South Park S05E05 Terrance & Phillip - Behind the Blow

? I'm going down
to south park?
? Gonna have
myself a time?
? Friendly faces
everywhere?
? Humble folks
without temptation?
? Going down
to south park?
? Gonna leave my
woes behind?
? Ample parking
day or night?
? People spouting
"howdy neighbor"?
? Headin' on up
to south park?
? Gonna see
if i can't unwind?
? Come on down
to south park?
? And meet some
friends of mine?
And so, in her career
filled with lies, back-Stabbing
And whoring herself
for money,
She learned that
the price of fame can be
Pleasing 65 men at once
in a dark, dirty alley.
And so endspunky brewster:
behind the blow.
Whoa,
bummer, dude.
Okay, dude,
it's 3:30.
It's time for
the terrance and phillip show.
Yay!
Yay! Yay!
Excuse me, buddy.
Why, did you fart?
Oh, no!
Oh man, this is
another rerun.
Are you sure?
I haven't seen it.
Yeah, fatass, this is their
famous "mechanic" sketch.
I'm looking
for a mechanic.
Can you tell me how to
get to the auto garage?
Sure, buddy, all you need
to do is go down to the-
And that's how you-
"Get to the auto garage."
Could you tell me how to get to
the auto garage without farting?
Sure, you go the same way,
"Except stick your finger
up your ass."
No, no, no.
I mean could you tell me the
directions again without you farting?
Oh, sure.
Just stick your finger
up my ass.
All right,
no problem, buddy.
Now tell me, how do i get to the
auto garage to see a mechanic?
You're at the auto garage,
i am the mechanic.
Why the heck didn't you tell me
you were the mechanic?
"Because i had
an itch up my ass."
Because i had
an itch up my ass.
Terrance and phillip
will be right back...
After these messages.
When are they gonna
make new ones?
Hey kids, don't miss
the greatest event of the year.
This thursday night
at the denver coliseum
See terrance and phillip live
and in person.
What's this?
One night and one night only,
See all your favorite
terrance and phillip bits live.
Oh, my god!
You guys,
you guys!
I know, i know.
To order tickets
call ticket slave now!
Write the number down,
write the number down!
Dude, did you get 'em?
I got 'em.
Four tickets, 68th row
toterrance and phillip.
I waited in line
since 3:00 this morning.
Awesome,
give me mine.
Wow, you guys are gonna see
terrance and phillip live?
Yup, tomorrow night.
All right, children,
let's settle down.
As you know,
this coming friday is earth day
And i'm pleased to announce that
the national earth day organization
Has chosen south park
as its location
For the earth day
brainwashing festival.
Oh!
Oh! Oh!
The heads of the earth day
brainwashing organization
Are here to tell you
all about it.
Hello, children, i know
you're all very excited
About having the earth day
brainwashing festival
Put on in your town.
You care very much
about the earth, don't you?
Yes.
Yes. Yes.
Good, because
it's up to all of you
To get lots of people to come
and make it look great.
The festival is on friday,
So we'll start getting it ready
tomorrow night.
What?
We've all gotta
pitch in.
I'm sorry, but the four of us
can't help tomorrow night.
Yeah!
Yeah!
You... what?
We got tickets to see terrance and
phillip live in denver tomorrow night.
We paid 40 bucks a piece
for them.
And terrance and phillip are
more important than mother earth?
Well, yeah, dude.
You don't care about
terrance and phillip.
Nothing matters more than saving
the planet from republicans.
You don't need to see
terrance and phillip.
No, dude,
we really, really do.
Their will is strong.
Boys, i'm sorry, but nothing's
more important than earth day.
Uh, but that's why
we're going. Huh?
See, we're the official presidents
of the terrance and phillip fan club
And we're going
to see them tomorrow
'Cause we can get them to
perform at the earth day festival.
You can get terrance
and phillip to perform?
That would be great.
Terrance and phillip would
draw huge ratings
From children
all over the country.
Very well, kids, we'll work
on getting the event ready here
And you go get
terrance and phillip.
All right!
All right!
But i warn you,
You better not promise things
to earth day people
That you can't deliver.
Earth day people can be
very unforgiving.
Heh-Heh, no problem,
no problem.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Put your hands together
for terrance!
Hello, denver!
Wow, dude,
terrance got really fat.
Yeah, he looks terrible.
How are you all feeling tonight,
pretty good?
Uh-Oh.
Hey, do you all
remember this one?
"Doctor, doctor,
i think i cracked my ass."
Phillip,
"let me take a look."
"Look closer."
Uh...
Where the hell
is phillip?
Phillip, phillip!
Phillip, phillip,
phillip, phillip!
And now, for some classic
terrance and phillip comedy.
Hello, terrance.
Hello, phillip.
Phillip?
That's not phillip.
Say, phillip,
i have a question for you.
Okay, shoot.
Dude, what the hell
is going on?
Why'd they
replace phillip?
I think this
new guy's funny.
And now here's a classic
terrance and phillip sketch
That i wrote
back in '62.
Excuse me, sir,
do you know who farted?
He sure did.
What's the person's name?
Who.
That farted?
The person
who. That passed gas?
Who passed gas.
Now, why you
askin' me?
That's man's name.
That's whose name?
Yes!
Something very terrible
has happened
In the world of
terrance and phillip
And we've got to
find out what.
Look, buddy, all i'm trying
to find out is,
What's the guy's name
that farted?
What's the guy that
drank his own urine.
Who?
Come on, guys, we're getting
to the bottom of this.
Excuse us.
Where do you think
you're goin'?
We have to talk
to terrance.
Yeah, right.
It's okay,
we're the official presidents
Of the terrance and
phillip fan club.
Then get in the "official president
of terrance and phillip fan club" line.
Oh, dude, gay.
You don't understand, we saved
terrance and phillip's lives once.
You and about a thousand other
people at one time or another.
Now get outta my face.
Redneck!
Man, this sucks.
Are you guys official
presidents too?
Don't talk to us, kid.
Hey, look at that line,
it's way shorter.
I don't think we're female
groupies or random sluts.
Kenny's a random slut.
Well, maybe we can sneak in
over there, come on.
Shh.
Yummy.
It was so great
meeting you.
I feel like we really
shared something.
We sure did, betty.
Next!
Hello, terrance,
i'm such a huge fan.
You're a huge fan,
all right.
Could i just have you
sign my breasts?
What do i get in return?
Whatever you want.
Oh yeah,
oh, that's good, baby.
Oh, terrance,
i love you, i love you.
I love you,
i love you.
Man, it smells
down there.
Jesus christ,
that was fast.
Well, what should we name it,
how 'bout jerry?
What the hell?
Oh wow,
we had quadruplets.
Aah!
We're not quadruplets,
terrance.
We snuck in that woman's
spandex to get in here.
Oh, thank god.
The last thing i need
is more kids.
What do you want,
an autograph or something?
No, it's more important
than that.
Our school is putting on
a big show for earth day
And we promised people
we could get you to perform.
Earth day, huh?
That sounds like
a very noble cause.
How much does it pay?
But where's phillip?
Who?
Phillip,
your partner.
Why is it that every time
somebody sees me,
They have to say,
"hey where's phillip?"
Like we're freakin' married
or something.
Y'know, i'll let youtater tots
in on a little secret.
Phillip is a hack.
You know who wrote all
the terrance and phillip stuff?
Me.
Phillip never did anything
but read his lines.
But the guy that
replaced him sucks.
I know,
i know he sucks.
To be honest, things haven't
been going so well lately.
I'm not making any money because
everyone wants to see phillip.
Why?
What the hell does
phillip do?
Because, dude,
it's "terrance and phillip".
Whatever.
The point is,
phillip and i are through
And apparently, so is the
act and so is the money.
What if we can get phillip
to agree to get back together?
Will you do
the earth day show for us?
Ha, good luck
getting phillip.
He left because he wanted
to do "more serious stuff."
The last i heard he was doing
canadian shakespeare in toronto.
Toronto?
But we promised the earth day
people you'd perform.
Well, in that case,
I'd say you four boys are
up fart creek without a paddle.
Work, work, children.
We only have two more days
until earth day, work!
Uh, excuse me,
my daddy is a geologist
And he says there actually
isn't any concrete evidence
Of global warming.
That's not true, global warming
is going to kill us all.
The republicans
are responsible.
Thank you.
Oh no, dude.
Oh, there you are boys.
I need terrance and
phillip's information
So i can tell them
their schedule.
Uh, we didn't
get them.
You what?
They're not together
anymore, dude.
You better be joking.
We've already announced
their participation.
Look, we could
probably get terrance,
But he'll be performing
with this other guy.
You promised us
terrance and phillip.
We, therefore, promised
the world terrance and phillip.
You will get us
terrance and phillip or else.
But there's nothing
we can do.
Phillip is doing
shakespeare in canada now.
Then you better get your asses
to canada and get him.
We'll make
travel arrangements.
Nothing is more important
than the environment, boys,
Not even your lives.
Well, guys, i guess
we're going to canada.
Sweet.
Ah!
Part them,
they are incensed.
Nay, come again.
Look to the queen
there, buddy.
They bleed on both sides,
how is it, my lord?
How is it, laertes?
Why, as a woodcock
to mine own springe, osric,
I am justly killed with
my own treachery.
How does the queen?
Hey, guy,
she swoons to see them bleed.
Oh my dear, hamlet,
i am poisoned.
Oh, villainy,
ho, let the door be locked.
Treachery, seek it out.
It is here, hamlet,
hamlet, thou art slain.
No medicine in the world
can do thee good.
In thee there is not
half an hour of life.
The treacherous instrument
is in thy hand,
Unbated and envenomed.
The foul practice
hath turned itself on me.
Lo, here i lie
never to rise again.
Thy mother's poisoned,
i can no more.
The king,
the king's to blame.
The point,
envenomed too.
Then, venom
to thy work, buddy!
Treason, treason! Treason!
Oh, yet defend me, friends,
i am but hurt.
Here, thou incestuous,
murderous damned dane.
Drink of this potion,
is thy union here?
Follow my mother.
He is served, it is
a poison tempered by himself.
Exchange forgiveness with me,
noble hamlet.
Mine and my father's death
came not upon thee
Nor thine on me.
Heaven make free of it,
i follow thee, guy.
I am dead, horatio,
wretched queen, adieu.
You that look pale and tremble
at this chance, buddy,
Thou are but mutes or
audience to this act,
Had i but time- As this fell sergeant
death is strict in his arrest-
Oh, i could tell you, buddy,
but let it be.
Horatio, i am dead.
Thou livest, guy,
Report me and my cause aright
to the unsatisfied.
Never believe it.
I am more an antique roman
than a dane.
Here's yet some
liquor left, buddy.
Jesus-Tap-Dancing-Christ,
is this thing ever gonna end?
He has my dying voice, so
tell him with the occurrence
More and less which
have solicited,
The rest is silence.
Now cracks a noble heart,
good night, sweet prince
And flights of angels
sing thee to thy rest, buddy.
Phillip, phillip!
Yes?
Our town in colorado was chosen
to host earth day this year
And we need a big act.
Oh really?
This run of hamlet is closing down,
i'm afraid, we could take it there.
Uh, well we were thinking
how cool it would be
If you and terrance got
back together for a reunion-
Stop right there!
I'm not doin' nothin'
with that fatass egomaniac.
But we need you.
I'm sick of him
taking credit for all the work
And not letting me
change the act.
It's old and stale.
I mean, do you really think that
fart jokes are funny for that long?
Look, if you don't come
and do the show,
I'll make you
eat your parents.
Yeah,
whatever kid.
He'll do it, dude.
Uh, look, phillip.
Everyone in south park just
wants to see your serious side.
What?
What?
They told us, "that phillip,
he's the one with talent.
Just get him for earth day."
Really?
Well that sounds interesting,
how much does it pay?
$2,000.
I'm in!
Here, call me at this number
with the details, gotta run.
Dude, you didn't tell him
terrance would be there.
I didn't say he wouldn't
be there, either.
Look, all we have to do
is get them there, right?
Once terrance and phillip
get together again,
It'll be like old times.
Oh, kyle, you just made a huge
withdrawal at the "first bank of lies".
It'll,
it'll be okay.
Work faster.
Faster, children,
earth day is coming.
Well, boys,
it's rehearsal time
And your terrance and phillip
haven't shown up.
They said they'd come.
I'm sure they'll
be here any minute.
Maybe you kids don't understand
how important earth day is
For the future of our planet.
Maybe you need
some convincing.
Karl.
Ahh!
Oh, my god!
Excuse me, is this where the
earth day crap is happening?
He's here.
Oh, very good,
mr. Phillip, i'm jack forest,
Head of the earth day
committee.
Thank you for being a part
of this important event.
Whatever,
where's my check?
All right, i'm here,
where do i-
What's he doing here?
All right,
let's do a rehearsal
So that the camera crew
can get a look at it.
Wow, isn't this great, you guys
seeing each other again?
Yeah, you must have
a lot of catching up to do
But let's rehearse first.
So, this is your doing,
huh, terrance?
My doing?
These kids called me
and said it was your idea
And that you wanted
to apologize.
Please, you guys,
this is for earth day.
You care about mother earth,
don't you?
Well, what the hell?
I already flew
all the way out here.
But i want my check made out
to me, not both of us.
Ditto!
Fine.
See, i told you
it would work.
All right, we'll come off
the speech of the dying whales
And then, action.
Doctor, doctor,
i've cracked my ass.
Really?
Let me take a look.
Look closer.
Yon fart doth smell
of elderberry sweet-
That's not
the line, asshole.
You're right,
it's a better one, asshole.
Just do the bit right,
dick face!
Why don't you go eat some more
pudding, you fatass drug addict!
I may be fat, but at least
i didn't get hair plugs.
That's it!
I ain't doin' nothin'
with "kooko the whale"!
I never needed you in
the first place, you hack!
You can't leave,
the show starts soon.
Boys, you've got three hours
to get those two back together.
Do i need to remind you
what will happen if you don't?
Karl!
Owww!
You bastards.
Good luck, boys.
We've got to get them
back together, you guys.
They could
do this tous!
Tom, i'm standing in
south park, colorado
Where earth day 2001
is in full force.
Environmental awareness
games, booths
And of course,
the entertainment on stage
Which is being broadcast live
all over the country.
This eco-Happy crowd is thrilled
and waiting in anticipation
For the arrival
of terrance and phillip,
Who were promised
by these four boys.
What a touching
and true song.
You know it's true, republicans
are ruining the earth.
Republicans are
ruining the earth.
All right.
Well, i think i know why
most you tuned in today.
How about some
earth day entertainment?
Hooray for the earth,
we must protect it.
And now, as promised, here are
terrance and phillip... on video.
On video?
They were considered the best
comedy act in all of canada,
But a fast-Paced rocket ride
to success
Would bring them
to the depths of despair.
This isterrance and phillip:
behind the blow.
Wow.
Wow. Wow.
What the hell
do you call this?
Behind the blow.
I taped it last month.
We promised people
terrance and phillip,
Not a video documentary.
You've ruined the earth
for the last time, boys!
Aah!
Aah!
Terrance was born
"terrance henry stute"
In the small canadian village
of toronto.
At a very early age, his parents
noticed an uncanny musical ability
And decided to enroll him in the
canadian school for gifted babies.
It was here that he partnered up
with phillip niles argyle,
A brash young baby
from montreal.
Together,
they performed musical acts
That stunned canadians
everywhere.
At the tender age of six,
Terrance and phillip
were off to the united states
To perform on
theed sullivan show
Where american audiences
would be exposed to canadians
For the first time.
And now,
ladies and gentlemen,
We have two adorable boys
from canada.
Please put your hands together for the
music of young terrance and phillip.
? Beef and lamb
chicken and ham?
? Step to the left
and clap your hands?
? Gosh we love that
chicken and ham?
? Don't you love that
chicken and ham?
Oh my god, what's wrong
with their heads?!
It's all right, darling,
they're just canadian.
Oh.
? Beef and lamb
chicken and ham?
? Step to the left
and clap your hands?
? Gosh we love that
chicken and ham?
? Don't you love my
chicken and ham?
The canadian act confused
american audiences,
But then something happened
That would change terrance
and phillip's act forever.
It was the birth
of canadian comedy.
Terrance and phillip spent the next
several years perfecting their art
And meeting some of america's
most influential people.
Excuse me, which way
is the bus station?
Hey, you're the guy
on the screen.
What?
But it was in 1974
on thesonny and cher show
That terrance and phillip finally
started to mix their canadian humor
With deep political insight.
You know, cher,
a lot of us real americans
Don't know much
about canada.
Well, all of us
real americans
Aren't as stupid
and short as you.
Please, put your
groovy hands together
For the young and talented
terrance and phillip.
Say, terrance,
i'm getting worried aboot
All these russians
making missiles.
Maybe we should
stop this "cold war".
Here's a missile for ya.
That's better.
With this bold mix
of humor and political insight,
The world couldn't get enough
of terrance and phillip,
But their fame
would come at a price
Whenbehind the blow
continues.
Okay, okay,
i think we lost 'em.
Jesus, man, those earth people
don't screw around.
Kyle, none of this
would be happening
If you hadn't lied
in the first place.
You lied and then you lied
to cover up your lies.
I didn't see you complaining
at the time, fat boy!
Guys, we have no choice,
we're gonna have to move away.
Environmental activists
don't use logic or reason.
There they are!
Ahh!
Run, run, run!
As they entered
their late teens,
Terrance and phillip
were already starting to taste
The sweet milk of success,
But the price of fame
was looming
Asterrance and phillip:
behind the blowcontinues.
The 70s and 80s were a good time
for young terrance and phillip.
Their act on
the donny and marie show
Won them
a nobel peace prize.
They were on the cover
of every magazine.
And then in 1998,
Even a saturday morning
cartoon was made
Based on terrance and phillip.
Terrance and phillip themselves
supplied the voices.
Say, terrance,
what should we do
Aboot this strange planet
we've crashed on?
I don't know, phillip.
It seems like the alien species
here breathe an inert gas.
Uh-Oh, did you say
what i thought you said?
As leader of
the goat people,
I have seen my species nearly
wiped out by your dangerous gas.
Wow, that sucks.
The cartoon was
such a huge success
That it started to breed
confusion
Over whether
terrance and phillip
Were animated characters
or real people.
And so in 1998,
the comedy team started work
On what they thought would be
their greatest achievement,
A made-For-Tv movie
Written by and starting
terrance and phillip
Callednot without my anus.
It was their biggest project
to date,
But it had the misfortune
of being scheduled on a night
When a different and more
popular television show,
The john schneider variety hour
was supposed to air.
When fans tuned in
to see john schneider
And instead were treated to
the canadian made-For-Tv movie,
They were enraged, bewildered
and scared.
The fans revolted
and burned down the network,
Killing six television producers
and wounding 12 others.
The hatred of
terrance and phillip had begun.
Terrance fell into
a deep depression
And started abusing
wood polish.
Phillip beat up
an angry six-Year-Old fan
And was sued for
$6 million.
It was the first time
the duo tasted failure
And it nearly
killed them both.
What's going on here?
Shh, we're watchin'
behind the blow.
Come on, kenny,
hurry up!
After years of depression
and suicide attempts,
Terrance and phillip
finally decided to get together
For one last film,
The 1999 smash hit,
asses of fire.
It was one of the highest
grossing films of the summer.
And though
the film also started
The canadian-American
war of 1999
In which eight million people
lost their lives,
The film was
considered a great success.
After almost being executed
by the american government,
Terrance and phillip were
eventually returned to canada
Where they were touted
as heroes.
They had been to hell and back,
Through the very best and the
very worst of times together,
But they had seen it through,
and so ends,
Terrance and phillip:
behind the blow.
Terrance.
Oh, phillip,
you're still here too.
I was just
watching this video.
Y'know, i've never
seen it before.
Me neither.
We sure did go through
a lot together.
We sure did.
Terrance, i-
Don't, no, phillip,
don't say it.
I was an asshole,
this is mostly my fault.
That's what
i was gonna say,
You're an asshole and
this was mostly your fault.
But you were always the more
artistically driven of us.
I should've put more
into it than i did.
No, phillip.
I really thought
i did everything,
Until i tried
to do it alone.
Think of all
the endangered species
That will now vanish
because of you.
Karl!
So long, boys.
Wait,
dude, look.
Thank you, everone,
thank you.
You know, phillip and i have
learned an important lesson,
That when you go
through a lot with somebody,
You can't let trite things
come between you.
That's right, terrance.
You should only let trite things
come between your ass cheeks.
Oh, no!
They're back.
All right!
Yes, earth day
is saved, boys.
Everything worked out
after all.
It sure did.
Look, kenny,
everything turned out okay.
Say, terrance,
can you tell me who farted?
He sure did, phillip.
No, i'm asking you
his name.
And so terrance and phillip
got back together,
Proving once and for all
that fame and fortune
Are never as important
as friendship.
? Beef and lamb
chicken and ham?
? Step to the left
and clap your hands?
? Gosh we love that
chicken and ham?
? Don't they love that
chicken and ham?
? Beef and lamb
chicken and ham?
? Step to the left
and clap your hands?
? Gosh we love that
chicken and ham?
? Don't they love that
chicken and ham?
? Beef and lamb
chicken and ham?
? Step to the left
and clap your hands?
? Gosh we love that
chicken and ham?
? Don't they love that
chicken and ham?