Alright, children, as I'm sure you all remember, today we are going to continue our biology lesson…
by dissecting an organism.
Now, what we are going to dissect
today is the West Indian manatee.
Manatees are mammals that live in the oceans and are often called the gentle clowns of the sea.
Aha, Ms. Choksondik,
aren't manatees endangered?
They sure are, Wendy, and that's
why we must learn what's inside them.
Now, we don't have quite
enough manatees to go around,
so I think we're gonna have to
split up into groups of four.
Hey! Ours is still alive!
Oh, hold on.
Now, children, our first incision
will be along the abdomen.
I can't do it, dude.
Aw, don't be such a
baby! You do it, Kenny.
Come, on, Kenny! I'll give
you five bucks to do it!
(FIVE BUCKS???)
Too bad Cartman's missing
this. He must be really sick.
Say Terrance, this body appears to
have been moved since the murder.
Look at the forensic
evidence around the torso.
I don't see anything.
Look closer. Closer. Hunh-nh.
I still don't see anything, Phillip.
Waitwait.
I know what's gonna happen, Mom.
You wanna know what's gonna happen?
Keep looking, Terrance. The forensic
evidence is right around here. Ah! Af!
That totally surprised me!
I can't believe how the
show manages to stay fresh.
Eh yes, sweetie.
Mom.can you go make me a toaster
pastry chocolate-mix butter bar?
Oohh, honey, why don't
you make it yourself?
Mommy's expecting some company.
God, I have to everythng around here!
I'mo drag home myself, babih. But the-
What the hell's going on?
Uh, sweetie, your friends
wanted to have a "talk" with you.
Eric, your friends and your family are
all… concerned about your weight. M'kay?
What?!
We believe that you
might have a problem.
You're God-damn right I have a problem!
Terrance and Phillip is on and
I don't have anywhere to sit!
Now what the hell is this?!
It's called intervention, Eric.
Your friends and I have all chipped in
and we're going to send you up
to a weight-management retreat.
Fat camp?
Yes, fat camp.
Alright, I don't know who the
hell put you all up to this,
but I am sure as hell not
going to any gay-ass fat camp!
Now, Eric, all these people came here
and paid to send you to camp
because they care about you.
Yeah, except for me. I just wanted to see
the look on your face when they told you.
Mom, tell them! Tell them I'm
not fat, I'm just big-boned!
Tell them all those stories about how everyone in your famiy was big as a child but then grew into their bodies!
Oh, sweetie, those were
all lies. You're just fat.
And now we will be removing the spleen.
Notice how the manatee's
spleen is designed for a qu-
Ah, Ms. Choksondik, can we
have a quick word with you?
Alright, continue with the removal of
the spleen, childen. I'll be right back.
Aw, dude, check this out.
That's so gross.
Hey, Kenny. How much
for you to eat this?
(I'm not eatin' that!)
I'll give you ten bucks to eat it.
I'll throw in five.
And so apparently there's
been a little mixup.
The manatees were meant to go
to the Denver Shelter Aquarium
and the frogs were meant to come here.
Oh dear.
I'll throw in a dollar!
I've got three.
Come on, dude. All you
gotta do is eat it very fast!
forty-one bucks.
Eww-ho-hoo!
He did it!
Alright, children, now,
let's get back in our seats.
Uh, we are now going to put
the manatees back together.
…And it has basketball
courts and tennis courts,
and you can call Mommy
any time you want.
Oh, sweetie-kins, don't be mad.
I'm sure you're going
to have a good time.
And when you come back you'll
be all healthy and thin.
Howdy there. I'm one of
the weight counselors here.
This must be Eric Cartman.
Yes. I'm afraid he's a little moody.
Oh, we'll change that. Hello, camper.
My name is Rick. How are you doing?
Well, I'm pissed off!,
Rick! How are you?
I'm doing great! Why don't you come
on out and we'll get yo oriented.
I'll take care of him from here, ma'am.
Oh. Well, goodbye, sweetie.
Don't touch me!
Eric, this is the beginning
of a whole new life for you!
Have you got any candy?
No.
My mon says I ain't to eat no candy
here. I'm s'psoed to lose weight.
Alright! Everybody's here and that
means we can get down to business!
Over the next few weeks we're gonna learn
that losing weight is fun, right gang?
Right.
Wait a second. Do you kids hear
something? I could've swore that-
Oh no, kids! It's glutinous fat!
I'm gonna take over your
body and make you slow!
Oh! What are we going to do?
Wait! I know! I could knock
it out! With… Exercise!
And… Proper Diet.
Oh no! Exercise and
proper diet have killed me.
I guess we took care of that
bad old fat, didn't we kids?
Yeah!
Well, hold on a second.
Because that glutinous fat was
really our good friend, Susan,
who's another weight counselor!
Heh! It was a lady in a costume!
Would somebody put this
retard out of his misery?!
What's the matter?
Kenny's not feeling so good.
That manatee spleen made him sick.
Uh oh. I guess we shouldn't
have made him eat it.
Well, at least you got
it out of your system.
Aw, dude! You can still kinda
see the spleen! How much, Kenny?
(WHAT?!)
I'll give you five
bucks.to eat your puke.
Huh-I'm in for five!
Oh, you guys!
I've got three.
Six!
Uh-here. Uh-you can scoop
it up in my R. Kelly thermos.
That's 19 bucks, Kenny!
Kick ass, dude!
You know, dude, there
might be something to this.
Yeah. People are willing to pay big
money to see Kenny do this stuff.
Doing great kids! Come on!
This… is… bullcrap!
Well, I sure enjoyed my carrots and
protein bar! How about you, gang?
I'm starving. This is
it. I'm going to die here.
I hope you all left room for dessert.
Soybean pudding for everybody!
Are you going to eat
your soybean pudding?
Take it! I can't eat this crap!
Me neither. I have to have
sugar or I'm going to die.
Yeah, well, when I was in prison, we used
to sneak stuff in by hiding it up oour ass.
I have some Fudge 'Ems
up my ass. You want some?
Psss. Yeah, I'm not
falling for that one again!
Alright, Clyde Frog.
We just gotta clear the
counselor building and we're free.
We did it, Clyde Frog!
Now the only question is, do we go
home to our traitor moms and friends,
or do we start a new life on the run?
An ice cream truck! Hey wait!
Boy, am I glad to see you!
Can I interest you in some ice cream?
You're damn right you can!
Two Roller Pops, please!
Alrighty, do you want
this kind or this kind?
They tricked us again, huh?
Aw, God-damnit! LET ME OUT OF HMYA!
Hang on, we'll be back at
camp in a matter of no time.
They always get us. Sometimes it's a ice
cream truck, sometimes it's a taco stand.
But they always fool us..
Heh-I can't help it. I'd give anything.
Any amount of money for some candy.
Hey kids!
Looks like we had some
attemptted escapees again tonight.
Escape-aroo! Now campers,
I know that camp is tough,
but you have to believe
that you can do it.
And you have to know that until you
drop the weight, you can't leave.
Thre is no escape.
So let's just all put
on our try-hard helmets,
and accept that the only way for us to
get out of camp, is to LOSE THE WEIGHT
Aw, damnit!
That's what being young is all about.
Thanks for coming, everybody.
Uh what's all this about, Mrs. Cartman?
Is Eric having trouble at havin'
trouble at his weight-management camp?
We knew he wouldn't make it.
Oh, no. Quite the contrary.
Eric showed up and
surprised me last night.
Ladies and gentlemen, I
would like to present to you…
the new Eric Cartman.
Hey, dudes!
I don't believe it.
Believe it. He lost 40
pounds at his fat camp.
Eric, that's fantastic, m'kay?!
Congratulations. How do you feel?
I feel awesome!
What did they do with all the fat?
There must have been enough to
last an Eskimo family months.
You know, Kyle? There was a time when
your fat jokes would have gotten to me.
But now I'm totally
slim and totally happy!
In fact, I'd say I'm a little
bit trimmer than you, fatboy!
Just kidding, Kyle.
I made some healthy tofu pudding
to celebrate. Who wants some?
Memememeee!
Dude. I don't know if I'm going
to like the new Eric Cartman.
Did you like the old one?
Good point.
And now back to Jesus and Pals,
on South Park Public Access.
Back to our courageous story of a
little boy's triumph over obesity.
Eric, yea. You found that the Spirit of
the Lord inside you gave you strength.
No. Actually, I found a
diet that totally works.
A little boy who overcame the odds.
Let's hear it for Eric Cartman!
Well, our second guest tonight is
a young man named Kenny McCormick,
who is going to eat dog crap. Kenny?
God-damnit, all I got
was a little golf clap!
Thanks for coming on the show, Kenny.
(Sure!)
Do it again!
Hey kid! I'll give you 20 bucks
to eat a really old piece of bacon!
This is ridiculous!
So. Kenny, how did you discover
that you had this… talent?
We thought of it, Jesus.
I mean, Kenny's the one that does it all, but
we were the masterminds of the whole thing.
I can't say I approve
of this, my children.
Huh? Why not?
Because Kenny is only doing
things that anybody could do.
For money. He's a prostitute.
I'll pay him 50 bucks to
eat someone else's vomit.
-What's a prostitute?
-I don't know.
Hello there, children!
Hey, Chef:
Chef, what's a prostitute?
Dag-nabbit children!
How come every time you come in here you gotta be askin' me questons that I shouldn't be answering?
Chef, what's the clitoris?
What's a lesbian, Chef?
How come they call it a rim jub, Chef?
For once, can't just come in here and
say, "Hi Chef. Nice day, isn't it?"
Hi Chef. Nice day, isn't it?
It sure is! Thank you.
Chef, what's a prostitute?
Uh uh! You children are gonna get me
in trouble with the principal again.
Lunchtime! I'm starved!
Oh my God. Eric?
That's me.
Chef was just about to
tell us what a protitute is.
Why do you need to know
what a prostitue is anyway?!
Because Jesus told us that
Kenny's a prostitute. Is he?
(Yeah. Am I?)
Well, no, uh of course
Kenny is not a prostitute.
Why?
Well, because, children, a
prostitute is someone who…
you could pay for certain services.
Like what?
Like keeping you company. Understand?
No.
You see, chidren, sometimes a
man needs to be with a woman.
But sometimes, when the lovin' is over,
the woman just wants to talk
and talk and talk and talk.
<i>But a prostitute is
someonen who would love you
<i>No matter who you are, or what you
look like. Yes, it's true, children.
<i>That's not why you pay a prostitute,
<i>no, you don't pay her to stay,
you pay her to leave afterwards.
<i>That's why I pays a lot for prostitutes!
Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. James Taylor.
A prostitute is like any other woman
<i>They all trade somethin'
for sex and they do it well.
<i>And that's why I say-
<i>Prostitutes! Prostitutes! They-
…James Taylor, what the
hell are you doin' in here?!
Singing' about prostitutes
to the children!
Get out of here!
…These children tricked me!
Oh, there you are.
Alright, I got the goods.
Some candy bars, a few
donuts, and some beef gravy.
Is anyone starting to suspect anything?
Nobody. Your mom even
thinks I'm a skinny you.
Ahawesome! Alright, throw it over!
Uh uh. One thing. I want a bigger cut.
What?!
I'm the one risking my ass,
running around in that stupid town pretending to be you and collecting all the food to bring up here!
All you have to do is sit back
and sell it to all the fat kids!
Alright alright! Keep your voice
down! I'll bump you up to 10%.
Twenty.
Suck my balls, 20!
Fine! Then I shall bid you good day!
Waitwaitwaitwait! Fine, 20!
But just remember that your parents think that you're in the drug rehab center next door!
You blow your cover
and we're both screwed!
You guys! You have to
check this tape out!
Ey, we're trying to
study. Finals are tomorrow.
No, dude, check this out!
It's a video: this kid, he
does all kinds of crazy stuff.
Check it out! He jumped into a Porto-Potty at a construction site and stayed there for four days!
Oh, gro-hoss
Sick!
That's awesome! Hey
guys! Check this out!
Get ready for the Krrrrrrazy Kenny Show!
And now here's your host, the kid who
will do anythng to himself for money,
Krrrra--a--a-a-azy
Kenny!
Kenny, through the past
weeks we've seen you eat mice,
pretend to kill newborn babies
to shock their mothers and
…wash your hair with battery acid.
The question in all our minds is,
who-haht are you gonna do next?
(Well, I'm gonna give my grandfather
a full-body sensual massage.)
Whoa-ho ho! You heard him, folks!
Kenny is going to give a sensual
full-body massage to his own grandfather!
Wow! This is Kenny's best show ever!
This is so juvenile.
Cartman, what the hell's
the matter with you?
Yeah, you've gotten lame since
you got skinny. What's up?
Eh, nothing. Hey, can I have some
of that licorice to take home?
Alright campers, good work today.
Lights out, and we'll see you tomorrow
for more exercise and proper diet.
All beddy-byes for the night, are they?
I don't know what we're doing wrong,
Susan. These kids aren't losing the weight.
We'll just have to give them
more time. They'll do it!
They'll do it!!
Alright, they're gone!
The Cartman store is open!
Two donuts and a pack
of licorice, please.
Two donuts and a pack of licorice.
Well, Tony, the usual?
Why are you crying, Chad?
Cause I'm always gonna be fat.
I don't wanna eat no sweets, but I can't control myself when they're right in front of me like this.
All my life I've been fat.
I've beh- I've been to seven camps and I swore to my momma that I'd lose the weight.
I want to, but I can't help myself.
Hey, Chad, eh… You know what
you need? You need a friend.
I'd, I do?
Yes. A chocolate friend.
Mr. Candy Bar doesn't judge you, Chad.
Mr. Candy Bar likes you
just the way you are.
Look at how yummy and sweet he is.
…There you go. That'll
just be four dollars.
…There you go.
This week on Pay Per View, Krazy Kenny
will crawl up into a woman's uterus
and stay there for six hours.
Don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime
event. Order now!
Alright, so we're back talkin'
to three competing celebrities:
Tom Green, Johnny Knoxville from
MTV's Jackass and Krazy Kenny.
Hey, Howard.
Krazy Kenny is here to promote
his Pay-Per-View special this week,
where he will crawl up into a bus driver's
uterus and stay there for six hous.
Now, some people that all you
guys do is perform sick and
disgusting acts for shock value
and money, which makes you whores.
But I'd like to prove them wrong.
So what I'm gonna do… is
I'm gonna offer each of you
$50,000 to give me oral sex right now.
-I'm in.
-Me too.
-(And me!)
-Fine! I'll do it for 40!
-20!
-(…Ten bucks!)
Ooh, the kid says he'll
do it for ten bucks.
Damnit. I'm out.
Me too. I guess he is the biggest whore.
Alright, let's get going,
then. Can we cut the cameras?
And we're gonna reach fo the sky…
And down to the ground.
And up to the sky…
And down to the ground.
Please, Mr. Sanders.
No! I have had it!
What's happening?
Horace's parents want to take him home.
Oh! But he's not ready yet.
Look at what you've done to my boy!
You told Horace that he was
responsible for his weight!
You made him believe that
with exercise and proper diet,
he could be thin! When we
told you it was his genetics!
They can lose the weight if they try.
Look at these kids! They're
not getting any thinner!
Your camp is a fraud!
You need to accept the fact that most
fat people are just genetically fat!
Please, sir, if you
give us one more week,…
Your time is up!
Yeah, your time is up!
And I'm going to call all the other parents
to tell them to come claim their kids as well!
Your camp is a WASTE …of time!
-But, Dad, I…
-What?!
…Nothin'.
We're in trouble, Rick.
Alright, Ms. Crabtree.
Is it comf'table enough?
HOW LONG HAVE I GOT TO SIT HERE?
Six hours.
HELL, I'LL DO SIX HOURS FOR THE FIVE HUNDRED BUCKS YOU'RE PAYING ME!
Great.
You guys! It's Kenny! He's been
arrested for prostitution in New York!
For what?
For giving Howard Stern a hummer!
Who-what's a hummer??
I don't know! All I know is Kenny
is in jail for at least three months!
Three months?! But the
per-per-view is tomorrow!
I know!
He worked so hard, come so close.
Now we'll never see Kenny crawl
up into Ms. Crabtree's uterus.
You know, maybe we've all
learned something here.
I mean, we set Kenny up to further
and further himself each time,
havin' to always outdo himself.
Now he's in jail for being a whore.
And perhaps, just
perhaps, we are to blame.
…Alright, that does it! This has
been bothering the hell out of me!
I knew it! You're not Cartman at all!
Well, we'vee seen him do
just about every disgusting
thing in the book, and
today live on pay-per-view,
Krazy Kenny is going to crawl into
a woman's uterus for six hours!
Well, Ms. Crabtree, your cervix has been dilated, your womb equipped with oxygen- How do you feel?
I feel great! I haven't had this much
attention paid to my coot since I was 16!
Hooray!
Well, let's bring out the man
of the hour, you know him as the-
Don't wory, dude. You're gonna do great.
No way! I'm not doing this!
Hoh, you're doing it, or else we're
gonna bust your whole scheme wide open,
and tell your mom you haven't actually
been at your drug rehab this whole time!
But this isn't fair!
Deal, druggie!
(But I'm gonna starve to
death if I get in there)
And here he is, Kenny McCormick!
We can watch him on the video monitors.
How are you doin' in there, Kenny?
That's my boy!
Good-bye, Chad.
We'll be wanting our refund, naturally.
Naturally.
Good-bye, Alice.
Good-bye. Thank you.
Oh, don't thnak us. We failed you.
…65, 66, 67…
Wait a second! This isn't right!
It's time for me to be
responsible for my own actions!
Mom, Dad, we've been eating
candy this whole time!
Eric Cartman's been
sneaking in junk food!
Eh- shut up,
you half-Chad!
No, he's right. The counselors've been
doing a good job. We've just been cheating.
Yeah.
I believe I can lose the weight
with exercise and proper diet.
I don't wanna make excuses no more.
Me neither.
Yeah.
If you take us back, we
promise we won't cheat.
Well, it's alright with me. Parents?
Well, what the heck.
Maybe when you're all donen you can
teaach me a thing or two, huh son?
You know? You guys are right.
I'm sick of being the fat kid, too.
I've been making excuses all my life.
But I know deep down that if I took
responsibility and really tried hard,
and we all tried together, well
we really can lose the weight!
Oh no, not you. You're
not welcome here anymore.
What?!
Bubbye.
Well, screw you, fatasses!
Four, three, two, one!
He did it! Come on out, Kenny!
You made it six hours,
Kenny. Come on out of there.
Uh, Ms. Crabtree, maybe you
could give him a little push.
He's dead. The pressure
must have killed him.
I told you I was a tight virgin flower.
Oh my God, they've
killed Kenny! …Sort of.
Yeah. They've kinda killed
Kenny-'s look-alike. You bastards!
Well, he gave his
life for our amusement.
One little boy who
dared to be different.
Let us never forget… Kenny McCormick.
Who was that?
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