shoot us.
I don't care,
we're going.
Don't forget to
bring a towel.
Ahh!
Oh, no,
not towelie.
When going someplace new,
you should always bring a towel.
Okay, thanks,
towelie.
You wanna get high?
No, we don't
wanna get high!
You mean, you don't
want towelie around?
That's right!
So am i to understand that
there's been a "towelie ban"?
Ohh!
God damn it, get the hell
out of here, towelie!
All right,
see ya.
All right, group,
We'll depart for afghanistan
in five minutes.
Let's move out!
All right,
come on.
We just gotta get the goat
on one of these planes.
Isn't this exciting, tony?
We're finally gonna
see some action.
Yeah, and i hear that
as soon as we land
We get a u.S.O. Show.
We do!
Stevie nicks is
going to perform.
Oh, stevie nicks,
i love her!
Okay, it's clear,
come on.
Hey you!
What the hell do you
think you're doing here?
I'm sorry,
miss nicks.
Hey, guys,
it's stevie nicks.
Oh, wow!
Can i get a picture?
Miss nicks, over here,
miss nicks.
Miss nicks, i don't
wanna bother you,
But could you sing a quick
fleetwood macfor us?
Could you?
Come on!
Yeah, yeah.
No way!
Wait 'til i tell
my sister about this.
She is gonna flip!
Well, we've gotta
get miss nicks
On the plane to
afghanistan, guys.
Oh, can we just get a-
I'm sorry, miss nicks isn't
answering any more questions.
Oh sure, we understand.
Move along.
She looks great.
She looks great.
Hey, let's put him
on here.
Shh... there we go.
You're gonna
be okay, goat.
You'll be back in afghanistan
in about 20 hours.
Stan, if you're finished having
your tearful good-Bye with the goat
We'll like to
go now, please.
All right.
All right, tango clear,
let's head out.
Oh, son of
a bitch!
Hey, wait!
There's children
in here!
Dude, it looks like we're
going to... afghanistan.
Going to afghanistan?
Trapped in a small space
for 20 hours-
How could things
get any worse?
Ohh!
Ohh! Ohh!
Oh, you guys.
Hut hut hut
hut hut hut hut.
Welcome to
afghanistan, troops.
Get your gear ready and report
to the barracks in 0900.
Sir, yes, sir!
Hut hut hut hut
hut hut hut hut...
Oh god,
it was horrible!
20 hours!
Oh god, it stinks
like shmmt!
What the hell?
Cartman farted
in there.
We had to breathe
it in for 20 hours.
It didn't smell that bad,
you guys are overreacting.
I don't smell any-
Oh, oh god!
Oh, whatever.
You son of a bitch,
cartman.
You don't fart when you're
locked in a small space
With other people!
Oh, i'm sorry!
Next time i'll just
ask my fart nicely
If it wouldn't mind staying
tucked away for a while!
All right, let's just get
the goat back to his home.
We have to find
this address.
God, what a craphole,
dude!
This is like east denver,
jesus christ!
Dude, no wonder terrorists
come from places like this.
If i grew up here
i'd be pissed off too.
Hey, look,
there's a taxi.
Hello.
We need to go here.
God, what is this,
the friggin' "flintsones"?
Is this the
right house?
I think so.
Uh, hi,
we're from america.
Ah, we sent you
the dollar, the $4.
You sent us
this goat.
Goat?
Here, we don't
want it.
Oh, you want
something else?
All we had
was the goat.
Your country bombed
everything else.
No, dude, we're
not ungrateful.
It's just none of us
can keep the goat.
It was choking on the sweet
air of freedom in america,
So we brought it back
to your crappy country.
Oh, and here.
Take this american flag
as a gift.
Yay! Yay! Yay!
Hey, what the hell
are you doing?
They told us in school everyone
but terrorists love america.
Ha!
What did you call us?
Your country
is the evil empire.
Your government wants
to rule the world!
But your values and spiritualism
are in the gutter.
Then why did you
send us a goat?
Because in afghanistan
we have pride.
If you send us something
We must send something
in return.
It doesn't mean we don't
still hate you.
Now, get out of here!
Hey, hey,
open the door.
I told you, "jawas"
have no hearts.
Jawas?
You know, sand people.
How come they hate
america so much?
What the hell
did we do?
Well, we tried, dude.
If anyone else in this
craphole hates americans
We better just leave the goat
and get back to the plane.
All right.
Oh look,
he's following us.
It's so sad.
God, i hate you
so much, stan.
What?
Howdy.
Ah... greetings
from canada.
Well, boys,
it's "aboot" time
We get to our "hoose"
in canada, isn't it?
Hey, what the hell are
you talking about?!
I'm not a god damn canadian
and neither are you!
Oh, cartman,
you stupid asshole.
...osama bin laden!
Good job, fat-Ass.
Dude, don't call me
a canadian.
You gotta listen to me,
we're not spies!
Look, i think i can
explain everything.
See, my friend stan here is
an oversensitive animal lover.
He got a boner
for this goat.
Ooh, a la
bulla bulla bulla.
Oh crap,
it's him!
A mulla mulla
mulla?
Mulla hak a mulla.
Oh, dude, it's called
deodorant, okay,
It's not expensive.
Hakka maha mallah!
Ooh, a tukka tukka
mulla mulla.
America a booga
booga booga.
Hakka hakka
durka durka.
Hakka hakka
durka durka!
And... cut!
Dude, these people
are insane.
...as more and more cases
Of terrorist-Related aids
continues to grow.
And this just in:
The taliban has
apparently taken
American civilians
as hostages.
The taliban has just released
this videotape
In which it is
clearly visible
That they have indeed
captured stevie nicks.
Miss nicks appears to be
in good spirits,
Though her whereabouts
are unknown.
Hey, sh-Sharon,
Have you seen stan in
the last couple days?
Yes, i just saw him.
Oh, okay.
With stevie nicks
in captivity
The other members of
fleetwood mac have been hidden
So the taliban can't
get to them as well.
They... took
stevie nicks?
Bastards.
Heartless,
gutless bastards!
All right, men.
Grab your guns
and your bibles.
We're going to
get miss nicks back.
Hooray!
Hooray! Hooray!
The taliban's video
also shows
What appears to be four
american children in captivity,
Though they could
just be french.
We have to help them.
They are not
the spies.
They came to give us
our goat back.
Screw them!
They're evil americans.
I know, but you if we don't
help the innocent ones
Then we are no better
than the americans are.
Help americans?
That doesn't
make sense.
Dude, we are speaking
english right now.
Does that make sense?!
All right, let's go.
Oh, jihad jihad.
Ooh, ooh!
America,
hakka hakka!
Dursha, durpa
durpa durpa!
Boola boola
booga wooga hagga.
Gurba de durka
and america!
Hey, what are you
guys doing here?
Shh, we've come
to save you.
You but i thought
you hate us.
We do.
Durkka durkka...
Cartman, where are
you going?
I'm gonna go take care
of this prick.
Cartman, he's crazy.
He's not crazy,
he's an idiot.
I know how to deal
with these people.
A flibbidy
flabbidy floo!
Jihad, jihad!
Hey...
What's up,
bin laden?
Aruba
duba duba!
Durba durba hak!
Uh-Oh, 5:30,
time to pray!
Ah la la...
Tabba hagga?
Allah allah allah.
Ala hagga durpa,
durpa durpa haggalah.
Uh-Oh!
We will have to
be quick.
The americans
are attacking!
Where do we go?
Get down!
You, murdering
american!
Hey, shut up, kid, america
didn't start this war.
America did
start this war.
They started it
years ago
When they put military bases
on muslim holy lands.
Ramadan!
Hey, look,
an infidel!
Ooh, pedro kabob!
So that's what
this is all about.
Ishtar fatwah
open sesame!
Ooh, tastes
like chicken.
The ass of
a chicken!
Toolah foo kabob!
Woo hoo!
We're coming, miss nicks,
Hang on!
All right, i've had
just about enough of this.
They told us in school,
and on tv,
That most people in afghanistan
and pakistan like america.
And you believe it?
It is not just the taliban
that hates america.
Over a third of the
world hates america.
But why, why does a third
of the world hate us?
Because you don't
realize
That a third of
the world hates you.
That doesn't
make sense.
You guys are just
buttholes.
You're buttholes!
You're buttholes!
Yoo hoo.
A dukka
dukka dukka.
Dukka dukka
dukka doo!
Ooh, bella, bella,
falafel.
Mi amore,
fatwah, fatwah.
Ah, vino,
mi fatwah.
J'al une fatwah.
You really think that your
civilization is better than ours?
You people play games
by killing animals
And oppress women.
It's better than
a civilization
That's spends its time
watching millionaires
Walk down the red
carpet at theemmys.
He's got us there,
dude.
I got her,
i got stevie nicks.
There you are!
Where have you been?
We have another anti-
American video to make.
Oh, video durka?
Hurry, get into
wardrobe!
Oh, hurry up,
will you, hurry!
Oh, you look
marvelous, darling.
Hakka hamma hamma.
Come on, the cameras
are ready.
All right,
there we go.
Let's roll cameras.
Oh, and here's
your microphone.
Oh, america
a durka durka.
Uh-Oh.
Waa!
We've done it,
the taliban is destroyed!
Hooray!
Hooray! Hooray!
Wow, i guess cartman really
did take care of him.
Blh-Blh-Blh-Blh!
Terrorists is the
craziest peoples!
Oh!
I got him,
i got him!
Well, looks like the
taliban and bin laden
Are finally out of power.
Yeah, you don't
need us anymore.
Hey, wait a minute.
Y'know, you guys
should know one thing.
Most people in america
are good people
Who just try to live day
by day like you guys do.
Maybe if you
took some time
To see all the great
things about our country
You'd see we're not
so different after all.
Yeah.
That's fine,
but we still hate you.
Oh...
Well, i guess
maybe some day
We can learn
to hate you, too.
Maybe, in time.
I'm confused.
Great job, troops.
Once again we have
killed our enemies!
Hooray!
We sure did!
The world is now safe
thanks to you.
And so now,
as promised,
Here is fleetwood mac
with stevie nicks!
? Just like the
one-Winged bird?
? Sings the song
sounds like she's singing?
? Baby, said?
Come on, let's go
get to the plane.
Dude, i almost thought
those afghani kids
Talked you into not
liking america.
No, dude.
America may have
some problems,
But it's our home,
our team.
And if you don't wanna
root for your team
Then you should get the hell
out of the stadium.
Yeah.
Go america.
Go broncos.
Yeah, go broncos.
Yeah.
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