Okay, now put on the nose, Tweek.
I can't. You do it.
Just stick it on.
But what if I put it in the wrong place?
Just put it between his eyes.
GARH. But what if, while I'm putting on the nose,
the snowman comes to life and tries to kill me?
Tweek, when has that ever
happened, except for that one time?
Yeah.
Hey, fellas.
Oh, hey Butters.
How are things... oing
with your new best friend?
Well, Tweek's okay, but
he's certainly no Kenny!
Yeah, but he's still
better than you, Butters.
Yeah.
Well ah, that's good. Good luck being their new friend,
Tweek.
I hope you'll do better than me. Well, see ya fellas.
Oh man, that is waaay too much pressure!
You guys, you guys! You're
not gonna believe it!
Uh oh.
Everything's gonna be okay, you
guys! Life isn't so crappy after all!
It's not?
No! I was looking in this magazine,
and I found an ad for little ocean creatures that you can buy and raise in your room!
No way.
Look!
Sea people. You keep them under a big tank of water
and they like,
build castles and play basketball and stuff.
Nuh uh.
Yeah! And look! They ride around on
turtles and they play games with fish.
No way.
Okay, Kyle, you're being a Negative Nancy. Stop it.
Eh, unless you want everyone to call you Negative
Nancy from now on.
Now, what we need is to all chip in four dollars, and we can have them here tonorrow!
Only sixteen dollars? They can't be cool if they're only sixteen dollars.
If Nancy doesn't want to chip in, then it will be $5.35 per person!
Alright, I'll chip in.
Gah! Me too.
Naw, alright.
Butters! Don't forget:
dinner is in two hours!
Wokay, mom. Ah I'm just gonna be up here, uh doin' my homework.
Yes. By day he is mild-mannered, sweet, and innocent Butters BUT...
nobody knows that he actually has a dark underside...
Professor Chaos! Haha! Time to wreak havoc on the world that shunned me!
Professor Chaos!
Ah, my faithful companion in world
destruction, General Disarray.
I have done as you asked and
brought the first load of scrap wood.
Excellent, General Disarray!
Now we can begin my most
horrible evil plan yet to wreak havoc on humanity.
What dastardly deed are we doing now?
Simple, my dear general. We
are going to block out the sun!
Oh.
Oh yes! I have plotted for weeks, and figured that if we build a huge
...wooden shade eighty feet high,
a-and fifty feet wide
precisely on this hill, South Park
...will forever be cast in a great shadow.
Oh, awesome!
Soon, all people will have to live like moles!
They will love
only to remember with sorrow how great the sun used to be!
Cool. It'll be just
like on the Simpsons.
Huh?
They did that on the Simpsons.
I think it was the Mr.
Burns character. He tried to block Springfield from the sun.
He did? Hawww, heck. I
thought I was bein' original.
So how do we build it?
Aww, I don't wanna do it now , not if they already did it on the Simpsons.
I have to think of something
else.
Uh Goddamnit, how come every time I think of something clever, the Simpsons already did it?
Sea people... coming in the mail
tomorrow... Yesss... Yeesss...
Look at me, livin' free
Free and clean amongst the Sea People
We look for pirates and search for gold.
Life is an adventure with the Sea People
They don't ever conplain, they don't call me fat.
They don't make me do homework or nothin' like that.
This is the way life was meant to be. Laughin' and singing,
Sea people and me.
Sea people and me, you guys.
Woowww. Only three more hours, sea people.
Only three hours and you
can take me away from this crappy goddamned planet full of hippies.
Okay. I've added the water purifier tablet to the Sea People Kingdom tank.
Now it says "Step 2.
Add the Sea People eggs to the water; you will see sea life spring instantly.
Okay, let's just run through this one more time:
when
the sea people arrive I will welcome them to South Park as Ambassador of Earth.
Tweek, you give them the key to the city, and we'll all engage them in simple conversation.
We've gotta make sea people feel comfortable, okay? Ready?
Ready. Let's see 'em.
Hold the sign up, Kyle!
Higher, Kyle!
Okay. Here we go.
Are they playing basketball?
What the fuck is this?!
Hey, these are brine shrimp.
I used to feed them to my fish.
I got RIPPED OFF!
I told you, Cartman.
Oh, shut up, Kyle!!! Shut your Goddamned Jew mouth!!!
You people are why there's war in the Middle East!!!
And you, Tweek!! Why don't you learn to button your shirt right, for once?!
You're as bad as Stan
with his stupid girlfriend, always spending time with her!! God, I hate you guys!!
They were supposed to take me away to their underwater kingdom.
They were supposed to take me on adventures of the deep
They package brine shrimp and sell
them to kids? That's not right, man!
What are we gonna do with them?
Who cares?! Throw 'em away!!
Hey! Let's pour them in the
teacher's coffee tomorrow morning.
Yeah, that'd be funny.
Heheh, okay, okay.
Alright, listen to me! We must
take a strict vow of silence!
Jesus Christ, we killed her!
Shh! Tweek, shut the hell up!
General Disarray, are your parents home?
No.
Ah, I've done it, General Disarray. I've
completed my most horrible deed to date.
What?
You know that big statue in the town square of pioneer John Wesley Powell?
I snuck over there with a hacksaw and uh, and I cut off his head!
Oh, uh...
Hahaha, and they're probably just realizing
that now! Quick! We must turn on the news!
... but Hillary Clinton's ass just keeps getting bigger.
Also in the news tonight, a vandal has apparently cut off and
stolen the head of the Powell statue in the South Park Town Square.
Look! Look! I've made the
news! I-I've wreaked havoc!
The head was taken in the early morning
hours and the police have no leads.
I finally made the world sorry!
I've brought sadness, a-and chaos!
This act, of course, reminded us all of the time that
Bart Simpson took the head of the
Springfield statue in one of their classic episodes.
Here's what some people had to say:
Well, I, I think whoever took the head was... really just
doing an homage to the Simpsons. Heh, I think it's great.
Yes, it really made me reflect
on that episode and laugh.
Well the Simpsons is such a great show,
and we
need reminders like this to keep us watching.
Oh. Uh-m, son of a bitch.
The police say that instead of looking for the missing head,
they'd
rather leave it off and be reminded of the Simpsons every day.
Well why didn't you tell me
the Simpsons already did that?
You seemed so proud, I
didn't wanna bum you out.
Stupid Simpsons...
Hello there, Phillip.
I brought you something
Oh, what is it?
See? We're just watching cartoons,
like always. Nothing's changed.
Jesus Christ, she's dead!!
Stop it, Tweek! We're
pretending like nothing happened.
Phillip, I think I may have
accidentally killed Celine Dion.
Killing is never an
accident, you dickface!
Oh jeez, change the channel.
And in other news, still no known cause of death found for
elementary school teacher Diane
Choksondik.
However, doctors say that during the autopsy they did find semen in her stomach.
They found the sea men! It's only a matter
of tiime before they find the women, too!
The autopsy is ongoing and cause
of death is yet to be determined.
Oh God!
We're dead!
Oh Jesus! That's it, man! I want
nothing more to do with you guys!
Tweek! Where are you going?
They're gonna find you out! Then when they do I don't
wanna be within fifty feet of you!
You're gonna fry, man!
Hey, Tweek, you're in this
just as much as we are!
What?! I told you NOT to put the sea people in
her coffee!
I wasn't even there when you did it!
Yeah, but you're our new friend
and that makes you cul.. p-piable!
In fact, that makes you the most responsible.
Tweek, you might have to take the fall on this one.
Oh, welll, hello there, children.
Chef, we did something kind of bad.
We don't know who else to talk to.
Ohh, I'm sure your little cracker problems ain't all that bad. Come on in.
Now, just sit down and take a deep breath and tell ol' Chef what's goin' on.
We need you to promise
not to tell anybody.
Nowww, children, every problem
can be worked out. What was it?
We... killed our teacher and they
found our seamen in her stomach
...Oh, children, that's a problem we all have to face at one time or another.
Here: let me sing you a little song that
might cheer you up.
Sometimes you kill your teacher
and they find your semen in her stomach,
and uh Wait! What the what?!
So what should we do?
Wow, I guess this really is a big deal.
We've only got one option, you guys.
We're gonna have to go to that
hospital where they're doing the autopsy
and get our seamen back ourselves.
I pulled out my hair!
Wokay, how about this, Dougie?
I-I'm going' to pose as a real-estate agent
and con
everyone in town into buyin' a monorail.
And then skip town with all their money.
No?
...Simpsons did it. The
did it in episode 204.
Wokay , then I'm goin' to start a Web site to spread vicious
ru-rumrs about everyone in town!
And and then I'll take their-
Simpsons did it!
I'll bury a skeleton wearing angel wings so that
the townspeople will think a fallen angel has fallen-
Simpsons did it!
This is it.
Alright, everyone scatter and look for the seamen.
Tweek, stay by the door
and keep a look out.
If you see anybody coming, say the code word: Hammertime.
Hammertime? Can't the code word just be...
"lookout"?
I won't remember "Hammertime"!"
Just remember the song "Can't Touch
This" and you'll remember the code word!
Yeah, stupid.
Oh, God.
There's nothing here!
Dude, it's probably in her stomach.
Is it her?
Yeah, it's Ms. Choksondik alright.
What do we do now?
Just reach in there and get the seamen out of her
stomach!
Oh, God! You guys are such pussies!
You gu-guys! Ha... Hamme-
I can't remember uh-the code word!
Do you see the sea people.
No, just a bunch of goo.
You guys! Um, dum dumdumdum, dumdum, dumdum. Can't touch
this.
Dum dumdumdum, dumdum, dumdum. Can't touch this.
Ms. Choksondik stinks inside.
Yeah.
...dumdum, dumdum. Can't touch this.
Dum
dumdumdum, dumdum, then stop.
HAMMERTIME!
Quick. Hide.
Yeah, well, at least we
got Shannon Sharp back.
Alright, let's just leave the semen sample next
to the corpse;
I wanna run a hair fiber test next.
Hey, do you smell children?
No, that's not...
-Got it!
-Let's go!
Bring the World Cup to South Park so
the... a huge soccer riot can destroy the-
Simpsons did it! Simpsons did it!
Take all the beer cans in South Park and have them
shaken up in a huge mixer at the paint store so that-
Episode 9F17 entitled
"So It's Come To This!"
Fine! Then maybe I'll just forget about destroying
the town
and just run away and join the circus!
...Simpsons did it.
There. We just put the sea people back in the tank with the others,
and nobody will ever know.
The blood is washed neatly from our hands.
Alright, children, I got you four tickets to Thailand and three hundred dollars cash.
It's gonna
be tough living for a while.
You might have to do things for money you never thought of doin' before.
It's alright, Chef! We got our sea people out of the
teacher's stomach
.and we put them back in their aquarium!
...Wait, what? Sea people?
The sea people that we put
in the teacher's coffee.
Uhh, maybe you'd better
start from the beginning.
...and then we put
them back in the tank.
Oohhh, children, you misunderstood.
Sea people is different from se-men.
It is?
Yes! That stuff that was in that vial didn't come from you, it came from someone
else.
I thought you children took turns rapin' and then murdered the teacher.
Well if they found somebody else's sea men in her
stomach,
maybe they'll find our sea people, too.
Relax, children, junk that's in brine can't kill
you.
Your teacher must have died from something else.
Oh, really??
Egh! I'm so
relieved.
Alright. You children have had a long night.
Why don't we all get some rest and on Monday,
I'll sing you
a song explainin' the difference between semen and sea people.
Come on, children. I'll walk you all home.
Okay. Goodnight, Cartman.
G'night, guys.
I'm so glad we're not murderers.
Ah, so great that everything
is finally back to normal.
H'you guys! Come quick!
You won't believe it!
Oh no, what now?
Those sea men from the teacher's stomach somehow combined with the
remaining sea people we had left in the tank and, ah, well LOOK!
How did that happen?
I've been up for hours doing some calculations,
and I've come up with my
final theory of composite dynamics.
Sea people plus sea men equals sea ciety.
They've already accomplished so much.
They're like, bacteria.
Small organisms live much
faster lives and do things at a much faster rate.
That's right, Tweek. And if my theory is correct,
all we need to get is
more of the two reacting agents,
and we can really see them flourish. Tweek!
You go and send away for mre sea people from the magazine ad!
Get at least five
gallons of them here stat!
Stan and Kyle, you go find a bigger fish tank to them all in.
Well what are you gonna do?
Me? I'm gonna go out on the town
and find ten gallons of sea men.
I've done it, General Disarray.
I've watches all one hundred and thirty-two episodes of the Simpsons, twice.
And I've finally come up with something... tha they have never done!
Uh, behold! This device that I have made will take the cherries out of chocolate-covered cherries
and replace the inside instead, with two-month-old mayonnaise.
People will think that they are gonna get a bite of a sweet, delicious cherry,
but, instead, they'll get a mouth full of yuckies, and sticky mayonnaise.
You've never ...seen this on the Simpsons, right?
No, I think the Simpsons
would be more clever than that.
Good! Then l-let us take my machine outside
and make society
finally pay for sh-shunning us!
Tonight on the Simpsons:
It's a laughorama when Bart builds a machine that takes
cherries out of chocolate-covered cherries
and replace them instead, with mayonnaise.
Nnno , uh no, no, it can't be.
Uh oh, Simpsons did it! Simpsons did it!
No! No!
Simpsons did it! Simpsons did it!
Don't have a cow, man.
Oh sweet Jesus!
Can I help you?
Yes, my mommy told me this is
where I could find some sea men?
Your... mom told you?
Do you have them or not?
We... sell semen, yes, but
not normally to children.
What's your name?
Frances Velman
Frances, let's talk.
I don't want a bunch of bullcrap from you and you don't a bunch of bullcrap from me, right?
Where does that get us? Nowhere.
The truth is, I'm completely certified to handle sea men,
and though I may appear young, I'm one of
the leading sea men authorities of the Midwest.
Up and comer, you know what I'm saying?
I'll have my own business soon and I'll need people to run it.
I'm talkin' about you, Frances. And I'm talkin' about a six-figure income. How does that sound?
Everything we supply here is by a
quarter-ounce.
One donor, certified, on record.
I see, very interesting.
What are you doing?
Takin' a look here.
Seems like quality stuff you got here, Frances.
Yeah, good
texture, nice consistency.
Sea men must be alive and healthy in there. I'll take five.
Five? Vials?
No, gallons.
Www-we don't have that much here.
Damint! Give me all you've got, then!
Nooo! Nooo!
Simpsons did it!! Simpsons did it!!
Uh let me on! Let me on!
SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!!!
Butters, have you seen Mr. Hat?
Hello there, children!
Aaah! Nooo!
...What the hell's wrong with him?
Look, the sea people have evolved
to an Egyptian-like culture.
Soon they'll discover
frozen food. Goh-ho.
That should be enough water, Kyle. You
got the new sea-people packets, Tweek?
Well, drop them in!
And I've got the sea men.
Wow. That's a lot of sea men
you've got there, Cartman.
Yeah, I bought all that I could at this bank, and
then I got the rest from this guy Ralph in an alley.
That's cool.
Yeah, and the sweet thing is,
this stupid asshole didn't even charge me money for
it.
He just made me close my eyes and suck it out of a hose. Heh.
There we go.
Okay, now let's put the
sea ciety in its new home.
Nothin' to do now but wait.
...Close your eyes and
suck it out of a hose?
Uh-huh, suck it out of a hose, yeah.
Oh my God!
The tiny underwater civilization has advanced hundreds of years.
Look! There's a library! A-and a temple! And a- woh-? Oh.
They think I'm God.
Yes!!! I am god of the sea people!!! You hear that?!
I am god of the sea people!!! I am master of their great sunken empire!!!
Mo-o-om! I'm god of the sea people!
That's nice, poopie.
And in other South Park News,
elementay school teacher Ms. Choksondik's autopsy has shown that
the semen in her stomach belongs to school
counselor, Mr. Mackey.
However, the semen apparently did NOT contribute to the death,
and so Mr. Mackey's identity is to remain anonymous.
Hey Butters.
Hey, what are you doing, man?
Cartman says he has
something really cool to show everybody. You've gotta come.
Cartman?
Behold! You all see my tiny minions groveling
at my likeness!
I am Eric Cartman, god.
Hey. We paid for the sea people too. How
come they're not making statues of us?
Be you not jealous, Jew. I
am creator of all things, yea.
That is very impressive, Eric. What do you
intend to do with your underwater society?
I'm gonna send a message to my people and tell 'em to develop a great machine
that will shrink me down to their size, so I can live amongst them forever.
What the hell is wrong
with you, Butters?
They did that on the Simpsons! Ha!
Treehouse of Horror! Episode 4F02! The Genesis tub.
Lisa loses a tooth, and the bacteria on it start to grow, and makes a little society,
and they build a statue of her thinking she's God! Ha! Hahaha!
...So?
...Yeah. So?
Dude, the Simpsons have done
everything already. Who cares?
Yeah, and they've been on the air for like,
thirteen years.
Of course they've done everything.
Every idea's been done, Butters,
even before the Simpsons.
Yeah. In fact, that episode was a
rip-off of a Twilight Zone episode.
Really? So I shouldn't care if I come up with an idea, and the Simpsons already did it.
It... uh...doesn't...
matter.
Everything is back to normal, a, I think...
I think I can go back to tryin' to destroy the world again.
Good for you!
Yeah, that's great Butters.
Now get the hell out of my room.
I feel like a spring chicken. I'm
ready to wreak havoc once again!
Hey, look everybody! The other side of
the aquarium is building another statue!
Hey! It's Tweek.
Me?? Aw, man! I don't wanna be a
god. That is waaay too much pressure.
That is bullcrap! You'd better
stop worshiping him, sea people!
What's going on now?
The sea people from Cartman's side are suicide-bombing the buildings on Tweek's side.
Yeah! Go!
NOW what's happening?
The sea people on Tweek's side just
suicide-bombed the Cartman statue.
Oh God-damnit!
Oh no! Oh the humanity!
Well it was a nice project
while it lasted, boys.
Yep. But I guess this proves that
war is the natural order of life.
Why can't societies just live in peace?
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