? I'm going down
to south park?
? Gonna have
myself a time?
? Friendly faces
everywhere?
? Humble folks
without temptation?
? Going down
to south park?
? Gonna leave my
woes behind?
? Ample parking
day or night?
? People spouting
"howdy neighbor"?
? Headin' on up
to south park?
? Gonna see
if i can't unwind?
? So come on down
to south park?
? And meet some
friends of mine?
? Do do do doo?
? Da da da da daa
ya da da daa?
? Do do doo
da da daa?
? Hey-De hey-De
how's it going, guys?
What the hell you so
happy about, fat-Ass?
Oh, nothing,
no big deal, really.
What's no big deal?
Well, guys, it seems that
i am the first one of us
To reach manhood
after all.
What the hell are
you talking about?
Well, because
unlike you guys,
I just got
my first pubes.
? Ya da da da
ya da da dee?
You got pubes?
What's pubes?
Pubic hair, he's saying
he got his first pubic hair.
Oh...
no, you didn't!
Oh, yes, i did.
I'm becoming a man.
He's lying.
You wanna see 'em?
Hell, no!
Here, check 'em out.
We don't wanna
see them, cartman!
There, see?
How do you like
them apples?
Ha!
What are those?
My pubes.
What?
I got 'em from
scott tenorman.
Scott tenorman-
The ninth grader?
Yep, he let me have 'em
for just 10 bucks.
Ha, ha, ha!
? I got pubes
before you guys did?
? I got pubes before
you guys?
? Ha, ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha?
Cartman, you are so goddamn
stupid, it's unbelievable.
Ah, ha,
don't be jealous, guys.
This doesn't mean
we can't still hang out.
It just means that i
matured faster than you.
You'll get your
pubes, guys, someday.
Cartman, you don't buy pubes,
you grow them yourself.
Wh-What?
When you get
old enough,
You grow your own pubic hair
that's attached to you,
You dumb-Ass!
Nah-Ah.
Yeah-Huh.
But then why would scott tenorman
sell me his pubes for $10?
Because, retard,
You're dumb enough to buy
scott tenorman's pubes for $10.
You're telling me these pubes
are worth nothing?
Yeah.
I'm gonna get that
son of a bitch.
...and so i told him,
i say,
"Here, i'll sell you my pubes
for only 10 bucks."
And the stupid
asshole buys them.
Speak of the devil,
what do you want?
Uh, yes, i've come to
return these pubes
That i purchased, please.
Unh-Uh, i don't
take returns.
Right, but you see, i didn't realize
when i bought these pubes from you,
That you were
full of,
So you can either
give me back my $10
Or i can go
tell my mom on you.
You would actually tell your mom that you
were stupid enough to pay for my pubes?
Unh-Uh,
i don't think so.
Just give me back
my money.
Buyer beware, dude.
Give me my $10, scott.
Hey, i said no.
Now get your fat little butt
out of here
Before i kick
your head in.
Hello, sir, my name is
kris kristofferson.
I'm with the i.R.S.
I'm here to collect $10
that you owe in back taxes.
You're not
from the i.R.S.
You glued my pubes
onto your face.
Tax evasion is a very
serious offense, sir.
I suggest that you-
All right, all right.
I'll trade you my pubes
back for the money.
You will?
Oh, cool!
How much did i charge?
Oh, yeah, $10.
You got change
for a 20?
Oh, uh...
I only got six dollars
and 12 cents.
Oh, well, that's okay.
Here, just give me
the six dollars
And then i'll give you the 20. Okay.
Now, give me the pubes and
i'll give you back two dollars.
Right.
Now, give me the 12 cents
And i'll give you the
rest of your change back.
Cool.
And then give me the 20 and
i'll give you the pubes.
Sweet!
Uh- Ah, godammit!
That asshole.
That big, smelly,
ass-Sniffing asshole.
I'm gonna get him!
Cartman, can i give you
some advice?
What?!
Just let it go, dude.
You're only out $16.12-
Count your losses and move on.
He's smarter than you.
He is not
smarter than me!
He just charmed me,
that's all.
He's a charmer,
that scott tenorman,
But i'll get him someday.
One, please.
One, please.
One please.
That'll be six dollars.
Okay, and how much
is that in pubes?
We don't take pubes.
Listen, my money is as good
as anybody's, don't you-
Discriminate against my people
by not accepting these pubes.
We don't take pubes,
end of story!
Racist!
Scott, scott!
Courtney love
is in south park!
She's all drunk
and spreading her legs
And showing her
"poonaner" to everybody!
You gotta go check it out!
I'll watch your house for you.
Okay, i'll buy
the pubes back, here.
What?
$16, take it.
I'll even throw in
an extra five, here.
Give me back my pubes.
Why do you want them
back so much?
No reason.
I don't believe you.
All right, all right.
The pube fair
in fort collins.
Pube fair?
They're paying five bucks
a hair for pubes.
If i leave now i can
catch the last bus.
Five bucks a hair?
That's like
a million dollars!
Here, take your money.
Ha, ha, i don't
think so, scott,
I'm going to
fort collins myself.
Oh, you can't
do this to me, no!
Ha, ha, sure,
right you are, scott.
Have you no heart?
Ha, ha, what
a stupid asshole!
Heh, heh, heh.
Ha, ha, hoo!
One million dollars!
Woo! Ah!
Ha, ha, ha.
Heh.
Eh, excuse me, sir.
Yes.
Can you tell me where
the pube fair is?
The pube fair?
Yeah, i've got some
pubes to sell.
There's no such thing,
you little smart ass.
No- No such thing?
You wouldn't happen to be
eric cart-Man, would you?
I'm ericcartman.
Oh, i think
this is for you.
Ahhhh!
106 miles, scott.
I had to ride 106 miles in
the back of a pickup truck
To get back here.
You really went?
What a 'tard.
All right, scott,
you win, i give up.
You do?
Wow, you're not as
stupid as i thought.
Yeah, i'll see you around.
Sure is too bad
about my grandmother.
Your grandma?
Huh? Oh, it's not
really your concern,
It's just that
- Well, my grandma is in the hospital.
She's very sick.
The doctor's say unless i can
come up with $16 for her operation
They're gonna
put her down.
Oh, jeez,
i didn't realize that.
Yeah, poor grandma.
Hey, kid,
hold on a second,
I'll get your money.
Heh, heh, heh.
He's such a douche.
Here you go.
Oh, wow, thanks
a lot, scott.
But, just one thing
before i give it to you.
What?
I just- Well,
i want to you beg for it.
Huh?
Just get down on your knees
and beg me for the money.
Why?!
Do you want your grandma
to live or not?
Please, scott,
give me my money.
No, no, get down
on your knees.
Lower your head...
And say, "i beg you to
give me back my money."
I beg you to
give me back my money.
Now say,
"i'm a little piggy."
What?!
Say it.
I'm a little piggy.
"Here's my snout."
Here's my snout.
"Oink, oink, oink."
Oink, oink, oink.
Now, dance, little piggy,
dance and oink for me.
? I'm a little piggy,
here's my snout?
? Oink, oink, oink
oink, oink, oink?
? I'm a little piggy-?
All right, now
give me back my money!
You mean this?
You really care that much
about 16 measly dollars?
I mean, what can you
buy with $16?
My parents give me
a $50-A-Week allowance.
This pittance means
nothing to me.
Watch.
Wh-What are you doing?
No, no... why?
Now you can't bug me
for your dumb money.
Concerned citizens,
i thank you for coming.
I know that you're all
deeply troubled
And want to find
a quick and painful way
To get rid of scott tenorman
once and for all.
Yes, clyde.
Who's scott tenorman?
Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!
Scott tenorman is an 8th grader
who sold cartman his pubes for $10,
And now cartman's
all pissed off.
16 dollars
and 12 cents.
He is a disease.
He is a cold,
calculating man,
And i will have revenge!
What are you
gonna do?
Did you guys see that
movie, "hannibal"?
Where the deformed guy
trained giant pigs
To eat his enemy alive?
Well, if we find a pony,
we can train it,
Train it to bite off
scott tenorman's wiener.
It will be painful
and humiliating.
Everyone will
see it happen.
And then, scott tenorman
will forever be known
As the kid who had his wiener
bitten off by a pony!
Ha, ha, ha!
What's in it for us?
What?
Yeah, why should
we all care
About getting scott
tenorman back for you?
Oh, right.
Why should we care?
Why should we
care, indeed.
Let's just let scott tenorman
walk away with my $16.12.
Hell, let's let all the
scott tenormans of the world
Take what's ours and
laugh in our faces.
Why stand up for yourself
when you can just
Walk out of here
right now and say
It's not your problem.
But, years from now,
when you're old
And have children
of your own,
What would you give to come back
and fight this one day?
This one day, where you could
have made a difference.
Where you could've told scott
tenorman, "you may take our pride
But you will never take
my god damn $16.12!"
Now who's with me?
Timmy!
Christ.
All right, i guess it's
just you and me, timmy.
Oh, no, not timmy.
There we go.
Come and get it!
Come on, pony,
bite the wiener.
Bite it.
Come on, good pony.
That's it.
Now, bite it off!
Bite off the wiener,
good pony!
Oh, no, pony,
he'll like that.
Eric, are you training
that pony to please you?!
No, i'm teaching it how to
bite someone's penis off.
Oh.
Well, does mr. Jenkins know
you're using his pony?
He shoots trespassers
on sight, you know.
He said it was okay.
All right, then.
Wait- What the hell are you
training jenkins' pony
To bite off
someone's penis?
Because...
of scott tenorman.
I hate him, and i want to
make him suffer.
Well, son, i think you've got
a pretty stupid plan there.
Not like that, pony!
Look, if you wanna get
revenge on somebody,
You've gotta
think like a hunter.
What do you mean?
Find
someone's weakness.
Exploit that weakness.
How do i do that?
What do you see?
I see scott tenorman,
With his ginger red hair
and his stupid freckles,
And god damn it,
i hate him, i hate him!
No, young hunter,
i mean, what do yousee?
You must learn all you can
about your kill.
Right, right.
Let's see...
There's posters,
radioheadposters.
And he's reading a magazine
about radiohead.
What's a radiohead?
You know, the band
that sings that song.
? Well, i'm a creep
i'm a weirdo?
? What am i doing here?
Oh, jesus, don't
start singing, ned.
So, the subject is a big
radiohead fan, huh?
Maybe i should come up
with a lit'l scheme
That involves them.
Nice thinking,
young hunter.
Whoa.
What?
I'm looking in
scott's parents' room.
Scott's mom's about to
take off her bra.
What?!
Give me those!
Holy crow,
he's right, ned!
Mrs. Tenorman's
lettin' the twins out.
Let me see.
Radiohead...
yes, of course.
Dear god, they're even bigger
than i ever imagined!
Let me see,
let me see!
Here you go.
Wow, those were great.
Maybe i should
grab some beers, ned.
Ned, what-
Are you jackin' it?
Kinda.
Well, stop it!
Hey, what the hell are you
doing out there?
Oh, crap!
Who's out there?
Ned, for christ's sakes,
stop jackin' it.
I can't.
Don't think
i don't see you!
I know who you are,
and i'm calling the police!
Whoa!
Whoops!
I gotta get
out of here!
Oh, hey, scott,
how's it going?
I was just wondering,
Do you like the band, uh,
radiohead at all?
Uh-Huh.
Oh, really?
Oh, 'cause they're doing
a big interview onmtv,
And they're playing it tonight
on a big screen downtown.
Everyone's gonna be there.
Oh, cool,
thanks for telling me.
You're welcome, scott.
Okay, well, looks like
everyone is here,
Let's play the video,
shall we?
Welcome back to mtv.
We're here with the
members from radiohead,
Probably the hottest band
in the world right now.
Guys, when is your next
album coming out?
That's an interesting
question, kurt.
But first
i'd just like to say,
That i really hate this kid
named scott tenorman.
He's stupid.
Yeah, i hate scott
tenorman, too.
I think all the guys in the band
hate him, right, guys?
Oh, jesus, did you
hear that, scott?
And, will there
be a new tour?
Well, we would tour, but we just
hate that scott tenorman kid so much
That we don't want to.
Yeah, scott tenorman
is totally not cool.
He's not cool.
Wow, that really sucks
for you, scott.
Scott?
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Did you see that?
Scott must've run home
so embarrassed.
Ha, ha, ha!
And you know what?
That wasn't really
radiohead talking,
I just dubbed their
voices over.
Ha, ha, ha!
What a retard!
And everyone saw it!
Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls,
It's time for the
amazing pube boy!
? I'm a little piggy
here's my snout?
? Oink, oink, oink
oink, oink, oink?
? I'm a little piggy
here's my snout?
Oh my god,
he killed kenny.
That does it.
I'm gonna get scott tenorman
once and for all!
You think you're so cool,
scott tenorman.
We'll see how cool you feel
after this.
Yes, yes...
Yes!
Ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha, ha.
Yes, it is the most
genius plan ever.
Scott tenorman is going to
wish he never met me!
Okay, cartman,
what do you want?
Stan, kyle,
thanks for coming.
I've got it all
figured out.
Got what all
figured out?
How to get
scott tenorman back.
Oh, jesus.
I've just finished planning
a "brilliant lit'l scheme"
That should put scott
in his place for good.
And if you help me, i'll give
each of you two dollars.
Okay, so what's
the plan?
It's a brilliant combination
of my last two plans.
Scott's favorite band
is radiohead, right?
Yeah?
So, i realized,
What if we got radiohead to
come here to south park, right?
Then they could meet
scott tenorman,and,
See him get his wiener
bitten off by a pony!
What?
Don't you see?
If i can get this pony to bite off
scott's wiener in front of radiohead,
Then scott would cry.
And if scott cries,
then radiohead will think
Scott tenorman is
totally not cool!
And that would make
scott tenorman want to die.
Ha, ha, ha!
Okay, i'll keep
working on the pony,
You guys go get
radiohead to play here.
Ready? Break!
You're such a
dumb-Ass, cartman.
Fine, i'll do it myself!
You guys just watch!
Ready, pony?
Bite it!
Yes!
Thom, will you stop
reading fan mail?
We have work to do.
Just a second, fellas,
listen to this.
"Dear radiohead.
My name is eric cartman,
"I'm a young, supple 8-Year-Old
boy from south park, colorado.
"I'm writing to you
because of a kid i know
"Named scott tenorman.
"Scott is 15, and
i'm afraid he has cancer.
"In his ass.
"Radiohead is his favorite band,
and it would make his short life
"If you could find it in your hearts to
visit him before he dies, alone and scared.
"Won't you please
consider it?
I don't think he'll make it past
next tuesday around five."
Wow, we have to go.
To colorado?
But we've got an album to mix.
Didn't you hear
the letter?
This poor kid has cancer!
In his ass!
Hello?
Scott tenorman?
What do you want?
We just wanna warn you,
eric cartman, the 4th grader,
Is going try to
trick you somehow
Into getting your
wiener bitten off
By a pony that lives at
jenkins ranch.
How do you know?
'Cause we're his friends.
Then, why are you
telling me?
'Cause we hate him.
Oh.
Well, we just thought
we'd let you know.
See ya.
See ya.
Hello, scott.
Hey.
I was just stopping by to invite
you to my "chili con carnival".
It's a chili cook-Off
with rides.
Everyone's coming,
And i wanted to drop by
your invitation, personally.
Ooh, a chili
carnival, huh?
That sounds great.
Yeah, there's even gonna
be a big surprise
So you won't wanna
miss it, scott.
Oh, and here, here's a coupon
good for one free pony ride.
Wow, a pony ride, neat.
Oh, it will be
very neat, scott.
Gosh- Chili,
rides and ponies-
What more could i want?
A little penis-Biting,
perhaps.
What?
Nothing, nothing.
So you'll come
for sure then, scott?
How could i
turn it down?
Sweet, killer.
Bye, scott.
Oh, you are good, eric,
you are very, very good.
Mom, dad, that was my good
friend eric at the door.
He told me that there's
a starving pony
At jenkins ranch
that's been abandoned.
Oh, dear.
Yeah, i feel really bad,
But i don't know
how i can help it
Because i have a lot of
homework to do.
Well, don't you
worry, scott,
Your mom and i can
go get the pony
And have it taken to
an animal shelter.
We sure can.
Wow, would you really?
I feel so much
better now.
Oh, scott, you're such
a loving, caring boy.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm proud of
you too, mom.
Let's go, hon.
Let's.
What are you
doing, scott?
What's it look like?
I'm making chili.
Did you bring
the goods?
We got everyone we could find
to chip in.
There's pubes from just about
every kid in town in here.
Awesome.
Oh, dude!
The little fat kid thinks he's
gonna get revenge tomorrow.
We'll see how he likes it when
i tell him he just ate the pubes
Of every kid in town.
Yeah!
Oh, hello, guys, thanks for
coming to my chili con carnival.
This is the dumbest thing
you've ever done, cartman.
Oh, it won't be so dumb when
scott tenorman arrives.
I suggest you stay
to see the fireworks.
Oh, we will.
Trust us, we wouldn't
miss this.
What's so funny?
Oh, nothing,
it's just cool
How you're gonna get
scott tenorman back.
Is radiohead here yet?
Not yet,
but they will be.
Yeah, sure.
Hello, eric.
Hey, chef.
I made some chili to
enter into the contest.
What contest?
This is a chili cook-Off,
ain't it?
Huh? Oh, yeah,
i guess it is.
Here, just put it
over here.
It's my
special recipe.
Scott tenorman!
How are you, scott?
Thanks so much for coming.
Oh, i wouldn't miss
this for anything.
Likewise.
Well, come on, you've
got to see the pony.
Just a second.
Don't you wanna
taste my chili first?
Well, yeah, but there's
a special guest coming
And i want you to be near
the pony when they arrive.
Well, i don't want it
to get cold.
I think i can win
first prize.
All right, scott, let's go
over to the judging table
And we'll try the
chili first.
God damn it.
All right, i guess we should
taste each other's chili, huh?
This chili looks
pretty good.
Here's mine.
Mmm, i don't know,
your chili is good, cartman.
But i think mine
is better, try it.
All right.
Hey, this is great!
It's a special recipe.
God, this is
really good, scott.
I'm glad you
like it so much,
Because now that
you're almost finished,
I have something
to tell you.
What?
You mean about how you
put pubes in your chili?
What?!
Yes, i'm afraid this
isn't your chili, scott.
I switched it
with chef's.
It's delicious, chef.
I hadn't planned on that.
What i did plan on,
however,
Was that my friends
stan and kyle would betray me
And warn you that the chili
con carnival was a trap.
I assumed that
they would tell you
That i trained jenkins'
pony to bite off your wiener.
What they didn't tell you was
that jenkins is a crazy redneck
Who shoots
trespassers on sight.
Knowing that you would go and
try to do something to the pony,
I warned mr. Jenkins that violent
pony killers were in the area.
I also knew that you
wouldn't go yourself
For fear of having
your wiener bitten off.
You would most likely
send your parents.
And. I'm afraid that when mr.
Jenkins spotted them on his property
He shot and killed
both your parents.
Well, they was trespassin'
and i was protectin' myself.
I have my rights.
My... mom and dad
are dead?
I came just in time to see
Mr. Jenkins giving his report
to officer barbrady,
And of course
to steal the bodies.
After a night with the hacksaw,
i was all ready
To put on my
chili con carnival.
So that i could tell you personally
about your parents' demise.
And of course,
feed you your chili.
Do you like it?
Do you like it, scott?
I call it...
"mr. And mrs. Tenorman chili".
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!
? Nyah, nyah, nyah,
nyah, nyah?
? I made you
eat your parents?
? Nyah, nyah, nyah,
nyah, nyah?
Jesus christ, dude!
My mom and dad
are dead!
No, no!
Ah, excuse me?
Who are you?
We're that band,
radiohead.
Jeez, what a
little crybaby.
You gonna cry
all day, crybaby?
You know,
everyone has problems,
It doesn't mean you have to be
a little crybaby about it.
Come on, guys,
let's go,
This kid is
totally not cool.
Yeah, that's the most
uncool kid i've ever met.
Little crybaby.
No, wait!
Wait!
Oh my god!
Oh my god!
Yes! Yes!
Oh, let me taste
your tears, scott.
Mmm, your tears
are so yummy, sweet.
Dude, i think it might be best for
us to never piss cartman off again.
Good call.
Oh, the tears of
unfathomable sadness.
Mmm, yummy,
yummy, guys.
Yibbidy-Bip-
That's all, folks!
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