South Park S03E11 Starvin' Marvin in Space!

Marklar! This is Marklar!
Approaching Marklar!
Proceed with Marklar
and make first contact!
Marklar.
Greetings, Marklars!
I am Marklar!
I come in Marklar!
Oh, Marklar!
Hello, everyone!
I am sister Hollis!
I was chosen from my mission
work to come here to Africa
and teach you all about
the teachings of Jesus!
Okay, then! Do we have our bibles
that were handed out freely?!
No, no, no! We don't eat
the bibles! We read them!
Now, let's turn to Mark 3:19!
Come on! Remember!
Reading bible plus
accepting Jesus equals food!
Good! Now, who can
read Mark 3:19?!
How 'bout Marvin!
o, Marvin! In God's
language, English!
Where're you going?!
Back to your life of sin?!
Don't you understand that
unless you find Christ,
you and all your people are
doomed to eternal hellfire?!
And so, children, that's why
Hare Krishnas are totally gay!
- Uh, can I help you?!
- Yes!
I'm Connley, and this is
Finx! We're with the CIA!
We're here to speak with
some of your students!
You, you, you, and you.
Oh, for Pete's sake! What've
you bastards done now?!
Hey! That was Kyle that
went number two in urinal!
No, it wasn't, fatass!
I saw YOU do it
Boys, we need to talk to you about
a matter of national security!
Now!
I hope you give 'em the chair!
Anyway, children, as I was saying,
Hare Krishnas are totally gay!
- Oh, dude! This is not good!
- Relax, fatass!
No, dude! I've seen this on TV!
They shine that light in your face
and then they try to get you to tell them
stuff by squeezing your balls really hard!
- What?!
- Dude, I've seen it!
They grab your balls with their leather
gloved hands and they squeeze
them as hard as they can
until they pop like little grapes!
Start with Kenny!
Start with Kenny!
- Relax, boys! We just need to
talk with you! - I told you, fatass!
Approximately 31 hours ago, an ethnic
looking child was spotted flying
some kind of state-of-the-art
aircraft over Chinese Airspace!
Woah! Cool!
- Cool?!
That craft appears to have enough plutonium
fuel aboard to blow-up a large city!
- Do you think that's cool?!
- Totally!
Alright, children! We just need to know
one thing! Do you know this person?!
- Hey! That's Starvin Marvin!
- Who?!
You dumbass, Cartman! Now they're
gonna go squeeze his balls!
Oh! We don't know him!
We already know you know him!
We have this! Now who is he!?
Ooo! Kyle's makin' mud
pies! Y'guys want one?!
This is getting us nowhere! We'll have
to resort to more drastic measures!
But they're just kids!
We can't torture them!
Look! We don't know what
that craft is capable of,
but the kid is going to
have to land it somewhere!
God only knows what sadistic
backwards third world country
could get their hands on that ship!
Sauring so high above the world!
Never thought I could feel so free!
I'm one with the birds
and magic is all I see!
Oi! Look up there!
It's a UFO!
Oi! That's one creepy alien!
Talk to 'im, mayor!
Great and noble alien creature,
as mayor of the fine
planet of Australia,
I welcome you to our fine...
planet of Australia!
Chipie chip! Charah!
Look out! He's got a gun!
Wait! It's not a gun!
It's a piece of paper!
I think he's trying to tell us that he wants
to relocate all his speicies here to Australia!
Well, ya certainly
are welcome here, alien!
In fact, there's a mission right over
there that will take all your people in!
Hello!
Guess the little pecker
didn't like missionaries!
Now, I'll ask you again! Who is the
little boy that took our ship?!
We don't know!
Who is this person?!
K-kill me!
Do it again!
No, wait! I'll tell ya!
He's, he's a little starving
Ethiopian kid! We adopted him!
- Adopted from who?!
- Sally! Sally Struthers!
The lady on TV! She knows
everything! Sally Struthers!
Sally Struthers!
Where can we find her?! - I know
exactly where Sally Struthers is!
Let them go!
Good job, fatass!
Dude, I couldn't take that balloon!
Another couple of hours
of that and I'd've been
totally pissed off!
Whatever! Let's
go see what's on TV!
Gentlemen, Miss Struthers
can see you now!
I'm warning you, Bill! Sally
Struthers is a bit heavy!
But don't say anything
because she's pretty sensitive!
Oh, I would
never say anything!
I saw some show where they made
fun of Sally Struthers' weight
and I thought it was totally cruel!
I mean, she helps people, you know!
Ah! Miss Struthers!
Miss Struthers, we understand you
have helped raise millions of dollars
to help starving
children in Ethiopia!
We need information on
one of the Ethiopians!
You must tell us everything
you know about him!
His name... is...
Starving Marvin!
Why, yes it is a Chocolate
Yum Yum Bar, Miss Struthers!
And, there are several more
where that came from!
Of course, if you don't want to tell
us about the Ethiopian boy...
I'm glad we can do business!
C'mon, dude! There's gotta be something
about Starvin Marvin in the news!
Well, I can't find anything!
Wait! What's this?!
God wants you to
send us money!
He needs you to send us
money so we can help others!
Oh, my God! This guy again! - Why would
anybody send this asshole money?!
To take it and
shove it in his peehole!
Starvin Marvin!
He DID take the ship!
Well, nice job, Marvin! I hope you got about
a thousand dollars to pay for maw haws!
Dude, you're gonna get
busted for taking this thing!
- I think he wants us to get in!
- Kickass!
- Wow! This thing is awesome!
- Let's go somewhere!
Sauring so high
above the world!
Never thought
I could be so free!
I'm one with the birds
and magic is all I see!
This is great!
Yeah, but where's that crappy song
comming from?! Can we turn that off?!
Yeah! That's better!
Hello! How we doing today?!
Look what I got for you!
No! It's not food! It's a cross!
And it has your christian
name printed on it!
From now on, you are Michael!
Can you say Michael?!
Oh, well! You'll get it!
Hello, brother David! Do you
have any sins to confess?!
Anybody?! Sins to confess?!
Joshua?!
You know, today, I'm
reminded of Psalm 46, line 39.
"Though the mountains shake and...".
- Here they are!
- Who are you?! - We're with
the American Government!
Sally Struthers told us where
we'd find Marvin's parents!
Hello there, Mr. and
Mrs. Click Click Dirk!
I think you know
why we're here!
No, dude! You don't wanna
bring your people to Mexico!
There's missionaries there too!
No way! Not Utah! Utah's
nothing BUT missionaries!
Dude, it looks like he's tried
everywhere in the world!
Well, he hasn't been here
yet! Where's this?!
What the hell did
you hit, Cartman?!
Oh, my God! What
the hell is that thing?!
Where are we?!
We're on like some foreign planet! - This
place is rad! Look at all the trees and stuff!
Greetings!
Welcome to Marklar!
Uh, thanks!
I am Marklar,
leader of the Marklar!
Uh, cool! My name is Stan
and uh, I'm the leader of Earth!
- Marklar to you!
- Cool!
Hey! I'm the leader of Earth! - Screw
you, Cartman! I called "leader" first!
Well, you can call "leader" till your ass
bleeds, but it doesn't make it true!
We are very thankful to you for
bringing our Marklar back to us!
I thought you called
your PLANET Marklar!
Oh, here on Marklar, we refer to all
people, places, and things as Marklar!
Well, our friend, Marvin, and all his
people have to live on a part of Earth
that sucks ass! They
can't grow food or nothin'!
Yeah, so it would be
really cool if you would
let Marvin and all his
people come live here!
Well, there is a lot
of room on Marklar!
If Marklar here wants to
bring his Marklar to Marklar,
that would be fine!
Just take our Marklar back to Marklar
and bring all the Marklar back with you!
Uh, thanks!
Let's go through this one more
time, Mr. and Mrs. Click Click Dirk!
Your son Marvin has a ship that we
want! How can we get it from him?!
We are the CIA! That
ship needs to be with us!
Maybe we should just take
something precious of yours, huh!
Aha! This! This
gourd-thingy for instance!
How do you like that, huh?!
If you ever want to see this...
little... thingy again, I
suggest you contact your boy!
There his is!
Back away from the
spacecraft, children!
No! No, it's okay! The ship
took us to another planet!
A beautiful lush
place called Marklar!
Yeah! And the leader, he says that
all the Ethiopians can go live there!
The alien race, have they
heard the word of Christ?!
No! Never! It's perfect!
Oh, no! Those poor souls! We
must spread the gospel to them!
What?!
C'mon, Marvin! We gotta get your people
to Marklar before the missionaries do!
You'll do nothing of the kind!
This ship is now Property of the
United States Government!
Call those boys' mothers!
I'm sure they'll be very interested in the
trouble their boys have been up to!
Oh, no, dude!
You know, Susan, there, there's so
many great missionaries doing work
out there in the,
in the, in parts of Africa
nd, and while we're trying to get
bibles to people all over the world,
and what we need is the
help of everyone out there
so that we can continue
these, these projects!
Now, listen to this, Susan!
One of our missionaries in North
Africa has made an amazing discovery!
A new planet in the, in the galaxy Alpha-
Seti 6 that has intelligent life on it!
Amazing!
Now, we're not sure what these
hyper-intelligent beings look like,
but one thing is for sure, and
they've never heard... of Jesus Christ!
What can we do with the 600
club to help those poor aliens?!
What we need, Susan, is we need
money to build an Interstellar Cruiser!
Now, this spaceship will be able
to travel through a worm hole
in deliver the message and glory of
Jesus Christ to those godless aliens!
Send your money now! Amen!
I want everyone to keep a safe distance
from the craft until we can run some tests!
Uh, excuse me, gentlemen! Uh,
Tom Brokaw is here to see you!
Tom Brokaw?! Oh,
no! The press already!
- Hey! Good day, gentlemen!
- Mr. Brokaw, I presume!
You presume wisely, sir!
I'm here to get the big
story! The big scoop!
I understand that you've found some
kind of ship from an alien race,
seeing as though I am pulitzer
prize winning Tom Brokaw!
Look, kid! Did you really think
this was going to fool anybody?!
You don't look anything like Tom Brokaw!
- What?! Dare you question my integretah?!
I told you Tom Brokaw doesn't
have a mustach, fatass!
What?! Eh, oh! I had
some bad bleeters today!
Alright, boys! Time to get
back to your quarters!
Son of a bitch!
Run for it!
Get them!
Hey, guys! Wait for me!
- Kenny!
- Forget him! He's done for!
He's not done for!
He's standing right there!
You, guys! Wait for me!
- No! No! He's done for! C'mon!
Dammit, dammit, dammit!
Alright! We made it!
Okay, Marvin! Time to take
your people to their new home!
What was that?!
This is the Missionary 600!
We have you locked on fire
ready! Turn back right now!
- They're shooting at us!
- Quick, Marvin! Get us to Marklar!
Well, how'd we do it last time?! - Cartman
just hit the button and the ship flew itself!
- Which button did you press,
Cartman?! - Uh, oh! I don't remember!
You don't remember?!
- You dumbass, Cartman!
- Hey! I was under duress!
Maybe it was this one!
Sauring so high
above the world!
The ship seems to made out
of a super-strong alloy!
These lasers aren't
powerful enough!
Everyone, the word of God is
going around the world and,
and all your help is so
greatly appreciated!
W-w-what we need now
is an Argon Crystal Laser!
You see, an Argon Crystal Laser
can pierce thick space holes
in a way that other lasers just can't!
Send your money now! Ah, thank you!
Miss Struthers, we understand
that you have a ship of your own!
One capable of interstellar travel!
We need to use use your
ship to catch those boys!
We will do anything
for that technology!
Miss Struthers, if those Ethiopians
make it to another planet,
who will send money
to your foundation?!
Without Ethiopians,
you have no food!
Oh, that won't be a problem,
Miss Struthers! We have collateral!
I wanna get out of here!
I have the infidels in my sight!
Holy shit!
Holy crap! They
have photon torpedos!
Now, our deflector shields are
useless against four-ton torpedos
and we really need your
support on this one, folks!
Here at the 600 club, we need your
money to spread the word of Jesus
and build more advanced deflector
shields for our galactic cruiser!
Call now and we'll
give you this free pin!
- You got'em, Marvin!
- Yeah! Now, finish'em off!
Warning! Deflector sheilds failing!
Where did that come from?!
Good! Now, get them
in our tractor beam!
Now we've got'em!
It's Sally Struthers!
Well, it appears they'll be going back to
Ethiopia! So we can go on to the aliens!
Sorry, Marvin! We tried!
Wait! Miss Struthers!
Miss Struthers!
Miss Struthers, please! Just
listen to me for one second!
You started the Feed the Children
Foundation for wonderful reasons!
To help starving helpless people who
lived in a rotten part of the world!
Well, it's for those reasons we
wanna help our friend Marvin now!
Miss Struthers, don't forget the gift
we gave you! The child in carbonite!
Miss Struthers! You
helped so many people,
and you taught us that helping
people is what life is all about!
All we wanna do is be like you!
- She bought it!
- Sally Struthers is saving us!
Uh, now, now stay with
me on this one, folks!
Sally Struthers has a Taberian Junker
which is, the favourite ship of the hutts
and she has trapped our, our, our new
CBC ship in a Posetronic Tractor Beam.
So we're gonna need an
Ionic Tractor Disruptor!
Now, now, not a regular
Ionic Tractor Disruptor,
but a Negative Ionic Tractor Disruptor
to help spread the word of Jesus!
I will get the
fuckin' idiot up here!
- Now's our chance! - Wait! I
remember! It was the red button!
They've opened the worm hole!
It's pulling us in!
Please! Please! Please!
We are confused!
You must explain one at a Marklar!
Alien friend, we are here to spread the
word of Jesus! He died for your sins!
Who?! Marklar?!
We brought Marvin and his people to live
here, but these buttholes followed us!
Brought Marklar?!
What is Marklar?!
Well, Here on Marklar, everyone and
everything is referred to as Marklar!
- Doesn't that get confusing?!
- Oh, no! Watch this!
- Hey, Marklar!
- Yes? - You see?!
Wait! Wait! I think I can
explain this whole thing!
Marklar, these Marklars
want to change your Marklar!
They don't want this Marklar or
any of these Marklars to live here,
because it's bad for their Marklar!
They use Marklar to try and force
Marklars to believe their Marklar!
If you let them stay here, they
will build Marklars and Marklars!
They will take all your Marklars
and replace them with Marklar!
These Marklars have no good
Marklar to live on Marklar,
so they must come
here to Marklar!
Please, let these Marklars stay where
they can grow and prosper without any
Marklars, Marklars, or Marklars!
Young Marklar, your
Marklars are wise and true!
What the hell did he say?!
- Wow! Good job, dude!
- Thanks!
The Marklars can stay!
Alright!
You Marklars must leave!
But, you will all burn in
forever in eternal hellfire!
Yes, that's nice!
Thank you for stopping by!
Well, Marvin, It was
sure cool seeing you again!
No! We gotta go! Sally Struthers is
gonna give us a ride back to Earth!
Maybe we'll come
and visit sometime!
Yeah, and maybe Jesse
Jackson'll be president!
- Dude! - What?! We're
not gonna come visit him!
- I know, but you don't tell
him that! - Whatever!