Well detective it looks like
you fooled them again.
Well then it is work I guess.
I just hope that next time,
I don't have to run so much.
Ok children, what do you
think Barneby Jones
meant when he said this is
not a victimless crime?
Anybody?
Children, were you paying attention?
Mr.Garrison, we've been watching
Barneby Jones repeats for 8 days now.
It's hard to keep paying attention.
Oh well excuse me Kyle. Why don't you
just forget what Barneby Jones has to say.
Why don't you not pay attention to Barneby
Jones and let's see how far you get in society.
Ok Stanley, why don't you tell us how Barneby
Jones knew the poison was in the milk.
Can't we just be like normal
third graders for a little while?
Oh, and what do you
consider normal?
I dunno, like learn about Art and
Music and go on field trips and stuff.
Well Mr.Smartypants, it just so happens
we ARE going on a field trip tomorrow.
- To where?
- To the planetarium.
- Planetarium sucks. - Aw now what's
wrong with the planetarium?
- It's boring! - Yeah, all the
constillations look alike!
Well too bad. You're all going to the planetarium
tomorrow and you're all going to love it.
In the meantime we're going to watch
episode number 203, Barneby Under Siege.
Oh sorry, I taped these at home
so there's more commercials.
Hey kids, do you
love Cheesy Poofs?
Well Cheesy Poofs is looking for a kid
to sing the happy Cheesy Poof song.
Watch for our talent van as it
goes around the country!
I can sing the cheesy poof song!
If you win, you can be picked to be in
our next Cheesy Poof commercial!
So remember I love cheesy poofs,
you love cheesy poofs
if we didn't eat cheesy
poofs we'd be lame...
Ok children let's quiet down, so the
bus driver can consentrate on the road.
That ain't how you do it!
It goes like this!
SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!!!!!
Ow... geezes lady!
THERE'S THE PLANETARIUM!!!
WATCH YOUR STEP ON THE WAY
DOWN SO NOT TO HURT YOURSELF!!!!!!
Ok children, now I'm going to remind
you this is a planetarium.
Not a bancock bravo.
Let's behave ourselves.
Does your kid have what it takes to be
the next Cheesy Poofs anthem singer?
- Hey there it is! - We're going around
the country trying to find the kid
who can sing the Cheesy Poof
Song better than anybody.
I can sing the cheesy poof song with
both hands tied behind my back!
You couldn't get both your arms
behind your back fatass!
Come on Eric, we're going
to the planetarium.
But I have to go sing the cheesy poof
song for that talent vaaann!!!!
No you have to in this building and see
a bunch of stupid stars, now come on.
But I wanna sing the cheesy poof
song!!! You guys seriously!!!!
Hello children, my name is Dr.Adams.
Welcome to the plane-arium.
- I thought it was planeTArium.
- Well it is,
but I have a bone disease, which impedes
me to pronounce the T in plane-arium.
That's a pretty weird bone disease.
Yes perhaps some day I can get
a bone marrow transplant.
- Yes, little boy? - How long is that
Cheesy Poof van gonna be outside?
Well I don't know, but anyway boys
and girls soon you'll be witnessing
the wonders of the universe.
- But first I wanna show you how the
plane-arium works. - As if we care.
- Hey, who are you? - That... little Missy
here runs the big projector for us.
- I love my work. - Whoa dude, you're only
as old as us. Shouldn't you be in school?
I love my work.
Come on, let's get into the
plane-arium, shall we?
Goodmorning children and
welcome to the plane-arium.
We're going on a fascinating
ride through the universe.
So I advise you to lean back in
your chairs and get comfortable.
- This is stupid. - And now I'm going
to dim the lights, and let the stars...
- come out.
- Whoopee...
Here we see the constellation
called the Big Dipper.
If I project the drawing of a
big dipper on top of it,
we see where the
constillation gets its name.
These stars over here form the
constellation of taurus, the bull.
While these stars form the
constellation Roger Ebert.
And these two little stars over here
form the constellation, the Crusades.
Now stars are actually
made of hot gas.
Ah man screw this.
Now breath deep as the stars
slowly start to move in little circles.
I know that you think
plane-ariums are boring,
but I'm gonna try to change
the way you think about that.
...love cheesy poofs, if we didn't
eat cheesy poofs we'd be lame.
That was great Tommy. Tommy Fresc
from Tory Pines, he could be our winner.
Excuse me but I do believe
that sucked ass.
- Oh, and what's your name, little boy?
- Eric Cartman.
Alright here's Eric
Cartman giving it a shot.
Ahem... I love Cheesy Poofs, you love
Cheesy Poofs, if we didn't eat Cheesy Poofs,
we'd be laaaameee!
I'm talking nightcourt in a
thrift season laaameeahhh!
Ah drop sucker on that!
Well kids how did you
like the planetarium?
- Oh man I don't feel so good.
- Me neither, but I loved the planetarium.
- Me too! It was sweet! - Really?
What did you like best about it?
- I don't know. I don't even remember what
happened! - Wait a minute, where's Eric?
- I did it! I did it!
- Did what?
- I got a callback for the cheesy poof song!
-You snuck off and sang that stupid song?
- Yeah dude, but I got in the finals for tomorrow!
- Goodbye children, thanks for visiting.
Don't forget we have laser rock
shows tonight at the plane-arium.
This week is laser Kenny Logins
and laser James Taylor.
- My head still feels funny.
- Yeah me too.
You guys, when I'm doing that
Cheesy Poof commercial,
I bet I get all the
Cheesy Poofs I want.
- Like you really need it hippoass. - It's
sad how jealous you are Kyle, it really is.
-Ahh dude! Who the hell are you?
- My name is...
- Van Gather... - Van Gather?
What the hell you doing on our bus?
Mr.Garrison there's some freaky kid
from the planetarium on our bus!
Oh great then I guess
we'll have to go back.
No! Don't go back! No!
- Hey be careful asshole!
- Please don't take me back there!
- Can't...can't...
- Alright dude, mellow out, geez.
We better get him to the
nurse's office, stacked!
- Planetarium... - I'll give him a pain
killer. That should calm him down.
No no no pain killer!
I'll be ok!
Oh um ok, Van Galder,
I'm counselor Mackey,
have you been smoking marijuna?
Marijuana's bad, mmkay?
Must tell... the machine...
the machine is eee...
Well I've never seen anything like
this. What do you think Principal?
- Well whatever happened to him, happened
at the planetarium. - Ahh planetarium!
I think tonight the planetarium's doing laser
Logins, I might have to check it out.
- Oh man this is boring. - Yeah, who
the heck finds this stuff interesting?
- Dude this is totally killer. - I hope this
goes on for 7 months or something.
You will not remember what happens here.
To remember it will cause incredible pain.
Incredible pain.
Incredible icky pain!
- Dude, I'm totally tripping...
- Yeah, it's totally killer.
Today children we are going to learn
about Japenese poems called haikus.
A haiku is just like a normal
American poem except
that it doesn't rhyme
and it's totally stupid.
For example...
uh... Where's Eric Cartman?
- That's a haiku? - No I'm asking
why Eric Cartman isn't at school.
- Was he on the school bus this morning?
- No. - Fatass Cartman... was...
the school bus today...
what a big fat turd.
Oh, very good haiku Kyle. Yes, haikus
have five syllables, then seven, then five.
Kenny, can you give
us another example?
When I get blowjobs... that I cum through
discharging... that's the way to fuck.
- What's a discharge? - Mr.Garrison,
since haikus suck so much ass,
- can we go back to the planitarium again?
- Yeah I wanna go to the planetarium again too!
But you were just there, why do
you wanna go again so soon?
- Yeah, why DO we wanna go again so soon?
- I dunno. I just have this sudden urge to go back.
Well I guess we could go again
since it's just down the street.
Well hello, it's all my little friends
with all their little dreams.
- Eric, where have you been? - Let's see
where have I been, where have I been...
- Where have you been Cartman? - Well I might
have been over at the Cheesy Poof call back,
winning regional championship!
This is my regional championship
certificate. Do you like it?
Hey, where's your regional champion
certificate Clyde? Oh you don't have one?
Hmm, did you have a regional certificate
Wendy? No? Apparently only I do!
Ass full of pork fat...
jiggles like a jello mold...
- mouth is flapping too. - Your haiku
insults have no affect on me Kyle.
- I'm regional champion. - Does that mean you're
gonna be on that Cheesy Poof commercial?
It's between me and four other kids. I'm
on my way now with my mom to the finals.
I bet you don't win...
they don't let big fatasses...
- perform on TV.
- Very good Kyle.
Shut your god damn mouth...
or else I'm gonna...kick you....
squa....in the balls...
asshole...
ah damn it!
- Uh, how's he doing nurse? - He's stable.
But I still can't get any information out of him.
- I'm gonna sedate him now.
- No! No drugs!
- Drugs are good, mmkay.
- Don't let them... no... planetarium...
- Why Van Gelder?
- The machine is...ahh...
The machine is ahh?
That's probably bad.
He's been talking about "the machine"
for hours. That and Daisy Fuentes.
Why America's Funniest
Home videos?? Why??
Uh there's only one way to
get any sense out of him.
- We're gonna have to try a
mind melt, mmkay. - A what?
Well it's an ancient technique handed down
from school counselor to school counselor.
- I don't like to use it, but it may be our
only hope. - Well what will you need?
Just time to prepare nurse.
Just time....mmkay.
Well children, I'm so glad you
came back to learn more.
They just begged to come back, I
couldn't get them to shut up about it.
Well I'm sure we're gonna have a
marvelous time, won't we children?
- Yes. - This way please,
enjoy your visit.
illions of stars and billions of
galaxies make up our universe.
- Here you see pollarus, the dog star.
- I'm just gonna step outside and go wee-wee.
Certainly Mr.Garrison.
You love the planetarium. To be without
the planetarium causes you horrible pain.
All you want to do is help
the planetarium thrive!
To not do so makes your stomach
ache with needle like sta...
..and right over here we see the constillation
orion. Orion's belt is made up of three stars.
- Dude, what just happened?
- What do you mean?
Come on, we gotta get out of here
before something bad happens.
- Don't pick your nose, hon. - I wasn't
picking it, I had a itch for cryin out loud.
- Don't be nervous, I'm sure you'll win.
- I dunno, there's a lot of competition here.
You think I might win, mommy?
I hope so honey. Then perhaps
we can eat for a little while.
- Hey look they're giving away bread
outside! - Did you hear that mommy?
Come on perhaps we can get
some food in our stomachs!
Sike!
What the hell are you boys doing,
you're supposed to be in there.
Mr.Garrison, we think that
the planetarium guy is...
Goodbye children,
thanks for coming.
- I wanna go again. I wanna go again!
- Oh for pete's sake Clyde, you just went.
Well Clyde, if you like the
plane-arium so much,
perhaps you'd like to do some
volunteer work here.
- Yes, yes please!
- Me too I wanna do it!
- Mr.Garrison? - Well I guess I
could give them extra credit for it.
Excellent! Why don't we step over here and
I'll show all you children how to volunteer?
- Dude, this isn't right. - Why? - We're kids
dude. We don't volunteer for anything.
Come on, we gotta see
what's going on in there.
Here's the control panel
that operates all the stars.
Kenny you go out there
and tell us what you see.
He hits this switch.
I don't see it.
- You see? Nothing dude, just a
bunch of stars. - Yeah, I guess so.
Oh dude!
- What does that do?
- I dunno.
Kenny what's it doing?
It says "maximum".
- Oh my god! We've killed Kenny!
- We're bastards!
- Dude I told you something was up with this
place! - We gotta go tell somebody quick!
and GO...and Bingo was his name-o. Once a
farmer had a dog and Bingo was his name-o.
...And Bingo was his name-o. Once a farmer
had a dog and Bingo was his name-o.
...and Bingo was his naaamme-o.
Thank you, uh Peter, we'll
let you know very soon.
- Next will be uh...Eric Theodore
Cartman. - Hello everybody!
- Now just do it like we rehearsed
hon. - I know I know.
She was hogged by the money!
So hogged by her honey!
She was hogged by the money...
on the street hooray!
She was all about the money!
So hogged by her honey!
She was hogged by the money
so you better treat her right...
Well Eric Cartman,
that certainly was...
- insane.
- Thank you.
- We'll let you know.
- Thank you.
- Don't pick your nose, hon. - I'm not
picking it ma! God damn it I had a itch!
Geezes, where do we
find these people?
Our minds are one. Mmkay.
Our thoughts are one....mmkay.
This is the strangest
thing I've ever seen.
Please nurse, for a woman with a dead fetus on
your head, you're not being very openminded.
Open your mind, to your
counselor. Open your mind.
- Doctor Adams...
- Yes...
- He owns the planetarium, what
about him? - He uses the machine.
The star machine. Mmkay.
He uses it to erase minds.
- But why? - Planetarium.
About to go out of business.
- Adams had to create slaves to
survive. - My god this is amazing!
Please nurse you're throwing
off my ching, mmkay?
We certainly would like to
congradulate all our finalists.
Only one of our finalists can
win the grand prize and,
- unfortunately that finalist is Eric
Cartman. - Yes! I'm the best!
You were actually our last choice, but
the other children had unexpectedly
taken jobs as volunteers
at the planetarium.
- That's odd.
- Sweeet!
It appears that more and more
South Park residents are
dicovering the wonder and joy
of the planetarium.
Here with a special report is
a 34 year old Asian man
who looks strikingly simila
to Recardo Montebon.
Thanks Tom, yes indeed the planetarium
has become very popular as word spreads,
it really isn't as lame and
stupid as one suspected.
- I'm here with the planetarium
operator, Dr.Adams. - Thank you,
I'd like to open an invitation
to all South Park residents,
to come see a special
free show this evening.
I guarantee, it'll change the way
you think about the plane-arium.
So bring the whole family to the planeTArium,
for a night of excitement and wonder.
And then we turned the dial and Kenny
went into a kind of... hypnosis.
That's a pretty far
fetched story, boys.
- But it's true dude! - Are you boys just
sure you're not making this all up?
- Yeah, pretty sure. - Well just as soon as
I handle all the other crime in South Park,
I'm gonna go with you to the planetarium
so I can prove that nothing's wrong.
What other crime in South Park?
Oh yeah, let's go.
- Ok, let's shoot the commercial. Where's
our cheesy poof talent? - I'm over here!
Oh you look great hon!
Mommy's fat little piggy!
- Let's hurry, this costume is hot.
- Ok roll camera, and action.
I love cheesy poofs,
you love cheesy...
Oh wait! Wait! You've got
a little eye buger hon.
- Oh mom for pete's sake!
- Got it!
- Aaand Action!
- I love cheesy poofs...
- Hold it! Cut! Can we get some more
light on that backdrop? - Sure thing!
- Oh man. Come on!
- Got it!
Ok here we go...
and action.
I love cheesy poofs,
you love cheesy poofs...
- Cut! - What?! - I'm not liking the
shoes, can we change the shoes?
Oh god damn it!
Oh hello officer of the law.
- Hello Mr.Planetarium operator.
- What brings you out here?
Well these boys seem to think
you're some kind of sick weirdo
that's got a master plan to screw
with the minds of everyone in town.
- Oh really. - Yeah, I just thought
I'd come show them around.
So they know there's
nothing to be scared of.
- Actually this is a pretty inopportune
time. - Ok, I'll be quick then.
Of course officer. Come on in.
- Hello children.
- Oh no! They got Chef too!
- Welcome to the planetarium. - Well it's
nice to see you finally got a real job Chef.
- I love my work. - I know what you mean.
I've always loved the planetarium too.
- Would you like to see the stars officer?
- NO! - That would be super dooper!
Don't do it officer Barbrady!
- Hi grandma, it's me Eric. - Oh hello
Eric. Grandma sure has missed you!
I just wanted to remind you I'm gonna be
on Television Tonight, so be sure to watch.
Oh I will Eric.You know I remember
when I was a little girl
and had my first talent
show audition... - Ok bye.
Hello, the Marshes aren't in right
now, please leave a message.
Stan, I'm gonna be on TV
tonight, be sure to watch.
Hello, you've reached the Broslofski's.
Please leave a message.
Where the hell is everybody? I'm gonna be
on TV tonight, you guys better not miss it.
- And this is the constillation
called Casiopia. -Oh neato.
And now officer, from this moment on,
you will think that you are Elvis Presley.
- To not be Elvis will cause
you great pain. - Pain.
You see children,
there's no stopping me.
Even your highly intelligent
policeman are no match for me.
- He's not highly intelligent.
- Why are you doing this, dude?
Why? Because nowadays kids have
computers, surround sound television.
They've forgotten all
about plane-ariums.
But I'll make them remember!
Starting with the two of you!
Terrance and Phillip will be right
back after these announcements.
- Oh dude here it comes! - Packed full
of ingredients, Cheesy Poofs can really
give you that quick
pick me up.
- So remember... - I love cheesy
poofs, you love cheesy poofs.
If we didn't eat cheesy
poofs, we'd be...
Lame.
And now back to Terrance and Phillip.
Yes yes that was me!!!!
I was on television!!!
Ah hah! Caught you
red-handed! Mmkay.
- Mr.Mackey! - Officer Barbrady, this
man is using some kind of mind control.
What's wrong with him?
- Oh no, apparently he thinks he's Charlton
Heston. - No you idiot! He thinks he's Elvis!
Elvis, escort our guests
to the plane-arium.
Oh, if you wouldn't mind,
would you please follow me?
Let's begin, shall we?
And now you will remember nothing!
Except that the plane-arium is the
best thing you've ever known.
Well well well, you guys can now kiss
my ass because I was on Television!
Ay didn't you guys see it?
I was on television!
You missed it! You missed it
because of this stupid planetarium!
Planetariums suck ass!!!!
- Cartman, you saved us.
- What the hell are you talking about?
Get over here and untie us.
Eric, you really saved
the day, mmkay.
Not so fast there tubby.
I'm just takin care of business.
Think hard Elvis. You're not
really the king of rock and roll.
You're a fat stupid worthless
policeman in a small town, mmkay?
Oh, thank you from a fate
worse than death counselor!
Oh my god! Dr.Adams!
- He got a full dose of the stars.
- Yeah, with nobody around to say anything.
Can you imagine it Stan. A mind...
emptied... by that... thing.
Wow, what a day this has been,
I was on TV and I'm a hero.
- Don't pick your nose hon. - GOD DAMN IT
I WASN'T PICKING IT I HAD AN ITCH!!!
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