Okay, here he comes.
Who wants to tell him?
I'll do it.
Hehey, fellas. I'm glad you called me.
There was a pie-eating contest down at the
firehouse, and I thought we should all go.
Butters, could you take a seat, please?
Wuh well, sure.
Butters, we have to have a
very difficult conversation.
Wull what is it?
Well, in the, in the months
since our friend Kenny died,
you've really stepped up as
a friend and "filled the gap."
Well uh, it's my pleasure! I
love bein' you guys' new friend.
Yes. Well, Butters, it's
just not working out.
Nnnot working out?
I'm afraid we're gonna have to let you
go, as our friend. You're just tooo...
-Lame
-Lane, yes.
Well, but ah I can get better.
Butters, you just don't
really fit in with us here.
We think it's best for all of us if you
for friendship opportunites elsewhere.
But we certainly want to thank
you for all your hard work
and attempts at being our
friend, lame as they were.
Huh but ah I thought we
were gettin' along... great.
Heh ah I thought we were
really havin' fun together.
Yes, well, we weren't.
Please, fellas, uh don't fire me.
We're sorry Butters.
Our mind is made up.
But we certainly wanna thank you for
coming by. You know the way out, right?
Hm, I think he took that
pretty well, I think.
Who cares?
All right, so let's get started on who's gonna be the new person to take Kenny's place.
The world isn't fair. I do
everything people ask me to.
I stand in the lunch line for them,
I buy tampons at the store for them,
I go on Maury Povich with
balls on my chin for them.
And yet, nobody accepts
me. I am an outcast.
A shadow of a man who can
find no companion... ship.
No love from others.
Fine! If I am to be
an outcast, so be it!
I'm through doin' what
others tell me to do,
and I am sick of this world and the
stin-, and the stinky people in it!
From now on I will dedicate my life to bringing chaos to the world that has rejected me!
I will become the greatest
supervillain the world has ever seen!
Where I go, destruction will follow!
Prepare, O little town! Uh prepare for
the greatest supervillain you've ever seen!
Professor Chaos!
Butters, time for bed.
Hu-uh, okay Mom.
Yes. Uh sleet sleep for now.
Tomorrow, the chaos begins.
All right, we wanna thank everybody
for coming. This is a great turnout.
Uh, as you know, our friend
Kenny died a few months ago
and we are still looking to
fill the void with a new friend.
Now, you've all been selected
as possible candidates,
but unfortunately, there
is only room for one of you.
So Stan and Kyle and I will
be spending the next few days
going out with each one of you
and narrowing our choices down.
Until we think we've found the perfect
friend. Are there any questions?
...What if we don't
want to be your friend?
Clyde... ... okay.
Now, the first thing we have to do is cut
the list down from twenty choices to ten.
And so today we will all be going
to the amusement park together
to see who we want to cut.
Please keep in mind that
this will all be videotaped,
so put on your best friend faces,
and may the best friend win.
Oh, and we will be needing a ten
dollar per person entrance fee.
Order twenty-three is up, and
uh, order twenty-four is up.
Uh, waitress, a-a-actually, I ordered
the chicken soup. This is minnestrone.
Yeah, I had the minnestrone over here.
I am Professor Chaos, and now, this
puny world uhwill bow down to me!
So today we went to the amusement
park with all our possible friends.
It was a really fun time. We rode all
the rides and everyone got along great.
I think the person that stood out
most at the amusement park was Jimmy.
Well, the, the reason I think I would make the perfect foreh- friend,
is that I love telling jokes. You
know, who doesn't like to laugh?
Tweek. Now there's
an interesting choice.
Tweek has a lot of qualities
that I look for in a friend.
What if they don't pick me? What if
they get us all, man! I mean, Christ!
If they can get to the Pentagon, then
they can get to us all, man! Aaaa!
I think I deserve to take
Kenny's place the most, because,
I've been hanging around these guys for like five years and I never get to say or do anything.
...Yeah, I've only
seen that kid in class,
but he never does anything.
He's more like a prop.
Towelie is a tough choice because,
even though I can see how always
having a towel around can come in
handy, he's just always so high.
Man, I really hope I win,
because... wait... why is this again?
I have no idea what's goin' on.
We decided to get some one-on-one
time with Jimmy and ride the log ride.
The great thing was that, because Jimmy's
crippled, we got to go to the front of the line.
That was definitely big points
for Jimmy, you know, but,
but then we got to
the ride itself, and...
Hey, I-I'm gonna need some
help getting in the log, fellas.
O! Shut her down.
Someone needs assistance.
Oh, really? That's
gonna cost some points.
But right now I'd say if we're
gonna have a retard for a friend, I,
I have to pick Timmy. Because
Timmy doesn't tell any jokes.
Boy, isn't this great fellas?
Are we great pals or what?
One thing for sure: picking our
new freidn isn't gonna be easy.
Kneel. Kneel before Professor Chaos!
Ah, the look on their faces
when they got the wrong soup.
I love bringing chaos!
And that's only the beginning!
All right, everyone.
It was a tough decision,
but based on our time with
you all at the amusement park,
we have whittled our
choices down to ten.
If you receive a rose, please stay.
If you don't, get the fudge out.
Kyle, will you announce
the people we want to stay?
Token.
Clyde.
Craig
Timmy
Timmih!
Oh man! This is too much pressure!
Pip
Jimmy
Jason
Towelie
Luigi .
Just one more rose left,
Kyle. Who does it go to?
Tweek.
All right, the rest of you, thanks
for coming. Get the fudge out!
I didn't make the cut?? Oh
God, I didn't make the cut??
I didn't even get a chance
to have them get to know me!
All right, congratulations to
those of you selected to stay.
In the end, one of you will
be the new Kenny. Good luck.
Good morning, Butters.
It certainly is, Mother. Did ya
hear about what's been goin' on?
Some horrible new
supervillain made somebody
get the wrong soup order ot Bennigan's.
No, I didn't hear about that.
Yeh, you didn't?
Uh Dad, can I uh can I see
the newspaper real quick?
Why sure, Butters. I was just
about to get some breakfast.
Nothing. Nothing!
It's the liberal media!
They're keeping the stories of my deads
covered up, so as not to cause a panic.
Well, I guess it's time
to take it up a notch!
Okay, next?
This looks pretty good.
Yeah,it's not bad. Next?
Timmay!
Next?
Okay, so now we're gonna see how you
all work as a friend during classtime.
Your performances will be judged primarily on how you help us cheat and give us answers.
So good luck, everybody.
Sit down, boys.
Alrighty then.
All right, children, before we get started, has anybody seen the eraser for the chalkboard?
It probably got knocked
on the floor somewhere.
Can you all just please look
around your desks for it?
Yes. Look around for
your precious eraser.
You won't find it. That
eraser's in my back yard,
buried three feet below
the surface of the earth.
And do you even suspect me?? No!
Now we shall all see how you all like
your dear chalkboard without an eraser.
And information, it just
keeps pilin' up and pilin' up,
until your minuscule brains
can take it no longer!
No? Oh, oh well. Never mind.
I've got a backup one in the desk.
Okay, today children, we're gonna
learn about multiplying times five.
So! You all think that you can
outsmart Professor Chaos, do you?!
Now, whenever we multiply
a number times five,
the result is going to
end in a zero or a five.
Ms. Choksondik,
What is it, Butters?
Ah, I need to go to the
bathroom. R-really bad.
Oh alright Butters. Take the bathroom pass
and go. Okay, so for instance, children-
Alright. I'm goin' to the bathroom now. If
anybody needs me, ah that's where I'll be.
Just go, Butters. Okay, so for instance,
five times one is... what, Eric?
Uh, what's the question again?
Five... times... one.
Five times one is of course...
Five.
Five.
The time for fun and games
is over, feeble-minded fools!
Who are you?
I am Professor Chaos! Bringer
of destruction and maker of doom!
Those who do not know me
yet shall know me very soon,
for the hour of Chaos ih-is at hand!
Hey! That kid took my last
eraser! Come back here, kid!
Oh! Ah, I'm back from the bathroom.
Ah I really let one go in there.
Butters, did you see another
little kid run out of here?
Why yes, I did. But he pushed
me down and I scraped my elbow.
Go on and look at it.
It's scraped. Look.
Yeesss. Go on and see
the red mark on my elbow,
the red mark I made myself to throw
you off Professor Chaos's trail.
It looks fine, Butters. Okay,
hold on and stay here, children.
You're such a fatass, Cartman!
Oh yeah?! Well, you're a stupid Jew!
Shut up, fatass!
Oh, aaaah, well you guys are dumb.
Okay, Craig, interesting choice. Powerful
stuff there, Craig. Thank you very much.
It is almost ...complete.
The creation of my minions who will
assist me in bringing terror to the world.
There we go.
Ye-ess, my minions of, of chaos.
Shhh. Night now, night now my lovelies.
Your time to bring dest-struction
will come very soon.
Butters, a note for you
was left on the front door.
A note?
Here you go.
And wash your hands after you touch those hamster- you'll get AIDS
Okay, Mom.
So. Someone has discovered
my horrible secret.
This could be a trap set by the FBI.
Oh, I'll be at the docks, precious FBI!
But it is I who'll have
the trap set for you!
Come, my minions! We haven't much time!
All right, everyone, the time has come for
us to narrow the list down from ten to six.
But first, let us just say that
the people who we didn't pick
were only not picked because
they totally sucked balls. Kyle?
They're not going to pick
me. I just know they're not.
O-oh Jesus! Aaah I can't take it!
Token.
All right!
Timmy.
Timmay!
Tweek.
Pip
Really? I don't believe it.
Towelie.
What?
Just one mroe rose, Kyle.
Jimmy.
Oh boy! Oh thank God!
All right, those with roses will move on
to the swimsuit and talent competition.
The rest of you, get the fudge out!
This whole thing is stupid!
You don't pick people you wanna
be with by making it into a game!
Ooooooo, somebody's a sore loser!
Clyde, I believe I said,
"get the fudge out!"
Which means, kiss mah fudgin' ass, go fudge yourself, fudge ya, get the fudge out, Clyde!
Hey Butters.
Oh, hey Dougie. Oh I mean,
my name is Professor Chaos.
I saw you change in the school bathroom.
You stole that eraser in your class.
Very well. You called
out Professor Chaos,
and you also called
out, eh your own demise!
Go now, my minions. Go and take
this, this foolish mortal down!
Aw minions, naw, not that way. He
- come back minions.
I'm, not trying to call you out,
Professor Chaos. I want to join you.
Join me?
Yeah I want to join you in
your conquest of destruction.
But why?
I'm an outcast, too. A frail
child cast aside by society.
I want to follow you and...
whatever you're doing.
Uh very well. You shall
be my accomplice in evil.
Together, we shall bring
the world to its knees!
A-and make all those who banished
us from society run... red.
Do I get a neato costume made
out of aluminum foil, too?
Well sure you do. Ah I am professor,
and you shall be my general.
From now on you are General... Disarray.
General Disarray.
Now let us go look for my minions!
They ran away here, now to find 'em...
The swinsuit competition really gave us
a fresh look at some of the candidates.
Well, I don't think I did too well
in the... bathing suit competition.
But I can't wait for the
talent show competition.
That'll really my chance to... shine.
Wow, what a terrific audience.
So anyway, a guy walks into a buh-
...A guy walks into a b
- ...buh...
A guy walks into a guy walks
into a babuh ba-a-a, uh-
Okay wait...
No, no wait.
Next please.
Well, what am I supposed to do?
Anything that'll impress us, Token.
If you were our friend, how
would you keep us entertained?
Aaaah. Oh, I know.
Very nice.
I like it.
Well Token was a definite
winner for talent show.
But then we decided to take
everyone to a baseball game,
to see how we got along there.
There goes a hit to left field,
and Foley's going to score.
Woohoo!
Yeah! Isn't this great?!
Kids, get your drinks here.
Eho! Yes. Can I have some tea, please?
You don't drink tea in a
ballpark, you French piece of crap!
Oh, very well. Just some crumpets, then.
All right, that does it!
Pip, get the fudge out! Next!
Okay, let's try this.
Hey, what's wrong with the Jumbotron?
People of Earth! Your meaningless
lives are about to end!
I am Professor Chaos, and this is my
partner ih-in evil, General Disarray!
In the past few days I have rained terror
down upon the society that shunned me!
And now it is time
for my Labor of Lonely!
I am going to... flood... the world!
Flood the world?
My God!
I don't wanna die, I DON'T WANNA DIE!
Oh yes. Every living creature and
every sacred building will soon
be under leagues and leagues
of cold and dark water.
And there is nothing
you can do to stop me!
General Disarray, begin
the flooding of Earth!
You brought this upon yourselves!
You made the outcasts of the world!
Now watch! Watch as your
precious planet drowns! Watch!
Jesus Christ, who will save us?
We have very little time to live. How,
how shall we spend our last hours on earth?
Yeah! All right!
Our reign of terror is complete!
Our tur
- turmoil has now come full circle!
Hey, is the hose on
full, General Disarray?
It's on all the way.
Oh. Alright then. Nothing to
do now but watch the world die!
Boy, this sure is takin' a long time.
Okay, so how do we all feel
about Towelie as our new friend?
I think Towelie is awesome.
Towelie is cool, but he
gets stoned all the time.
You can't really rely
on him for anything.
Oh, this is giving me a headache.
Eh now, come on, you guys, we
can't take this decision lightly.
Whoever we pick is going to be the
person we do everything with from now on.
You're right. Well now, how about Timmy?
He's quiet and he takes direction well.
Yeah, but Timmy can be
really self-centered.
How about Token?
Token's a smartass.
So? You're a smartass!
Yeah. Do we really need another one?
Good point.
Hey fellas. I was just
in the neighborhood and
I thought I'd stop by
to s-gif- gift basket.
Oh, thanks Jimmy
There's some chocolates and lih-licorice,
and some games and peh- pencils inside.
That's great.
Cool.
Yeah well, I guess I'll be
seeing you, you friends later.
Alright Jimmy, see ya.
Suckup.
Not long now, General Disarray, and...
our horrible plan will be complete.
Hey, do you think maybe
we should build a boat?
You know, like a little
raft or something,
so that when the world floods you
and me and the minions can live?
Oh yeah. I hadn't thought o'
that. That's a pretty good idea.
I'll go get a hammer.
Hey, who is that?
Is this it?
Yeah, two thirteen, that's the one.
Heeyyy, what are you doin'?
Aaaah! You may have won this
time! But I will be back!
What do we do now?
Well I had another idea
of how to kill the world,
but I thought it was... almost too
horrible to e- to even speak of, but-
but now they have left
me with no other choice!
Well, this is it. We have made
our final decision and one of you
is who we will be spending our
childhood with, as our new friend.
Oh puh please. Oh, Oh God... please.
Four friends, just one rose.
The moment of truth is here.
Kyle? Who does the rose go to?
This is is, General
Disarray. My final solution.
What evil plot do you have
this time, Professor Chaos?
Simple, my dear general. We are going to
tear down the Earth's precious atmosphere!
Oh yes! My latest plan will
melt the polar ice caps,
a-and burn all the world with the,
with the... hu- sun's harmful rays!
Say goodbye to your... precious
ozone and hello to chaos!
Okay, hand me another
one, General Disarray.
Will Professor Chaos's latest plot
succeed and be the final undoing of Earth?
And which boy has been chosen
to be the replacement for Kenny?
And which of these six South Park residents
was killed, and will never be seen again?
The answer to those questions
will be answered... right now.
No. Tweek. Ms. Choksondik.
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