Oh, hello boys.
Hi. Uh, the school called and said we
all have to start going to class again.
Oh, but I thought your teacher died.
She did, but now they're saying we have
to start going back to school anyways.
It's totally gay.
Oh. Well, I'll tell Eric. He's just down
in the basement playing with his dolls.
Cartman likes to play with dolls?
Hello, Precious. Yes, that's a good Precious.
Now it takes the lotion from the basket.
Oh please, mister.
Please let me out of here.
It puts the lotion on its skin
or else it gets the hose again.
Bark bark bark bark!
Yes, that's a good Precious. Okay, now
it puts the lotion back in the basket.
Please, mister, let me out.
It puts the lotion back in the basket!
I miss my Mom, mister.
I wanna see my Mommy-
Put the lotion in the fuckin' basket!
Sweetie.
Yes Mom?
You have to get ready for school
...No, our teacher's dead. Remember?
Yes, but they said two weeks off was
enough, and they want everyone back.
Two weeks isn't enough. I'm not
over our teacher's tragic death.
I'm still sh-shooken up.
You'll get over it, honey.
But I wanna plaaayyy.
I can't believe it's been two
weeks since I've seen you guys.
What have you been doing?
-Hey guys.
-Hey Bebe.
You guys uh, notice anything different?
Oh my God, Bebe. You got boobs.
Yeah, they started coming in last week.
At first I thought they were just mosquito
bites, but, then they didn't go away.
M'kay kids, let's take our seats, m'kay?
I know this has been a difficult couple o'weeks for you all with the untimely death of your teacher,
but it's time for us to try
to move on and learn, m'kay?
Bay Mackey, I don't think I'm over
the teacher's tragic death yet.
I need more time. It's just... it
still hurts, you know? Can I go home?
No. Eric, what we're gonna do is learn
to hide our emotions with math problems.
M'kay, so let's start with some
multiplication tables over here, m'kay.
First we'll do uh,
four time four, m'kay?
Dude, look at Bebe. Something
seems different about her.
Yeah, I noticed that too. Did
she get a haircut or something?
I don't know.
Hey Token. You know, I never noticed
before, but that girl Bebe is... kinda cool.
I was just thinking the same thing.
It's like, she's a girl, but, she's
someone you could hang out with.
Yeah. Bebe is kinda cool, huh?
Hey Craig, is that the same shirt
that that Bebe chick always wears?
I don't know. Why?
It just... it just seems
like a really awesome shirt.
Yeah. It kinda does.
Okay, and so uh, so who can tell
me the answer to the first problem,
six times eight? Uh, Bebe?
Oh, uh, forty-eight?
That is an awesome answer!
Yeah!
Dude! Bebe is really smart!
Yeah. I never noticed that before.
Maybe she's actually cool
enough to hang out with us.
Yeah, may be.
...And I was like, "I'm not buying
those shoes for twenty dollars."
Ah, hey, Bebe.
Yeah?
Uh, we're gonna throw rocks at cars later on,
and we thought maybe you'd like to join us.
Really? I've never done that before.
Wuuhh, it's really fun.
You toss these little rocks at cars, and
if the driver gets angry, you blame me.
Yeah, it's cool.
Why sure, that sounds hellafun.
-Yeah.
-Hellafun
Right, heh.
Wow, hellafun. That's awesome.
I'm gonna start saying that now.
Cool. We'll see you later, Bebe.
Stan, you've never asked me to
throw rocks at cars with you guys.
That's different, dude.
You're like, my girlfriend.
Bebe's just... I don't
know. She's just cool.
Yeah. She's really cool.
It's weird how we never noticed before.
So what you do, see, is wait for a
car to drive by that big pine tree.
Then you chuck a rock at it.
It's all about the timing.
You damn kids!
Cool.
You try it, Bebe.
Okay.
Here comes a sedan.
You damn kids!
Awesome!
That was the most perfect
throw I've ever seen.
That was sweet, Bebe. Now, if you
just hold the rock like this, you-
Yeah. Here, it's like if you
put your thumb on this side-
I'm showing her.
Yeah, just let me show her real
quick how to put the thumb and-
Anyways, you put a spin on
it by holding it here and-
Yeah, and then you can
actually hold it like this. Now-
Uh. Listen guys, un, It's five-thirty.
I'm supposed to get home, so...
I'll see you later.
...Wait, what were we doing again?
We were throwing rocks at cars.
Oh yeah.
Uh here comes an SUV.
You damn kids!
Hi, Bebe.
Hey everybody.
Oh, for Christ's sake!
M'kay. Kids, I asked you to write
a paper to read aloud for the class.
Now, who want to start?
M'kay, Clyde.
My paper is called, "Why Bebe
is the coolest person, ever."
Hey, that's what I wrote about!
Me too!
Uuuuh-okay. Go ahead, Clyde.
My friend Bebe is really smart.
She tells funny jokes and
knows a lot about stuff.
She's good at almost everything
she tries. She's awesome. The end.
M'kay, very nice, Clyde. Uh, Token,
why don't you read your paper?
"If I could be Bebe."
If I was Bebe I would have lots of
friends because I would be sooo great.
I would make people smile
and think wherever I went.
M'kay, interesting, Token,
Uh... Who would like to go next?
Uh how about someone who didn't
write about how cool Bebe is?
M'kay, Bebe?
"My cat Thumper."
Thumper is gray with a white spot.
Sometimes he likes to chase his tail.
Chase his tail? That must be so funny?
Thumper is twelve years old. That's
pretty old for a cat. The end.
God, you know what,
that's so true? Because,
you sometimes never really think
about how old a pet is until it's gone.
That's true, huh? Man, that
makes me really reflect on my pet.
That's such a great paper!
M'kay. Wendy, why don't
we hear your paper?
"The new Cold War"
Oh God! Here we go again! Dork alert!
But, then the mall closes at four
or five o'clock, so who knows w-
Have any of you dumb
girls seen Bebe anywhere?
No!
Maybe she's in the lunch line.
Yeah.
Can you believe Bebe? She thinks
she's so cool all of a sudden.
I can't stand her
anymore! She's such a slut!
She's a total slut!
You know what I heard?
I heard that she made out with
eight different boys in one minute.
I heard that she lifted her
shirt to the boys at the bus stop.
I heard that her asshole
is this big around.
Hey guys.
Oh, hey Bebe. Slut. Slut.
...You guys still wanna go
ice-skating after school?
Oh, no, that's okay Bebe.
You might trip and then
we'd be sucked into your
huge gaping vagina like
ants into a vacuum cleaner.
Slut. Slut.
Slut.
Slut.
Whore. Slut. Slut.
Bebe, is something the matter?
Oh Mom, it's just...
My girlfriends at school said some
really mean things to me today.
They called me a slut,
with a huge gaping vagina.
Oh, sweetie. You're all just growing up.
Part of being a woman is having a friend
one day and calling her a slut the next.
But am I slutty just because I'm
beginning to be friends with guys?
I mean, they just like me because
they think I'm smart and cool.
I remember when I was a little girl the
boys didn't think I was very smart at all.
But then one day, they all started
thinking I was really smart.
I guess big smarts
just run in our family.
Well if the girls don't wanna be my friend,
that's fine! Guys are way cooler, anyways.
You... guys wanted me to meet you here?
Yeah, have a seat, Tweek.
We all need to have a talk
Oh God.
Alright guys, now that
we're all here, I think...
we need to have a
difficult conversation.
It's obvious that Bebe is the
like the coolest, smartest,
most awesome person we've ever met.
True.
And, you know, we've been trying to
fill the gap for the fourth friend ever
since Kenny died, God rest his soul,
and it hasn't been an easy process.
Right.
And so, even though I think it's
a tough thing to do right now,
I think maybe it's best for everyone
if we make room to allow Bebe
to be our new fourth friend.
Yeah.
That would be best.
Well, I'm glad you guys all agree.
And so, Kyle, I just wanna say that it's
been really great, and we're gonna miss you.
-Huh??
-Kyle??
And even though it
didn't quite work out,
I'm sure you'll find other
friends down the road, Kyle.
Here's a nice watch for
you, and some peanuts.
Me?? Dude, I've been
here since the beginning!
And we're really sad to see you go.
Let's give a big round of applause
for Kyle, everybody. Hip hip.
Dude, we're not kicking Kyle out!
Pleeeeease???
No!
Alright, fine! Well then, I guess we
have no choice but to let you go, Tweek.
But we want you to know
that its been really fun.
Here's a watch, and some peanuts.
No way! Tweek's cool!
Yeah!
Well dumbasses, how are we
gonna make room for Bebe!?
Thanks for inviting me to ride
the bus to school with you guys.
Sure thing, Bebe.
That's fine! That's fine!! Fuck
you, Kyle, and fuck you, Stan!
Fuck you, Tweek!
Bebe, you're still cool.
What are you doing?!
We're tryin' to get Bebe
to run for class president.
I'm class president!
The vote was last fall!
Well, yeah, but Wendy,
you have to admit,
Bebe's a lot smarter and
more organized than you.
Yeah. We need a leader like Bebe.
She can teach us all so much.
Uh huh.
She's not smarter and cooler than everyone,
you guys are just drawn to something else!
What?
Ugh! God, you guys are sooo stupid!
Stupider than Bebe!
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
Bebe is cool, ha fellas?
Yeah! Sure is!
I can't wait to watch
Terrance & Phillip with Bebe.
Yeah.
Where are you guys going?
We're going to see our friend Bebe.
Bebe is our friend. Didn't
you all get the memo?
Bebe is everybody's friend.
Yeah. God put Bebe on earth
to enrich everyone's lives.
Aw alright, I guess we can all
watch Terrance & Phillip together.
Oh, hello, boys.
Is Bebe home?
No, she's with one
of her little friends.
But she should be back
shortly if you boys wanna wait.
Who is she with?
I believe she is playing "Lambs"
over at Eric Cartman's house.
Cartman's?
And this is Precious.
Precious?
Bark bark bark.
Okay, so then we put my mom's
hand lotion in this little basket
and lower it down to Polly Prissy Pants.
Now you say, "It puts the lotion on
its skin or else it gets the hose again.
It puts the lotion on its skin
or else it gets the hose again.
Heheh, yeah.
Mister, please let me out of here.
Now say it again, louder.
It puts the lotion on its skin
or else it gets the hose again.
Good. Now, now put the
lotion back in the basket!
My parents have money, Mister. They'll
give you whatever you want. Please!
Now, just yell "Put the
lotion in the fucking basket!
Put the lotion in the basket!
Put the lotion in the fucking basket!
Oh no! Precious! I've got your dog,
Mister. Let me out or I'm gonna kill it!
Now you say, "Don't you
hurt my fuckin' dog!"
Don't you hurt my fucking dog!
You bitch, I'll cut your throat if-
What the hell are you doing?
We're playing "Lambs."
Bebe, I thought we were going to
watch Terrance & Phillip today.
Then we gotta work on your campaign.
Right, but first we gotta go to the-
You guys, calm down!
This is insane!
Stop it you guys, please!
Oh boy, I never meant to
cause all this trouble.
Bebe, those boys from your school are still
waiting outside to see if you'll come out.
I know. They've been there all day.
Looks like my little girl has
a lot of gentlemen callers.
Mom, why is everyone acting
so different around me?
Sweetie, you're just
blossoming into a woman.
But, I, I don't know if I want to.
Sometimes I think I'm not as
smart and cool as they say,
that everyone just tells me
I am because of my hooters.
Sweetie, you're a Stevens.
And Stevens women are always
told they're really, really smart.
Mom? What's six times eight?
Oho, sweetie, those are two
completely different numbers.
Alright boys, time to be getting home.
Bebe's not feeling well and she she
can't come out today. Go one, shoo.
Aah. We made it.
Boys, can you
call 9-1-1 for us?
Oh my God.
We've landed on Earth thousands of years
in the future and apes have taken over!
I knew it! You blew it up, didn't you?!
I don't want to live in
this futuristic madness!
Take your ape rule and go to hell!
Having boobs sucks.
Well hello there, little girl. My name is
Dr. Hallis. What can I do for you today?
I wanna have breast-reduction surgery.
You?
Yes. I have two hundred and twelve
dollars in nickels and a gold bracelet.
Well, young lady, I'm
afraid that we don't offer
breast reduction surgery
to girls of your age.
Why not? Britney Spears got fake
ones when she was a teenager.
Why can't I have mine taken off?
Because making breasts larger is
a beautiful and wonderful thing.
Making them smaller is... insane.
I think it's insane to want them bigger.
Why do you... hate your breasts so?
Ever since I got these stupid things
everyone treats me differently.
I feel like I might be treated
differently the rest of my life.
Oh, come on now, that's just silly.
Here's the Anderson file, Doctor.
Oh, awesome. Thank you so much, Jillian.
That's great. Oh, God-damn.
Thanks you so much.
And here's the coffee
you wanted, doctor.
Yeah, whatever. Get out of here.
Now, I was saying?
Please, you have to help me.
I think that if my breasts keep growing
this way, boys will give me whatever I want.
Yeah, so? That's great, isn't it?
No it's not, because if I grow
up getting everything I want,
having things made easy for
me because I have hot knockers,
then I'm gonna grow
up to be a lame person.
If I'm handed everything
in life, then my chances of
becoming a lawyer or a
marine biologist are zero.
That may be true, but I'm
afraid I just cannot ethically
perform a breast-reduction
surgery on an eight-year-old girl.
Damnit!
If, on the other hand, you'd
like to make them a little bigger,
I think now might be the
right time to size up, hm?
Oh, fuck off!
Randy, could you have
a talk with Stanley?
Why? What's the matter with him?
It's just that, well, he's been
acting a little different lately.
Aaaa-ta.
Aaaa-ta.
He's been ignoring his homework, and, all
of his friends. I can't figure out why.
Aaaa-ta.
Aaaa-ta.
Ohhh boy. Looks like he's
starting to notice breasts.
Oh yes. Our little Stanley
is starting to become a man.
Ahta. Ah, ahta!
Hey there, son.
Hoh? Ahta. Ahta.
Yes, ahta. Let's have a talk, Stan.
Ahah
Stan, as you get older,
boobs - bu-these "ahta"
will start becoming a
major part of your life.
But Stanley, you can't let them
get in the way of your friends.
There are a lot of boobs out
there, son. But they're just boobs;
your friends... are forever.
Friend. Ahta.
I know you think this set
of boobs is important now,
but those boobs will be
replaced by another set of boobs.
Boobs will come and go, and then, someday, you'll meet a pair of boobs that you want to marry.
And those become the
boobs that matter the most.
I love you.
If you can just
understand that, Stanley,
you'll see that boobs
hold no real power at all.
The boys are at war.
All is going as planned.
Yes. Soon all the boys will
be brought to their knees.
We grow larger every day.
And stronger.
Soon the entire tow-
Sh! Sh! She's awake!
Ah, quiet.
MOM!! MOM!!
What is it, Bebe?
My breasts!
Oh, sweetheart, you're
just becoming a young lady.
No, they're conspiring! Mom, they were
talking! They wanna destroy the town!
Yes, darling, your breasts have a power
that will unleash itself as you get older.
They feed off the misery of boys and
grow to bring woe wherever they can.
You're blossoming into a woman.
That does it! I'm NOT letting
these things run my life!
Young lady, are you
absolutely sure you want to
consider this kind of
procedure for your breasts?
Yes! I want to get breast implants!
I tried to tell her she was too young.
Well, it is a different
time, Bayan Testaburger.
Society puts a lot of pressure
on your daughter to look her best.
Having small breasts can
make her feel unimportant.
But she's eight!
Yes, well, not too young to feel
flat and therefore, not pretty.
That's what I said.
However, young lady, I'm afraid
breast implants are not for everyone.
I'll need to carefully assess
your physical and mental condition
to see if augmentation is truly
the best way for you to go.
I have three thousand dollars, cash.
You pass. Let's do this thing.
Oh, wait. You're gonna do it right now?
Suuure. Breast augmentation
is now a very simple procedure.
What we do is make a small incision
in the armpit where it won't be seen.
Then we take this little
plastic bag and gently place
it in the chest where we
fill it with salt water.
I still don't know about this.
Look. Us plastic surgeons
have one philosophy.
If we can help someone's
self-esteem a little,
then why not do it if they
have to be a thousand dollars?
Cha! Gotta! Jam it! Up there! Get! In! There!
You! Bitch! Get! In! There! You! Bitch! Hah!
Okay, there's one, Wendy. Doing great.
M'kay. Kids, we need to talk
about your failing grades.
Bebe! Where Bebe?! Bebe! Bebe!
M'kay, we all need to start studying
more and fighting less, m'kay?
Hey guys.
Have you guys noticed that Bebe
isn't as cool as she used to be?
Yeah. What the hell happened to us?
Oh my God. I get it
now. It was Bebe's boobs.
Bebe's boobs?
Oh cool! It worked!
Don't you guys see? Boobs...
do something to our brains.
They fill our brains with illusions.
Sssss-so ...Bebe ...didn't become
smart and cool? It was just her boobs?
Yes!
So, Bebe is actually just
as lame as she ever was?
Right. My boobs just
clouded your judgment.
But that sucks. I don't want something
to have that much power over me.
I don't think it will, you
guys, as long as we realize it.
We must learn to control
their power over us.
Yeah. Screw boobs! They're stupid!
I'm sorry for fighting, you guys.
Aw, that's so sweet, m'kay?
Let's never let boobs
come between us again!
Hear Hear!
Boobs are stupid!
Hi, everybody.
Look at those ridiculous things!
Oooo, they're all hard and oogey!
What a stupid bitch!
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