* i'm going down
to south park *
* gonna have
myself a time *
* friendly faces
everywhere *
* humble folks
without temptation *
* going down
to south park *
* gonna leave my
woes behind *
* ample parking
day or night *
* people spouting
"howdy neighbor" *
* headin' on up
to south park *
* gonna see
if i can't unwind *
* tim-Tmah tim-Mah,
tim-Mah tim-Mah timmy tim-Mah *
* so come on down
to south park *
* and meet some
friends of mine *
Today on the maury povich show:
These poor,
unfortunate people
All have horrible
disfigurements.
And we won't believe
how we exploit them
For your amusement!
That sounds pretty good.
Hey, kenny!
That's awesome,
kenny.
Now, gosh darn it, fellas,
my name's not kenny.
Kenny's dead.
Okay, not-Kenny.
And i'm not gonna wear
this coat anymore neither.
I should be able to
be you guys' friend
Without wearing
kenny's old coat.
Be quiet, not-Kenny, the maury
povich freak show is on.
Oh, all right then.
Our next guest
is a little girl
Who was born without
a midsection.
Please welcome
damla jones.
Hello, maury.
Ah, sick, dude!
You're a very brave
little girl,
And i'm very proud of you.
Thank you.
Can you tell the audience
how miserable your life is?
Ah, yes, it is.
Ha ha,
you're a cutie.
Do the other kids at school
sometimes make fun of you?
Sometimes.
Do people sometimes
stare at you?
Sometimes.
Do they go, "oh gross,
what the hell is that thing?"
I don't know.
Well, your mommy told us
you like to listen to music.
Yes?
Well, guess what, damla,
We're gonna give you
a $300 gift certificate
<i>To cd world in torrance.
All right, everyone,
stay tuned,
Because next we're
gonna meet a woman
Whose head was smashed in
on a logger.
And we're gonna
give her a makeover!
This is terrible, dude.
Maury povich parades these people
on his show like carnival freaks.
Then gives them prizes at
the end as if to justify it.
What a dick.
Dude, one of us should
make up some disease
And get on the maury povich show
so we can get a prize.
Cool!
Oh yes!
That'd be
awesome.
Do you think
they'll believe it?
What disease
should we say?
Shh, be quiet,
you guys.
Hello, is this
maury povich?
Oh, well, who
the hell are you?
Oh.
Well, i'm calling about
your ad for freaks.
Right, i mean people
with disabilities.
Yeah, i have a friend,
he has a deformity,
I think he'd be perfect
for your show.
Great!
His condition?
Ah, he has a condition
called "chin-Ball-Alitis".
Yes, his balls actually
hang from his chin.
Shut up, you guys.
Yes, yes, of course,
he's very upset about it.
Yes, he cries
all the time.
Miserable, uh-Huh.
You wa- Really?
What?
Dude, they say they'll fly him
out the day after tomorrow.
Awesome!
Cool!
Yes, i'm sure i can convince
him to come on the show.
There will of course
be a prize involved?
Great, i'll call you
back in an hour.
<i>No, thank you.
Yes!
This is gonna
be so funny!
It sure is!
But how are we gonna get the
balls put on butters' chin?
Yeah, how we gonna-
Wait, butters' chin?
Yeah.
But that's me,
i'm butters.
We know, you're the one
doing it, butters.
Who'd you think
we were talking about?
Well, hold on
just a second, you guys.
Hey, i know how we get
the balls on butters' chin.
Those "star trek" dorks
down the street.
They're always making crazy
masks and special effects
For their dumb movies.
Hang on now.
Yeah, i bet they could make
a fake set of balls.
Come on, butters.
Wait, why does it
have to be me?
It has to be you, butters,
think about it.
Yeah.
But fellas, if i go
on maury povich
With my balls on my chin
My parents are gonna
be really mad.
We'll just
tell your parents
We're going on a camping trip
with my parents.
They'll never know.
I'm sorry,
but the answer is-
Unh-Uh, unh-Uh, unh-Uh.
Kenny would've done it.
So? I told you guys before,
i'm not kenny.
We know, believe me,
we know.
We're reminded every day
that you're not kenny
Because kenny was cool.
Yeah, god, i wish kenny
was still alive.
He'd put balls on his chin.
He was such
an awesome friend.
Well, come on, guys.
If butters won't even put
balls on his chins for us
I guess we know
where we stand.
Yeah.
Ah, gee whiz, you promise my
mom and dad won't find out?
Now, we're going to apply the
latex with some spirit gum.
That spirit gum
sure is stinky.
Where'd you get
the balls from?
We made a plaster mold
of his chin
And then made a latex scrotum
and put two golf balls inside.
Nice.
Now, we just blend
the skin tones,
Add a little hair
and presto!
Wow!
That looks
awesome!
Oh, i feel silly.
They look great
on you, butters,
They really do.
I believe you
owe us payment now.
<i>All right, the original avid
cut of "star wars episode one".
Wow, they weren't
lying!
Why the hell would they
want that anyway?
Episode one
sucked balls.
Yeah, it sucked hairy
butters' chin balls.
Hey, hey,
stop it, man!
Gay air flight 243
with service to new york,
Now ready for
general boarding.
That's your flight,
butters.
Okay, here's your ticket.
And they're gonna have
a car waiting for you
At the gate in new york.
Wait, you guys aren't
coming with me?
Hell no, dude.
Then we couldn't
watch you on tv.
Hold on a minute, guys,
i change my mind.
I don't want to go.
God, the isn't butters awesome
for doing this, you guys?
Yeah, he sure is.
Doing all this to
bring us back a prize.
What a great friend.
Butters, butters!
All right then,
see you guys tomorrow.
Thanks for coming
on the show, kid.
Maury is very excited
to meet you.
And this is the green room
Where you can hang out
with the other guests
Until we call for you
on set.
Boy-With-Balls-On-Chin,
this is man-With-Foot-On-Head,
Girl-With-Rapid-Aging-Disease,
disfigured-Country-Singer.
And man-With-No-Face.
Wow, scooped-Out-Face-Guy.
I've seen you
on tv before.
Yes, this is my
sixth appearance.
I'll come back
in a bit, folks.
Hey, roger, what the hell
is with these
Horrible
veggie platters?
Yeah, we told you last time
we want fresher vegetables.
I'm sorry, this is what
the studio provides.
Just take a seat on the couch,
kid, i'll be back in a minute.
Boy-With-Balls-
On-His-Chin?
Haven't seen you
around.
How long you been
on the circuit?
What circuit?
The talk show
circuit.
Don't tell us this is
your first one.
Well yeah, you've all done it
more than once?
Oprah two times,
jenny jones once,
Sally jessy five times.
You've only done
jenny once?
I hate doing
the jenny jones show.
They don't even have
their own hair people.
I'm doing
jenny tomorrow.
Yeah, you picked a good
show to do first, kid.
But you need to
learn the ropes.
There are a lot of people like
you all over the country,
And we all do talk shows
for a living.
We all know each other,
And we all kind of
stick together
To make sure our
industry is protected.
Yeah, like when someone
lies about being a freak.
Oh, they,
they do, huh?
Yeah, they'll make up
a fake condition
<i>To go on these shows and
then take our money away.
We don't take
kindly to that.
I can certainly see why.
It's okay, folks
don't do it anymore.
Not after they saw what
we did to lobster boy.
Lobster boy?
Yeah, lobster boy used to
make appearances
On all the talk shows.
He was one of the most popular
disfigured people on tv.
But then one day
we all found out
That lobster boy wasn't
a real freak at all.
He was just an
actual lobster.
Lying sack of crap.
So you know what
we did to him?
What?
One night all us
freaks got together
And we boiled him alive.
Now lobster boy
is no more.
Oh, yeah, i hate when people
fake conditions too.
Those stupid fakers.
We're glad you agree.
Okay, boy-With-Balls-
On-His-Chin,
You're up next.
Oh, jesus,
see me through this.
Today on the
maury povich show
We bring back some of our
favorite disfigured people
And introduce you
to some new ones.
Here he comes!
This is gonna
be awesome!
Our next guest suffers
from a rare birth defect
Which caused his testicles and
scrotum to grow from his chin.
Testicles and scrotum!
Please welcome 8½-Year-Old
napoleon bonaparte
From south park, colorado.
Thanks so much for
coming on our show.
Oh, that's okay,
i suppose.
So, is it tough
being... different?
Ah, yeah.
And do all the kids at school
make fun of you?
They sure do!
They always say to me,
"butters, you're not kenny."
But i never said
i was kenny.
They say kenny would do this,
and kenny would do that-
Uh-Oh,
we're losing him.
I'm tired of it.
You hear me, fellas?
Kenny's dead, and you
just have to deal with it.
Ah, yeah, but i mean,
Do the kids at school
make fun of you
Because of your
condition?
What condition?
You have balls that
hang off your chin.
I do?!
Oh, oh, i mean
yeah, i do.
Yeah, the kids at school
make fun of me for that.
That was close.
What names do they
call you at school?
Oh well, i guess
they call me
Chin-Ball-Boy...
and ball-Chin-Boy.
When i'm walking they'll say,
"hey, there goes chin balls."
And do they call you
freak and weirdo?
Yeah, i suppose.
And do they point at you
and laugh?
Do they make you wish
you'd never been born?
Make you wish
to put an end
To the whole miserable
wretched earth?!
Uh, sure.
Well, napoleon, we have
a surprise for you.
Wait, here it is,
here it is.
The presents!
Because you're such a brave
little chin-Ball-Man
We're gonna send you
directly from this studio
To the world's largest putt-Putt
golf course in the world.
Oh really?
Wow.
Did he say
the largest
Putt-Putt golf course
in the world?
Go on, you're
going right now.
But that's not fair.
That means butters
gets to go and we don't.
Yeah, we thought up
the whole thing.
Once again butters is
trying to screw us over.
That asshole!
Hello, is this the
maury povich show?
Yes, hello, i'm calling because
i saw your television program
And i also have balls
hanging from my chin.
I'd like to come on and
talk about my disorder
And perhaps
get a free trip
To the largest putt-Putt
golf course in the world.
I'm sorry, but we're done
doing freak shows for now.
We're looking for people
for a new topic.
What's the new topic?
"Please help my
out-Of-Control child."
Oh... hey,
i'm out of control.
Really?
Is your mother
in tears every day
Over how disobedient
you are?
Uh, sure.
Does she worry about you
doing drugs and having sex
At such a young age?
Yeah, sure, i do crack and
potpourri and greasies.
Well, that's great.
If you can get your mom
to come on with you
We'd love to fly you out.
My, my mom?
Mom...
Yeah, sweetie?
Could you
do me a favor?
What's that,
my little man?
Could you go on the
maury povich show with me
And say that i'm out of control
and do drugs and have sex
So that i can
go to the largest
Putt-Putt golf course
in the world?
Mmm, but you're not
out of control, muffin.
You're my perfect
little gumdrop.
I'm just asking you
to lie for me.
You love me, don't you?
Of course i do.
Oh, i have such a
pretty mother.
Such a wonderful mother.
Sweetie, don't.
Then it's settled.
Oh, i've got
such a great mother,
Such a beautiful mother.
Just what did you think
you were doing, butters?
Not only did you lie to us
And say you were on a camping
trip with kyle's family,
You made a fool of yourself
and us on national television.
I'm sorry, mom.
Well, sorry isn't gonna
make it this time, mister.
Y'know, your grandmother saw
the show and had a mild stroke.
Oh gee, i didn't mean
to almost kill grandma.
I promise i'll never
go on tv
With balls
on my chin again.
Uh! You better believe
you won't, buster.
Your father and i
have to leave now
To visit grandma
in the hospital.
But you can just take
those balls off your chin
And march right up
to your room.
Yes, ma'am.
Serves me right.
Putting balls on my chin
and lying about it.
Why, i should be grounded
for a month.
Why do i do these things?
Why can't i behave myself?
Hey, butters, those other
freak people from the show
Were just over here
looking for you.
Oh jesus!
They were?
Yeah, they wanted to
find you bad.
Ohh, god,
what'd you tell them?
I told them
where to find you.
What, why the heck
would you do that?
They wanna kill me for
not being a real freak.
Oh...
Well, serves you right
for screwing us over.
Oh jesus, no.
They've come to
boil me alive,
Just like lobster boy.
I gotta get
out of here.
Wait, i can't go anywhere,
i'm grounded.
Oh christ,
what a pickle.
Napoleon?
Napoleon bonaparte?
I think he's up here.
Oh, hello, folks,
what's the problem?
There you are, boy-With-
Balls-On-His-Chin.
We've got big news-
The union is striking.
The union?
Oh, that's why you came?
We're tired of our
crappy prizes,
So the union president,
Man-With-Terrible-
Skin-Condition,
Has told us to
round everyone up.
I can't freak-Strike, fellas,
i'm grounded.
Grounded for what?
For having balls on my-
I mean, nothing.
I'm not grounded.
Good, then you can
march with us.
Freaks of the world
unite!
Today on maury povich,
These moms don't know what to do
with their out-Of-Control kids.
Young boys and girls
so whorish on our show
That it borders on
child pornography!
We're here
talking with moms
Who think their children
are out of control.
Now, vanessa here says that her
13-Year-Old daughter vanity
Is already doing drugs and
having sex with older men.
Whoa...
Vanessa, what does
vanity say to you
When you tell her to
do her homework?
She says
she hates me.
She calls me retard.
Then she says my cooze
is all dried up
And nobody wants it.
Aww!
Well, let's
bring her out.
Here's vanity!
Whatever, whatever.
You
suckers don't know.
You!
Wow, vanity, you are really
an out-Of-Control teen.
Yeah!
Maury! Maury!
Whatever!
Maury, my mom don't
know.
You can ax her.
I ax all my homies
if they be down with it.
Y'know, it's all
good,.
You,
suckers!
Jeez, that girl
is pissed off.
Okay, cartman family,
you're on in two minutes.
Why can't you just
listen to me and love me?
Shut up!
Shut the up,
you dried up skank!
I'm glad you're not
like that, poopsy-Kins.
But if i'm not the most
out-Of-Control teen
I might not win
the prize.
Excuse me, i want to
make a quick change.
Where's wardrobe?
Second door
on the right.
Strike! Strike!...
Brothers and sisters,
the time has come for us
To be treated with
the respect we deserve!
We're a strong and diverse
group of people,
With members like
woman-With-Crab-Like-Body,
Incredibly-Obese-
Black-Person,
Man-With-Brains-
Outside-Of-Head
And liza minelli.
The talk shows have us on and
gives us little gifts and perks
While they make tens of
thousands of dollars!
We told the talk shows our
demands and they laughed!
They say they can get plenty
of other stupid guests
To go on their shows,
So we must picket
those other guests.
Oh, gosh, i need to go,
i can't picket, guys.
You're not gonna
picket?
Who's not gonna picket?
Boy-With-Balls-On-Chin
doesn't want to picket.
It's just that parents are-
I can't picket.
Why, you're not
a scab, are you?
No, i'm not a scab.
Now, we will split up
into groups
And form picket lines.
The first group will be led by
incredibly-Obese-Black-Man.
Excuse me, i'm not
incredibly-Obese-Black-Man.
I'm incredibly-Black-Obese-Man.
Oh, right, my bad.
And now, back to more kids
who are out of control
On the maury povich show!
Our next mother
is liane cartman.
Her son claims to be the most
out-Of-Control kid in the world
And says there's nothing his
stupid mom can do about it.
Why won't you
kids behave?
Shut up, skank!
He's not
talking to you!
So, miss cartman, you can't
control your child?
Oh, my little
poopsy-Kins
Gets into no-No's
once in a while,
But he's still my perfect
little sumpsy-Kittles.
Well, your son made
a video backstage.
Let's take a look.
Maury, i am
out of control.
Yeah, i use drugs,
i can do what i want, bitch.
Yeah, i have sex and
i don't use protection.
It's my hot body,
i'll do what i want.
I don't go to school
and i kill people.
Whatever!
I'll do what i want.
Boo!Boo!
Oh, he's such a cutie.
Well, let's bring him out.
Here's eric cartman!
Whatever, whatever!
Maury, my mom
can't control me.
Ax her!
Go on, ax her!
Miss cartman, what does
your son to like to do?
Ooh, he loves
playing with
His "clyde frog"
and "wellington bear".
Mom, we're pretending,
remember?
Sex and drugs.
Oh, i mean
sex and drugs.
Ohh!
Whatever,
whatever!
I'll do what i want!
Oh, whatever,
you ain't tough, ho.
I roam with gangs.
Oh yeah?
I roam with 12 gangs.
And we only commit
hate crimes.
Whatever!
I'll do what i want!
Whatever!
You ain't bad.
You ain't nothing.
I ditch class and go shoot
heroin in the school bathroom.
Whatever! I ran for
congress and won.
Then i had sex
with an intern,
Killed her
and hid her body.
Whatever!
I'll do what i want!
What do we want?
Better prizes!
When do we
want them?
Now!
What do we want?
Better prizes.
When do we
want them?
Now then.
Sir, i really
gotta go home,
My parents are gonna
be sore at me.
Napoleon, you need to
understand something.
For you a union to work
all members must be prepared
To make sacrifices
and stick together.
But i gotta get back
to my family.
We're your family,
too, napoleon.
We're like you.
When we look at you
we don't even see
The testicles
on your chin.
We see the testicles
in your heart.
What do we want?
Better prizes!
When do we want them?
Now!
Oh, hamburgers, this just
keeps on getting worse.
Okay, folks, we're gonna
have to move along.
Why? We're a union and
we have a right to picket.
I'm sorry,
but the government
Does not recognize you
as a union.
You'll have to go.
What are you saying?
That because of
our appearance
Our organization
is less important?
Now now now,
i'm not telling you people
That your union
doesn't matter.
I'm just telling you that
you're not really people.
All right, that does it.
It's time to bring out
the big guns.
Prepare the video
sabotage.
Oh, no, not the
video sabotage.
Who is the most
out-Of-Control child?
We're back with maury.
We're here
talking with moms
Who think their children
are out of control.
Whatever!
I slaughtered five baby seals
with my bare hands.
Whatever!
I'll do what i want!
Now let's meet joline.
Joline says her daughter
is also out of control,
That she's flirting
with older men.
And, she's only
four months old.
Ohh!
Mm-Hmm, that's right.
Maury.
Let's bring her out,
here's chantal!
So, joline, exactly how is your
daughter out of control?
You say she flirts
with older men?
Maury, it's like this.
Whenever i have friends
over to the house
Chantal will come waltzing
in the living room
Completely naked!
Whatever. I helped in
a drive-By shooting.
Whatever! I digitally put
"jabba the hut"
Back into the original
"star wars" movie.
I'll do what i want!
Wow, that is
out of control.
Why, just last night
I had three gentlemen callers
over to my house
And chantal
took her clothes off
Right in front
of everybody!
Boo!Boo!
You see? There she goes,
there she goes.
You god damn whore!
Attention, maury viewers.
What the hell is this?
A lot of decent hard-Working
freaks in america
Are losing their
talk show jobs
To freaks of
a different nature.
Sure, everyone in this great
country of ours is a freak.
But true, physically-Deformed
freaks must be recognized.
For it is these real freaks
that make you all feel better
About yourselves
for not being one.
So next time you're
watching television
Make sure it's a show
with freak-Freaks,
And not just with people
that are freaks
Because they're stupid trailer
trash from the south.
That's what we mean when we say
look for the true freak label.
* look for the
true freak label *
* when you are watching
a tv talk show *
* remember somewhere
a union's growing *
* our wages going
to feed the kids *
* and rob the house
we work for *
* but who's complaining?
* we're t.F.U.
We're making our way *
* so always look for
the true freak label *
* because you need us
right here in the u.S.A. *
Ah, sorry, america,
little glitch there.
Anyway-
They're right.
We should've never
crossed that picket line.
Come on, honey.
Wait, wait, come back.
Maybe we could make the other
out-Of-Control kids
Take their clothes off, too.
Whatever!
I'll crap in maury's pants.
Sir, the ratings have just
started to plummet.
Those damn freaks!
I gave you shoes!
And groceries!
And this is how
you repay me?
Very well,
come upstairs and...
We'll negotiate.
We did it,
the strike worked.
Now we can go on
with our careers.
Thank god that's over.
Now i can
get back home.
Butters, you have
screwed me out of a prize
For the last time!
Oh, double hamburgers.
Jesus christ!
That out-Of-Control kid
Ripped poor napoleon's balls
right off!
Get him!
Ahh!
Hey, things actually turned out
okay for me this time.
Butters!
Oh, i know.
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