* i'm going down
to south park *
* gonna have
myself a time *
* friendly faces
everywhere *
* humble folks
without temptation *
* going down
to south park *
* gonna leave my
woes behind *
* ample parking
day or night *
* people spouting
"howdy neighbor" *
* headin' on up
to south park *
* gonna see
if i can't unwind *
* tim-Tmah tim-Mah,
tim-Mah tim-Mah timmy tim-Mah *
* so come on down
to south park *
* and meet some
friends of mine *
This is gonna be
so awesome!
Do we have
everything?
Chips, pop, cookies,
kleenex, toilet paper, flares-
We won't have to leave
the tv room for anything!
Alright!
Look, it's
almost time!
Up next on hbc,
the russell crowe show.
Alright,
here we go!
* born in new zealand
in '64 *
* a hot-Headed actor
named russell crowe *
* he loves to act but
he loves one thing more *
* fightin'
'round the world *
* he fights his directors
and he fights his fans *
* it's a problem
no one understands *
* if there's two things he loves
it's fighting and *
* fightin'
'round the world *
* making movies,
making music and *
* fightin'
'round the world *
Russell crowe!
Hello, everybody,
i'm russell crowe.
And this is
"fightin' 'round the world".
We're gonna have
lots of fun today,
As we travel all around
and look for some good-
Hey! What the hell do you
think you're doin'?!
You walked right through
my shot, mate!
Do you know
who i am?!
Oh, excuse me,
i was just-
Goddamn smartass!
You think you can-
Shelly, we're
watching that, go back!
Shut up, turd,
i'm watching "buffy".
No, shelly,
we have to watch hbc.
Agh!
Get up!
Get up,
ya little pussy!
The russell crowe
show?!
You turds don't even
like that show!
It's not the show
we care about.
During one of the commercial
breaks of tonight's episode
They're gonna show the exclusive,
never- Before-Seen trailer
To the new terrance
and phillip movie!
It's the biggest
night of the year!
That's stupid.
See your turdy trailer
some other time.
But all the other kids
are gonna watch it
And talk about it
in school tomorrow!
No, turds.
Shelly, did i ever tell you
how hot i think you are?
Shut up, fat turd!
I'm not a fat turd,
i'm a stocky turd!
<i>We're not watching this.
Come on! Look, i apologize-
But shelly, it's the
russell crowe show!
You always said there's nothing
you love more than russell crowe.
There is one thing i love
more than russell crowe,
And that is
seeing you unhappy.
So buffy it is.
Shelly, please
let us watch!
We'll do anything,
anything!
Alright, i just started my
period and i need tampons.
If one of you turds go buy
them at the store for me,
You can watch
your stupid turd show
With your stupid turd movie
commercial in it.
Okay, deal.
Then they better be here when
i come back downstairs, turds!
Well that was a lot of fun,
wasn't it, kids?
But it looks like if we're
gonna get in more fights,
We're gonna have to
go look for 'em!
Dude, why'd you
make that deal?
If we're out buying tampons
we'll miss the trailer anyway!
Yeah!
Well, only one of us
has to go to the store,
The others
can watch.
You'd miss the
new trailer?
Dude, i'm not going.
Alright, we'll have
to play for it.
If your name is
butters you have to go.
Okay, so what's
your name?
Stan. Okay, what's your name?
Kyle. Kyle
- What's your name?
Butters!
Aww, i lose,
huh?
Aww, yeah, butters,
you lose.
Sorry, tough break.
Just hurry,
butters,
You can probably
make it back in time
Before the first
commercial break.
Oh, jesus, i gotta
run like the wind!
That was a lot of fun,
wasn't it, kids?
Dude, thank god
for stupid people.
Amen.
Where should we go
fight people next, tugga?
Moooooop.
Great idea!
Tugga thinks we should go to
the far away country of china.
China is one of the oldest
civilizations on earth!
And from what i understand,
they love a good fight!
So let's go!
Mooooooop,
mooooooop.
Oh, my god,
it's russell crowe!
Oh, my god,
it's russell crowe!
Oh my- Blah ehh
ehhh eh ehhhh!
Why don't you mind your
own business, ya scrotum!
Ow.
* making movies,
making songs *
* and fightin'
'round the world! *
Dude, why is this guy always
beating everybody up?
* what a glorious day
to spend away *
* fightin'
'round the world *
What's wrong with the
colors on your tv, stan?
They're all
saturated.
They look fine to me.
Just don't mess
with it, cartman.
No, no, the cable wire
must be loose.
Just leave it alone.
Dude, do you want to see the
terrance and phillip trailer
With messed up colors?
I don't.
How's that?
That's worse!
Okay, how about
that-
Dude! Goddammit, cartman, you broke it!
It was just-
I just-
Butters,
you asshole!
Dude, the commercials
could start any time!
I don't think we're
watching them on this tv.
Goddammit! Come on, we can
watch it over at my house!
Get all the stuff!
Hey, fellas!
I got the tampons!
I didn't miss it,
did i?
We're going to kyle's
house to watch!
Come on!
Oh, jeez!
Oh, jeez,
oh, jeez.
Hurry, we can't miss
the commercials!
But the palestinian government
is not going to see any future-
Oh, oh!
Hurry, hurry,
hurry!
And so here we are,
in history-Rich china!
Me made it!
It hasn't gone to
commercials yet!
Whew!Whew!
Whew!
Hey, i'm a
turtle bat.
Ugh, oh, my god,
ugh...
Ba ba ba ba!
No, ike, they're
playing the trailer
To the new terrance and phillip
movie during the show,
And we have to
watch it!
This is tea-Eeny-Man square.
Lots of good fighting has gone
on here throughout the years,
Including a fantastic massacre
that took place back in '93.
These chinamen can grow
to over five feet tall,
And in a fight, are known
to kick with their legs.
Let's see if we can get in
for a closer look.
Oy! I've gotten
close enough now,
That they're startin' to get
real frightened.
You can see the fine hairs
on the back of their necks
Standin' on end.
Gotcha, mate!
Alright, you wanna
fight, huh?!
Think you can take me,
ya little buggas?!
Oh!
Ahh!
God, when is this gonna
get to the commercials?
Kyle, ike says you
kicked him off the tv.
They're going to show the new
terrance and phillip trailer!
You know your brother
watches macneil-Lehrer report
Every night at ten.
It has a bunny rabbit
on a night!
But dad! This is all the
never-Before-Seen footage!
It doesn't matter-
Ten to eleven
Is ike's time to
watch macneil-Lehrer.
Goddammit!
C'mon, guys!
We gotta go to
butters house!
Awww!
Wait, fellas, we can't
go to my house!
We can't to
my house either!
It's being fumigated!
Agh- Wait!
Chef just a got
A new plasma screen tv
with surround sound!
Let's go to his house,
come on!
- Taken place there
all these years
Is sure to continue until
the governments of those regions
Can actually
come about some...
It's a burning flag!
Ugh... you guys...
i'm seriously.
Goddammit, if we
missed the commercials
I'll never forgive
my brother!
Oh, hello there,
children.
Hey, chef!
Uh...
how's it going?
Oh, you wanted to see
the new tv, huh?
Pretty cool, ain't it?
Yeah, yeah, how do you
change the channels?
I don't know, this tv has more
features than a space shuttle.
I can't figure it out
at all.
Bloomin' taj mahal-
You got it!
You got it!
Freakin' indies really
put up a fight!
We made it!
Oh, thank god!
Russell crowe?
Children, you shouldn't be
watching a show
About a man who beats people up
because he's insecure.
We don't give two craps
about russell crowe, chef.
We just want to see
the trailer for
The new terrance
and phillip movie
That's supposed to play
during the commercials.
Alright, everyone, we're gonna
take our first commercial break.
But be sure not to
go anywhere,
Because there's lots more people
to beat up!
Here they come!
The commercials!
And now back to russell crowe,
fightin' around the world!
Awww!
Aw, they didn't
play it!
They didn't show the
terrance and phillip trailer.
I knew it, i knew
they wouldn't play it
During the first
commercial break!
Yeah, they want everyone
to stick around
And watch more of
this retarded show.
* making movies,
making songs *
* and fightin'
'round the world! *
Oy! Now tugga's
brought me
To one of the greatest places
for fightin' in north america:
Brooklyn, new york.
Lots of minorities here,
And they don't take kindly
to whitey!
Let's get a closer look!
Come on, tugga!
Moooop!
Looks like we got some black
people, and some puerto ricans.
Notice the colorful rags
on their heads,
Meaning they could be
part of a gang
And therefore,
real used to fightin'.
Hey, look at that guy
over there,
Ain't that that
"gladiator" guy?
Where?
Behind that plant,
next to that tugboat.
Oh, yeah,
i think it is.
"Oh, my god, it's
the gladiator guy!
Oh my god, i've never
seen an actor before!"
Why don't you choke on some
pig vomit, you stupid sods!
Why can't this guy
control his temper?
Well? You all just
gonna stand there
Or are you
gonna fight?!
Ooh!
Crikey!
You done it now!
This tv is great,
chef.
Yeah, and it's got all kinds
of cool features, too!
Check this out- You can watch
3 channels all at once.
I think if you hit
this button here-
No, no wait-
You hit this button here-
No, that's not it,
let's see-
Menu, function-
Dude, put it back,
chef,
More commercials
might come on soon.
Let's see, menu...
aw, dammit.
Get it back
to normal, chef!
I'm trying,
children!
Menu, back, function,
enter-
No, no- Back!
H.E.M?
Human eradication mode,
active.
Oh, goddammit!
The tv left!
But the next commercials
will be on soon!
Come on, we gotta
go somewhere else!
Ahhhh!
Where do we go?
Where do we go?
The bar! They've got
a tv at the bar!
Agh! Agh!
I'm dying!
You fight like norwegians,
ya fairies!
Phew!
We made it.
This is killing me.
The human body was not meant
to move quickly like that.
These are
the florida keys...
A remote island chain
just a few miles from-
Oy, wait a minute!
Wasn't i just in brooklyn
fightin' minorities?
What happened
with that?!
Mooooooop.
It's that
goddamn editor!
He cut the brooklyn scene
short!
Tugga, i'm gonna get him!
Yeah...
i'm just working.
I'll probably be done
around seven.
Who the hell do you
think you are?!
I'm the editor.
I know you're
the bloomin' editor!
I mean, who do you
think you are
Cutting one of my
fightin' scenes short?!
Dude, the director said
to cut it!
My fightin' is poetry!
You don't edit russell crowe's
poetry, ya testicle!
Ah! Oh!
Well, that guy
is just plain nuts.
Hey, hey, hey, whoa,
you kids can't be in here!
We're not kids, we're
full-Grown men with dwarfism!
How dare you assume that
all midgets are children!
We demand an apology!
You ain't midgets,
your lips are too full.
Now get out!
But we have to watch the
commercials in this show!
Look, this is a bar.
We can't have children
in here-
People come here for
debauchery and sin.
Butters will give handjobs
in the corner for a dollar.
Sure! I'm good at
all kinds of jobs!
Get out!
Aagh!
Come on, we gotta
get to a tv!
Oh, you've got to
be kidding me!
Yes, is this
customer service?
I'm having a problem
with my new television.
It sprouted laser guns and started
walking around shooting people.
Uh-Huh... okay...
Oh, so i press 'menu',
then 'function'?
Jesus!
Aaaaghgh!
No, that didn't work.
Did i set
the internal clock?
Uh, no.
Oh, really?
Well, how do i
do that?
We're not too late!
Come on, tugga ol' mate,
why you looking so down?
Mooo, mooooop.
Tugga's in a bit of
a sad state.
Seems his girlfriend and him
had a bit of a row last night.
Mooooooop.
What is this?
Come on,
cheer up, tugga.
How can i make you
feel better?
I know!
How would you like me
to sing one of the songs
Off me new album?!
Mooooooooop!
Moooooop!
What's that, tugga?
You say you really love
the songs on my album?!
Moooooop!
Alright then, tugga!
* you know that
you're my baby *
* you know
i need you now *
Mooooop! * don't know where i'm goin' *
* but i gotta
get there *
* yeah, gotta get there
somehow *
* get there somehow
Mooop!
* and you can
stay awake tonight *
* but i'm gonna sleep
in these fluffy clouds *
Sha! * i think i feel your heartbeat *
* can you feel mine
* lady looking lovely
gotta take your love inside *
* gotta take it-
Tugga!
Tugga shot himself!
Has russell lost tugger
for good?
Find out after
these messages.
Here we go!
Commercial break
number two!
And now back to russell crowe,
fightin' around the world!
That's it? That's all the commercials?
They didn't play the terrance
and phillip trailer again!
I knew it!
They're waiting until
The very last
commercial break!
Ugh! We're gonna
end up watching
This whole retarded
russell crowe show.
Tugga...
Why'd you do it,
tugga?
Doctor? Tell me
how he is, doctor!
Well, he's a very sick
little tugboat-
What is this?
We want to watch "puppies
from around the world".
Yeah, we don't
like this show.
Shh! Okay?
Old people need to
be quiet right now.
Ya gotta
save him, doc!
Tugga! He's me
best friend!
The only friend
in the world who-
He's going to live,
but-
Oy! Don't ya
interrupt me, ya vagina!
I was giving a heart-
Wrenching soliloquy
About me feelin's
for tugga!
Sorry.
Oh, tugga!
Tugga, the world wouldn't be
as bright without ya, mate!
Give it to me straight,
doctor!
Will tugga live?
Tell me the truth!
Now?
Yes, now's fine.
Oh, uh, your tugboat's
going to be okay.
He just needs an oil change
and a new steam stack.
Oodalolly!
You hear that everybody!
Tugga's gonna be okay!
You what that makes me
feel like doin'?
Fightin'!
Ah!
Ooh!
This show is too violent!
Put the puppies back on!
Yeah!
Puppies.
Shut up!
Shut the hell up!
We're watching this until
the next commercial,
And that's final,
old people!
Alright, that does it!
We know how to get our way!
Everyone, on the count of 3,
release your bowels!
One, two!
Uuuugh!
Oh god,
it's horrible!
That's disgusting,
dude!
God, i hate
old people!
We have to go butters
or cartman's house,
We have nowhere
else to go!
I told you! We can't go to my house!
And my house is
being fumigated!
Well, screw it!
We'll watch in your house
Even if it is
being fumigated!
Ah, ah... we gotta go...
come on...
Aghh! Aghh! Aghh!
Turn it on,
turn it on!
Crikey! Ol' tugga looks
healthy, happy and-
Fit as a whistle!
It's okay,
it's still the show.
But you know,
tugga's attempted suicide
Has made me realize that
i should take up a cause.
Most great actors
take up causes,
And i'm the greatest
of them all!
So, from now on, i'm gonna
spend all my spare time
Fighting cancer.
Right! Where is that pussy
cancer anyway?!
Oh dude, i don't know
how long i can take it.
Me neither, i'll be dead
before the commercials!
Wait a minute!
I forgot there's a black & white
tv back at my house!
Will your sister
let us watch it?
She has to!
Hurry, the commercial's
gonna be on any minute!
Oh, god! Oh, god!
Oh, jesus help me!
Oh no!
I've lost a doughnut!
Hagah! Hagaah!
Oh my god!
Leave no doughnut behind!
Ha ha!
Oh, jesus! Wait! What?
I never gave shelly
her tampons!
She's been this whole time
without them.
Ahhhhhh!
I told you i needed
tampons, tuuuurds!
Look, crack addicts
with a television!
<i>Well, we couldn't find cancer,
but we found a man with cancer.
Take that, cancer!
And that!
Moooop! Moooop!
The last commercial break has
to be coming any second!
Aaaagh!
Yes, i pressed 'menu'
three times!
No, it's giving me
the same 'error' message!
Yes, i read the
instruction manual!
Where do we go?!
Oh jesus, now where
do we go?!
We've tried
everywhere!
Butters, are you absolutely
sure we can't go to your house?
I'm sure,
there's no way!
Well, why not?
Because!
My parents are
out of town,
And i don't have
a babysitter!
Oh, goddammit,
you better be kidding.
No, i really don't
have a babysitter,
That's why i'm
staying at stan's.
This whole time your tv is in
a house with nobody in it?
Come on, let's just go,
we'll kill butters later!
And so, we'll be right back,
after these commercials!
We made it!
The last commercial
break is starting!
Don't go anywhere-
Russell crowe will be right back
After a few more
commercials!
These commercials are all
so goddamned stupid!
Jesus christ, how long is this
commercial break gonna be?
What if they don't show the
terrance and phillip trailer at all?
What if we went through
all this for nothing?
They have to show it!
They promised they would!
You guys, calm down!
This is what tv shows
always do!
They make the last
commercial break the longest.
That's bullcrap!
Tv shows are gay!
Wait a minute!
Look!
The following
preview is-
This is it!
This is it!
Coming this summer...
The greatest canadian duo
of all time is back.
Whooo-Hooo!
Yeeesss!
That looks
awesome!
They were wearing
cowboy hats!
Did you see?
Did you see?!
Clyde, clyde,
did you guys see it?!
Yeah! We think it's
gonna be good too!
I'm so glad we
didn't miss it!
You guys, clyde said
he taped it
And kids can
come over now to see!
Oh dude, let's go!
It looks even better than
their first movie, huh?
Yeah, sure does!
I wonder if it's
all a western!
How far away
is june?
Well, we sure had a good time
today, didn't we, kids?
We fought some chinamen,
a few peckers,
And a lot of colombians
to name just a few.
But i sure am glad we got ol'
wally-Bee back, aren't you?
I'm glad to be back,
russell!
Oh, my god,
it's russell crowe!
"Oh, my god,
it's russell crowe!
Oh, my god,
ballghgh!"
Why don't you go flush yourself
town a toilet, ya cu-
Moooooo-Ooooo.
Uh-Oh, tugger's whistle.
You know what
that means!
* tugger's whistle's
blowin' *
* means we must be goin'
* no more russell crowe'n
for you *
* but now don't you
start to whine *
* i'll see ya again
next time *
* 'cuz there's plenty a more
a fightin' left to dooooo *
* making movies,
making songs *
* and fightin'
'round the world *
See ya next time,
everybody!
So i'm supposed to press 'menu'
then 'function' then 'enter'.
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