S11E13 Guitar Queer-O

Stan, you guys are good!
Sharon, what are the boys doing?
Oh, Stan and Kyle bought
a new video game together.
They can play guitar now?
No, no, they're just
little plastic controllers.
You hit the colored buttons and it
makes the guitar track on the game play.
If they spent half the time
learning a real instrument
as they do playing that game,
who knows what they could accomplish.
Hey yeah...
Dude, listen to that
video crowd! They love us!
So you boys like this music, huh?
Yeah, dude. It's Guitar Hero.
Stan and Kyle are really good at it.
Well you kids wanna see something
really cool? Check this out.
<i>Once, I rose above
the noise and confusion
<i>Just to get a glimpse
beyond this illusion.
<i>I was soaring ever higher
<i>But I flew too high.
<i>Though my eyes could see I-
Dad? Dad! What are you doing?!
I can actually play a lot of
these songs on a real guitar.
You want me to teach you boys how?
Uhh, that's gay, Mr. Marsh.
Yeah, that's stupid, Dad.
But... But this is real.
Real guitars are for old people.
Do you mind, sir? We wanna
watch Stan and Kyle play.
Alright, let's try to score
60,000 points this time.
Are you ready to rock?
<i>Carry on my wayward son
<i>There'll be peace when you are done
<i>Lay your weary head to rest
<i>Don't you cry no more
Game over! You suck!
They're gonna do it!
Come on, guys, a
hundred thousand points!
Cartman, shut up. We're concentrating.
You have broken a hundred thousand
points! You. Are. Rock stars!
Dude, we are total rock stars now!
You're not rock stars! This is
just a stupid plastic controller!
Hang on.
Stan Marsh?
Yeah?
I'm Charles Kincaid, from
the Kincaid Talent Agency?
I just heard you broke a hundred
thousand points on Guitar Hero.
Yeah, we did.
I'm impressed. And I'd
like to be your manager.
Wow, really?
Dude! Dude, Kyle, this guy
wants to be our manager!
No way!
For reals?
Scoring a hundred
thousand points is amazing,
but I think with the
right label behind you,
you guys could make a million points.
That'd be awesome!
So, we're in business then?
Well, what do you think?
I like it. That's these boys playing?
No, that's Kansas.
But these boys scored a hundred thousand
points to it on Expert Level in Co-op Mode.
That's pretty Goddamned impressive.
Alright, we'll sign
them to a one-year deal.
Yes! You did it, boys.
Listen, boys, I'm having a huge celebrity
party at my giant mansion tonight.
Why don't you come by as
my honorary new artists?
Cool!
Wow, this is a huge party.
Oh yes, all the biggest
stars in Colorado are here.
Dude, dude, that's Ron
Zappolo from Channel 4 News!
Wow! Oh, and look
over there, that's that
Jake Jabs guy from American
Furniture Warehouse commercials.
Everyone? Everyone,
this is Stan and Kyle.
They just broke a hundred
thousand points on Guitar Hero.
Please enjoy yourselves, there's
lots more coke and sex in the house.
Dude! Dude, that's Jay Cutler over
there! Quarterback for the Denver Broncos!
Oh my God!
Would you boys like to meet him?
Are you serious?
Jay, I want you to meet Stan and Kyle.
They broke a hundred thousand
points on Guitar Hero.
Wow, really? Nice to meet you guys.
Nice to meet you!
I mean, you kind of suck, but my
dad says you might be good someday.
Thanks...
Alex, have you seen my wife anywhere?
You boys know Tom Shane from the Shane
Company Diamond Store commercials?
Do we? He's a legend!
You remember these boys, Tom.
They're gonna break a million points
live at the video arcade in a few weeks.
That, would be impressive.
Dude, we've arrived. We're
super, awesome, and cool.
Yeah. Life is finally going
to not suck so hard for us.
You Rock!
All right, nice rehearsal, boys.
D- hude, I totally miffed that
middle part. Did you see that?
Yeah dude, that's almost impossible.
That was real cool, kids.
Hey, Kyle, there's a different controller
in my car that might work better for you.
Why don't you go with Jim
and he'll help you find it.
Oh, okay. Cool.
You've got real potential, kid. I
have no doubt you can break a million.
Really? That'd be sweet.
I think you could.
But uh, as for your friend, well, to be
honest, I think he's holding you back.
What, you mean, Kyle?
"Look, you score a lot higher than him;
there's no question
who the better one is.
I wanna put you with some other players,
find a partner for you who can
really help you max your score. "
But, Kyle and I always play together.
We both chipped in for the game system.
Very honorable.
But you know where loyalty gets
you in a game like Guitar Hero?
Nowheres. Just listen
to that video crowd.
I haven't heard a video crowd
go that wild in a long time.
You've got a chance to
score a million points,
and I hate to see you throw it away because
you're worried about your friend's feelings.
You're gonna love this kid, Stan.
He's one of the best Guitar
Hero players I've ever seen.
Except for you, of course.
Ah, Thad!
Stan Marsh, this is Thad Jarvis.
Sup?
Thad here has backed up a lot of really great
Guitar Hero players. Isn't that right, Thad?
Yup.
He doesn't even need a game system to play
on. He can play Guitar Hero acoustically.
Yeah, but can he play
Buckethead on Expert Level?
Go ahead, Thad. Show him what you can do.
Check this out. Pretty damn good, huh?
Yeah,that's pretty good. But can
you paly "John the Fisherman"?
Stan, with this kid backing you,
you're gonna make Guitar Hero history.
Ohoh, I love this song.
Wow wee, look at him go!
Hey dude, how'd it
...Kyle.
...I, I thought you were sick.
Who is this?
This is um, Thad Jarvis.
Sup?
Ahem, wha? What's going on, Stan?
Kyle, I was gonna tell you later. Mr. Kincaid
thinks I should play with Thad for a while.
But it's our game.
We bought it together.
I know, and, and I wanna be fair about
it, so, I'll buy you out of your part.
Buy me out?! What are you saying?!
What makes you so high and
mighty you can buy me out?!
Don't put this all on me, Kyle!
Oh my God this is so awesome.
You were the one that's been
blowing off playing after midnight,
not playing 'cause you were sick,-
I have been sick!
Look, the point is I'm never gonna
break a million points playing with you!
You know that's true!
I guess I didn't realize it
was just about the points.
Dude, this game rules.
Let's just do this, all right?
Hey! You're the kid I sold the Guitar
Hero game to. How are you likin' it?
It's okay, I guess.
But I need some game guides for it.
My manager and producer set up this
live thing at the video arcade where I'm
supposed to break a million in front
of everybody and I'm I'm stressing out.
Yeah, Guitar Hero can
be pretty stressful.
But you know, maybe
nstead of a game guide,
you should just buy another game
to kind of... ease the stress.
Huh?
Have you ever heard of... Heroin Hero?
Hero-Heroin Hero?
Ihit's a way easier game.
All you do is run around a magical
forest and shoot simulated heroin.
You could call it the
ultimate first-person shooter.
And there's no score? No crowds?
No man. All you do is run through the
pretty forest and chase a big dragon.
But you don't ever catch the
dragon. You just... keep chasing it.
Chase me. Come on. This way. Shoot
up and then you can catch me. Come on.
Dude, this is awesome.
How are they coming?
No worries, Mr. Hart. They'll be
ready for the big show in a few days
They'd better be. I paid good
money to rent this place out.
Ugh. Damint.
Dude, suck. Did you practice last night?
Yeah, I practiced last
night! Just shut up and play!
No no, you know what?! Screw this!
I'm not playing this song! Why
did you pick this stupid song?!
Stan, it's the song we
all agreed you would play.
Yeah? Well I changed my mind! We're
changing the song to Cheap Trick!
No way. I hate that bubblegum crap.
Yeah? Well you're not the
leader, are you, Thad?!
We play the music I wanna play!
Stan, why are you so grumpy-grouchy?
We're playing what I want, and
I'll select a different song!
Yeah? Well how about this one?
I quit.
I quit I quit I quit.
I quit I quit I quit.
I quit. I quit I quit.
You know what? That's
great with me, Thad,
'cause I don't need you to break
a million points! I never did!
Stan, what is the matter with you?
I just wanna play alone, alright?!
I can't concentrate with all these
assholes riding me all the time!
What is this?
Man...
Are you playing Heroin Hero?
Just, just a little.
No! Nobody plays Heroin
Hero just a little!
You know, you never catch the dragon!
I know, but it mellos me out, okay?!
You'd better pull your act together,
becauase now you're
gonna have to break a
million points and
unlock superstardom solo!
No problem.
Hey, beat it, kid! We wanna play now!
I'm not done yet.
Hey, I know you. You're Kyle Broflovski.
Didn't you used to have your
own Guitar Hero game system?
No. You're thinking of somebody else.
Yeah, sure. He's the kid that
scored a hundred thousand points.
How come you're playing here now?
Look, just go ahead and
play, alright? Leave me alone.
Can I get a Fresca, please?
You're good at that game, Kid. Too
good to be playing in a dump like this.
Yeah well, I can't really afford to play
anymore anyway. I'm about out of quarters.
Well look,
maybe I can use some extra music
playing to this thing on weekend nights.
You come in, work around here a little
and... maybe you can play it for free.
I appreciate what you're trying to do,
Mick, but I ain't a charity case yet.
Ehhh, charity case eh, I'm just trying
to help out a kid who's a little...
down on his luck is all.
Thanks, Mick.
Catch me. Come on, catch me.
What's wrong? Follow me. Come on.
Marsh? Stan, you got
- Oh my God!
Get up, Stan! Wake up!
Huh? What, uh?
You're going on in ten minutes!
Everybody's coming to see you!
The dragon. Where did it go?
You've gotta pull it together!
Pull it together, Goddamnit!
Thank you for coming to
Gamecraft Arcade to watch
Stan Marsh break a million
points and unluck superstardom.
- Go Stan!
- All right, Stan, you've got it, man!
Yeah, Stan!
Dude, what's the matter with him?
He's been up for three days straight playing
Heroin Hero. Come on, Stan! You got it!
Goddamnit, he's a mess!
Oh man, I can't watch this.
What are you doing?! The
video crowd is startng to boo!
Come on guys. Let's get out of here.
The next time you bring me some
talent, make sure they're talent-ed.
You blew it! You had it all and you blew it!
Listen to that video crowd! They hate you!
There he is! So, did
you break a million yet?
No, I didn't break a million points
and unlock superstardom, all right?
I'm done with that stupid game!
Aw, come on.
Once you start playing Guitar Hero,
you can't stop till you reach the top.
I just wanna find
something else to play.
Have you played... Rehab Hero?
You get chased by a big dragon,
but you keep running away from it.
I just want a nice, simple...
driving game. How about that?
Sssure kid. Sure.
<i>All right, that was the Splendifs.
<i>And now here's a hit you all remember.
<i>It's a song that two
local fourth grade boys
<i>scored a hundred thousand
points to on Guitar Hero.
<i>Don't know whatever
happened to those boys.
<i>I Guess... they're not
playing the game anymore.
<i>Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
<i>The wind would whisper
and I'd think of you
<i>And all the tears you
cried, that called my name
Kyle, could I just talk to
you for like five minutes?
What are you doing here?
Please, ih ih, it won't take long.
Goddamnit.
We're gonna take a short
break. Be back in five.
I was listening to you for a while.
Dude, you've gotten a lot better.
Oh, thank you! I was so eagerly
awaiting your approval of my abilities!
Look, Kyle, the game is
still set up at my house and,
maybe we could go try
playing it again over there.
Oh, so the gallant knight now comes to
rescue me from the bowels of mediocrity!
Oh, thank you, your royal lordship!
That isn't it at all.
You don't get it, Stan! I
can play here all I want.
I even get free Frescas.
I don't need you anymore!
I know. I need you.
I thought I was having a great time because
I was getting signed by managers and,
going to big sex and coke
parties, but, then I realized,
I was having fun because
I was doing all that...
...with my best friend.
It was pretty fun, wasn't it?
Yeah.
Look, I doubt we could break
a million together anyway.
I don't care. I'd just like to play
with you again. For the fun of it.
I don't really see the fun in...
...not trying to kick that
game's ass once and for all!
What, you mean it?
I think we can do it, Stan. I've been
close to a million a few times by myself.
Then let's go, dude!
Oh wait. Wait, I'm
supposed to play here.
Hey, Mick, w-would you mind
if I stepped out for a sec?
Go on, get out of here, kid.
Who needs your wailin' and
rockin' around here anyways?
Thanks, Mick!
All right, dude, let's
do this. What the hell?
Come on, come on. You almost
got me. Catch me. Come on.
Aw Goddamnit! Dad, get off our X-Box!
Hang on, I almost caught the dragon.
Hehe, you almost caught me.
No, me and Kyle are
gonna play Guitar Hero!
I can get him! Wait!
Where's he going now?
You don't ever catch the dragon, Dad!
NOO! NOOO I SAID! I AM
YOUR FATHER! PUT IT BACK ON!
Mom, will you get Dad out of here?
Stop cheating, Craig!
How was that cheating!
Cause you tricked me, you black asshole!
Fellas! Fellas! They're gonna do it!
What?
Stan and Kyle!
They're about to break a million on
Guitar Hero, and unlock superstardom!
Oh, let's go! Cone on, let's go!
They're gonna do it!
They did it!
Oh my sweet J-Jesus!
You have played Guitar Hero
enough to reach one million points!
Congratulations!
You.
Are.
FAGS.
That's it?
Goddamnit!
God damnit!
Butters, you wanna play me next?
Heh, okay, but I get to be the one that
betrays you after the sex and drug party.