? I'm going down
to south park?
? Gonna have
myself a time?
? Friendly faces
everywhere?
? Humble folks
without temptation?
? Going down
to south park?
? Gonna leave my
woes behind?
? Ample parking
day or night?
? People spouting
"howdy neighbor"?
? Headin' on up
to south park?
? Gonna see
if i can't unwind?
? So come on down
to south park?
? And meet some
friends of mine?
Well, you boys must
be pretty excited-
Your first night
of scouts.
It's gonna suck.
There's gonna be all these
new kids there we don't know.
Yeah.
Well, now, that's
part of the fun.
Yeah, both kenny's dad and
i were in scouts for years.
Was your dad
in scouts, cartman?
Oh yeah, you don't
have a dad.
That's not funny!
Jesus christ!
Are you excited for your first
night of scouts, timmy?
Yeah, timmy!
Yeah,
he's excited.
Hey, fellas.
Hey, butters.
Boy, am i glad
to see you guys.
There's lots of kids here
from other schools.
I don't know anybody.
All right boys, we're
gonna head to the bar.
We'll be back to
pick you up at nine.
You boys just make sure to
obey the scout leader now.
He's the man in charge.
Hello, scouts!
Hey, it's
big gay al!
Hello, stanley,
i was happy to see you
And your little friends'
names on the list.
Timmy!
You're the new
scout leader?
I just got
transferred in.
I think everyone's here now,
so we can get started.
Come on, scouts,
we've got work to do.
Hooray! Hooray! See ya, dad.
Hey, are you parents gonna
stand there all night?
This meeting is for scouts only,
you silly gooses!
Now, before we get
started, scouts,
I want to introduce you to
someone very special here tonight.
He's a brave little boy
with disabilities,
Who proves just by being here
that scouts are for everyone!
Timmy!
So let's all all give a big
round of applause
To little jimmy!
Well, hello,
everyone.
Ji-Jimmy?
Look, i'm not saying the new
scout leader's a bad person,
I just don't think he
should be a scout leader.
He got to where he is
by being a good scout,
Maybe we should just
leave him alone.
Well, how gay
is he?
He's really,
really gay.
Well then, i don't want
my boy there either.
So, he's a
homosexual, so what?
I have nothing against
homosexuals either, randy,
But the big camping trip
is next week.
Are you saying you're fine with
this guy camping overnight,
Alone, with our boys?
You know, boys emulate
authority figures.
Even if it doesn't
turn them gay,
They can end up all
talking all fem'
And prancing around
like girls.
Ah, that's
ridiculous.
People,
people, please!
You're forgetting that
homosexuality is a choice.
As many of you know, i myself
went through a homosexual phase.
But the light of christ
showed me how to change.
Just give me two hours
with this man
And i can
convert him back.
That's what you said
about peterson,
And then you ended up
having sex with him.
That's right, you did.
And so, that's how to make
banana nut muffins.
And now, as a very
special treat,
Our very
special friend jimmy
Is going to do
what he loves most-
Motivational
stand-Up comedy.
Let's give him
a big hand!
Wow, what a great
audience.
Well, just in case
you were wondering,
I do have
a disability-
I am totally happy with the way
i was born, very much.
I travel to different states
and talk to kids
About being proud
of what they are.
My mom says god
has a p-Plan for everyone.
I guess i was
plan "b".
You guys like
im-Impersonations?
Timmy!
How about
jimmy stewart?
"Merry christmas,
movie house."
And john travolta.
"Oh my god,
mr. Carter.
Mr. Carter, oh my god,
mr. Carter."
Jimmy's funny, dude.
Yeah, well, he's the coolest kid
with disabilities in the world.
Hmm!
Ah, kenny,
it's 9:00.
Come on, stanley.
Oops, guess we're
out of time, kids.
Now remember, tomorrow
you all have bake sales
In your respective neighborhoods
to raise money.
We'll meet back here
next tuesday
And see who raised the most.
Good luck!
Hey, i've got
a great idea.
Why don't we see if jimmy wants
to come be in our scout club.
Hey, yeah.
Timmy, timmy.
Hey jimmy, you wanna come
join our bake sale tomorrow?
Jeez, sure, that'd be
great, thanks, fellas.
Come on, stan.
Bye big gay al,
we had great time.
Yeah, thanks.
Bye, jimmy!
Bye, jimmy!
See you tomorrow at
the bake sale, fellas.
You were right, dad,
scouts is awesome. Yeah!
We told ghost stories and learned how
to make a tornado in a glass bottle.
Yeah, we learned how to make cakes
and muffins for our bake sale.
And best of all, we met
this kid named jimmy.
He's disabled, but he doesn't let
it ruin his life. He's awesome!
Aah!
Yeah, we're gonna use him to
help raise money at our bake sale.
Cartman, don't say use him,
you big silly goose.
Ah!
What did you say?
I just called
cartman a name,
He's a silly goose.
Uh-Huh.
You do not say
"big silly goose"!
You call him an asshole
like a normal kid.
But dad, i was
just trying to-
Stanley, you call your friend
an asshole this instant!
Asshole.
That's better.
Don't call me asshole,
you som'bitch.
Ah, hello.
We're having a bake sale to
raise money for scout troop #69.
Ah, please stop by
and give us a hand.
And now, for your
entertainment,
Our new best friend,
stand-Up comic jimmy!
Wow, what a great
audience.
I just flew into south park,
boy are my crutches tired.
What a terrific audience.
You know, people
sometimes ask me,
"Are you angry at god
for making disabled people?"
I say, "no, i think the world
is better with president bush."
What a brave
little boy.
He's able to use comedy
to overcome his handicap.
I love him!
Well, i sure have met a lot of
interesting people here in south park.
How about that
eric cartman kid, huh?
"God damn it,
no chicken pot pies!
God damn it!
God damn it!"
Heh, heh.
I don't sound like that.
And how about that
school counselor?
"Drugs are bad,
drugs are bad, m'kay.
Drugs are bad, okay.
Okay."
Wow, what a great
audience.
"Mr. Happy, quiet,
mr. Hat.
"Hello there,
children, mr. Hat.
"Hello, mr. Hat.
"I think it's all
very sacrilege-
It's all very
sacrilege... "
"God damn it!
God damn it!"
And of course,
my very favorite...
"Timmy! Timmy!
I'm living a lie,
i'm living a lie, timmy!"
"Timmy,
i'm living a lie.
Ah, timmy!"
Sometimes it's like, "please,
timmy, learn a new word."
"Timmy! Timmy!"
Aahh!
Wow, it looks like
when it comes to comedy
I really
take the c-C...
I really take the ca...
I really take
the ca-Cake.
Jimmy, jimmy, jimmy!
Timmy!
Well, this is it, we've simply
gotten too many complaints
From concerned parents
about him.
I'm afraid we don't
have a choice.
Hi ya, fellas!
How are you
today, scout?
I'm super,
thanks for asking.
The troops are off
having bake sales,
And i'm pleased to report
that we have already raised
Over $600 for
the event- Yippy!
Uh, big gay al,
It's recently come to our
attention that you are... gay.
Well, stop the presses.
You figure that out all
by yourself, silly buns?
Yes, well,
unfortunately for you
The scouts have a policy
that openly gay men
Cannot belong.
We are left with
no options, mr. Al.
We're afraid you are
herebyoutof scouts.
Out of scouts?
We're sorry,
mr. Gay al.
But i've been in scouts
since i was nine,
It's a huge part
of my life.
You must understand that
scouts is a private club,
A club that follows
certain beliefs,
And one of those beliefs is that
homosexuality is immoral.
I see.
It's nothing against you
personally.
What if i promise not
to be gay anymore?
Pinky swear!
We think it's best
you just move on.
Right, move on.
Oh, hey, timmy.
I'm glad you
called, very much.
I've been detecting some
animosity towards me lately,
And i was hoping
we could bury the hatchet.
Timmy.
What's that?
A- Libba-La,
timmy.
A present, you
got me a present?
Timmy!
Gee, you didn't
have to do that.
I mean, i understand why
you'd be jealous of my talents.
If you work at it
maybe you could be
As handi-Capable
as i am, huh?
Wow, a parka.
You didn't have to
do that, tim-Tim.
Tim, timmy.
Oh sure, i'll see
if it fits.
This is very warm,
thanks a lot, tim-Tim.
Well, i'll see you
around.
Timmy!
There he is,
kill him, kill him!
Oh, wait,
that's not him.
Thanks, again,
tim-Tim!
Tim, timmy!
Ah, bye, scouts.
Okay, okay, mark,
stop playing now.
Hey, don't
yell at me.
You asked me to come over
and play sad songs
For you to pack to,
and then you yell at me.
I'm sorry, i'm sorry.
But now i've packed
everything away, so just-
Play something
uplifting like,
I'm-Gonna-Put-All-This-Behind-
Me-And-Make-It-Okay music.
? Oh, i don't want her
you can have her?
? She's too fat
for me?
Oh, jesus, mark.
Parents, this is the new
scout leader, mr. Grazier.
He will be taking over
for the homosexual.
Nice to meet you.
Marsh, right?
We actually kind of
know each other.
Your wife and mine
are friends.
Your wife, huh?
Carol is is the head of a
girls' mountain scouts troop.
Well, i guess we're off to
the bar until nine then.
Gonna go pound
some brews, huh?
And so i says to him,
"hey, i may be handicapped,
But i'm not deaf."
Wow, what a
terrific audience.
Well, for my next joke,
i'm gonna need a volunteer
From the audience,
very much.
How about you,
timmy?
Timmy.
Sure, come on
up here, tim-Tim.
Timmy, ladies
and gentlemen.
Let's all give him
a hand, very much.
Come to think of it, give
him a pair of legs, too.
Here, timmy, put on
this silly hat.
Just for
a second, timmy.
Don't be a jerk,
timmy.
Hey, don't push me!
Timmy!
Cripple fight!
That is enough,
scouts!
Take your seats!
Aww!
All right, scouts, i am your
new scout master, mr. Grazier.
Together we are going to become
the best, the sleekest,
The most well-Polished
scout troop in all of colorado.
Isn't that right?
When i ask you
a question
You will answer
"yes, scout master."
Do i make myself clear?
Yes, scout master!
Good.
Now, the first activity
for this evening will be...
Naked pictures.
I'm going to take some pictures
of each of you naked
In case we need them
for later.
Aww! Aww!
Oh, what is this?!
If there's one thing i hate
it's a whiny platoon.
"We don't wanna
do push-Ups!
"We don't
wanna get up early!
We don't wanna have you
take naked pictures of us!"
Man, this guy sucks.
Now, fall in and
strip down, scouts!
All right, scouts,
we're gonna end this meeting
With a little
puppet show.
Here's a little scout.
He's always prepared,
he's always ready.
Now, here's the little scout
telling his parents
That mr. Grazier took
naked pictures of him.
Look what happens.
"Oh, no!
Oh, oh!
Ohh!"
Do i make
myself clear, scouts?
Yes, scout master!
Oh, hello, parents.
All right, that's all the time
we have for tonight, scouts.
We sure had a great time,
didn't we?
Yes, sir,
scout master!
Wow, you sure whipped
those kids into shape.
Yeah, now they're
acting like men.
Well, you know what
i say about kids-
They're all pink
on the inside.
You bet.
I heard that.
See ya,
mr. Grazier.
Go away, i'm dead.
Oh, well,
here he is.
Big gay al,
what are you doing?
Yeah, get your big
gay ass off the couch
And come be our
scout master again!
I can't, kids.
I've been kicked out
of scouts.
Kicked out?
Oh no.
But you have to come back,
we hate our new scout leader.
Really, why?
We can't tell you.
Why not?
Oh, no, no!
Oh, no no, no no!
Please, big gay al, we don't wanna go
on a camp trip with this guy next week.
Boys, there's
nothing i can do.
The scouts don't
allow homosexuals.
Well then,
that settles it.
Fellas, what we're
gonna have to do
Is try to change the
scouts' rules, very much.
What do we want?
Gays in scouts!
When do we want it?
Timmy!
What do we want?
Gays in scouts!
When do we
want it?
Timmy!
Ohh, no.
What do we want?
Gays in scouts!
When do we want it?
Timmy!
All right, this looks like the
perfect place to get some signatures.
Puppies, puppies
for sale.
Beat it, toots, we got
discrimination work to do.
All right,
let's set up.
Hi, we're here to collect
signatures in support
To force the scouts
to accept gays.
Ah, hello,
gays in scouts?
God damn it.
Hey, why don't we have jimmy
do some stand-Up comedy,
Like in our
bake sale, very much?
That's a great idea.
Attention, ladies and gentlemen,
now for your entertainment,
Stand-Up comic jimmy!
Wow, what a
great audience.
For my first joke i'm gonna
need a volunteer.
Come on up here, tim-Tim.
Timmy, when i tell you to
do something, you do it.
Timmy!
Timmy, don't make me
kick your ass.
Timmy!
Put on your hat!
Timmy!
P- Put it on!
Dude, this looks like
it could get ugly.
Timmy... timmy.
Not this year.
Timmy, tim.
Cripple fight!
Come on...
come on!
Timmy.
Cripple fight!
Attention shoppers,
Outside today
we have cripple fight.
Cripple fight outside.
Come on.
Oh, oh!
Jesus christ, dude.
Oh my god!
Just let 'em
have it out, susan.
They'll run
out of steam soon.
Hel-Lo, timmy.
Hel-Lo, timmy!
Tim-My!
Ugnh!
Ahh!
Timmy...
I told you,
put on the hat!
You dirty
mother!
What's going on?
Some kind of
gay pride rally.
Whoa!
Aaaah!
Timmy!
Tom, i'm standing out front
ofhenry's supermarket
Where five brave little boys
are holding a rally
To support gays
in scouting.
The rally is drawing
so much attention
That people from all over the
country are taking media notice.
Those boys have
shown me the light.
I never knew the mountain scouts
was a hate group.
This is a wake-Up call
to america.
We cannot turn our backs
on gays anymore.
Oh god, they're
actually pulling it off.
The rally has also
caught the attention
Of old scouts members,
like steven spielberg,
Director of such films
as "always" and "1941".
I salute those boys
and their courage.
I am hereby cutting all my
funding to the scouts!
The rally has also
caught the attention
Of high-Power lawyer
gloria allred.
It is a disgrace
that these homophobes
Are allowed to
discriminate!
I am taking this case on
personally!
With this kind
of support, tom,
These boys are sure to
have a victory for gays.
Back to you.
Thanks, chris.
In other news, the f.B.I. Has
finally caught the child molester
Known as
"mr. Slippy fist".
The sick child molester
was found
With disturbing, graphic photos
of young boys naked,
Which we will
show you now.
Here's one.
And here's another.
Eddie?
Oh my god.
Hey, look at this one,
sick son of a bitch.
There's one right here.
Aaah!
Timmy!
All right, boys,
break it up.
All rise.
In the case of big gay al vs.
Mountain scouts of america,
Due to the overwhelming
show of support,
It is the ruling of this court
that the scouts must allow
Big gay al, and all gays,
into their club!
All right!
Well, we've all learned
an important lesson.
That just because
somebody's gay
Doesn't mean they're gonna
molest children.
Straight people
do that too.
Yeah!
And furthermore,
the scout elders
Will be put into stocks
for three days,
So they can see how it feels
to be outcasts.
We did it!
We did it!
I did it!
I did it!
Ha, ha!
Today is a great day
for democracy.
The scouts have been exposed for
the vile gay bashers they are.
And we owe it all
to me!
And these six
brave little boys.
Five brave little boys.
And now, here to take
his official oath
Back into scouts
is big gay al!
Thank you all
very much.
But i don't
want this.
What?
What'd he say?
Huh?
Look, i appreciate what
you kids did, i really do.
But this isn't
what i wanted.
I'm proud to be gay.
And i'm proud
to be in a country
Where i'm free
to express myself.
But freedom
is a two-Way street.
If i'm free
to express myself,
Then the scouts have to be free
to express themselves, too.
I know these men.
They are good men.
They're kind men.
They do what they think
is best for kids.
No matter how wrong
we think they might be,
It isn't right for us to
force them to think our way.
It's up to us to persuade
and help them see the light,
Not extort them, to.
Please, don't cut
the scouts' funding.
The scouts help and have always
helped a lot of kids.
That's why i love them.
I will continue to persuade them
to change their minds.
But this is the wrong way
to do it.
So, i am hereby
dropping my case
And allowing the scouts
their right
To not allow gays
into their private club.
Oh...
Hooray! Hooray!
So wait,
did we do good?
Yeah, i think so.
Yeah, we kick ass.
Come on, kids, let's go
get some ice cream.
You can't do this,
you homophobe!
Well, timmy, i guess we learned
an important lesson too, very much.
There is room for more than one
handi-Capable person in scouts.
Timmy!
I'm glad we're
best friends now.
See you at scouts.
Timmy!
? Timmy, timmy, timmy, timmy?
? Timmy, timmy, timmy?
? Timmy, timmy,
timmy, tim?
? Tim, tim, tim,
tim, tim?
Ahh!
Dude, timmy, come on, we're
gonna be late for scouts!
All right, boys, i am
your new scout leader.
Everything is going to be
just fine.
No naked pictures.
Ah, timmy?
Yes, timmy.
Oh, dear.
Jimmy?
Yes.
You know our policy, i'm afraid
you're out of scouts.
Out of scouts?
Timmy.
What? Hey, wait a minute,
this is crazy.
You can't do this.
Wow, i never knew
jimmy was gay.
Me neither.
No, no!
Timmy!
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