Fighting the frizzies at eleven!
We've all heard of Rudolph and his
shiny nose, and we all know Frosty
who's made out of snow!
But, all of those stories seem kind
of gay, 'cause we all know
who brightens up our holiday!
Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo!
Small and brown, he comes from you!
Sit on the toilet! Here he comes!
Squeeze him 'tween your festive buns!
A present from down below
spreading joy with a...
Howdy Ho!
He's seen the love inside of you,
'cause...
He's a piece of poo!
Sometimes, he's nutty!
Sometimes he's corny!
He can be brown or greenish-brown!
Mm, mm!
But, if you eat fibre on Christmas Eve,
he might come to your town!
Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo!
He loves me! I love you! Therfore,
vicariously, he loves you!
I can make a Mr. Hankey too!
Howdy ho! I'm Mr. Hankey,
the Christmas Poo!
Santa's greetings to all of you!
Let's sing songs and dance and play,
now before I melt away!
Here's a game I like to play!
Stick me in your mouth and try to say...
Howdy Ho Ho, yum, yum, yum!
Christmas time has come!
Sometimes he's runny!
Sometimes he's firm!
Sometimes he's practically water!
Sometimes he hangs of the end
of your ass and won't fall in the toilet,
'cause he's just clinging to your
sphinkter, and he won't drop off,
and so you shake your ass around,
try to get 'im to drop in the toilet,
and finally it does!
Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo!
Christmas leaves! He must leave too!
Flush him down, but he's never gone!
His smell and his spirit lingers on!
Howdy ho!
Howdy ho, folks! We're gonna do
something a little bit different tonight!
Instead of our normal thing,
we're just gonna sit back and
enjoy some holiday songs!
And, if you don't like it, well,
I guess you can suck my tiny
little balls!
So let's start off with a festive
Hanukkah song,
sung by my favourite jewish
person in the whole world!
Okay, Ike! You're my little brother,
so I have to show you how to
celebrate Hanukkah!
This is called a dreidel!
You spin it and see where
it lands and you sing this song!
I have a little dreidel!
I made it out of clay!
And when it's dry and ready,
with dreidel, I shall play!
Oh, dreidel, dreidel dreidel!
I made you out of clay!
Dreidel, dreidel dreidel!
With dreidel, I shall play!
Hey! What the hell are you doing!
Oh! Hey, Cartman!
We're playing dreidel!
You wanna try?!
Sure!
Here's a little dreidel that's
small and made of clay,
but I'm not gonna play with it,
'cause dreidel's frickin' gay!
Hey! Shut your mouth, fatass!
Jews play stupid games! Jews!
That's why they're lame!
Jews play stupid games! Jews!
That's why they're lame!
What's going on?! Oh!
It's that Hanukkah thing!
It's so amazing!
You spin this thing on the ground
and it goes round and round,
and I could watch it all day!
Let me try!
I'll try to make it spin!
It fell! I'll try again!
I'll try to make it spin! It fell!
I'll try again!
Hello, boys!
Hi, mom!
Oh, how precious!
You boys are all playing dreidel!
Now, you know that dreidel is a time
on a tradition for the Hebrew people!
Yes! We know, Miss Broflovski!
It's so very interesting!
Now when you learn to make the
dreidel spin, you'll know our people
always win! Keep spinning!
Learn to make the dreidel spin!
You'll know our people always win!
Oh! Hi, dad!
Hello, everybody! Say!
Can I join in?
Sure! I have a little dreidel!
I made it out of clay!
And when it's dry and ready,
with dreidel, I shall EVERYBODY!
Dreidel, dreidel dreidel!
I made you out of clay!
Dreidel, dreidel dreidel!
With dreidel, I shall play!
Oh, dreidel, dreidel dreidel!
I made you out of clay!
Dreidel, dreidel dreidel!
With dreidel, I shall play!
Courtney Cox, I love you!
You're so hot on that show!
Dad?!
Courtney Cox,...
Dad?!
We're singing about a dreidel!
Oh, sorry!
We'll talk about this later, Gerald!
Woo hoo! Golly! That sure was fun!
But now for our next song!
Hold on to your boot straps,
'cause we're gonna descend down into Hell!
Oh, tannenbaum! Oh, tannenbaum!
Die teil chi hein blatter!
Oh, tannenbaum! Oh, tannenbaum!
Die teil chi hein blatter!
Too groo chnid doo noot zamadine!
Die knack umvie teri neshenstein!
Oh, tannenbaum! Oh, tannenbaum!
Die teil chi hein blatter!
Hey! Hitler! What's the matter,
little guy?!
Oh, Satan! Tu tannenbaum die
teil chi hein blatter!
Aaaw! You don't have
Christmas Tree?!
Nootint dien dien
reetint minintstein!
Well, I tell you what! Maybe we'll
have ourselves a little
Christmas right here!
C'mon, everyone! Gather 'round!
String up the lights
and light up the tree!
We're gonna make some revelry!
Spirits are high, so I can tell it's
Christmas time in Hell!
Demons are nicer as you pass them by!
There's lot's of demon toys to buy!
The snow is falling and all is well!
It's Christmas time in hell!
There goes Jeffrey Dahmer
wiht a festive Christmas ham!
After he has sex with it, he'll
eat up all he can!
And there goes John F. Kennedy
caroling with his son!
Reunited for the holidays!
God bless us everyone!
Everybody has a happy glow!
Let's dance in blood
and pretend it's snow!
Even Maw Tse Tung
is under the spell!
It's Christmas time in hell!
Aldolf, here's a present for you!
Oh! UND TANNENBAUM!
Yes! Und tannenbaum!
God cast me down from heaven's
door to rule in hell forevermore!
But now I'm kinda glad that I fell,
'cause it's Christmas time in hell!
Here's a rack to hang
the stockings on!
We still have to shop
for Genghis Khan!
Michael Landon's hair looks swell!
It's Christmas time in hell!
There's Princess Diana holding
burning mistletoe over poor
Gene Siskel's head to watch
his weenie grow!
For wone day we all stop burning,
and the flames are not so thick!
All the screaming and the torture
stops as we wait for ol' Saint Nick!
So, string up the lights
and light up the tree!
We're damned for all eternity,
but for just one day, all is well!
It's Christmas time in hell!
Gather close together
and make it quick!
We gotta make room for Andy Dick!
Wake his mother and ring the bell!
It's Christmas time! Christmas time!
It's Christmas time in hell!
Merry Christmas, movie house!
Fighting the frizzies at eleven!
Howdy ho!
Uh, Hark! Hear the bells!
Sweet silver bells all seem to say,
ding dong, m'kay! Christmas is here!
Bringing good cheer to young and old!
Drinkin' a bowl!
Ding, dong, ding, dong!
That is their song! This joyful ring!
All caroling!
One seems to hear words
of good cheer, from everywhere,
filling the air!
Oh, how they pound,
raising their sound!
Oh, here and there,
telling their tale!
Gaily, they ring while people
sing songs of good cheer!
Christmas is here! Merry,
Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas!
Merry, Merry, Merry,
Merry Christmas!
Joyful they sing! All without end!
Their lovely hum to everyone!
Hark! Hear the bells!
Sweet silver bells all seem to say,
ding dong, m'kay!
On do they sing, on without end!
Their joyful toungue to every home!
Ding, dong, ding, dong!
M'kay! ... M'kay!
Well, that was a nice little song!
Wasn't it?!
But, let's not forget that for some
people, Christmas is about the
birth of Jesus! So now, here's a
more serious
Christmas song sung by Eric Cartman!
And ... O holy night! The stars are
brightly shining!
It is the night of our dear
saviour's b-b-b-birth!
O holy night!
The, something, something, descend!
It is the night with the Christmas
trees and pie!
Jesus was born and so I get presents!
Thank you, Jesus, for being born!
Fall on your knees and hear
the angels, something!
O night divine!
O night when I get presents!
O night divine!
O night, o night divine!
Oh, boy! That was a super song!
And now, let's hear from
the school teacher, Mr. Garrison!
Okay, children! Let's take our seats!
Today, we're gonna learn how
different cultures around the world
celebrate the holiday season!
Aaaaaaaw!
Now, pay attention! Ahem!
I heard there is no Christmas in the
silly Middle East!
No trees! No snow!
No Santa Clause!
They have different religious beliefs!
They believe in Muhahmad
and not in our holiday!
And so, every December,
I go to the Middle East and say!
Hey there, Mr. Muslim,
Merry Fuckin' Christmas!
Put down that book, the Koran,
and hear some holiday wishes!
In case you haven't noticed,
it's Jesus's birthday!
So get off your heathen Muslim
ass and fuckin' celebrate!
There is no holiday season in India,
I've heard!
They don't hang up their stockings,
and that is just absurd!
They've never read a Christmas story!
They don't know what Rudolph is about!
And that is why, in December,
I'll go to India and shout!
Hey there, Mr. Hinduist,
Merry Fuckin' Christmas!
Drink egg nog and eat some beef
and pass it to the Mrs.!
In case you haven't noticed,
it's Jesus's birthday!
So get off your heathen Hindu ass
and fuckin' celebrate!
Now, I heard that in Japan,
Everyone just lives in sin!
They pray to several gods and put
needles in their skin!
On December 25th, all they do
is eat a cake!
And that is why I go to Japan and
walk around and say!
Hey there, Mr. Shintoist,
Merry Fuckin' Christmas!
God is gonna kick your ass, you
infidelic pagan scum!
In case you haven't noticed, there's
festive things to do!
So let's all rejoice for Jesus!
Merry Fuckin' Christmas to you!
On Christmas day, I travel
'round the world!
Taoists, Krushnas, Buddhists,
and all you atheists too,
Merry Fuckin' Christmas to you!
Uh, thank you, Mr. Hat!
Frizzies at eleven!
Howdy ho!
I saw three ships come sailing in,
on Christmas day, on Christmas day!
I saw three ships come sailing in,
on Christmas day in the morning!
And what was in those ships all three,
on Christmas day, on Christmas day!
And what
Shut up, turds!
was in those ships all three,
on Christmas day in the morning!
The virgin Mary and Christ were there,
on Christmas day, on Christmas day!
The virgin Mary and
Shut up, turds!
Christ were there,
on Christmas day in the morning!
Let us all rejoice! Amen!
On Christmas day, on Christmas day!
Let
I told you to shut up!
us all rejoice! Amen!
On Christmas day in the morning!
Shelly is starting to get pissed,
on Christmas day, on Christmas day!
Shelly got up and killed the turds,
on Christmas day in the MORNING!
Golly, that sure was swell! I'd say
my Christmas special is going
super fantastic!
But now, it's time to hear from
perhaps the two most important
people of the whole season!
Hello, everyone, and welcome
to McKemicks!
Now, please put your hands together and
welcome Saint Nicholaus and Jesus Christ!
Hello, everybody!
How y'all doin' tonight!
You know, Jesus, there've been so
many wonderfull songs written
about us over the years!
That's right, Santa, and we love each
and everyone of them! Like this one!
Joy to the world, for I have come!
Let Earth receive...me!
Let every heart prepare me room...
...and heaven and nature sing!
...and heaven and nature sing!
...and heaven and heaven
and nature sing!
You know, Jesus, that is a nice song!
But I like this one!
Up on the house top, raindeer paws
out jumps good ol' me!
Down through the chimney
with lots of toys!
All for the little one's
Christmas joys!
Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go!
Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go!
Oh, up on the house top!
Click, click, click!
Down through the chimney
with good ol' me!
You get away!
Go away?!
GET away!
WHERE away?!
Away in the manger,
no crib for my bed!
That's where cute little ol' me-e lay
down my sweet head!
The stars in the sky look down
where I lay!
Cute little eight pound me-e asleep
in the hay!
Oh come all ye faithful, joyful,
and triumphant!
Oh come ye to bethlehem to see-ee me!
Here's one!
Hark the harold angels sing!
It's my turn!
Glory to-o me-e-e! Silient night!
Uh...!
Santa, uh!
All is calm! All is bright!
'Round yon virgin mother and me!
Saint Nicholaus!
Holy me-e-e, tender and mild!
Sleep in heavenly peace!
Sleep in heavenly peace!
Okay, Jesus! Here's one
you might remember!
Her name is Rio and she dances
on the sand, just like that river
twistin' through the dusty land!
Uh, Santa! Santa! Santa!
That's not a Christmas song! But I...
I know, but there's like three
hundred Jesus Christmas songs
and only four fucking Santa ones!
It's not fair! Just do it yourself!
I'm leaving!
Oh c'mon, Santa! You can't leave!
No! Fuck you, Jesus!
But, Santa! ... The weather outside is frightful...
No!
...But the fire is so delightful!
...Well, since I've no place to go...!
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!
It doesn't show signs of stopping!
But I brought some corn
for poopity-popping!
The lights are turned way down low!
So...
Let it snow! Let it snow!
Let it snow! The fire is slowly dying!
And, my dear, we're still
good-bah-bee-bying!
But, as long as you love me so,...
Let it snow! Let it snow!
Let it snow!
Her name is Rio and she
dances on the sand!
Fighting frizzies at eleven!
Howdy ho!
Well, I guess that's about the end
of our Christmas album!
Gosh, it was sure nice hangin' out
with y'all, yeah!
And, I guess if there's just one
thing I have left to say,
it would be this!
Have yourself a
Merry Little Christmas!
Make the ultide ham!
From now on, our
troubles will be miles away!
Here we are as in olden days!
Happy golden days of yours!
Faithful friends who are dear to us
gather near to us once more!
Through the years, we all will be
together, if the faith's on high!
Hang a shining star upon
the highest bow!
And have yourself a
Merry Little Christmas now!
Time to go, Mr. Hankey!
Goodbye, everybody! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Bye, Mr. Hankey! See ya next year!
And now, fighting the frizzies!
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