S14E11 Coon 2 Hindsight

My fellow heroes, tonight I stopped
three murders from happening.
I don't know why, but we're
seeing a huge trend in crime.
We have to find out the
source of this evil.
Something big is about to happen
and it's up to Coon and
friends to stop it.
Yes, Toolshed, why do we have
to be called Coon and friends?
- What?
- We all fight crime together.
How come we're just your friends?
Yeah. We want to be called
the extreme avenger league.
Yeah.
I told you Tupperware,
- extreme avenger league doesn't work.
- Why no.
Why can't it be
Mosquito and friends?
Nobody [bleep] heard of you, Mosquito?
Have so.
Guys, we need to find out what is
causing the crime wave in this city.
Mysterion, you and the human
kite get on the computer.
Dig up what you can.
Tupperware and Mosquito,
scan the papers.
Work, people!
Mintberry Crunch,
could I have a quick work with you
in the debriefing chamber?
Okay.
I enjoy having you be a part of
Coon and friends and I certainly
appreciate your on-time
paying of dues and fees.
It's just I don't...
I'm not getting your deal.
I mean, exactly what is Mintberry
Crunch supposed to mean?
I get that you're half man,
half berry and that you're Crunchy
with some mint.
But to be a part of Coon
and friends, you have to
have a clear and more super
hero kind of identity.
Mintberry Crunch, I'm just
wondering if maybe you need to
add something else to the Mintberry
Crunch part of your costume.
Like milk?
No, not like milk.
You see, I think we're on different
pages here, Mintberry Crunch.
It's like...
Coon and friends alert!
Uh-oh!
What's the alert, Mosquito?
There's like a big fire or
something in town. A fire?
Coon volume up.
Has to be at least 20 people trapped
inside the apartment building.
Firefighters are having no luck.
This is what we've
been waiting for!
Coon and friends, let's head out?
All right, yeah. Let's go.
Yeah.
Mintberry Crunch, why don't you
stay here and mind the cave, okay?
We have to get down town fast,
Coon and friends.
Mom, drive us downtown.
It's late.
You keep playing downstairs.
Mom, you're the Coon's
favorite butler.
I want to go down town now.
All right.
I can get some groceries anyway.
Into the Coon mobile, everyone.
Let's hope we get there in time.
All right. Buckled up for safety?
Don't talk to us like that, mom.
We're super heroes.
Eric, what have we talked
about with that language?
One more time I'm not
taking you anywhere.
I'm sorry, mom. Can we go, please?
Unbelievable!
We tried getting in
through the back.
It was no good.
Those people will die if
we don't do something.
Oh, my goodness. It's a fire.
Come on, Coon and friends.
No, Eric, stay in the car,
sweetie.
Can we try a helicopter?
Winds are too high.
The chopper would burn in minutes.
What's the problem?
Kids, get back.
Whatever is happening, you need
help from the Coon. And friends.
Keep the children back, Thompson.
Please, sir...
Sweetie, let the
firemen do their job.
Shut up, mom, God!
Look, up in the sky.
It's him!
My God, it's really him.
He's come to help us.
Captain Hindsight.
Who is Captain Hindsight?
Captain Hindsight,
the hero of the modern age.
Once Northern as Jack Brolin,
a reporter for the national news.
The hero was born when a freak accident
gave him the power of hindsight.
For toxic spills,
there's no task too large for
Captain Hindsight.
Captain Hindsight,
thank God you've come.
What is the skinny?
There's people trapped in that
burning building, Captain Hindsight.
The fire is so massive,
we can't get to them.
See the windows on the right side?
They should have built fire escapes
there for the higher floors
so the people could
have gotten down.
The roof should have been
reinforced so a helicopter could
have landed on it.
Of course.
And the building to the left,
they shouldn't have
built it there.
Now you can't park fire
trucks where you need to.
Looks like my job is done.
Good-bye, everyone!
Thank you, Captain Hindsight.
Thank you!
All right, everyone.
I guess that's it.
Let's pack it up.
Oh, boy, did you hear about
that fire downtown, Sharon?
Oh, my gosh, yes.
They said like 14 people died.
It's just ridiculous to me
that didn't build fire
scapes on the upper floors.
Ridiculous.
I know.
If you ask me, they should have
built a roof with enough support
to land a helicopter.
Hello!
You guys are just repeating
what that Hindsight guy said.
Yes.
He's our protector and guardian.
We're thankful he was
there for the fire.
Now we can eat in peace.
Coon and friends alert!
Coon and friends alert.
Who the hell is that?
Alert, guys. I'm serious.
Mom, dad, I finished dinner.
Can I go to my room?
Sure, Stan.
How did that get there, Randy?
I don't know.
Take it down.
It's noisy.
I can't. I don't know what
happened to all my tools.
All right. Toolshed is here.
We can start.
Who said you could put a big
siren in my parents house?
Yeah.
I got in trouble for it.
The Coon has to signal his friends
when a catastrophe breaks out.
What have the catastrophe?
Did you not see
that Hindsight guy?
Yeah.
So there's a big super hero
out there and he's not
part of Coon and friends.
Jesus.
I looked into it.
This Captain Hindsight
is everywhere.
He's like this butt hole scab.
He has to join us.
Fellows, could you let me out?
It's been like six days.
You're not going anywhere, Chaos.
Yeah.
You only gave me this bucket
to poop in and it's full.
I don't have anything to eat.
You have poop, don't you?
How can we get him to join us?
Who cares if he's not
part of Coon and friends?
I care.
We have to wait to the next disaster
and beat Hindsight to the scene.
There's not going to
be a worse disaster.
What could be worse than a
fire that killed 14 people?
All right.
This looks like a
jolly good place.
Yes.
Let her rip!
That's it, lad.
Collect that oil.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, don't tell me we did it again!
Coon and friends alert!
All Coon friends report to base.
I'm serious.
Coon and friends alert!
Good, you're all here.
Take a look at this.
Coon volume up.
It's a scene of utter
despair and catastrophe.
Oil from the ocean is spilling
out out of control and the
rescue effort seems futile.
It's horrible.
We can't stop the oil from
contaminating everything.
Our home is full of sludge.
There's a loogie my scrimp.
Look at all that oil on my scrimp.
Another oil could be
devastation for the gulf.
We have to help those people.
Yes.
This is a child for
Coon and friends.
Let's pack the gulf
full of flavor.
Wait, look.
It's Captain Hindsight.
Oh, no!
What seems to be the problem?
It's that BP oil rig.
It drilled into a marine sanctuary
and the environment
is being poisoned.
If we can't stop it,
the spill could reach New Orleans.
All right.
You see where that
rig is drilling?
Yes.
It's in too deep of water.
They shouldn't have drilled in
that deep of water because now
they can't get machines deep
enough to fix the spill.
Yes, yes.
Now if it's a valve that ruptured,
they should have installed a
back up valve in case that broke.
I believe they did,
Captain Hindsight.
Right.
Then they should have had
a back up safety valve
to that backup safety valve.
He's right.
My work is done.
I'm off to find others in need.
Thank you, Captain Hindsight.
God bless you!
Can I help you?
I understand this is where
Captain Hindsight lives?
Yes.
I need to speak with him, please.
The Captain is very busy dealing
with the gulf oil crisis.
I believe I have something that can help
him deal with that oil crisis, sir.
Mr. Hindsight, sir, this
young man would like a word.
Please, sit down,
what can I do for you?
Mr. Hindsight, I represent
some very high profile people.
I've been asked to give
you some exciting news.
You have been preapproved to
become the newest member
of Coon and friends.
Of what?
I know the Coon personally.
Can tell you being a Coon
is the highest honor.
As you can see in the papers,
your first three months
of dues have been waived.
This must be majorly
exciting for you.
Captain Hindsight, come in.
Go ahead.
The oil keeps coming up.
We have other rigs catching fire.
They should have hosed down the
other rigs when the spill began.
That shouldn't have happened.
Thank you.
Captain Hindsight,
the dolphins are dying.
Get down to the volunteers
and tell them they should have
used a nonbleaching cleanser.
Yes.
Commissioner, tell the
commissioner he shouldn't have
sent pictures of his shlong.
It's not a blessing, it's a curse.
So anyways, if you wanted to
start filling out the form,
we'll get you enrolled in
Coon and friends right away.
I'm sorry, kid.
I work alone.
The problem with that is there's a super
hero union called Coon and friends.
If you refuse to be a part
of that union, you're a scab.
Get this kid out of here.
I have to think.
You'll be hearing from...
the Coon's lawyer, sir!
The BP oil spill in the gulf
continues to get worse every day.
As public anger towards the BP
company grows, their president
released this statement.
Hello.
I'm Tony Hayward.
President and CEO of BP.
Our accidental drilling spill
in the gulf is a tragedy that
should have never happened.
To all those affected,
I want to say
we are deeply sorry.
We're sorry.
We're sorry.
We're sorry.
Sorry.
BP is taking full responsibility
for cleaning up the
spill in the gulf.
In doing so,
we have changed our name
to beyond petroleum to
dependable petroleum.
BP, we no longer the earth,
we BP it.
Gentlemen, my attempts to
recruit Captain Hindsight into
Coon and friends has
been unsuccessful.
I've come up with a solution.
Coon vision on.
All we need to do is get
pictures of Captain Hindsight
naked with Courtney Love.
We'll tell him if he doesn't join us,
we'll put them on the Internet.
How do we get the pictures?
Simple.
We dress Professor Chaos
up as Courtney Love.
Take pictures of him naked with a
homeless guy and photo shop it.
Oh, me?
Don't make me be Courtney Love.
We have to get to work fast.
Coon and friends ho!
You want us to take pictures
to blackmail Captain Hindsight.
That's because you
have a small brain.
What is going on in the gulf is
more important than blackmail.
Who cares?
Mosquito has a good plain.
Hear him out.
My true identity is secret.
We all have a say in
this organization.
Let Mosquito talk.
All right.
How do you want to help people
suffering in the gulf crisis?
We can help raise money by
having a bake sale. A bake sale?
I have a recipe from
lemon bars from my mom.
We can wear costumes
and solemn Monday bars.
We're super heroes,
not girl scouts.
Those people need help.
Sometimes helping in
smaller ways work.
It would help taking
pictures of butters.
Shot up.
You're not anything.
That's another thinking.
No more picking on
Mintberry Crunch.
Are you the boss now?
No.
But we're all equal.
From now on, we vote.
Who wants to go with my plan?
Sounds awesome.
Let's do it.
To the grocery store!
As we walked along the road
to the grocery store, any Coon
sense startle tingling.
Something is wrong.
I knew I must act.
A Coon must know when
to defend itself.
We're back to normal.
Just like before and all forgotten,
right, right?
Right, right.
Right.
So what's next for
Coon and friends?
Another crisis in the gulf of
Mexico as the oil company BP has
once again made a huge error.
This time the oil company has accidentally
ripped a hole into another dimension.
The oil company stated they knew
another dimension was there
but didn't think drilling
into it would be problematic.
Now hundreds of creatures from
another dimension are spilling
out into our reality
and wreaking havoc.
Hello.
I'm Tony Hayward.
CEO of BP.
Tearing a hole into another
dimension is a tragedy that
should have never happened.
And as CEO, I would like to say,
we're sorry.
Captain Hindsight, sir?
Calls for help are pouring in,
you have to get out to the gulf.
I can't help anyone right now.
Something came up.
What, sir?
You know you can tell me.
Do you remember last week when
I got really, really drunk?
Yes, sir.
Look at those photos on the desk.
My God is that you and Courtney Love?
Of course, it's Courtney Love.
But when did you...
I don't remember.
That's just the point.
I get drunk and I
don't remember things.
I shouldn't have drank that much.
And I shouldn't
have missed alcohol.
Alcohol shouldn't be legal.
Oh, it's maddening!
It doesn't matter now, sir.
People are getting hurt in the
gulf and they need to know what
they could have done.
I should have never kept that
bottle of MacAllen in the pantry.
Shouldn't have gotten...
Sir, sir!
Creatures from another dimension
wreak havoc in the gulf.
The question everybody is asking
is where is Captain Hindsight.
Where are you, Captain Hindsight!
Speaking cajun ***.
With Captain Hindsight missing
who can save the gulf now?
I've done it.
Hindsight is taken care of.
Now the country can be
made of Coon and friends.
There's more important
things to discuss right now.
Right, Toolshed.
How do we deal with these
creatures from another dimension?
Hey, we need to discuss
things with what?
I don't know.
Tupperware, you tell him.
I don't want to tell him.
I'll tell him.
Coon, I'm sorry but we're kicking
you out of Coon and friends.
You're kicking me out
of Coon and friends?
We voted. It's unanimous.
You can't kick me out
of Coon and friends.
I'm the Coon.
You believe that you have your
goals and doing things and
they conflict with
what we want to do.
But we get the headquarters
and the equipment.
You don't keep anything.
This is my basement and I'll
tell my mom on you guys.
We discussed with him.
Mrs. Cartman?
Yes.
Please escort him out.
Mom, what the are you doing?
Eric, you do not
beat up your friends.
I told you I've had
it with your language.
Your punishment is your friends
will play super heroes without you.
Go to your room.
You have to be kidding me.
We have missed up this time.
It's going to take more than
another I'm sorry campaign to
please everyone this time.
What a right pickle we're in.
There is no way to cut the
dimensional portal, I'm afraid.
The swells are too much
to get any machines in.
Wait a tick.
Currents and swells, that's it.
I know how to fix it.
Oh, by Jove.
We drill.
Of course.
Good idea.
Of course.
I believe that if we drilled
on the moon, changing its
pull on the ocean swells,
we could cut the
dimensional spill.
I don't quite get it.
We got into this mess by
drilling here and here.
Now we need to drill here.
That looks extremely promising.
Our environment should
stabilize if it's getting
drilled here, here and
here at the same time.
The seismic forces
will be massive.
Do you think the moon can take it?
Oh, she'll take it.
The BP oil company today
drilled into the moon and
appears to have caused
even greater problems.
I have a feeling we bet
get into our costumes.
The BP oil company has had
another drilling accident.
This time they have appeared to
unleash the dark
and mighty Cthulu.
The rise of Cthulu from another
dimension brings about 3,000
years of darkness, Tom.
Where we will all be driven to
madness and made to serve
as Cthulu's slaves.
The president of BP oil
released this press statement.
As president of want
to say we're sorry.
I'm deeply sorry.
Sorry.
Praise the dark Cthulu,
long may he rein.
Let's get to the gulf!
Darkness has taken over our town.
The Coon friends have
given in to evil.
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