And in other news, another school shooting
has taken place, this time in Idaho.
As these kinds of shooting
increase, one thing becomes clear:
Your children are not safe at school.
Oh God! Change it! Change it!
This was the second time a terrorist
threat has been made on a theme park,
leaving everyone to realize that
children are not safe outside.
Agh! God, change it!!
And it seems there's a
new danger to look out for:
children who are taken by strangers.
The bottom line: children are
not safe... in their own homes!
Tweek.
Come to the kitchen, sweetie.
We need to see you real quick.
Oh God. They're gonna get me.
Sit down and have some coffee, son.
Tweek, there's starting to be
a lot of reports in the news
about kids being abducted,
and we thought we should talk.
I s-I saw! Uuuh!
You know never to talk to strangers,
right Tweek? You can't trust anybody.
Oh God! Huh!
Now, we don't want
to alarm you, son, but
we've isntalled new locks on
your bedroom windows and door.
Important for you to know
never to unlock them at night
for anyone except your mother and I.
Oh Jesus! Huh!
It's just a precaution, sweetie.
Probably nothing will ever happen.
No, ...NO! They're gonna get me!
Oh God. Uh, just a dream.
OH MY GOD!!
Tweek! This is Officer Daniels! Now,
try and stay calm, but we believe
an abductor is in your room!
...Inside my room? Oh God!
Give it up, buddy!
We've got ya surrounded!
Okay, Tweek, I want you to very calmly but
quickly walk to the door and come out to us!
Oh my God!
Oh! Oh! Jesus, see me through this.
Bang! You're dead, Tweek.
What??
You failed the test, son.
Didn't I tell you not to open the door
for anybody except your mother and I?
Oh God! Oh Jesus!
What if that had been a child abductor
pretending to be a police officer, Tweek?
He would have sprayed your
brains all over the floor
and then taken your
body off to the woods.
You've got to be on your toes, Tweek.
Alright, now go to bed and get some rest.
Night, pumpkin.
I hope this movie doesn't suck ass.
It will.
One please.
Wait, that's not the
usual ticket-taker guy!
So?
So? I don't know him!
Dude, relax.
You relax! What if he wants to kill me?!
Gah, what the hell do
his parents do to him?
Scuse me, is this the
right road to Breckenridge.
"Please, I just need to know
if this is "South Park"?"
Get away from meee!
Could you help me across the street?
I don't know you! Ah, AAAH!
Oh, hey, kid!
Oh, thank God you happened by.
My my chair ran out of juice
right on these train tracks.
If you hadn't had shown up, well...
Well, anyway, could you give me a push?
Huh uh!
No, no, you don't understand. I'm,
I'm paralyzed from the neck down.
I push the chair with this
device in front of my mouth,
but it's it's not working, so you see-
I'm not supposed to talk to you!
Please, this, this isn't
funny, kid. You have to help me.
But it could be a trick!
Ugh. That's a pretty good trick.
Relax, Tweek. I am not here to hurt
you. I am the Ghost of Human Kindness.
The Ghost of Human Kindness?
You have never seen
the likes of me before.
What do you want?
You have lost faith in humanity, lad.
Something I cannot bear to see happen.
Huh-uh, how can I help it? It seems that
everywhere I turn, someone is out to get me.
That is the world of the news reports.
It is the world that adults
preoccupy themselves with,
but it is not the world as it is.
It isn't?
Look here, Tweek.
This woman is on her way
to the retirement home.
She doesn't get paid; she volunteers her
time to talk with lonely elderly people
who want nothing more than a friend.
But do you hear about
her on the news? No.
Now gaze upon this humble house, Tweek.
Inside there are two people
who have adopted needy children.
They were strangers to those kids
once. Now they are loving parents
Now, look here, boy.
A car has broken down with a flat tire,
and two complete strangers
have stopped to help.
Will their kindness be
reported on the news tomorrow?
I think not.
Are you starting to understand, boy?
I think so.
You mean that, even though all the
news is about murderers and abductors,
those kind of people... only make
up a very small part of the world.
That's right, lad. So do you think
you can learn to trust people now?
I'll... try.
Good. Then why don't you get into the
back of my van, and I'll drive you home.
Your van?
Alright Johnson, give it up!
Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!
Oh, I was so close!
What the hell is going on??
Tweek, Tweek, are you okay?
Did he hurt you, son?
No
Then we aren't too late.
His name is Frederick Johnson.
He's been abducting
children by dressing up like
the Ghost of Human Kindness
for over a year now.
And I would have gotten away with it again
if it weren't for you meddling policemen!
What's going on?
A stranger was caught trying
to abduct the Tweek boy.
An abductor in our town?
Oh my God, what are we gonna do?
People, people, calm down.
Well what are we gonna do, Mayor?!
We have to stop these abductors
from being able to get into our town!
Yes, but standing out here yelling "Rabble
rabble rabble" isn't going to help anything.
Well we don't know
what else to do, Mayor!
People, what do you think we need to do?
Uh, well, we need to find a way to close
our town off from unwanted strangers!
Yes, we need a barrier
to protect our kids.
Wait, that's it. A wall.
We could build a huge city
wall all around South Park
so that we have complete
control over who comes in.
That's... not a bad idea, a city wall.
But who can we get to build it?
...And so, we want you to design and
build a great wall, all around the city.
I don' build wall. I just
own un' operate City Wok.
We just think that you're the
best person to put up a wall.
We're sure you've got it in your blood.
Oh, I get it.
Just because I Chinese,
you think I build wall.
That i' bullshit!
I'm not stereotype, okay?!
Just because I'm Chinese doesn't
mean I go around building wall!
I'm just a normal person like all o'you!
I eat ahrice and drive ahreally
slow, just like the rest o'you!
I'm not stereotype!
Please, Mr. Tuong Lu Kim.
Your ancestors put up a great wall that
kept Mongolians out for thousands of years.
We know you can do it for us.
Hey. Hey hey!
Hey, what the hell you doing?!
Mongorians? What the hell
Mongorians doing here?
Ey, fuck you, Mongorians!
Tryin' break down my wall!
Get out of here, fuckin' Mongorians!
God-damnit, how come every
time us Chinese put up a wall,
stupid Mongorians have
to come and knock it down?
Stan, our abduction problems are
over. We got the new Child Tracker.
Child Tracker?
It's a little electrical device that can
tell us where you are anywhere on Earth.
If anybody takes you, we'll be able to
locate your exact location within two meters.
There, I think that's got it.
...Dude, no way! I'm not
wearing Child Tracker!
You can barely even
tell you have one on.
I'm not going to school like this!
What will all the other guys say?!
I wouldn't worry about that.
So weak.
So weak, dude. Man.
Why did you go and have to be abducted,
Tweek? Now all our parents are freaking out!
I didn't mean to.
Okay. Finary.
Oh no.
It's those God-damned Mongorians again!
Stop! Stop right there, Mongorians!
God-damnit, stop!
Stop breaking down my city
wall you stupid Mongoriaaans!
Ay, you sons of bitches, you-
What the hell??
Oh, shit!
OH, GOD-DAMNED MONGORIANS!!
I'm gonna get you, fuckin' Mongorians!
Don't break down my city wall!
Oh, God-damnit!
That's the last time you're
gonna break down my city wall!
You hear me, Mongorians?!
God-damned Mongorians.
Alright, Cows, We're gonna go out
there and we're gonna give 'em hell!
But, wait. Where's the other team?
There is no other team.
Huh?
Well, we've... put a wall around
the city to keep outsiders out.
You don't think we want a bunch of
strangers coming in to play ball, do you?
But if there is no other
team, then it won't be any fun.
Don't worry, it'll still be fun for us.
Go Cows! Go Cows! Go Cows! Go Cows!
Play ball!
Steeeeee-riiike
Yeah! Woohoo! Yeah!
South Park Cows do it again!
Congratulations on your victory, boys.
Dude, we weren't playing anybody.
Yeah, and you kicked ass!
Isn't it awesome havin' a
great wall around our city?
Nobody in town except
for our good friends.
Yeahah! Alright! Yeah.
Right on! Right on!
Guys! Sh, quiet everyone.
And this newest study reveals
more about child abductions
than we apparently knew before, Tom.
Turn it up.
That's right, Chris. This newest
study shows that the majority of
child abductions are NOT
commited by strangers,
but by somebody the child
knows in their own town.
The report further states that it is
because the child trusts the individual
that problems occur in the first place.
Well, I guess this means the enemy
is in our own backyard, so to speak.
Sure does, Tom.
Alright, thanks, Chris. Is
the weather going to turn su-
Well, if you'll all excuse
us, I think we'll be going now.
Yeah. Come along, Kyle
Stanley, time for us to
get back to the house.
I'm not done with my pizza.
NOW, Stanley!
Eh. Eh, eh, there we go. All finished.
My Mongolian Missile Defense system.
Those Mongolians try to
break down my city wall again,
they gonna get a big
heat-seeking missile surprise!
Oh! Hello Mongolians. Yeah.
You come to break down my city wall?
Oh, you gonna throw that
baseball at my wall??
Oh no! Not a baseball!
I'm pretty scared.
Well, you know what? I might have something
here that's a little bigger than a baseball.
Say hello to my little friend!
Aw, crap.
Ooohhhh God-damned Mongolians!!
You break down my city
wall foda last time!!
Dude, this is worse than Child Tracker.
Sokay, boys. Just act
as if we weren't here.
Right. Do what you normally would do.
You're such a fatass, Cartman.
At least I'm not a stupid Jew.
Whatwhatwhaaat??
M'kay, kids, so, now, who can tell me what
year the first moon landing took place?
Uh, how about you, Clyde?
Nineteen six-
No helping!
M'kay, I'm not really sure havin' all
the parents here is a good idea, m'kay?
Well, maybe things could be better if
we could trust people like the Stotches!
Us?? Your family's all
be the shifty-eyed ones!
Oh yeah?!
Oh, this is too much to take.
Mom, Dad, could you
please leave me alone?
We just wanna make sure nobody
hurts you, Junior, m'kay?
M'kay.
Hahahaha! My masterpiece!
When those Mongolians come next time,
I pour this sweet and
sour pork on their heads.
Sweet and sour pork so hot and sticky,
Mongolians'll stick ahright up to the wall!
And scream "UhwOoOoOoOoo!"
Oh I can't wait.
Oh, I get it. A Trojan Mongolian horse.
Mongolians a-hiding inside thinking
that I'll bring it in city wall,
then Mongolians pop out and
destroy wall from the inside out
without gettin' any sweet
and sour pork on their heads!
Okay. I'll pray around.
Oh! Oh rook!
Rook, my very own
Mongorian Trojan horse!
Gee, what a surprise! I guess Mongorians
aren't such crappy, smelly people after all!
Great! Rwow! Yeah, what a great present!
I'm just gonna push it inside the
gate and soon tell all my friends.
Oh, it's sweet and sour pork!
Oh! I'm going to get you Nogodians,
if it's the last thing I do!"
And so all the residents of
Manhattan are prepared to evacuate
if Ms. Clinton's ass gets any bigger.
And in other news, new findings on
the increase in child abductions.
Oh Jesus, turn it up, honey!
The study shows that the most
likely abductors of children...
are the parents themselves!
The study reveals that nine
out of every ten abduction cases
are commited by the
child's mother or father.
The bottom line being that your
children aren't safe, even from you!
Where are you going?
Uh. I'm just going to go upstairs
and see if Tweek is still in his bed.
Oh?? I think I'll go with you.
It's okay. I can do it.
I just want to make sure that you-
That I don't abduct him? How do I
know that you haven't done it already??
Me?? I would never abduct our son!
That's not what the new study says!
Well what are we supposed to do, eh?
How can we protect Tweek from ourselves?
Here you go, Stanley. This should
hold you over for three years.
But why do I have to leave?
The news says that at your age
you aren't safe with us, son.
You have to get out of
here before we abduct you.
Good-bye, son. Remember to eat right.
Look out for your brother,
Kyle. You're the man now.
Oh, boys! Don't ever
forget that we love you!
Be careful out there!
Where are we supposed to go?
We can't tell you because
we can't know where you are!
Oh, this is terrible!
Go on, kids! Go! Go and don't look back!
Good-bye, kids. We'll...
never forget you.
Dude, sometimes I think our
parents are really stupid.
Ah. Hey daw. O'er 'ere. O'er 'ere, dog.
Got som'in sweet and souh foh ya.
Good dog! That's it! Keep licking, dog!
I'm free, Mongolians! And
now I'm gonna make you PAY!
Finally, some good news tonight.
It's been several days since any
child abductions have taken place.
The main reason: parents don't
know where their children are.
What's the matter?
Oh, it's just... I was
wondering if Stan's okay.
Oh, I'm sure he's made
it somewhere safe by now.
Do you really think we
did the right thing, Randy?
Sending all the young kids
in town to live on their own?
Sweetheart, you saw the news...
I know.
Don't you worry. I'm sure that Stan and
all the other kids are somewhere safe,
off in a whole new city by now,
making a new life for themselves.
<i>Tah tane da ke ab kahleh kalabush.
<i>Bi ologad bag, big nan dastai.
<i>De bandig baeakhalah?
<i>Tawya mea pleda cleah bleah.
<i>Triben fak burushban.
<i>Shain balag!
Awright, Mongolians!
Your only way through
this wall is through me.
This is my rast stand!
I'm gonna do my war dance now.
Does my war dance
ascare you, Mongolians?
Yeah, you think you
want a piece of this?
This is ancient Chinese dance of a-
Oh, herro kids. Uh be careful,
there's a-Mongolians up there.
Oh, crap!
What's going on?
I heard an explosion.
God-damned Mongolians
attacked city wall again!
Mongolians??
What the hell are they doin' here?!
Wait a minute. Those
Mongolians are... our children.
Ike?? Kyle??
My son has become a
Mongolian?? No! Noooo!!
Oh God. What have we done?
We sent our children away, and now
they don't even remember who they are.
Kids? Don't you remember us?
Wait wait. I learned some
Mongolian in college. Ah, let's see.
K-kids, uh, Bi kute. Bi salnek
kute. Uh-d tah tasobarro.
Oh my God, our parents
are so stupid, dude.
Bi kute.
We are your parents. You
used to live here, with us.
Yeah, it was like four days ago!
They're starting to remember.
Staaan. Your name... is Staaan!
Uh huh, Stan Marsh.
That's it! Remember, son!
Rememmmber!
We're sorry, Tweek!
Are you okay, Clyde?
Oh, son, can you ever forgive us?
Huh, I'm over here, Dad.
We're sorry, kids. We just let all those
sensationalist news reports go to our heads.
Oh my God, do you see what this means?
The Ghost of Human Kindness
was right all along.
You mean how he said we should trust
each other, or how he abducted children?
The uh... no no, the part
about being more trusting.
We should follow what
he said, not what he did.
Wow, yeah. Oh yeah.
No, no. You know who
was right all along?
The Mongolians.
They knew that you just can't wall
yourself off from the outside world.
Putting walls up never helps anything.
Tearing them down brings us together.
Whoa! Wow. Right!
Yeah, the Mongolians were right. Yeah.
Aw, you'd better not say
what I think you're gonna say.
Mr. Lu Kim, tear down this wall!
Oh, God! I hate this whole shitty!
Randy, can we just
take our son home now?
Yes, kids. With us, now come.
Home. Hoomme.
Jesus Christ, dude, they've done some
stupid crap before, but Jesus Christ.
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