South Park S03E01 Rainforest Schmainforest

Ok children we have
a special guest today,
a woman recruiting young
people for a national choir tour.
Now I know that choir tours
are totally stupid and lame,
but please give
her your full attention.
- Go ahead.
- Uh, thank you Mr. Garrison.
How are we all doing, today?
I can't hear you!
I said how are we all doing?
Eric Cartman, you say excuse me!
Go ahead.
Children, we're a national
choir called Getting Gay with Kids.
We're gonna do a big tour
down in Central America
to help save the rainforest
and you can be a part of it.
This is fuckin stupid!
Kenny McCormick, you
speak when you're spoken to!
Go ahead.
You see, we take kids from all over
the country and put them in a choir,
where they sing and dance to raise
awareness about our vanishing rainforests.
Did you know over ten thousand acres
of rainforest are bulldozed every year?
That's right and over thirty percent of the
world's oxygen is made in the rainforests.
So who wants to join the fun?
- What if you don't have
any rhythm? - Excuse me?
- Like my friend Kyle. He's Jewish, so he
doesn't have any rhythm. - Shut up, fatass!
Choirs suck! - Kyle Broflofsky,
you watch your language!
Eric Cartman, you be nice to people!
Stan Marsh, you mind your manners!
Kenny McCormick,
you pay attention!
- Go ahead.
- Well that's all really.
So if anyone is interested
in seeing the rainforest
and joining our choir, I'll leave
information packets up front.
Oh, that's good. We need
some more toilet paper.
Alright! That does it!
I am tired of seeing you
in my office, young man.
You get sent here
every day, Craig. - I know.
- Why can't you behave?
- I don't know.
What do you have
to say for yourself?
Well I'll tell you
what young man,
you're gonna be held
back a grade if you don't...
- Did you just flip me off?
- No.
Yes you did! You just
flipped me the bird!
Now see, this is exactly
what I'm talking about!
If you don't shape up, mmmkay,
and get your head straight...
- There! You just flipped
me off again! - No I didn't.
Yes you did! And until
you stop flipping people off,
you can just go back to the
waiting room, mmmkay! Next!
Well well well.
If it isn't Stan, Kyle,
Kenny, and Eric?
- Hi Craig. - Hey, don't
flip me off, you sonofabitch!
Sit down boys. Now let's see, what
did Mr. Garrison send you in here for?
"The boys were being rude
while a choir teacher
was giving some
stupid presentation."
It's just some dumb
activist kids choir thing!
Young man, Getting Gay with
Kids is not dumb, mmmkay!
It just so happens that I'm
on the board of directors.
Dude, all those choirs are the same.
They don't even really sing.
They use prerecorded tapes.
Well guess what boys, I think Getting
Gay with Kids is just what you need.
I'm gonna sign
up all four of you.
- What?
- You can't do that!
I think this will be
very good for you.
But we don't even care
about the rainforests.
And that's exactly why
you need to go, mmmkay.
Please, Mr. Mackie,
we'll be good,
don't send us to that old kid
choir, have mercy Mr. Mackie.
Be safe Kyle. Bring me
something back from the rainforest.
Oh no no no. The
rainforest is very fragile.
We must take only pictures
and leave only footprints.
Oh, I didn't realize.
Did you know that
right now bulldozers
are tearing down thousands
of acres of rainforest everyday?
Ah man, this is gonna
suck donkey balls!
Please don't make me go
on a choir tour, mom, please!
Stan, you should be excited. I
would love to see the rainforest.
Besides, your dad and
I need some time alone.
No!
Okay children,
that's all of us.
We're ready to head to the
Latin American nation of Costa Rica,
a country filled with
virgin rainforests.
And you must be Eric Cartman.
I've heard about you.
You don't respect nature
or other cultures.
Yeah, pretty much.
Well I'm gonna change
the way you think kiddo.
My name is Kelly.
- My name is Kenny.
Lenny?
- No, Kenny!
Johnny?
- KENNY!
Now we've got a
long trip ahead of us,
so let's take the opportunity
to learn our choreography.
The nightmare begins.
Look children, I think we're entering San
Jose, which is the capital of Costa Rica.
Oh this is so exciting!
Oh my God, dude, look how
dirty and crappy everything is.
Eric, Costa Rica is a
third world country.
These people are much
poorer than those in the US.
Well why the hell
don't they get jobs?
Hey why don't you people
quit slacking off and get a job?
What's wrong with you?
Go to college. - Eric, sit down!
Look, you gotta be
firm with these people
or they just slack off and be
poor forever, right Kenny?
Hey, maybe that's it, Kenny,
maybe you're Costa Rican,
that's why your family is so
poor. - You fuckin asshole!
Your family isn't poor?
Whoa dude, look over there!
Wow, Costa Rican prostitutes!
Hey, look at the
prostitutes you guys!
- What are you looking at, man?
- Yeah, why don't you take a picture?
Okay.
Eric, sit down!
Kids, this is the Costa
Rican capital building.
This is where all the leaders of the
Costa Rican government make their...
Oh my God, it smells
like ass out here!
Alright, that does it!
Eric Cartman, you respect
others cultures this instant!
I wasn't saying anything about their culture,
I was just saying there city smells like ass.
Wow! Seeing a place like this makes
you appreciate living in America, huh?
You may think that making fun of third
world countries is funny but let me...
I don't think it's funny! This place
is overcrowded, smelly, and poor!
That's not funny, that sucks!
- Eric, will you please, PLEASE,
keep your mouth shut while we present
ourselves to the Costa Rican President.
- Why? - Cause I'll buy you some
ice cream afterwards if you do.
Well, it was a very long trip, but the
children are very excited to sing tomorrow.
Que?
Uh, we're the choir that was
sent from the United States.
Que?
We're the group singing for the
save the rainforest summit tomorrow.
Oh dear, where's Mr. Mackie?
He should have been here by now.
Children, do any of
you speak Spanish?
- Don't you dare!
- Sorry I'm late.
Oh, thank goodness you're here, I don't
speak any Spanish. - Oh no problem.
Ustedas choir de estados
unidos, mmmbien?
Oh, oh, save the rainforest.
Uh, he says Pablo here will
take you on a rainforest tour.
Oh boy! Mr. Presidente,
round up your subjects outside.
We have a special gift
for you, the gift of song.
Alright children, let's get in our
rows quickly so we can begin.
Did you remember all the
choreography, Lenny? - Yeah, I think so.
Hello everybody. This is just a
little rehearsal for tomorrow,
so we may be a little rusty.
There's a place that is
magical and full of rain,
but now it needs
help because it is in pain.
Cleaning the earth
is a mighty big chore.
We're spreading awareness
like never before.
Getting Gay with Kids is here.
Spread the word
and bring you cheer.
Let's save the
rainforest, what do you say?
Being an activist is totally gay.
And someday if we work
hard, boys and girls,
they'll be nothing but rainforest
covering the entire world.
Getting Gay with Kids is here.
Spread the word
and bring you cheer.
Getting Gay with Kids is here.
Save the rainforest,
totally gay, totally gay!
Great job, gang!
- You were really all over
the place, Kyle. - Thanks.
- I told you Jewish people don't
have rhythm! - Fuck off, Cartman!
No, dude, I think Cartman might actually
be right! - No, that's a stereotype.
Dude, maybe you really
don't have any rhythm!
Now, secondary
rainforest we are entering.
Notice the canopy of foliage.
Oh! It's everything I've
ever dreamed it would be!
God damn, it's hot out here!
Ah! Snake!
No, dude, that's a branch.
Oh... Ah! Snake!
No, that's the same branch again.
The rainforest is very delicate and
we must take steps to protect it.
Yeah yeah yeah, take steps,
we're taking them, blah blah blah.
We heard this a million
times back up in the states.
Here look!
These are squirrel monkeys,
endangered inhabitants
of the rainforest.
Wow! Isn't he neat, Lenny?
Bad! Bad monkey!
Eric! What the
hell are you doing?
I'm asserting myself.
It's tough love.
Just like my little Kitty.
When he's bad, I'll say:
"that's a bad little Kitty"
and I smack him on the head.
And here is a three-toed sloth.
That's a bad... That's a
bad three-toed sloth!
Eric! For God's sake,
knock it off!
Respect my autoritay!
Well Mr. Pedro, this was a great tour,
but I guess we should be heading back,
we have a big concert
tomorrow, don't we kids?
- I wish we could have seen the
Yanagapa. - What's the Yanagapa?
The Yanagapa are gentle native
people that live in the rainforest,
but bulldozers are destroying their homes.
Soon they will have nowhere to go,
so we must stop bulldozing the
rainforest so that they can live...
God, here she goes again!
- Stanley, what is it?
- Snake!
Ah, yes, this is what
we call a coral snake.
Notice the red markings.
Quite an amazing creature.
What's the matter little boy?
- He's a little wuss, what's it look
like? - I'm just scared of snakes.
Now, now. You must remember, this snake
is more afraid of you than you are of it.
Oh my God!
Oh yeah. That snake is
really scared of us, alright.
Jesus Christ, is he dead?
My guess would be yes.
Oh no! God, no!
Now, don't panic children!
Bad! That's a bad snake!
Maybe we came from that way.
No, no, let's try this way.
Benny, do you think we're gonna
be okay? - Yeah, everything is fine.
That's good. Can I tell
you something? - Okay.
I think I like you.
- Really?
Yeah. I mean, I think we communicate
really well. - Oh! That's great!
No, it's not good.
- That's not good?
No. See, if I start to like you too much,
I'm only gonna get my heart broken,
'cause we like on
opposite ends of the country.
Once this choir tour is over, we
will never see each other again.
And that would devastate me!
So I can't have any feelings
for you, I just can't, Lenny!
Oh children, the sun is setting. We
have to find our way out of here quick!
Okay, Okay!
Everything is just fine kids.
Now, it is important that
we all stick together.
Is everybody still here?
- I'm not.
- Who's not?
Me.
Benny, will you hold my hand.
I don't wanna get
emotionally attached, though.
Oh my God, dude!
I just saw Tony Danza!
No, you didn't just see
Tony Danza, Stanley!
Dude, we're totally lost.
We're gonna die out here!
- We are?! - Don't worry Kelly,
we're gonna find our way out
of the rainforest and make
it back to the concert in time.
We just need to respect our mother
rainforest and she will respect us.
Mrs. Stevens. You have
a bug on your back.
Really? Could
you brush it off?
Uh, No.
Oh my God! Get it off me!
For the love of God!
Get it off me! Oh my God!
Okay children,
we must understand
that the insects of the rainforest
help the delicate balance of life here.
- Rainforests suck,
I wanna go home! - Me too!
Children, Okay! Let's try to listen
to what the rainforest tells us,
and if we use our ears, she
can tell us so many things...
There's a dude here!
Ah thank goodness! Hello sir!
We are lost!
Can you help us?
Que?
Let me try. Let me try.
We are from America,
A-mer-i-ca.
We are lost and very hungry.
Neccesito burrito...
I don't wanna burrito,
I wanna taco. Supreme.
- Y taco... - I want two
tostados in mild sauce.
Two tostados in... en charida.
Boys! Please! Not every Spanish person
eats tacos and burritos, that's a stereotype.
Children, he wants us to follow him.
Oh, thank goodness!
I think this ordeal is over!
- This doesn't look very safe. - Yeah, I
think we should get the hell out of here.
Now kids, let's be a bit more open
minded. I read all about this in Newsweek,
I read all about this in Newsweek,
this is a people's army,
they're fighting the fascist policies
of their fascist government.
- Oh, hello! Do you speak English?
- Who are you?
Oh wonderful! We were lost and it is a
such a great coincidence we found you!
You see, we're here to protest the
government sanction raping of your rainforest.
We are fighters just like you! Could
you help us get back to San Jose?
Um, I know! Perhaps
you would like a gift.
I have only one gift
to give. The gift of song.
There's a place that is
magical and full of rain...
Kyle, for the love of God,
do the right choreography.
Cleaning the earth
is a mighty big chore.
We're spreading
awareness like never before.
Oh, Kyle! Please!
Getting Gay with Kids is here...
Enough!
Well, we hope our gift of
song has warmed your hearts.
We're not getting gay
with any kids, okay!
Uh, yeah. So, do you
have a phone we could use?
Yes, we have a phone. It's right over
there, next to the twelve person jacuzzi.
Now, get out of
here before we kill you.
Is it because of the little
Jewish boy's choreography?
You white Americans make me sick!
You waste food, oil, and everything
else, because you are so rich.
And then you tell
the rest of the world
to save the rainforest because
you like it's pretty flowers.
Run! Children! Run!
Hello! Anybody?! Help!
Wow! Look at the pretty flower!
Oh, no, no, no, Jake that
fragile flower is very delicate, okay.
I wanna go home!
I hate the rainforest!
Oh, Lenny, hold me!
No, I can't get attached.
Oh, but I do like you.
Oh, but you're only going
to leave me. - God damn it!
We're here live in San Jose, Costa
Rica, where hundreds of rich Americans
have gathered for the
Save the Rainforest Summit.
Everyone is here so they can
feel good about themselves
and act like they aren't the ones
responsible for the rainforest's peril.
That's right, Bob, and of course
the main attraction today
the darling kids choir,
Getting Gay with Kids,
all of whom must be backstage
preparing at this very moment.
Oh, there's just no end to this place!
I think maybe we're going in circles.
Oh! Dear God! The summit starts
in an hour! I'm gonna lose my job.
This is bullcrap! I am not following
this stupid hippie around anymore!
- Eric, where are you going?
- I'm going this way.
Young man, I am the adult here,
and I say you go this way!
Look, you can stay over myah,
but I'm going over myah.
Young man, I have had it!
No no no no no no! You myah.
Screw you
guys, I'm going home.
Good! You deserve to
die, you little bastard!
Eric, we have to stay together!
God damn stupid hippie activist!
I should be home, nestled in the couch
with my little Kitty right now,
watching Fat Abbot cartoons and...
Yes! I knew it! I'm saved!
- Hey, maybe Cartman was right.
- Yeah, it happened once before.
No, the spirit of Maya has
told me to go this way.
Mister, you gotta help me,
I'm starvin' to death!
What are you
doing here, little boy?
I was with my class, and we
got all lost in the rainforest,
and I need some
food, I'm fading fast!
Lost in the rainforest? Oh my
Lord! Where are all the others?
Food! I have to have food!
Oh my God! Get this
child some food quick!
- Chicken wings.
- Chicken wings!
Medium spicy.
Start the show! Start
the show! Start the show!
Oh God, this is a nightmare! We're
never gonna make the festival!
Hey look over there!
Isn't that smoke?
Let's go, quickly!
Hey, it's a fire. That
means there must be people.
Children! It's the Yanagapa!
Do not be afraid. We are not
here to tear down your rainforest.
Look how they live in
peace with all living things,
gentle, noble...
Run for you lives, children!
Holy crap!
Jesus Christ!
Run! Run! Run!
- What the hell?
- We're sinking!
It's quicksand!
All we ever heard
while growing up was:
"save the rainforest",
" the rainforest is fragile".
Yeah, fragile my ass!
Larry, if we make it out of this,
I want to be your girlfriend,
even if we do live in different
places. I don't care. - Oh, okay.
Okay, just what the hell
is going on here, people?
Oh no! That big thing is going
to make love to Miss Stevens!
Alright! That does it! God
damn stupid-ass rainforest!
This stupid place fuckin sucks!
I was wrong!
Fuck the rainforest! I fuckin
hate it! I fuckin hate it!
Oh now she figures it out!
Quick! Everybody help the children!
Dude! Bulldozers rule!
Come on, let's get you
back to civilization.
Hooray! Children!
- How did you know where we were?
- Your little friend helped me out.
- Eric? - Who'd you
expect? Merv Griffin?
Exactly what are you guys doing out
here with all this construction equipment?
We're clearing out big sections of
the rainforest for a lumber yard.
- Really? That's great!
- You mean, you don't mind?
No! I hate the rainforest!
You go right ahead and plough
down this whole fuckin thing!
That's swell!
Okay, Benny, in order for our
long distance relationship to work,
we'll have to call each other every
other day. - Okay. I can do that.
Lenny! No!
- Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
- You bastards!
What!? Who!?
Who killed him!?
- They did.
- Who's "they"!?
- You know... "they".
- They're... they're bastards.
Well don't just stand
there! Help him!
- What?
- Help... him?
Come on Benny, breathe!
Breathe
you sonofabitch!
Whoa, dude!
And now, here to teach us about the
rainforest is... Getting Gay with Kids.
Does everybody
remember the new lyrics?
There a place called the
rainforest that truly sucks ass.
Lets knock it all down
and get rid of it fast.
You say "save the
rainforest" but what do you know?
You've never
been there before.
Getting Gay with Kids is here
tell you things you
might not like to hear.
You only fight these
causes 'cause caring sells.
All you activists can
go fuck yourselves.
- That was so inspiring!
- What a wonderful message!